I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE!!!

I had to go to the dentist again today.  To get a crown.  And fillings.  It was my first time.  This is what I felt like this morning:


After three hours of drilling and twelve shots of novocain, I can't feel my face at all.  Or my throat.   This is what I feel like right now:


Or possibly this one:


I had to get the crown because my tooth had a conjoined twin that was getting cavities all up in its shit.  They had to get rid of the conjoined twin tooth and then file the remaining tooth down and put a temporary fake tooth over it.  It was pretty dramatic:



Anyway, now I'm all pissed off, sitting at home, unable to feel my face or eyes or throat.  I can't even eat because I have no control of my swallowing muscles and I'm home alone and I'd probably choke and the paramedics would find me and be like "Oh no, her face is all fucked up.  She must have had a stroke.   Why was she eating raw pork?  Oh wait... that's her own lip."

I think this is probably the saddest day ever.  

71 comments:

Mary said...

God your drawings are awesome. I'm sorry you can't feel your face...I would come over and feed you ice cream or something through a straw if that wasn't extra internet stalk-y. Feel better!

Ry said...

No! Don't be sad, your toon awesome. *Offers hug to make it better.*

Whit said...

I think I love you. Did I mention your artistry is perfection?

MODG said...

yes dentists still think they are "harmless"

Tony said...

You know what you need? Pudding. Seriously. Pudding just slides down your throat, and it tastes so good...I wish I had MORE wisdom teeth just so I could go on the Vicodin and Pudding diet again.

Stormy Cruz said...

Hahaha!
That was so awesome. I mean, Allie, you basically had the dental version of a soap opera plot go down in your mouth this morning.
You're a champ!
Good thing your fingers and brain aren't numb or my day would be significantly less amazing. ;)

Jay Ferris said...

God that's hot.

Allie said...

Mary - That sounds so awesome! Only I'd probably accidentally eat your hand. That might hurt our friendship.

Ry - It'll be okay. I'm enjoying my pity party just a little.

Whit - Thank you! I'm trying to smile, but it really doesn't work at all. I mostly look like the Joker. "Why so serious???"

MODG - They really tried hard to be gentle, but there's only so much you can do when you are murdering someone's tooth with a miniature ice pick.

Tony - Maybe in an hour or so. I just aspirated yogurt, so I think I need to lay off even trying to put anything in my mouth right now :( But yes, tapioca sounds like just about the best thing ever right now!

Allie said...

Stormy - I can almost hear my teeth crying themselves to sleep. Just this faint little "Nooooooo! Why?? WHY?????" And lots of flailing and fainting and then Joseph Mascolo is there.

Jay - Stroke victim fetish?

Dee said...

bwhahaha Oh hell. I was getting all queasy looking at your drawings,then you followed it with your end of post writing, and I laughed so hard, I think I peed myself!

Sam Liu said...

Oh God, I feel for you, Allie - I absolutely despise the dentist! I hope you regain face-feeling soon.

Although, I will admit to finding the pictures of your drooping face and distraught tooth utterly hilarious. I apologise for my inappropriate lol-in :D

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

This is my favorite thing you've ever drawn. Ever. I think there's even a metaphor in there for life or childbirth or fascism or something. Just awesome.

Duncan (aka Boyfriend) said...

That is the BEST representation of what happens when dentists do a crowning. I hope they print that off to show little kids what the procedure is going to do to their teeth. I'm sure that will put them right at ease...

Allie said...

Dee - Yeah, it got kind of heavy there for a little bit, but I brought it back up! I'm good like that :)

Sam - Laughing is totally appropriate. I'd laugh too if I had the muscular control to do it right now...

Becky - Or Jesus. I had the Jesus of teeth in my mouth.

And thank you :)

Christina In Wonderland said...

Aw. I hope you feel better soon. Dentists are evil. :(

Allie said...

Duncan - Little kids would love that shit. They'd be like "can I get a crown, Mommy?" And the mom would be like "What? Are you some sort of king or something? Step down, you little asshole." And then she'd punch him in the mouth. It would just be a big misunderstanding.

Allie said...

Christina - And they're robots!

Untypically Jia said...

You should draw childrens books and strategically place them in dentists offices.

VV said...

i just stumbled upon this blog and it's the funniest shit i've ever seen. ever. oh-mah-jeez, i'm dying of laughter.

oh yeah, sorry about your face.

IAN WRIMYN said...

I hate the way that the dentists office smells, like flouride and sadness.

Sarah said...

Oh, shitballs, that's painful.

Maybe when you regain muscle control, you can gleek blood. Silver lining!

Allie said...

Jia - Like a secret warning!

