BadFace

I woke up today and immediately got sucked into my forum.  I was so busy posting graphs, drawing dinosaurs and discussing whether a centaur or a minotaur would win in a battle to the death that I didn't look in a mirror until about 45 seconds ago.  This was probably a mistake.  Or an attempt at self-preservation.  One of those.

Anyway, I just looked in the mirror and this is what I saw:


It was alarming.

Let's look at this awesome graph I made comparing centaurs and minotaurs instead:  




I wish I could do that in real life.  Like, if Boyfriend walked in and was like "Wow, you look pretty today" in a tone of voice that means "Holy crap, what am I doing with my life?"  I could just be like "Hey!  Check out this sweet drawing!"  And he would forget about doubting his future.  

UPDATE:  EXPERIMENT FAILED.  I drew this picture to test my hypothesis in real life: 



When Boyfriend walked in, I held the picture up next to my face.  He was like "What are you doing?" 

Me:  "I drew a picture for you."

Boyfriend:  "Is that us?" 

Me:  "Yes. Do you like it?" 

Boyfriend:  "Why is there a bear attacking me?" 

Me:  "It's not attacking you.  It's a friendly bear."

Boyfriend:  "Then why is it growling like that?" 

Me:  "It's not growling.  It's laughing."

Boyfriend:  "It looks like it's growling."

Me:  "What's it supposed to do?  It's a bear.  That's how bears express their emotions." 

Boyfriend:  "What did you draw that on?" 

Me:  "A piece of paper I found on the floor." 

Boyfriend:  "I think that might be my credit card bill..." (takes paper and turns it over) "This is definitely my credit card bill."  

Me:  "Well,  maybe you shouldn't leave your important documents on the floor."  

Boyfriend:  "Maybe you shouldn't draw bears on a piece of paper before checking to make sure that the piece of paper isn't actually an important document."  

Touché, Boyfriend. 

39 comments:

Blaise said...

Hahahaha... yeah. "Look, shiny!" You look fine, I'm sure. Just not your most groomed moment, but he doesn't always look drop-dead-gorgeous, does he?

Tony said...

Not going to lie...I look just like that minus the blond hair right now. It was the damn robot's fault. A centaur could totally kill a minotaur. Centaurs have SIX limbs whereas a minotaur only has four. Thus, centaurs have a greater balance, and more power.

♥ jmo said...

fact: centaurs > minotaurs

RoRo said...

MUAHAHAHA!

I joined. And I followed.

So is it okay if I become obsessed with this blog for the next 3-4 weeks? I'll be obsessed with your forum as well, just to let you know. I promise I won't stalk you personally, though. Unless you're into that kind of thing. Then I'll probably consider it.

Imnotbenny said...

I have decided that this blog is my favorite blogs out of all the blogs in the blogosphere. Your blog is almost as good as bacon.

Also, the forum rocks and is full of awesomesauce!

Also, there was this crazy old drunk dude who lived down the street from me when I was a kid who would stand in his doorway and scream at me and my friends to get the hell off of his lawn! A lot of times he was wearing no pants!*



*technically unrelated to your blog post or forum, except that the centaur also is wearing no pants. But he's probably not drunk.

maggly1234 said...

Centaurs are WAY better than minotaurs. It's a scientific fact...or it would be if they existed. Maybe. I'm pretty sure it would be.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

This is insanity. A minotaur has HORNS. A centaur, by comparison, has man-nipples. Come on.

Did you use highlighter for the sun? If so, wise choice. No other substance on earth can parallel the brightness of the sun like highlighter. It's sunshine in a pen.

Ireland said...

hey allie! I think your forum is a completely reputable thing to waste your life on, and this blog of course.
By the way, I finished editing my layout and everything and my blog looks awesome now! Thanks for your advice :)

Megs said...

Okay, so you drew on the credit card bill a little. Its not like they won't take his money.

Also, at least you didn't throw it away. Someday, my husband is going to kill me.

Just.Kate said...

No no no, that's when you toss your hair and crane your neck and look at him like he's insane.

If he has any doubts, follow up with "Say whaaaaaaat?"

*thumbs up*

JustLinda said...

Bears again, huh?

I think I'm going to have to Google this topic to see what Freud thinks... I mean, it could just be that you need to good night of sleep. Or maybe there is some sort of berry deficiency. Or maybe you killed Tristan from Legends of the Fall in a past life.

If it's that last one, I might not be able to visit your blog anymore. I haven't yet gotten over Tristan's death.

HE WAS THE ROCK THEY BROKE THEMSELVES AGAINST. That's poetry, man. Poetry.

AMBELLINA said...

Thank goodness there is someone out there just as loony tunes as me. No really.

Austin Eavesdropper said...

Um, omigod? Your blog is awesome. I found you through Hipstercrite (www.hipstercrite.blogspot.com). Shall be back again, likely, daily.

Keep making me laugh!

ShineForLife said...

That's an awesome pair of cargo pants.

Kelly said...

OK, this is officially my favorite blog. You had me back at the emoticons post, but this seals it. If you do a video update reporting live on the scene from the yoga studio, then you might just become my favorite person, ever.

Matthew J Bevis said...

Boyfriend just doesn't get you.

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

Please. Boyfriend should know that when an artist sees a blank canvas they cannot be bothered to check the OTHER SIDE before creating art. You're right. He should keep his important documents in one of those plastic file box things that has clearly been labeled "Important Files" to keep them safe. That's what my husband does because ... obviously he doesn't trust me.

