What Google Needs is Mandatory Sex Parties

So I just googled "mandatory sex parties."

If you are new here or if you haven't read in awhile, please just skip this post and come back to it later because it will be very confusing for you and you'll probably get the wrong idea about me - like that I'm just some freak who whiles away the day googling for mandatory sex parties.

I'm sure that's what Boyfriend thought.

He was on the computer, doing adult things (no, not like porn - like analyzing the stock market) when I realized that I wanted - nay needed - to google mandatory sex parties.

Me: "Can I see the computer?"

Boyfriend:  "What for?"

Me: "I need to look something up..."

Boyfriend: (Keeps looking at stocks and ignores me because he knows that I'm probably just overly excited about something stupid)

Me:  "Duncan!  I need to look something up.  Now!"

Boyfriend: "What is so important that you absolutely need the computer right now?"

Me:  "Mandatory sex parties."

Boyfriend: "What??"

Me:  "Mandatory sex parties.  I need to look up mandatory sex parties to see if they actually exist."

Boyfriend: "Why on Earth would you need to know if mandatory sex parties exist?"

Me:  "Maybe you'd have an answer to that if you were a better boyfriend and actually read my blog..."

Boyfriend:  "You wrote about mandatory sex parties on your blog?  Maybe it would be best if I didn't read it..."

Me: "Just give me the goddamn computer, Asshole."

Boyfriend:  "Fine.  But I will not be a part of your mandatory sex parties."

Me: (doesn't answer.  Doesn't pause to reflect on the irony of what Boyfriend just said.  Too busy typing "mandatory sex party" into google)

So I googled it.   And this is what I found (you'll probably have to click to make it bigger, but it's worth it):


Apparently I'm the only person on the whole internet to ever use the phrase "mandatory sex party."

I win.

But the world loses because there is no information out there about mandatory sex parties.

We need to fix this.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to seed the internet with the term "mandatory sex party."  Go wild.  Write a post about it,  make a Wikipedia entry on it, submit it to the Urban Dictionary... just get it out there.   The world needs to know more about mandatory sex parties which is something we are going to make up together and we can make it into anything we want.   We have the power to shape the world right now, you guys.   Everyone else will learn about mandatory sex parties from us.

And that has the potential to be awesome - or just really, really weird but probably also awesome.

Be a part of history.  Change the world.  Write about mandatory sex parties.

IMPORTANT UPDATE:  So I just realized that we should probably try to get "mandatory sex party" in Twitter trending topics.  Oh God, please let this happen...

Please Tweet #mandatorysexparty  and also encourage everyone you know to do it.  No one will know what is happening and they'll be all "what the hell is a mandatory sex party?" and then they'll google it and find the stuff that we wrote!  And then google will be all "WTF?" And then we win.   Seriously you guys... please, please, please do this!   The world needs this.

IMPORTANT UPDATE #2:  I just tried to create the basics for a Wikipedia page for "mandatory sex party" but then I realized that it would probably get deleted if we didn't seed the rest of the internet with the term first.  It is what Wikipedia calls a "protologism" or "neologism" and Wikipedia has a big stick  up there butts over what is allowed to be a legitimate new phrase.  We therefore must work on legitimizing the phrase first before we can create a Wikipedia page that is likely to actually stick around so that future generations may learn the wonders of mandatory sex parties.

So write about it, Tweet about it (#mandatorysexparty), post fake research articles about it (heck, even post real research article about it - what you do on your own time is non of my business...) or submit an entry to the Online Dictionary.

IMPORTANT UPDATE #3:  So my friend Noelle just emailed me and asked me how to define mandatory sex parties and this is the best I could come up with:

"Okay, so I think a mandatory sex party is a party where once you walk in the door, you are obligated to have sex.  I would think that these parties often disguise themselves as costume parties or birthday parties or baby showers but THEN as soon as they entice people in the door, they are all "guess what this actually is?  It's a mandatory sex party, bitch!"



And then the raping would commence.  

