XTREME MUSCLE PRODUCT!!!!



P.S. I have no idea what happens if you called that phone number.

63 comments:

Jon said...

LOL I've always wished I could lactate Capri Sun ;)

zachary said...

LMAO!!! "i don't even have organs"
Seagulls...that was really random lmao!!!


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Ashley, The Accidental Olympian said...

DUDE. Sign me up.

Ryan said...

I called the number, and the lady hung up before i got to finish pressing all the number buttons. can i order online?

Zaedah said...

As with most infomercial products, I notice there's no price. I imagine the cost of having spikes on my belly or dolphin ass is quite high enough already!

I'm open to a sales position if you're hiring. I think I can make a killing on the Capri Sun angle...

Just A Girl said...

This is a product I would purchase. I've always wanted to be a bulging mandolphin.

JeHamish said...

Finally I can give those seagulls their just deserts!

Mrs. Bitch said...

Ooh! Ooh! Have you ever seen that special about the guy with the exploding arms? Literally, he took so many steroids and pumped his arms so big that they popped -- on film. Squee! Now that's a look that'll attract the ladies!

Jennifer McLean said...

But, but... I Luuurrrrvvvvvveeee seagulls. :o(
Were any REAL seagulls hurt in the making of this infomercial???

Tony said...

Mmm...Capri Sun. Haven't had that in YEARS! I would like some of this Xtreme Muscle Product...then I could get Capri Sun for free!

Mel said...

It is waaaaay to early in the morning for this sort of thing. Gross! You need to warn us with a little nsfm - not safe for mornings.

Teehee. More genius, Allie. It turns you into a dolphin! HAHAHA

 ALH said...

Man, lactating Capri Sun would be helpful is so many situations! Hot day on the beach? Outside with no vending machine in sight? Sitting on your couch watching TV and don't want to get up? Not to worry, Extreme Muscle Product will help you lactate Capri Sun so you can not only be incredibly awesome, but also quench your own thirst in a completely efficient, yet slightly questionable way.

Allie said...

Jon - That is one of the many pleasant side effects of Xtreme Musle Product.

Zachary - I hope it wasn't TOO random. Sometimes I write things that I think are just absolutely hilarious and other people are like "Okaaaaaayyyy... what is that? Why would anyone draw that?"

Ashley - So you think have what it takes to be a giant bulging man-dolphin? ALRIIIGHT!!

Ryan - I was thinking it would be hilarious if it actually was a real phone number... I should have checked.

Zaedah - Welcome to the Xtreme Muscle Product team!

JustaGirl - But really, who doesn't want to be a giant, bulging mandolphin? This product is so necessary in the world today.

JeHamish - It works on other birds too! Crows, finches, eagles - you can explode them all!

Mrs. Bitch - I'm googling that shit.

Jennifer - It was just a tricky camera angle. No seagulls were actually harmed.

Tony - And then you can be all sippin' on your Capri Sun while you frolic in the ocean as a dolphin. This is probably the best product ever.

Mel - My bad. I will be more considerate of people in other time zones in the future :)

Allie said...

ALH - I am beginning to sense that the Capri Sun part needs to be played up a lot more.

Noelle said...

OMFG- Please, please tell me that he is not only lactating CapriSun- but Surfer Cooler CapriSun. You must bring me some of this product when you come into town for a long overdue visit. :-)

 ALH said...

Haha Allie, you are my idol. I have linked all of my friends to your blog and they all think you are hilarious, too. I'm creepily reading through all of your old posts because I'm that obsessed. I can't wait until you completely take over the internet and all I see are your paint drawings as advertisements on every site I go to, and maybe a TV show, comic book and calendar too.

Sam Liu said...

LOL! This is so funny, juice drink perspiration?...what goes on in your mind, Allie? :D

Ashton King said...

I think you might secretly be a genius. Seriously, I laughed til I squeezed out a few tears!

*uncorked said...

I really just want to live inside your brain for an hour and see where this shit comes from.

Essence B. said...

I'm glad I'm not the only who noticed that these buff men look like they have no neck.

