P.S. I have no idea what happens if you called that phone number.
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Go there. Make him famous.
Copyright
This work by Allie Brosh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.
Pageloads
All drawings and words are belong to me
Hello.
63 comments:
LOL I've always wished I could lactate Capri Sun ;)
LMAO!!! "i don't even have organs"
Seagulls...that was really random lmao!!!
:#
DUDE. Sign me up.
I called the number, and the lady hung up before i got to finish pressing all the number buttons. can i order online?
As with most infomercial products, I notice there's no price. I imagine the cost of having spikes on my belly or dolphin ass is quite high enough already!
I'm open to a sales position if you're hiring. I think I can make a killing on the Capri Sun angle...
This is a product I would purchase. I've always wanted to be a bulging mandolphin.
Finally I can give those seagulls their just deserts!
Ooh! Ooh! Have you ever seen that special about the guy with the exploding arms? Literally, he took so many steroids and pumped his arms so big that they popped -- on film. Squee! Now that's a look that'll attract the ladies!
But, but... I Luuurrrrvvvvvveeee seagulls. :o(
Were any REAL seagulls hurt in the making of this infomercial???
Mmm...Capri Sun. Haven't had that in YEARS! I would like some of this Xtreme Muscle Product...then I could get Capri Sun for free!
It is waaaaay to early in the morning for this sort of thing. Gross! You need to warn us with a little nsfm - not safe for mornings.
Teehee. More genius, Allie. It turns you into a dolphin! HAHAHA
Man, lactating Capri Sun would be helpful is so many situations! Hot day on the beach? Outside with no vending machine in sight? Sitting on your couch watching TV and don't want to get up? Not to worry, Extreme Muscle Product will help you lactate Capri Sun so you can not only be incredibly awesome, but also quench your own thirst in a completely efficient, yet slightly questionable way.
Jon - That is one of the many pleasant side effects of Xtreme Musle Product.
Zachary - I hope it wasn't TOO random. Sometimes I write things that I think are just absolutely hilarious and other people are like "Okaaaaaayyyy... what is that? Why would anyone draw that?"
Ashley - So you think have what it takes to be a giant bulging man-dolphin? ALRIIIGHT!!
Ryan - I was thinking it would be hilarious if it actually was a real phone number... I should have checked.
Zaedah - Welcome to the Xtreme Muscle Product team!
JustaGirl - But really, who doesn't want to be a giant, bulging mandolphin? This product is so necessary in the world today.
JeHamish - It works on other birds too! Crows, finches, eagles - you can explode them all!
Mrs. Bitch - I'm googling that shit.
Jennifer - It was just a tricky camera angle. No seagulls were actually harmed.
Tony - And then you can be all sippin' on your Capri Sun while you frolic in the ocean as a dolphin. This is probably the best product ever.
Mel - My bad. I will be more considerate of people in other time zones in the future :)
ALH - I am beginning to sense that the Capri Sun part needs to be played up a lot more.
OMFG- Please, please tell me that he is not only lactating CapriSun- but Surfer Cooler CapriSun. You must bring me some of this product when you come into town for a long overdue visit. :-)
Haha Allie, you are my idol. I have linked all of my friends to your blog and they all think you are hilarious, too. I'm creepily reading through all of your old posts because I'm that obsessed. I can't wait until you completely take over the internet and all I see are your paint drawings as advertisements on every site I go to, and maybe a TV show, comic book and calendar too.
LOL! This is so funny, juice drink perspiration?...what goes on in your mind, Allie? :D
I think you might secretly be a genius. Seriously, I laughed til I squeezed out a few tears!
I really just want to live inside your brain for an hour and see where this shit comes from.
I'm glad I'm not the only who noticed that these buff men look like they have no neck.
hi allie, i love all your posts, but i kinda miss the good old days when there were more words. how bout a few more sentences next time?
Noelle - For sure it's Surfer Cool. And yes, we need to hang out. Duncan and I might be going up to Missoula this weekend for a race, so maybe then?
ALH - That makes me feel fantastic!
Sam - There are a lot of explosions. And I think about animals a lot.
Ashton - Yaaayy! I was beginning to think that the Extreme Muscle Product post was a bad idea or that I was overestimating how funny it was.
uncorked - I think it comes from staying up too late and mostly subsisting off of tortillas and coffee.
Essence B - Yes! It's like they're elephant seals or something!
Anonymous - I love drawing pictures and I feel like sometimes I can say what I'm intending to say with pictures better than I can with words. I will always present things in the way that I think is funniest. Yesterday, there were lots of words. Today, only a few.
The ability to explode a seagull alone is worth whatever I'd have to pay. The Capri Sun is just a plus. As in the biggest plus in the history of the world.
Hey lady! I have only recently been brought to the Utopian bliss that is being a reader of your blog. My only humble request is that there may be a different way to archive your past blogs, for those of us that must catch up. I fit as many past blogs into my lunch breaks and other in-between states as possible, but much of that is scrolling down, collapsing and expanding the year/month columns, etc.. Little help?
With love,
Humbug
For sure! Just FB me. Or call Ben. I don't really have any mode of communication with you besides that and your blog comments. :-) I promise this time- more burritos, less strippers.
That makes sense then. Carry on.
I still think Spaghatta Nadle can take him...at least let him try :(
Allie, two badges I would like to see created that I would display on my own blog.
1. I'm friends with Spaghatta Nadle. PASTA IN THE HOUSE!
2. I use xtreme muscle product and now I can explode seagulls with my FISTS
I would proudly display either of those badges on my own blog.