It's just a rough definition... "

And I am pretty sure that sounds like something the world needs more of.  


IMPORTANT UPDATE #4:  Look what Timoteo made!


You guys, this is seriously awesome.  I'm so glad we're doing this!

48 comments:

Kyle Webs said...

I wrote about them! Sort of, I didn't really write much, but it was something! :D

The Demigod said...

I don't know how I got here. But I'm fairly certain I'm internet-in-love with you.

Like, srsly. The way Jack loves Karen.

Unless you don't know who they are.

Allie said...

Kyle - AWESOME.

The Demigod - well, I didn't know who Karen and Jack were - until I used the magic of google. I was kind of hoping they would be some couple that hosted mandatory sex parties, but I guess a spinoff of Will and Grace is almost as good. But am I Karen or Jack?

Belle said...

Holy shit, the power. I cannot wait to help invent this term.

Allie said...

Belle - I honestly cannot wait to read what you write about it!

Russ said...

So what stocks was Duncan researching? I've got a couple of bucks that need to be invested and am looking for ideas.

Allie said...

Russ - I would tell you but I don't really know because I am a bad girlfriend... I know that he's into short-selling right now. And penny-stocks. If I were you though, I would invest in mandatory sex parties because they are about to go global... just a thought :)

Adelaide said...

That's awesome. I submitted a definition to Urban Dictionary.

Allie said...

Adelaide - I totally love you right now.

Carlston said...

Okay, I haven't read this post yet, just the title. I'd like to comment on the title: I agree

I'm sure I'll like the post :)

Kaylin said...

I did my part -

@kaylinboehme : I can't do Twitter for a while because I got caught up in a #mandatorysexparty (http://bit.ly/1jQHcv)

Will work on something more amazing later but I'm late for class writing about MSP's for you!

Allie said...

Carlston - I bet you could contribute some valuable material to this discussion...

Kaylin - thank you for that!


All of you guys are so fucking awesome!

Christine said...

ummmm, I just discovered you yesterday and am a little afraid of what might happen if I blog about Mandatory Sex Parties....but I'll go ahead and twitter it... Also, I have a friend who is, possibly, crazier than you- also from Montana. Did you go to MSU or UofM by chance? Or are you from Billings? Just curious. I am still working on a post about some of the crazier situations I've gotten into just from hanging out with her. My typical night ends with "...and when i woke up there were socks and pizza everywhere!" but a typical night with Sara ends with "...so we woke up in nevada covered in oatmeal wearing football helmets and I don't even remember putting ON the helmet. Can you come get us?"

Carlston said...

I can't quite get myself to type in Mandatory Sex Parties as my facebook status, or anything to do with it, simply because my previous status read

"I am a stuntman living in LA, married to a small, blonde Portuguese skiier. When she's not training does abstract painting, practices yoga and brews her own beer." with the comment "...and really likes making home movies, and suffers neck-down alopecia". It would just be rude, and give mandatory sex parties a bad name.

Allie said...

Christine: Never be afraid of mandatory sex parties. They are only natural. And thanks for tweeting. We'll get this in Twitter trends yet!

Carlston - But you could tweet it! And maybe update your facebook status to something different and THEN write something about mandatory sex parties so the transition isn't quite so awkward. BTW kudos on "neck-down-alopecia" - That is probably also something we should get out to the world.

Tom Bailey said...

This is my first visit--- you are a fun to read blog.

I am taking note - way to get more comments - "mandatory sex parties"... no more philanthropic endeavorish boring posts just sex?

Noelle said...

Ok, so I hate to be the asshole here, but when you google "mandatory sex parties" (plural)- you come up with this quip from some political forum- "Baaahhhh, mandatory sex parties for all children, porn lieing in the streets of every city and town and school!! Porn porn foreveryone!!!"- so granted that this could be the most awesome thing ever written on the internet, I'm not sure if it negates your claim on "mandatory sex party". Also, facebook will not log me on during this exchange, and it is one of the most depressing things ever to happen to me.

Allie said...