Sharon Needles said...

Actually, I'm thinking minotaur over centaur, mostly because the centaurs were poets and philosphers and stuff, and the Minotaur was a nasty man-bull with a mf'ing HUGE axe.

But as usual, I am destined to be the minority.

As for the credit card statement--phht! Whatever! Pay online!

Jay Ferris said...

Considering bears are at their happiest when they're mauling people, I think you both might have a point here.

Duncan said...

I think Allie is way too hard on herself for her looks.

To counter her rendition of herself, here is a nice picture of her!

http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/7722/10042012.jpg

I think you will all agree: that person in the photo cannot turn into that person in the drawing. I don't care how long she slept with her face on her hand or how smeared her mascara is.

Allie's self portrait, in terms of realistic looking, is piss-poor at best!

I rest my case, Your Honor.

Allie said...

Judging by the above comment by Boyfriend, I think my picture distraction technique may have actually worked!

Cheryl said...

If the document was so important it wouldnt be on the floor.

The Daily Fashionista said...

Thanks for making me laugh out loud at 7 in the morning:) I found this blog via a tweet message!

MODG said...

Boyfriend is lame. You clearly made the bill better by at least double. I see nothing wrong with your drawing. In fact, I see everything right.

Carrie said...

Really, all I can see there is maybe it's time to get some new markers.

Also, I agree with Veronica.

Also also, I feel sorry for these non-forum people who are unaware of the sudden appearance of Mr. Tumnus and all that he brings to the Deathmatch.

--cheeseball

Ed Adams said...

1) The forum is cool, but I still can't figure it out. I'm Dys-forum-lexic.

2) Do the raptor hands go away with by showering?

3) Oh look, still wearing same pink dress.

4) centaurs > mintaurs, regardless of what Steamy says, because they can run away faster than the minotaur can poke with his horns.

5) The torso count seals the deal.

6) You obviously started out drawing a picture of a bear, and THEN decided to add Allie & Duncan, but only after the brown started running dry. You can't fool me.

7) Boyfriend obviously loves you and doesn't care what you look like pre-shower. This happens once guys get the sexy time. After that, anytime you look less than your best, we just picture you naked and realize that if we ever want the sexy time again, we have to say something nice.

8) Great post.

miss. chief said...

I didn't know minotaurs wear cargo pants! You learn something new every day.

kate said...

That's when you tell him, "Well, BOYFRIEND, maybe that's why you should stop murdering the planet with your paper wasting and start doing online credit card billing and then it won't matter what paper I use to draw bears on because it won't be your stupid credit card bill."

Or something.

I'm sure the people at Visa will love the artwork. Perhaps they'll accpet that as a form of payment?

Beckles said...

maybe the credit card people could like to see a nice little drawing on the back of their stub when they receive their payment. how does boyfriend know for sure?

HokieJayBee said...

i'm certain, in a 2010 world where you blog and post pics and your boyfriend posts pics back, that the zombie infestion in your area hasn't eaten through the internet cables in your town.

so you still have the internet. so your boyfriend can pay his bill online. so the picture will never leave your house. so you can keep it. well, he should, since you drew it for him. and it should make him happy. until the day in which you auction it off on this site, and someone will buy it for money. but then you'd still be happy because you drew him a picture for money. art-stitute.

like, when he goes to pay the bill online, he will be less upset when he sees your drawing. less upset at the losses on pokerstars.com on the bill. or the charges from busty escort service. crap. sorry, shouldn't have brought that last one up.

either way. i'm pretty sure dragons would beat either manimal you chose. or atleast dragon dogs from the new purina.

Just A Girl said...

I'm pretty sure boyfriend's judgeyness about the credit card bill is what caused his appendix to rebel. Unless it was just food poisoning or something, in which case it's still related to the credit card bill.

Also, doesn't he pay that online? Does he think it's 1992?

GoingLikeSixty.com said...

Boyfriend's credit card statement is only one page?
tubeausaurousus (I am NOT looking up your forum name because then I will never come back to finish this comment) you need to be nicer to Boyfriend so he spends more money on YOU and your therapy-Vodka.

P.T said...

Hahaha...your posts always make me laugh...it'd be fun to have you around...like a constant ray of sunshine...!! :)

Elly Lou said...

If I manage to somehow surgically graft two more torsos onto my body, can I be in the graph too?

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

Aww, Boyfriend said nice things about your pretty face! Romance.

Saadi said...

Ur posts are funny beyond belief!! U always make me laugh!

twenty something gurl said...

omg u are hilarious as hell. I laughed so hard! And I love ur cartoon face so much! So if u saw your face 45 sec ago, did it take you 45 sec to draw that face and post it? lol u got made skills!

Christina In Wonderland said...

You definitely need to master the art of diversion. Lmao.

Hilarious.

And I'm on Team Minotaurs! They've got cool horn things and live in labyrinths, which means they're way cooler and could kick more ass.

Kim said...

The picture of you, your boyfriend, and the bear made me laugh so hard that I started to choke on my own spit. I thought I would die laughing, but even though I was laughing I was VERY concerned for my life so I tried making noises in my throat to get the spit out which made me laugh even more. I don't know how I managed to stop laughing to swallow. I was also crying, but that was from the laughter and had nothing to do with my near-death experience, so I thought I should leave that out until the end of this comment.