VV - I'm glad you like it! And I'm sorry about my face too :( But mostly I'm sorry about my tooth. It lost its best friend today.

IAN WRIMYN - I KNOW! Oh my gosh! And also a little like broken dreams and dental cement.

Allie said...

Sarah - Are you in my head? I think you just demonstrated a knowledge of who I am at my very core. I am impressed. And yes, I am hoping that I can gleek blood.

Schnitzie said...

I felt there was something missing in the drawings of your face. Then I looked in the mirror and remembered what it was: DROOL!

Oozing down your chin and hanging in a string, down to your chest.

I'm sure you forgot iy becuz with the novocaine, you can't feel the drool.

I need you to FEEL THE DROOL, Allie...really FEEL it!

(Feel better poopsie. Tooth-mutilation is right up there with death and taxes.)

Mel said...

When I had to get my face all numbed for dental work, the dentist told me I couldn't eat for the rest of the day or else I might accidentally chew my own tongue. When I looked sceptical he told me about a man who went and had yum cha right after having a tooth pulled and chewed off his own tongue. I think my dentist knew me well enough to know he'd have to pull out the big guns to convince me not to eat. Clearly he doesn't have much faith in me, but I think I know the difference between fries and my own tongue.

You should use your floppy lips to scare small children. It always cheers me up. They'll think you're some crazy person who's too crazy to care about lip control.

Great blog.

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

One time I had to drive home from college to get dental work done and then drive straight back for an exam. On the drive, my car overheated and I pulled over at a carpool lot. Two nice young men asked if they could help me, and I was like "Mammammgfr rgtwskdg? pweesgvfrd!" They spoke much slower after that and gave me a pat on the back before they left.

JustLinda said...

Has anyone told you the fake tooth looks like a marshmallow?

I think that it's time for Spaghatta Nadle (did I spell that right?) to meet the Marshmallow Tooth.

Travis said...

Holy shit. I was told I had to follow you, and they weren't lying.

That artwork is LEGIT, son.

You are officially my new hero.

Homemaker Man said...

That one was a good one.

Allie said...

advice: do not do what I do on novacane and punch yourself in the face several times just because you can't feel it. I know it seems fun in a really sick way, but it's a horrible idea.

Cheryl said...

It's almost like watching Final Destination.

miss. chief said...

Oh no. I have to get a crown pretty soon. And fillings on Friday. SO SCARED NOW!!

Simone Says... said...

wow - that was the most visceral illustration i've ever seen. i'm so sorry your little tooth buddies were taken from you. feel better.

Johana Hill said...

Dentists suck!

But your tooth looks happy now. So all's good I guess... ;p

Chuck said...

I know what would make you feel better....a nice drawing or two of Spaghatta Nadle on novacaine. Haven't seen one in a couple days.

Wait...maybe that would make ME feel better

Shit maybe both!

I love me some Nadle...makes me laugh just thinking about it. I have turned some of my friends on to your site for the nadle...they are weird too.

Oh yeah...feel better soon!

Stephanie ~ Meowrawr said...

My mouth feels for yours and your stroke face. I remember getting all those fillings and having to get a tooth capped before.

It just makes your face feel dead and droopy and I'm pretty sure I had a habit of gnawing on my cheek during those times. Fun stuff.

madelyn said...

this just made me LOL all over the place. in the middle of a lecture. people are staring.

Kaylalala said...

I felt this same way after getting my wisdom teeth pulled out. I stayed home for 3 days with a package of frozen peas to my face. It sucked.

Your drawings are awesome. More. I'm so proud to be friends with Spaghatta Nadle on Facebook.

Ed said...

Am I the only one who noticed that you now only have one tooth left in your cake eater?

Absurdist said...

Holy freakin' hell, you are hilarious!!!!

Dyinetch said...

lol! now I'm scared to go to the dentist. I'm scared of robots!

Living Shallow, Living Well said...

Remember- with every rainstorm comes a rainbow. Also, your teeth won't be jacked up.

Lewis Siragusa said...

Oh my god! We're like DAY TWINS! I did the same exact thing today! I had two fillings put in, and like, six shots of Novocaine all together, They shot me up, started drilling, and I FELT EVERYTHING. I flailed around immediately, and they stopped and gave me more Novocaine. This happened three times. I'm finally regaining feeling. My smile was a complete slant

Kelly L said...

Oh God. As if I wasn't already sorta terrified of the dentist. I am going to brush my teeth five billion times a day so I never get cavities ever and they can't get me.

Minymo said...

And the cost for this piece of sadism was...?

Harini said...

I have been to a dentist and I hope i never go to one. I am scared of them.

Birte said...

This is the most horrifying cartoon I've ever seen. Never again will I allow a dentist to do these sadistic things to my innocent teeth.