Tom Bailey - I guess this is a pretty good comment-getting strategy... I end up doing the right thing on accident sometimes. Which is a good thing because I think I'd be a pretty terrible blogger otherwise...

Noelle- I guess I never typed it in in the plural form... too bad. But that person didn't write a definition and no one else has ever typed "mandatory sex party, so I think it counts. And you totally would be the one to bring that up, huh? :)

Carlston said...

Okay, so I stole the whole neck-down alopecia thing from the best comedian/pianist ever. I feel it's my duty now that I should spam with his name, it's Tim Michin. Try youtubing him.

Amy said...

I've done my part. I posted a PSA on my blog about Mandatory Sex Parties.

Gigi said...

Ok Allie; as promised. I've come over to tell you that I posted a blog with the words mandatory sex party; just like I promised you in my head earlier. But now I've actually finished it. What you read earlier was accidental. Because I accidentally posted it before I was finished. Don't ask me how; I don't know. But it's done. Just like I promised you in my head.

Josh Gard said...

OMG Allie! This is awesome! I am very proud of you for creating a new term, and making it to the top of a Google search! I am in serious awe, and only wish I could invent a term even remotely as ingenious as you have! :)

Kaylin said...

Mandatory Sex Parties has a wiki now! I just worked up the FAQ page in class (feel quite dirty, btw) and I'd love it if everyone else would edit it and add their own MSP ideas.

URL: http://mandatorysexparty.wikispaces.com/

username: mandatorysexparty
pw: hyperboleaah

I think you can create your own UN & PW and still edit it, but if you wanna use the generic one I made up, that coo.

melissa_413 said...

I don't have a blog, because I'm just not awesome enough for that, but I tweeted it! #mandatorysexparty

angryredhead said...

MANDATORY SEX PARTAY!!! Sounds like something I'd host in my living room, with tealights and a disco ball and some guacamole dip.

timoteo said...

Dear Allie,

I sincerely hope this becomes part of the internets lexicon. I hope.

So much that I made a poster...

http://cheezburger.com/View.aspx?aid=2720075520

Timoteo

OhSweetSara said...

So I'm going to go ahead and freak out the 4 people who follow me on twitter to help you with your cause.

If this makes them stop following me it will be totally worth it because I only started following them because they were following me and I felt obligated, but I'm too nice to un-follow them because twitter is a dick-head and tells people when someone stops following them, and I don’t want to be that person. But their tweets are really annoying and about cat food coupons and I don't even have a cat so I don't care, but if they stop following me because I tweeted '#mandatorysexparty' then that would be awesome, and I would totally want to give you a prize.

Nikole said...

I've obviously led a very different life than you but I have personally experienced many a mandatory sex party but here in Idaho we like to call it a slartibartfast. Maybe you can come some time.

Until then, I would really love it if you drew me a picture of a squirrel having a deathmatch in a tree with a cat. Marry me?

ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND said...

Didn't we start off with the same amount of followers back in the day? Your flashing our tits aren't you?

Allie said...

Carlston - that video is hilarious! He started out... and I was all "WTF?' and then he got going and I couldn't stop laughing! "maybe she's not nicer than you but smarter... or maybe not smarter but better at sports or tracing... I'm just saying..." Loved it.

Amy- that was a seriously awesome PSA

Gigi - I've totally accidentally posted stuff before. It happens sometimes when I'm drunk. And also sometimes when I'm not drunk.

Josh - inventing terms like "mandatory sex party" is kind of a skill of mine. I guess you could say I'm an expert. Maybe.

Kaylin - AWESOME. Holy Crap. We are really doing this, huh?

melissa- YAY!!! We are starting the motion!

angryredhead - you can be in charge of research. If you host a mandatory sex party in your living room and write an article on it, we can cite it on Wikipedia as a source.

timoteo - Dude. Thanks for making me pee myself. That was awesome! I'm totally posting it...

Sara- thank you! And I totally understand about being too nice to un-follow people. Except spam bots. I will skull-rape spam bots and not feel even the slightest bit guilty.

