Melodramatic Cards




33 comments:

Beads and Crane said...

Aww...these are sweet. No more scouring supermarkets for the perfect cards. :D

Lori said...

You totally captured the way I feel about my boyfriend. Do you mind if I send him one of these and let him think I'm the clever one?

timtimtim said...

aaaaaand desktop background hahahaha

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

Me and my guy used to say "I would love you even if a crocodile bit your face off." I feel like that might make a lovely melodramatic card.

Stephanie High said...

I think the fact that I'd be genuinley pleased to receive any one of those cards shows just how valentine's desperate I am.

Zaedah said...

So boycotting Valentine's day means forgoing electrical shock, avoiding chiropractic care and saving kittens?

I knew I was on the right track!

juskaulani said...

These are pretty b.a. I didn't think I'd get my boyfriend a card. I think I might just print yours out. lol. (:

miss. chief said...

So like, you won't kill flowers but you will kill kittens?

You sir, are an officer and a gentleman.

Barbara said...

fucking hilarious

CherBearBlue said...

awesome. i sent fiance one that said, "for valentine's day I got you the clap," from some ecards. classic!

Joe Hill said...

i'm not crab crawling across the desert for anyone...

Imnotbenny said...

This post is soaked in awesomesauce.




That sounds seriously dirty.




The End.

dogimo said...

I didn't get that the kittens were being killed. I just thought this was a repurposing of already-dead kittens. Poor kitten! It's dead, but at least it can be used to spread some Valentiney cheer!

Matthew J Bevis said...

Ha! For the record, I wrote about killing kittens in my PM to you on the forum before I read this post on your blog. What are the chances we'd both say something about the same thing independently?!

What a co-inkidink.

Or maybe it's not so weird. EIther way.

Tgoette said...

In my mind, there is nothing that expresses the true nature of love and romance more than a dead kitten.

But try finding a heart shaped box to put it in! Not that easy.

Awesome, as usual!

Coopie said...

You have the sexiest creative mind in the history of creative minds.

I want to make sweet passionate love to the squishy insides of your imaginative brain.

I'd be synapsing the shit around the axon terminal of your neurons.....

....or....something.

Matthew J Bevis said...

The above comment has made me all HAWT.

Ellie said...

And that's why i want a taser.

Layla Winterborne said...

I actually really love the first one. I would totally give that as a V-Day card.

Actually, I gave zombie Valentine's last year.

Becky said...

I printed out the last one and gave it to my husband. I totally gave you credit though.

AMBELLINA said...

I made my husband get me Starbucks. I somehow feel cheated now.

Pearl said...

"... but I'd still get you one."

Oh that was just fantastic. :-)

Pearl

Pearl said...

You are too funny. I've added you to my blogroll.

Pearl

Sarah P said...

Dood. I don't know who these creepy stalkers are who left you those messages the other day, but you can tell them to step the F back.
I OWN stalking you, and I would TOTALLY be on my way to Montana (because, HELLO, true stalkers know where you live) with a trunk full of duct tape and grass clippings and a bowl of water (so you'd have stuff to eat after I captured you like you do with box turtles and stuff), wearing a diaper so I wouldn't have to stop, and crying while screaming the lyrics to the complete works of Hall & Oates - I mean, if I didn't have to get a bunch of stuff done this week and we didn't just have two blizzards, and if I didn't have to leave my kids or my husband or, let's be honest, my house and especially my yoga pants.
That's because I would stalk you best.

CarrieAnn said...

If I had a boyfriend, I would absolutely give him one of your cards.

BlackLOG said...

I've always felt that nothing says I love you more than a dead stalker..... Your comments section reads like boyfriend is going to get a plenty of opportunity to bag you a present for next Valentines day. If I were you I would be disappointed if you don't get at least a dozen. Tell him not to send them by regular post though, the Posties get pissie enough when they are expected to deliver regular letters. I get death threats if I receive more than a couple of parcels in the same month, Christmas is a nightmare...

On second thoughts,"Nothing says I love you like a dead Bishops Stortford Postie", tell boyfriend you won't tolerate anything less and you are not willing to wait till next year....

rebecca said...

if i had a boyfriend at the moment then i would definitely give him one of these cards that are so wondefully drawn. maybe ill suggest it to my loved up friends..

MODG said...

NO NOT KITTENS. MORE SADS.

Christina In Wonderland said...

If only they sold these cards at Hallmark. You could make a fortune!

Elizabeth said...

Allie Allie Allie! This has nothing to do with your awesome melodramatic valentines but I saw this and thought of you - BEARFIGHT! http://www.banneryearpress.com/bearfight/

I was like, you know who makes super kickass drawings of bear fights...Allie. So I had to share lol

Jordan said...

I myself am a big fan of the crab-crawl for love.
funny stuff lady!

Moooooog35 said...

In my house, every day is like Valentine's Day.

Dead. Cats. Everywhere.

I really need to hire a cleaning lady.

The Jules said...

Flowers are the sex organs of plants.

Therefore, shouldn't we be sending just cat genitals to our loved ones, rahter than the whole cat?