"M" is for "Moderation" and "S" is for "Stop Ruining My Childhood with Your Social Consciousness!!"


Apparently cookie monster is on a diet.  Instead of being like "Yay cookies!  I want to eat all the cookies in the world and then turn the world into a cookie and eat the world and then turn myself into a cookie and eat myself! COOKIES ARE MY MANA!!!"  Now he's like "Cookies are alright, I guess.  Eat them sometimes if you want.  Be sure to eat your veggies kids.  FML."

This may be old news to you guys, but I just found out yesterday, so bear with me in this time of change and total reexamination of my self-worth.  I feel molested.  It's like some creepy guy took over Sesame Street and now he's touching my childhood in its bad parts with his grabby no-no hands.

Anyway, drawing pictures helps me deal with my life and how it was coddled and nurtured and then ruined by Sesame Street:

63 comments:

emvandee said...

"It's like some creepy guy took over Sesame Street and now he's touching my childhood in it's bad parts with his grabby no-no hands." Just ... wow. I thought the same thing when they sexed up Rainbow Brite.

Mary said...

WHY MUST THEY RUIN EVERYTHING? God.

Allie said...

emvandee - NO WAY! That is more than molestation - that is abducting my childhood and then whoring it out on the streets for $2 dollars and FREE blowjobs.

Mary - Because apparently we were way tougher than these new kids. It's like I should feel like a badass for surviving the days when Sesame Street encouraged obesity.

Kirsten said...

I love your pictures so much. I didnt know that Sesame Street did this to cookie monster, I'm so pissed too.

Also, your blog has had a lot of talk about rape and molestation in the past few days. I might need to call Law and Order SVU on it.

pattypunker said...

what's next "i love you, you love me, we all eat our broccoli." he's a monster, sesame street. P is for pussies.

Amanda said...

Whatever -- I truly believe eating cookies is as close to being in heaven as you can get on earth. How can they even put cookies and vegetables in the same sentence and still be able to sleep at night? Mind-controlled cookie monster can go straight to hell.

Tony said...

Sigh...just a couple of weeks ago, I found out that the action scenes of the Power Rangers weren't really the American actors. They were Japanese. You know how much I looked up to Tommy?! Way to rape my childhood, Wikipedia.

Jim said...

I heard Oscar turned over a new leaf, and is now teaching kids to be cheery in the morning. This summer, he's touring the country with Woodsy Owl, hooting about polluting.

Elly Lou said...

Wait, I thought that's why God gave us vodka. PS vodka and cookies go GREAT together. Especially nutter butters.

inflammatory writ said...

Vegetables do not make anyone go OM NOM NOM NOM NOM. :(

Grant said...

Why must they gentrify Sesame Street? You used to be able to get an 8-ball on the real cheep. Now Cookie monster is in rehab. Fuck that.

Delicia said...

Yeah... knew about this.. just HORRID. Did you see that you can buy all the old seasons of Sesame Street on DVD, and they come with a FREAKIN WARNING LABEL?!! "These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.” Wait.. WHAT? This show was NOT MADE FOR GROWNUPS!!! Sorry for all the caps but it's just Ridiculous. I am 100% with you on the feelings of being violated.

-Del

Out of Sync said...

I totally imagined Cookie Monster saying 'FML' in a depressed tone, make me laugh so bad haha!

Barbara said...

This is the most ridiculous thing ever. Americans are turning into such pussies.

Martyn said...

This soooo reminded me of a clip from Family guy where cookie monster is in rehab.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR4O-GOkjUI

Long live cookie monster and hope that the world grows up and lets him eat cookies again.

Another great post Allie.

Simone Says... said...

this is completely depressing. poor cookie monster. (love your drawing)

Stormy Cruz said...

HOLY GOD! What. the. FUCK!?
This is disgraceful. And makes me question how much I love America. Seriously. I'm so distressed...and this has probably been going on for years but we've been unaware on account of being in our twenties, and now we're way too late to express our disgust to the proper authorities and put a STOP to the INSANITY.
This is worse than the time they did away with Mr. Toad's Wild Ride at Magic Kingdom. I'm going to need some time...

Also, are there contests for people who are absurdly proficient with Paint? Because I'm pretty sure you've just won.

Buzz said...

We're living in strange times where people want to cover their kids in plastic like they do the "good furniture." Sesame Street is just the latest casualty. I don't think the politically correct police really understand how much they're traumatizing those of us who came before their tyrannical reign. Rather than pervert beloved characters, why not create a new show? Call it Antiseptic Avenue - featuring shapeless, colorless and personality-devoid figurines ingesting vitamin enriched mush and getting in an hour of calisthenics each morning. Hey, Allie, love your artwork - have you ever thought of selling a line of T-shirts or Sweatshirts emblazoned with some of your best? I'd totally buy that Cookie Monster on a shirt. I'd buy a framed print too, if you're looking to go more "purist" art (you've got a Ralph Steadman sort of style going with the drawings, IMHO). But shirts are art too ...

omchelsea said...