Nikole - Yes, yes and yes. Although I am kind of also married to this guy named Matt. He asked me to marry him on Ask Allie. But guess what? I do what I want and I guess now I'm a polygamist. Sorry Matt. But also yay?

Asshole Boyfriend - I wish that my titties would bring me more followers... but the truth is that I don't really have tits. I can't even wear an adult bra. No joke. I have Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen undergarments. Sad. But true.

omchelsea said...

TWEETED!

You can call me, Hammy said...

I can't help but wonder if the first would-be Mandatory Sex Party was re-enacted by the movie Rocky Horror Picture Show. I don't know about you, but that sure looked like it had Mandatory Sex Party written all over it... but you know, since at that time there were no FAQs on these things, they were bound to get it wrong.

Adelaide said...

My urban dictionary definition is now posted here: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Mandatory%20sex%20parties

This was before you posted your official definition, so I had to wing it. I highly encourage other people to add their own definitions.

Amy said...

So, it's totally my goal to mention mandatory sex party/ies in as many of my posts as possible. Did it twice today. This is fun. It's like a little game. :o)

Sarah Pearce said...

I found your site, like, four days ago, and now I'm doing shit like this: http://nakedcupcakes.blogspot.com/2009/10/mandatory-sex-party.html, when I should be raising my toddlers and writing legitimate articles.

Not that I didn't do shit like this before, it's just that now I'm suddenly a minion or some shit.

You're welcome.

Sarah Pearce said...

Oh yeah, I spent time making a cause ribbon for it. It's shitty.

mysterg said...

Consider it done...

Organic Meatbag said...

You should get R. Kelly to emcee the MSPs...he can stand on a ladder and piss on people as they walk through the door... nothing like a good golden shower to prep you for mandatory fucking...

TallGuySurfing said...

LMAO! I just plugged Mandatory Sex Party in my blog. Hmmm, I'll have to think up my own definition. Funny post!

Tiffany said...

Here ya go!
http://tiffanyc421.blogspot.com/2009/10/its-really-not-what-you-think-it-is.html

Soda and Candy said...

This is amaymay. Good work!

Kandace said...

So I'm jumping on the bandwagon just cause I think you are hilarious. My mandatory sex party story is not as hilarious as one of the ones I read (the PSA one) but Hey, it's a mandatory sex party story anyway. :)

If you wanna read it here it is...
http://gypsywether.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/the-mandatory-sex-party-that-changed-my-life/

Lola Lakely said...

Umm, how the hell have we not effing found each other before? Seriously? First of all we're both funny, sarcastic, pirate loving bitches who almost get arrested, by getting into crazy shenanigans that no one else ever has. And second of all, actually there really isn't a second of all. But I once equated how to survive a relationship with how to survive a zombie attack: http://lolalakely.blogspot.com/2009/10/lola-vs-zombierelationshipland.html

I am so going to try and work in mandatory sex party into my next blog post. You may be my new favorite.

Lilith_ii said...

I just created a Facebook group to emphasise the matter of MSPs. Please join and support this noble cause.

ulzha said...

You're a genius.

May I suggest an important update: so that this page itself doesn't come up high in Google, tricksters should refrain from making clickable links to here (they boost rating) - instead distort them somehow so that with some typing a man can follow it but the GoogleBot cannot, e.g., hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.delete.this.and.pass.the.obligation.on/...

And, of course, preferably not give any link (or hint of artificiality) at all near the actual creative work...

Derek said...

This is more than a year later, but in case you forgot about it, "Mandatory Sex Party" throws almost 20,000 results on Google these days. Least out the quotes and you get more than a quarter million. Your mission is accomplished.

Liz said...

So I just read this post (because I got bored with studying and decided to go through your old posts) and had to google "mandatory sex party." There are over 269,000 results. You have taken over the internet. You are my hero.

Anonymous said...

As of today, Google comes up with 268,000 search results for "mandatory sex party" and 286,000 search results for "mandatory sex parties." You win Allie!