Anonymous said...

hi allie, i love all your posts, but i kinda miss the good old days when there were more words. how bout a few more sentences next time?

Allie said...

Noelle - For sure it's Surfer Cool. And yes, we need to hang out. Duncan and I might be going up to Missoula this weekend for a race, so maybe then?

ALH - That makes me feel fantastic!

Sam - There are a lot of explosions. And I think about animals a lot.

Ashton - Yaaayy! I was beginning to think that the Extreme Muscle Product post was a bad idea or that I was overestimating how funny it was.

uncorked - I think it comes from staying up too late and mostly subsisting off of tortillas and coffee.

Essence B - Yes! It's like they're elephant seals or something!

Anonymous - I love drawing pictures and I feel like sometimes I can say what I'm intending to say with pictures better than I can with words. I will always present things in the way that I think is funniest. Yesterday, there were lots of words. Today, only a few.

soft nonsense said...

The ability to explode a seagull alone is worth whatever I'd have to pay. The Capri Sun is just a plus. As in the biggest plus in the history of the world.

Anonymous said...

Hey lady! I have only recently been brought to the Utopian bliss that is being a reader of your blog. My only humble request is that there may be a different way to archive your past blogs, for those of us that must catch up. I fit as many past blogs into my lunch breaks and other in-between states as possible, but much of that is scrolling down, collapsing and expanding the year/month columns, etc.. Little help?

With love,
Humbug

Noelle said...

For sure! Just FB me. Or call Ben. I don't really have any mode of communication with you besides that and your blog comments. :-) I promise this time- more burritos, less strippers.

*uncorked said...

That makes sense then. Carry on.

Chuck said...

I still think Spaghatta Nadle can take him...at least let him try :(

Ashley, The Accidental Olympian said...

Allie, two badges I would like to see created that I would display on my own blog.

1. I'm friends with Spaghatta Nadle. PASTA IN THE HOUSE!
2. I use xtreme muscle product and now I can explode seagulls with my FISTS

I would proudly display either of those badges on my own blog.

Dyinetch said...

Hahaha!Really genius. This made my morning! ;D

Brianne said...

From Flab to FAB!!

I wish my hubby lactated Capri Sun out of his man boobs.

Krista said...

I like the detail, like how after-man has no neck. That seems pretty universally true that if a person has lots of muscle they usually have a head that connects straight to their shoulders.

Heather Howell said...

I'm pretty sure I dated this guy. Haha. Except I didn't get the perks of the Capri Sun. DAMN IT!

J said...

again... just awesome!

you are quite creative/talented :)

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I'm getting me some of that muscle juice right now, because I love dolphins. Especially very muscular ones.

elizawhat.com said...

The dolphin part makes a lot of sense to me; when I first saw his AFTER picture, I thought he looked kind of like a shark or other large sea creature.

I'm so sick of seeing these commercials. They always go into overdrive this time of year, so that everyone who wants "beach bodies" can get ripped off. Then again, if you're dumb enough to think a pill or drink is the magic cure...

Harini said...

LMAO! Eye balls turning into biceps... ROFL.

The Randomist said...

That reminded me of the Power Thirst video... the ONLY funny thing College Humor has produced in it's life time of wasting bandwidth. In fact, that video made me stomp my foot and slap my knee, which are not normal behaviors for me as I'm not 97... what that was saying is... Awesome job.

Reading "1-800-giantbulgingmandolphin" has made my life 10x better. I am proud to follow you Allie.

Coopie said...

omg....can i somehow attach a siphon to your brain that allows me to have some of that awesome genius juice that flows through it???? I want to like...drink it and bathe in it and go scuba diving in your awesomeness (only with the super power of being able to breathe while submerged, naturally....)

hrm...i'm pretty sure that ENTIRE concept I just stated is mostly likely really creepy. (and slightly stolen from one of the x-men movies, altho THAT brain juice was used for evil, not awesomeness....)But that's okay. We have an understanding, you and I. (right?.....RIGHT??????) LOL

I <3 you big time, kiddo. BIG TIME.

Brad said...