Yep, cookies are now a sometimes food. Which means never. Except if they're weigh watchers cookies, and then they're a food group. A sometimes food group.

This is only a problem now, btw, because parents like keeping their kids where they can see them... sitting on the chubby asses watching tv.

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

I'm sorry to had to learn about Sesame Street's moderation and "sometimes foods" campaign in such a cruel and sudden way. It was a shock for me as well. But then I was like, oh well, I don't have to watch the show. But THEN I got pregnant. Now I have to worry about my unborn child not learning a passion for cookies from a blue monster, and it is HEARTBREAKING.

Lovely pic, as always!

timtimtim said...

...you actually drew cookie monster...whoa...

Just.Kate said...

I have a two year old. Wanna hear my practical view of Sesame Street? No? Let me put it this way: you want some fat kids stabbing you in your sleep for your oreos, or do you want them to pause at the fruit on your counter and go, "Wellll... I guess I could just do some jumping jacks and eat an apple..."

God, I'm so lame.

mepsipax said...

Allie... I fucking love you.
Also, kids today are pussies. Hell, most of them only know how to run in games.

Also, fuck all of hollywood. They are raping my childhood. Worse, they are getting my childhood hooked on smack before forcing it to turn gay tricks in the local park.
Grrrrrrrrrrr.
Seriously, Transformers... GI Hoe

ShineForLife said...

What if the kid is atheist? :)

Arielle Lee Bair said...

LOL This is hilarious. :)

Rachel said...

I have known about this for a really long time, so I can tell you from experience that it never gets any easier, you just get better at hiding the pain.

Your welcome

(P.S. I want to steal this drawing.)

bonequinhoda bic said...

EVIL BASTARDS :(((((((

bonequinhoda bic said...

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIIIIIIIIEEEEEESSSS!
SORRY... THIS WAS A SORT OF A BRAVEHEART CRY, ONLY PERFORMED BY THE COOKIE MONSTER IF HE COULD EXPRESS HIS ANGER.
Allie, they can´t shut him up forever...protest and survive !

Eva said...

Your blog title doesn't lie - this post was indescribable awesomeness. Eat cookies, fuck vegetables!!!

Salt said...

If I could turn your blog into a cookie and eat it right now, I would. Because it's just that fucking awesome.

Matthew J Bevis said...

Sorry to talk about me all the time (but hey - why not stick with a topic we both love?), but my aforementioned blog actually had a Muppets theme.

I'm known in some circles as Muppet Matt. They're very, very small circles, but still.

And you should see the eight glass display cabinets in my hallway filled with antique and collector's item Muppets and Sesame Street collectibles. (Yes, I'm THAT strange.)

Anyway, I certainly knew about this when it happened. 'Cookies are a sometimes-food.' Not sure I felt the rage you feel about it, but then again, the Muppets touch a different part of each of us.

Just like that kid who took Henson to court that one time, after Ernie touched a certain part of him. True story.*

Bevis.

* Not so much.

Cheryl said...

AGREED. WHAT THE HELL WITH THIS VEGGIE SHIT. FUCK YOU SESAME STREET!

Amy said...

I am so sick of all this PC crap. Seasame Street has been on for what? Ten hundred years? Childhood obesity has been an issue for like the last 15 years. So I'm fairly certain childhood obesity has more to do with Nintendo (pre-Wii) and Playstation than sweet sweet Cookie Monster.

Nova said...

Isn't it completely sad? I wrote a whole essay last semester about the Cookie Monster and his transformation to the dreaded "Veggie Monster". A few of my fellow classmates actually teared up.

It's a monstrosity. No pun intended.

Maggie said...

I AGREE! They have ruined ALL of the kids shows on t.v. The other day I was watching Dragon Tales and it's just messed up! The whole thing is wrong! Not at all how I remember it! I'm pissed off now! This post made me very angry! Notice my use of exclamation points!? That's how you know that right now as I'm typing I'm shouting what I type, but I'm typing slower than I'm shouting so it's all messed up. Like the kids shows!

sarah said...

So this is why God cries...

Mrs. Priss said...

I heard about this not that long ago too and now REFUSE to let my kid watch it. Cabbage Monster just doesn't have the same ring.

Also, if you are really drawing these in MS Paint (yes, I read the bottom of your page), you need your own show or something like that guy on PBS with the nappy fro who painted all the tree scenes. Except you paint little blonde girls foaming at the mouth and dead unicorns. Now THAT, I'd let my kid watch.

Girl Meets Gun said...

OMG. ...I'm so pissed now. >:O I don't remember being fat when I was little. Fat kids only started existing when parents started sitting their kids in front of the television 24/7 to keep them out of their hair. Then came game systems. Half an hour of Sesame Street a week back then lasted that entire week.

Ugh. I hate media.

