I'm Definitely Not Dead

I woke up really early on Wednesday morning for no reason.  In retrospect, I can see it was probably my body's way of telling me that I might die later that day, so I better get the hell up and start enjoying the shit out of life.

My life that morning was not particularly enjoyable.  I felt like my internal organs had been punched by someone who is really enthusiastic about punching and therefore punches a lot.  In fact, they love punching so much that when they finished punching my internal organs, they moved on to punching my skin and all my muscles and also my eyes.


I don't own an accurate thermometer, but I once calibrated the thermometer I own using an accurate thermometer.


The thermometer read 102.3, so by my calculations, I was running a fever of about 103.5.  I took a couple aspirin and tried to get some work done.  That's when I wrote/illustrated this post.  I may have also responded to a few emails.  If you got an email from me last Wednesday that didn't make a lot of sense, I apologize.  I wasn't drunk.  I was just very ill.  

I eventually gave up on trying to be responsible and just sat on the couch staring off into space really intensely. 


That evening, my friend called to ask me if I'd like to meet her and another friend for drinks.  I didn't feel much like drinking, but I was feeling a little better and I'm almost tragically impulsive, so I was like "heck yeah I'll meet you guys for drinks!" Then I staggered into the bathroom to try and clean myself up enough to go out in public.  


At the bar, I ordered tea because I was really, really cold and even though I'm impulsive and irresponsible, I know enough not to complicate illnesses with alcohol.  The bartender looked at me like I was the first person ever to order raspberry tea in a bar.  

I was able to enjoy my tea for approximately five minutes before I started to feel emergency-nauseous and had to run to the bathroom. The next little bit is kind of a blur for me. I know that I passed out in the bathroom. I don't know how long I was out, but my first thought upon waking was "OH MY GOD I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR!!!!!! I KNEW IT!!!"


I knew I should probably go to the hospital, but I'm still too poor for insurance, so I tried to convince myself that I was okay and I should just crawl home and sleep it off.  I tried to stand up, but I ended up head-butting the wall and crumpling to the floor again.  I lay there on the ground staring at some graffiti that just said "poop poop poop poop poop."  I started wondering whether that would be the last thing I ever saw.  It was a depressing thought for a few reasons.  

After several more unsuccessful attempts at getting to my feet, I finally made it.  I used this as an excuse to not go to the hospital.  "Hey, look at me!" I thought.  "I'm doing great!  


I staggered out of the bathroom and toward my friends.  I remember my limbs making all sorts of spastic movements as I tried to glide along and look like nothing was wrong.  I ran into the wall and ricocheted off into the other wall.   It felt like I was competing against my need to go to the hospital:  if I could stay upright, it meant I was fine and goddamn it, I was not about to lose that game and give up the entirety my newfound income just to make sure I wasn't dying.  

I finally made it back to the bar and collapsed onto it.  That's when I lost the game and decided to go to the hospital because I was legitimately scared of dying.  That's also where things get hazy again.  I remember the next 20 minutes in little clips.  There's me lying face down in a puddle on the bar, blowing little bubbles in it while trying to breathe.  Then I'm being carried out of the bar.  Then I'm being driven to the hospital.  I was breathing really fast; I remember that because once we got to the hospital, the intake nurse kept yelling at me to slow down my breathing and I couldn't.  My entire body was shaking convulsively and I felt more cold than I have ever felt in my life.  My blood pressure was 70/35.  When I caught a glimpse of those little numbers on the screen, I immediately regretted ever knowing anything about medicine because my knowledge only contributed to making me feel positive that I was going to die.  "Well," I thought, "this is it.  My last words are going to be 'fuck you, I can't breathe any slower!'"  It was all very dramatic.  

 

As is often the case with medical emergencies, it was not immediately apparent what was wrong with me, so the doctor called for tests. Lots and lots of tests.  

Blood samples are easy because they are passive.  You just lie there and let the nurses stick needles in you until they are done.  But urine tests require your active participation.  When you are in the throes of death like I was, providing a urine specimen is a veritable quest.  I could have rewritten The Iliad about my experience peeing into a cup.  

I was still having a lot of trouble maintaining consciousness, so the doctor had to supervise me in the restroom.   