I'm so switched over from power thirst. id rather be a dolphin than hooked on crystal meth

Anonymous said...

... Yeh. you stole this of Questionable Content

:)

rybread32 said...

WHOA YOU READ COMMENTS
That makes me happy
this was funny by the way
I'm Ryan, hi

Sarah said...

"lactate Capri Sun"

What is wrong with you?

Mandar said...

Am I the only one who scrolled all the way to the bottom and noticed the Copyright Monster?

And the "Hello" saying mandolphin pic. This stuff is amazing!

I should get back to work.

Tim said...

Ummm that's not a dolphin but Slammu from Street Sharks.

Ed said...

Okay, so..I have been away for awhile and this comment is for like the last 3 posts of yours. I am putting them all here because I am lazy.

First...I so need some xtreme muscle stuff. Send ASAP. I will pay "1 MILLION DOLLARS"<--(Austen Powers' Dr.Evil voice required)

Second...Fuck people. You write your shit because you enjoy it and because you enjoy entertaining people. Which it does. Look, co-incidences happen, but that doesn't mean you are copying, stealing, borrowing, or whatever. People need to learn that thoroughout history, there have been times when people have had the same thought at the same time as someone else. It doesn't mean they are copying, or even inspired by someone else. Who's to say they aren't copying you? Just like that dumb bitch who stole your pictures.
Anyway, google the invention of...I think it was the invention of the jet engine...If I remember right, two guys in two completely different countries applied for the patent at the same time without ever being aware of each other.

And finally, whatever comes after Secondly....That brick shit is funny. Funnier than balls on a snowman.

Look, the best compliment I can pay you is this....Not only are you one of my favorite bloggers, but one of the only ones I NEVER skim any posts of.

P.S. You totally stole that flipping the bird toon from my stickman.....just sayin....HA

Lula said...

Genius. You should know that your imagination makes me laugh so much.

Moooooog35 said...

All it does is make your penis smaller and you poop ranch-flavored Corn Nuts for some reason.

Don't ask me how I know that.

Mandy's Kidding said...

I heard dolphins are real horny.

Bridget Callahan said...

My Swordfish of Sucker Punch can easily defeat your bulging Man Dolphin.

Angie said...

I especially like his speedo.

Salt said...

I, like, just saw someone talking about this on InsertRandomBlogNameHere dot com. Gosh can't you come up with your own material?

I'm totally kidding. This is farking hilarious and I may or may not want to try some today.

David said...

People like you make the internet. :)

The Jules said...

Man, I wants me some muscular eyes!

Kelly Parkinson said...

More commercials! I love these! You are a national treasure, my dear. Can I please, please, please have one of these on a t-shirt? PLEASE? I want one with the mandolphin, I think.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

I love it. You must be a goddess. How do you get 54 comments?

You are brilliant.

Lanned said...

I think I know this guy...he actually works for a company that makes this crap. And I know I saw him shoot capri sun out of his nipples at least twice. You forgot his tattoos though.

Annie said...

This is hilarious. Definitely one of your finest masterpieces ;-)

A friend on mine facebooked me your blog while we were bored in class, and I almost wish he didn't, because I started snorting uncontrollably and basically very obvious in my non-paying-attentionness. But now I'm totally glad he did, because you are possibly the most hilarious and entertaining female I have ever encountered. I 100% support you in your endeavour to be net-famous...if other bloggers (much less talented and interesting than you are) can do it, you certainly deserve it.

Christina In Wonderland said...

Lactating Capri-Sun? That's like a superpower!

Amanda said...

I've never so much wanted to be a muscle shark.

Stylez said...

I think I have taken this product before. It gave me testicle biceps. My wife thanks you Xtreme Muscle Product.

Miss Mayhem said...

I wonder what would happen if I called...?

Love this post!
-Miss Mayhem

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I just called that number, and I'm pretty sure it's Seaworld in Orlando. I could hear manatees in the background, because they are very loud at the best of times.

willrun4food said...

Screw whashboard abs; I want Iron-Maiden-spike-of-ow abs! And then I will so beat *insert bland babyface 'rassler* for the title!