Jay Ferris said...

From the title of this post, I can only assume that this is your twisted way of telling us that you were diagnosed with MS. Just remember that I'm here to help. Seriously, I'll untext that $10 to Haiti and send it your way immediately if need be.

Emma said...

Next thing you know, they're going to tell us the Count doesn't drink blood anymore!


Wait- I might be confusing him with someone else...

Matthew J Bevis said...

The Count drinks - and always has drunk - Alphabet Soup.

Matthew J Bevis said...

(Of course, having said that, I have no idea if Alphabet Soup in the US includes numbers as well as letters. If not, that joke doesn't work. But it works here. And is damn hilarious to boot.)

emvandee said...

I know! Lemondrop covered the issue here: http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/10/16/rainbow-brite-gets-modern-makeover/

Coopie said...

i didn't read all these comments cuz quite frankly it's almost 3a.m. and i'm about to pass out from exhaustion...

BUT I had to comment to say:

your drawing = epic win for LIFE.


also, i'm so tired that when i skimmed through bonequinhodasomthinorother's comment where they said "protest and survive"....I totally read it in my mind as "prostitute and survive" :-|

should I be worried?

Zak said...

there are so many things wrog with this but that is why i love all of ur posts

Woolly said...

I got pissed off when I heard about Cookie Monster too...

your comics are priceless....

--V said...

Sigh. I think the writers forgot that he's a monster, not a role model. In all the years I watched Sesame Street I never once identified with the monsters. That's what all the kids are hanging around for, right?

What's next? Oscar moving out of his trash can and into a recycling bin? Will he start being nice to people?

Miss Anarchy said...

Noooooo! Not Cookie Monster! Why do people have to go and fuck with a good thing?


They better not mess with Oscar too, or its war!

sarah said...

bullshit. complete bullshit. and hey, aren't correct eating habits something the parents are supposed to teach their kids instead of sitting them in front of the tv and letting a blue monster do their dirty work? just sayin.

Ed Adams said...

DID you really draw that Cookie Monster?!?!

Seriously?!?!

I bow to your MS Paint geniusness.

Saadi said...

They shud be hanged! Cookie Monster is one of the most epic characters ever created fr the children!!
Who's running Sesame Street?!
:o
Lord, the world is cmng to end!

Nikole said...

He was probably forced to do it to promote a good image after a stint in rehab. The dude had a problem and let's face it, cookies can fuck people up, that's not shit to mess with.

Papasan said...

Great post, highly amusing.

But for all the vitriol it's generated in the comments, it's not actually true. I think it's a common urban myth, because I've heard other adults (who haven't watched Sesame Street in years) talking about how they've PC'ed the Cookie Monster and about how he eats vegetables now.

It's entirely possible they had one Cookie Monster sketch where he talks about veggies. I've never seen it.

But I have a toddler. I've seen plenty of Sesame Street in the past couple years. And Cookie Monster still eats a ton of cookies. This "Cabbage Monster" thing just isn't true.

publicknitting said...

If you could make one of those for "The letter 'W'" that would be great.

publicknitting said...

If you could make one of those for "The letter 'W'" that would be great.

Sarah P said...

It's really not as bad as people make it out to be. Really, Cookie Monster just now eats everything with reckless regard for his waistline.

FYI: new character on Strawberry Shortcake? Tangerina Torta. I only wish I were kidding.

dawn said...

I learned of this change in Cookie's diet on New Year's Day during the parade. The host - one of those beautiful people- commended Cookie on his healthy eating. I was like WTF! How can he be called Cookie Monster if he DOESN"T EAT COOKIES?
They need to just retire him to florida now that he is 40 years old and bring on Veggie Not-Monster so that little kids will eat their veggies and NOT be afraid of monsters. Cuz we all know that having a 'Monster' as a role model for children is the next thing to get flack... so why not just nip it in the bud now?
BTW- my kids are WAY past Sesame Street age so this will not affect them at all...their healthy appreciation of cookies, and monsters, remains intact.

The Unrepentant Gallivanter said...

This is why I don't let my children watch SS anymore.

kaloo said...

*looks both ways* Sorry for mentioning it. Should have just let you keep living the lie.

Elizabeth Kaylene said...

It's pretty much the end of the world and civilization as we know it. How can you call him Cookie Monster if he craves veggies? What the fuck.

birdykins said...

Didn't they change the name to Seasame Park too or something because they didn't want kids to play in the street? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO???

jimfre said...

Cookies are the food of the anti-christ. You would think it was "Devil's Food". Oh no. That is a just red herring - which I hear is good on toast points.

corynne said...

oh my gosh i felt the exact same way when i first found out i was flipping channels and saw cookie monster going mmmm carrots i wanted to throw up i was like no cookie m0onster what have they done to ypu in my mind its like they took him to a hospital beat him and altered his mind with some weird mind experiment im glad im not the only person who was upset by this