Mel said...

It's all comig back. When I had my
wisdom tooth out, I spent about 2hour experimentally pokin mysel in the face with different (mostly sharp) objects to see if I really couldn't feel anything.

Elizabeth Kaylene said...

Those are the most accurate depictions of dental work I have ever seen. Dental work in general pretty much sucks ass. I still need to reschedule a filling. Notice how quickly I am getting on that.

Ellie said...

What would happen to spahgetta nadle at the dentist....? (because we all know what would happen to me. Or the dentist. Mmmm, kinky thoughts about dentist chairs...)

Ink Spiller said...

I laughed so hard MY face got paralyzed. I was planning a trip to the dentist but he's going to have to earn his money playing around in someone else's mouth now.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

Love your drawings. Sitting here feeling very sorry for your filed down molar and it's little twin.

Moooooog35 said...

This same thing happened to me except not with a tooth and there was a wood chipper involved.

Perhaps I've said too much.

Rebekah said...

there is absolutely a societal metaphor going on in there somewhere. maybe something along the lines of imperfection not being accepted/encouraged in our culture...beauty over substance...some BS like that. the last frame is very "a clockwork orange." i'm not sure why i think that, but it brought that movie to mind.

i love your blog. it makes me laugh every day. i have an unhealthy infatuation with spaghatta nadle...he completes me.

The Jules said...

Loving the drawings!

Imagine if your paramedic was jewish or muslim or swineophobic and they didn't resuscitate you because they thought you're face was porky.

Tragic.

kate said...

Be sure to nap and/or sleep on a really old pillow with a really shitty pillowcase on it. With that much novicane, you WILL drool and it WILL be all kinds of bloody (speaking from personal experience after having a few teeth pulled).

tactonrae said...

I work with a lot of dentists(I test/Support a dental software) and I must say this is quite an accurate depiction of the crowns I've seen.

Hipstercrite said...

i wish i was able to make my recent trip to the dentist for a root canal as eloquent as your cartoon.

Erin said...

Ok so I'm sorry about your dental trauma, but have to say I just found your blog a few days ago and I fraking love it. You are effing hilarious.

meandthebee said...

well that was hilarious and more than a little strange since my beau returned from the dentist yesterday with a loss of mobility in his face and droopy lips as well. unfortch for me it made him more cranky than funny.
he actually has to go back next week for the same procedure that you had.
you poor things...

Pearl said...

I say enjoy the numbness. Look in the mirror and practice giving speeches, especially if you're okay with drawing little hitler mustaches on yourself.

I can personally recommend the words "thespian" and "somnabulism".

Pearl

The Randomist said...

Holy Jesus... I had a tooth pulled on Monday and it was the exact same thing... except... the dentist kind of severed the nerve in my jaw with her over zealous novocaine needle thrusting. I'm also pretty sure she may have dislocated it at some point. All I know is that there was a *zing!* and then the whole side of my face went instantly numb, which was a plus... but now, when I say certain words or laugh or breathe differently, my bottom lip and chin has a stroke and kind of seizes up and goes numb for 5 seconds.

Your post had my laughing almost uncontrollably... so extra chin stroke action. You should totally draw this for me...

Jasmine said...

Sorry that I get enjoyment from your pain, but that's hilarious. Hope your little, mutilated tooth feels better!

Loco YaYa said...

that was by far the BESTEST depiction ever of going to the dentist.

ever.

tdot said...

OMG HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA WOW you just described how i feel everything and i didnt even realize that i subconsciously felt so awful LOLLL -dies-

maggly1234 said...

HAHAHAHA!!!!

Christian said...

Your imagination is awesome! It needs to be studied by scientists in a lab or philosophers in a rec room drinking Irish whiskey. Thanks for starting my day off right...

Random said...

I nearly pissed myself laughing at this. I love you.

Periwinkle13 said...

I had a filling re-filled (long story involving part of my tooth falling out) on the day of my AP Statistics test. I had to try and eat a sandwich while my bottom jaw was numb, then take a test that would get me college credit. I spent the majority of the test rubbing my bottom lip because I could feel my hand rubbing it, but not my lip being rubbed...then I marveled at that situation for a while...then I was like, "CRAP. MATH TIME."

Needless to say, no college credit for me. =[

Love your blog, btw. I have spent many a morning in my pj's reading about your adventures. I do not think you're a hobo or bum. =]

Bean Collins said...

Oh my god, that is totally what a crown is like! I'm always extremely creeped out by the strange shaved down tooth (two crowns here). And you really got the expression of the fake cheery plastic temporary crown.

Anonymous said...

I'm about to get a crown... now I'm freaked out. Thanks rofl :D