I knew I had reached a pretty low point in my life.  There I was, halfway unconscious on a toilet; trying my hardest to pee into a tiny plastic cup and not on my own hand or the floor.  It sounds like a very simple goal to accomplish, but it isn't. I was crying quietly and drooling on myself.  I didn't even care that a stranger was standing there watching the whole pathetic situation. In that moment, I had no dignity.


Despite my herculean efforts, the urine test didn't tell them anything.  The blood test showed a slightly high white blood cell count, but other than that, it was normal.  The only thing that even hinted at what could be wrong with me was my heart.  After looking at my EKG, the doctor was like "Your heart is being weird." And I was like "Why is it doing that?"  And the doctor was all "I don't know."  

Four hours later, I wasn't dead and the doctors still couldn't figure out what was going on, so they sent me home.    

As I'm sure is the case with many of you, I walk that thin line between hypochondriac and a normal level of concern about my health.  So when I go through a terrifying medical saga only to come out the other side with a tentative diagnosis of "weird heart," I panic a little.  

The past week has basically just been a string of moments in which I feel almost positive that I'm going to die.  



I still don't know what is wrong with me, but I'm definitely not dead and I'm feeling a lot better, so that's good.  

547 comments:

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Jim said...

Holy shit for the love of poop let me know if you ever find out what's wrong! I had the same problem once, except I was doing squats in the gym when my body finally gave up and I wound up collapsing in the gym whilst cutting forth a mighty fart (my friends make sure to remind me that I farted).

Doctor said it's my heart. I can't afford a cardiologist or insurance. I'm an otherwise normal 27 year old dude, help me Dr. Blog Writer!

Adrian said...

Hey there Alie, im posting here for the first time to congradulate u for a very nice blog and to wish you rapid recuperation from your illnes.

From what u have described it seems like you are a hipotensive person (your bp is always under the media for normal persons). The fever u had was most likely from an infection (most likely your usual flu) but it probably got complicated by the fact u have low bp and that your lifestyle and eating habits are probably not the best there could be. Those two combined could have put you in the state you described, causing the heart to "malfunction" and making it send insufficient blood to the brain, thus leading to the head pains and faints.


What i would recomend you to do is a full body check up and a lengthy session of R&R. Dont forget to drink lots of water also, not tea or juices just simple tap water.
Take care and all the best

Karl Wolfbrooks Ager said...

Incredible story. I laughed and cried. I hope you continue to get better.

lady_mason said...

Urgh, I'm so glad to be Canadian.

I can't believe you actually were on the floor of the bar bathroom - now THAT is unwell. You poor thing!

Maybe you had some kind of weird virus? Sending you good vibes...

queenoftheawesome said...

It warms my heart to know you're not dead so you can keep posting because this is some of the funniest/greatest shit ever!

Savagely Cheerful said...

Poor Allie! I can imagine how scary all that was for you, especially since you had to leave the hospital without an explanation for what the hell your heart was up to. I really hope that things can sort themselves out and that your heart will AT LEAST send you an invite the next time it decides to throw a rave. We don't look anything alike, but I'll still let you use my insurance. Surely we can find an emergency fake ID?

Please feel better! The world needs you!

Sacha said...

Like many others I found your blog after the Alot post (a friend linked me to it), and then read through all the archives. I'm very glad to hear that you're not dead. It would have been very distressing if you died after I found your blog because MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MY FAULT. Somehow.

As someone with a maths/physics background, I do like the temperature conversion formula, but I'm having trouble with the dimensional analysis because I can't find the appropriate units for ghosts and sad cats. Can you help me out here?

Anyway, thank you for not being dead. Please keep it up!

Anonymous said...

New follower, enjoying the blog muchly so far. Especially the bear pictures. Please continue to not be dead.

Martyn said...

How Ironic, here you are talking about not being dead and google ads over there is advertising 'Instant Funeral Prices'. *Squinty Eyebrows*

Tina said...

Yay! I missed you and I'm glad you're not dead. Your article over at The Gloss was really funny!

lintilla said...

Peeing in cups and not all over yourself is hard when you're NOT halfway passed out and have a nurse watching you...

Anonymous said...

OK, so I am not exactly Responsibility Champion myself, who is? But what were you thinking going out at all when you had a 100+ fever? Not sure, but most likely just staying home would have averted all the drama. I doubt that "wierd heart" had much to do with it, it could just be just a symptom of what one previous poster referred to (drinking Alot, bad sleeping/eating habits), only you really know if this is true. Good news is, you will be fine, just hope you got the message...