Hahaha!Really genius. This made my morning! ;D
From Flab to FAB!!
I wish my hubby lactated Capri Sun out of his man boobs.
I like the detail, like how after-man has no neck. That seems pretty universally true that if a person has lots of muscle they usually have a head that connects straight to their shoulders.
I'm pretty sure I dated this guy. Haha. Except I didn't get the perks of the Capri Sun. DAMN IT!
again... just awesome!
you are quite creative/talented :)
I'm getting me some of that muscle juice right now, because I love dolphins. Especially very muscular ones.
The dolphin part makes a lot of sense to me; when I first saw his AFTER picture, I thought he looked kind of like a shark or other large sea creature.
I'm so sick of seeing these commercials. They always go into overdrive this time of year, so that everyone who wants "beach bodies" can get ripped off. Then again, if you're dumb enough to think a pill or drink is the magic cure...
LMAO! Eye balls turning into biceps... ROFL.
That reminded me of the Power Thirst video... the ONLY funny thing College Humor has produced in it's life time of wasting bandwidth. In fact, that video made me stomp my foot and slap my knee, which are not normal behaviors for me as I'm not 97... what that was saying is... Awesome job.
Reading "1-800-giantbulgingmandolphin" has made my life 10x better. I am proud to follow you Allie.
omg....can i somehow attach a siphon to your brain that allows me to have some of that awesome genius juice that flows through it???? I want to like...drink it and bathe in it and go scuba diving in your awesomeness (only with the super power of being able to breathe while submerged, naturally....)
hrm...i'm pretty sure that ENTIRE concept I just stated is mostly likely really creepy. (and slightly stolen from one of the x-men movies, altho THAT brain juice was used for evil, not awesomeness....)But that's okay. We have an understanding, you and I. (right?.....RIGHT??????) LOL
I <3 you big time, kiddo. BIG TIME.
I'm so switched over from power thirst. id rather be a dolphin than hooked on crystal meth
... Yeh. you stole this of Questionable Content
:)
WHOA YOU READ COMMENTS
That makes me happy
this was funny by the way
I'm Ryan, hi
"lactate Capri Sun"
What is wrong with you?
Am I the only one who scrolled all the way to the bottom and noticed the Copyright Monster?
And the "Hello" saying mandolphin pic. This stuff is amazing!
I should get back to work.
Ummm that's not a dolphin but Slammu from Street Sharks.
Okay, so..I have been away for awhile and this comment is for like the last 3 posts of yours. I am putting them all here because I am lazy.
First...I so need some xtreme muscle stuff. Send ASAP. I will pay "1 MILLION DOLLARS"<--(Austen Powers' Dr.Evil voice required)
Second...Fuck people. You write your shit because you enjoy it and because you enjoy entertaining people. Which it does. Look, co-incidences happen, but that doesn't mean you are copying, stealing, borrowing, or whatever. People need to learn that thoroughout history, there have been times when people have had the same thought at the same time as someone else. It doesn't mean they are copying, or even inspired by someone else. Who's to say they aren't copying you? Just like that dumb bitch who stole your pictures.
Anyway, google the invention of...I think it was the invention of the jet engine...If I remember right, two guys in two completely different countries applied for the patent at the same time without ever being aware of each other.
And finally, whatever comes after Secondly....That brick shit is funny. Funnier than balls on a snowman.
Look, the best compliment I can pay you is this....Not only are you one of my favorite bloggers, but one of the only ones I NEVER skim any posts of.
P.S. You totally stole that flipping the bird toon from my stickman.....just sayin....HA
Genius. You should know that your imagination makes me laugh so much.
All it does is make your penis smaller and you poop ranch-flavored Corn Nuts for some reason.
Don't ask me how I know that.
I heard dolphins are real horny.
My Swordfish of Sucker Punch can easily defeat your bulging Man Dolphin.
I especially like his speedo.
I, like, just saw someone talking about this on InsertRandomBlogNameHere dot com. Gosh can't you come up with your own material?
I'm totally kidding. This is farking hilarious and I may or may not want to try some today.
People like you make the internet. :)
Man, I wants me some muscular eyes!
More commercials! I love these! You are a national treasure, my dear. Can I please, please, please have one of these on a t-shirt? PLEASE? I want one with the mandolphin, I think.
I love it. You must be a goddess. How do you get 54 comments?
You are brilliant.
I think I know this guy...he actually works for a company that makes this crap. And I know I saw him shoot capri sun out of his nipples at least twice. You forgot his tattoos though.
This is hilarious. Definitely one of your finest masterpieces ;-)
A friend on mine facebooked me your blog while we were bored in class, and I almost wish he didn't, because I started snorting uncontrollably and basically very obvious in my non-paying-attentionness. But now I'm totally glad he did, because you are possibly the most hilarious and entertaining female I have ever encountered. I 100% support you in your endeavour to be net-famous...if other bloggers (much less talented and interesting than you are) can do it, you certainly deserve it.
Lactating Capri-Sun? That's like a superpower!
I've never so much wanted to be a muscle shark.
I think I have taken this product before. It gave me testicle biceps. My wife thanks you Xtreme Muscle Product.
I wonder what would happen if I called...?
Love this post!
-Miss Mayhem
I just called that number, and I'm pretty sure it's Seaworld in Orlando. I could hear manatees in the background, because they are very loud at the best of times.
Screw whashboard abs; I want Iron-Maiden-spike-of-ow abs! And then I will so beat *insert bland babyface 'rassler* for the title!
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