Please take better care of yourself. You are way too funny to die so young.

Emily said...

PLEASE put some more ad space on your blog so you can afford insurance dude!!! I think everyone who <3's your blog can agree to put up with ads in turn for your well-being. take care :)

LAWLOL said...

Maybe the "weird heart" was stress/terror due to feeling like you were going to die?

Shina said...

Your week described this whole month for me. Anxiety is a mfer. Glad you're not dead and I'm not dead!

Rick said...

I'm glad you're not dead. I just found your blog last week after the link pimping from Wil Wheaton. I'd hate to think I just found this awesome blog, and then have it snatched away just as I got caught up on all the back entries.

Welcome back to the land of the living!

LinkMünki said...

this is too cool a blog, I'm so getting a t-shirt

LinkMünki gives the thumbs up

attack_laurel said...

I'm glad you're okay, and I totally want the picture of you curled up on the sofa as an avatar. I'm just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

I love it when you go to the hospital (especially sans insurance) and they just send you home with some mystery diagnosis, no meds, just rest and fluids. I can figure out the rest and fluids, myself, fuckers. I'm here because rest and fluids didn't fucking work! Do something useful, assbags. I'm thinking doctors would be a lot more helpful if there was a money back guarantee. "If we don't cure you, you don't pay" Or at least if we don't send you home with medication that leaves you in a semi-conscious state for the next few days until your body heals itself, so you don't have to deal with it. Jags.

Martin said...

I was happy to see that you a new blog entry, then I was sad to see you've been sick, then I was happy again that you're not dead.

Adsense adds a new level of entertainment to your blog as well. To help allay any feelings of hypochondria that you may have induced in me, I have the chance to buy a digital thermometer, urinalysis reagent strips, a punching machine and some good bacteria in a bottle. All jolly good stuff.

Ella Unread said...

Oh poor Allie...I am glad you are feeling better, you made me laugh so bad! *laughs at someone else's tragedy* haha, sorry, I felt kinda guilty for laughing because it's actually sad that you were sick :(

Ang * ) said...

I've had a similar experience! The mystery of it irked me until my mom said, "Those symptoms sound like shock." So I looked into it and apparently dehydration can lead to shock (perhaps you were dehydrated from having such a high fever?). Good thing you went to the Dr and got poked and prodded, drained of blood, and some IV fluids! And yes, my diagnosis is based on a) my mom's opinion, and b) what wikipedia told me. What better resources are there? Ha!
I'm glad you're feeling better. I love-love-love your blog.

James said...

Take good care of yourself! I just discovered this blog and have been laughing so hard. Now that I've become dependent, you can't die... yet!

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh as I'm 7 months pregnant at the moment and they keep making me give them urine samples. You think your experience was traumatic? Try it with a massive bump in the way! I don't even know where I pee from anymore!

ah. said...

i almost chocked and died of laughter. thanks for this.

ah. said...

er... choked.

Alana said...

I'm glad you are feeling better, and that you were able to make your terrifying illness into something funny.

Jason said...

Dear HaaH,

Please don't die, you are freaking hilarious.

thanks
Jason

Moooooog35 said...

The one where you DO actually die is going to be fucking HYSTERICAL.

They have Macs in Heaven, right?

I'm assuming that Windows systems go to Hell.

Sophie Neutron said...

I didn't know you could feel such opposite emotions, so strongly, at the same time.
I was so sad reading this. But at the same time I couldn't help laughing as hard as I've ever laughed before.

Maybe your heart was just acting weird because it was punching the little over enthusiastic punching man in the face?

I'm glad you're not passing out in public bathrooms anymore. Hope you stay well.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

What an epic evening!! Holy bear chips!

I'm so glad you're feeling better. The way I get around the perpetual fear of dying is by always feeling like shit. That way, it's old news, and when you're actually having a day where you feel better, it's just awesome.

Anyway, here's hoping that weird crap doesn't happen to you again.

Anonymous said...

Check if you have abnormally low blood pressure (Hypotension). You might not have known because you might eat a fair amount of salt, and that day you hadn't. My girlfriend has it and I'm jealous as hell.

CurlyBob said...

The problem with there being 234 (and counting) comments before mine is that everyone has already said anything that I'd want to say, and they've all said it better... but I'll be redundant anyway: 1) I hope you feel better because it's never fun to be sick, whether you're the author of the funniest blog on the internet or not. 2) Thank you for letting us laugh at your pain (while also cringing). 3) I think you're amazing, along with SO MANY others. 4) Thank you for not being dead.

Did I cover everything? :)

Taylor-Made Wife said...

Glad you aren't dead

Taylor-Made Wife said...

Glad you aren't dead

john said...

Take care of yourself! Eat a lot of food?

Little Girl said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0vgVRyuBKI&feature=related

Bunnee said...

Glad to hear you're not dead, yo! You could still have the black plague. ... you're welcome.

Metaphoria said...

You know that terribly ironic feeling you get when you haven't heard from a friend in a long time, and you automatically assume they're dead? That's kind of what I did when I checked your blog every day and you hadn't read anything. I'm sad that I was kind of right, but I'm happy that you are doing better. Welcome back to the world of non-zombies! (Those would be fun drawings to see--Allie Zombies!)

Erin said...

I hope they give you some answers soon. I too, would be on the verge of a heart attack not knowing that eff was wrong. I also hope it's nothing serious! Keep us posted!

Laura said...

awww, sounds scary.

now I'm all concerned about you even though I don't really know you. <:(

You have anxiety right? Might it have been related to hyperventilation?

I really wish you would set up a PayPal account, because I want you to be alive and would donate so you can not feel afraid to spend money on a doctor. Because one of the scariest things I freak myself out about is that I'll be sick and not be near enough to a hospital for someone to save me. So I empathize, even if not the affording part (I live in Canada.... I hear you guys might be getting general health care too??).....

Please please let us help you! I know you hate asking for anything but you wouldn't be, and we FEEL BAD we can't help you and would FEEL GOOD if we could.....

Fellow commenters, please back me up on this one!! Let's convince Allie :D

Ben said...

So, I'm going to give a shameless plug for my brother's blog. If you appreciate Allie's humor, I think you'd appreciate my brother telling you how he will harm you today.

http://meharmyou.wordpress.com/

Believe me, this isn't spam, I just like to spread information and fun things around the internet.

leslie said...

Thanks for the laugh at your expense. No, really. But I'm glad you're sorta better, maybe.

v said...

Dear Allie, I'm glad you're not dead. I hope you continue being not dead for a long time. (makes you sound like some kind of zombie. Braaaainnnnsss!) Also, today's post was hilarious!

LexAequitas said...

I was really worried the end of your post was going to be something like, "And then, I died."

I was also going to leave a comment about your blog not being appropriate for school-age children, but then I realized that I tell my own school-age children that there are no "magic" forbidden words all the time. You have no idea how much trouble a parent can get in with schoolteachers over a thing like this. You see, they want to forbid certain words, but then when your son asks the teacher something like, "Why is it forbidden to say 'shit' in class?" the teacher says, "I can't tell you that, you need to go ask your dad." To which, son thinks, "this teacher is an idiot! She doesn't even know why she makes her own rules!"

Of course, while Dad teaches son not to believe there are magic words, Dad also has to teach son that there are unreasonable people in the world that sometimes hold power and have arbitrary demands.

*sigh*

Allie, I'm probably not even a third as weird as you are, which means your kids are going to experience untold levels of discongruity as children. Good luck.

BeccAHH said...

If you died after .. woah I just noticed that "i'm super creepy" thing and now I'm not sure if I want to comment......Okay, I will.

If you died after I read ALL of your old blogs, and then you never wrote a new one. I would die, too.

I'm just that dependent on my entertainment sources.

BeccAHH said...

If you died after .. woah I just noticed that "i'm super creepy" thing and now I'm not sure if I want to comment......Okay, I will.

If you died after I read ALL of your old blogs, and then you never wrote a new one. I would die, too.

I'm just that dependent on my entertainment sources.

Anonymous said...

Oh this is so typical. I start following a blog and then the author gets ill and/or dies. I really hope you get better, or more importantly perhaps, find out what is it that caused the condition.

Terence said...

I'm so happy you're not dead. Take care of yourself. :) RAWrRR~~!!

Anonymous said...

this was sad alot!

RoisinSinead said...

I've only just discovered your hilarious pages, and I'm very very glad you're not dead! The last person I subscribed to on YouTube has just had to leave because of a massive family crisis, so if you'd suddenly become very ill, I wouldn't ever have subscribed to anything ever again, just in case...

curegirl0421 said...

Hope you and your weird heart are feeling better soon.

I have one of those too, and also have brain cancer about 2 times a week, although sometimes it's meningitis.

S said...

I love your posts.

And I feel REALLY REALLY bad for Americans with no health insurance. Next time you feel sick times ghost times sad cat, please make a run for the border to visit your Canadian fans so that you can get well for free :(

LousyTourist said...

I don't mean to feed your paranoia but that sounds like a bullshit diagnosis.

Did you go to a real hospital like the Mayo Clinic or one of those MinutCare centers at your local CVS?

The world is a more interesting place with you in it.

Sam Liu said...

I'm so glad you're better Allie! Well...you're not actually better, you just don't know what's wrong with you...never mind, you're not dead and I guess ignorance is bliss :D

kate said...

Oh, and here I was whining about being pregnant and having a cold at the same time... Frankly, though, with Placenta-Brain, it's enough to take a cold from "wah, I don't feel good." to "OMG, I'm DYING, I'm DYING!" (I do blame this on the two tiny humans who, like your first picture, are really good at punching stuff and have spent the last two days having no pity whatsoever on their suffering mother or her internal organs. Assholes.)

Um, all that to say that I can (pretend to sort of but not really) commiserate, and that I hope you're 100% well soon.

Red said...

Even when you are not in the throes of death, peeing in the little cup And not all over your hand) is quite a feat.

As a new fan of your blog, I have to say I am very glad you aren't dead and I hope you are all better soon!

Anonymous said...

My life is so much better since I discovered your blog. Well, the portion of my life when I spend reading it.

thomasyan said...

I'm glad you're not dead. I guess this incident also shows how young you are, slash, how old I am. That is, haven't you heard how Jim Henson died? *googles and reads Wikipedia article* Wow, that was two decades ago. Anyway, he thought he had the flu, shrugged it off, got worse, thought he might be dying, but still didn't want to go the hospital. When he finally went, it was too late.

thomasyan said...

I'm glad you're not dead. I guess this incident also shows how young you are, slash, how old I am. That is, haven't you heard how Jim Henson died? *googles and reads Wikipedia article* Wow, that was two decades ago. Anyway, he thought he had the flu, shrugged it off, got worse, thought he might be dying, but still didn't want to go the hospital. When he finally went, it was too late.

mepsipax said...

Yeah...I love you so much Allie...don't die. Or..teach me how to make such funny cartoons before you do.
P.S. Being sick sucks

Meg McG said...

I feel kind of bad laughing my ass off at your misery. But I then got over it. The bathroom pictures sent me over the edge.

tavish said...

Your tragedies make me smile alot. ⢁D

Taylor said...

Hey Allie!
I am very happy you are feeling better! I was starting to get worried. Yay for Allie she is not DEAD!

Keep up the great work!

Mike said...

Allie,

I wish someone had let me know earlier but your image form was messed up before on your interview. I fixed it: http://bloginterviewer.com/web-development/hyperbole-and-a-half-allie-brosh

Also, I know you're pretty popular, and we're giving away prizes this month...so if you wanna win some cool stuff just all you need is 46 votes to catch up and be in the prize pool for the end of the month.

Take care,

Mike

Bloom said...

I just discovered your blog yesterday, and have been sending it to dozens of friends. Thank you for posting incredibly awesome entries, and I hope you feel better! :-)

-- Adam

Meribah said...

Glad you're not dead, and I'm sorry about your ordeal...even though it made me LOL for realz. :)

oh, catherine... said...

i totally would have guessed a brain tumor, too. scary and hilarious!

Crissy said...

That sounds absolutely horrible! I'm so glad you're okay! I'd be really annoyed if the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong, actually...

SHMKR said...

I'm glad you're feeling better!

Toe said...

Aww you poor thing. Passing out in a bar bathroom is like the worst ever.

Noelle said...

Four hours seems to be a magic number for ER visits. I guess they figure if you're not dead and they haven't managed to kill you in that amount of time your good to go?

Eh, so what, as long as there's morphine!

Hope you're feeling better!

Anna said...

As a fellow hypochondriac, I know exactly how you feel. I feel almost elated that your drawings capture my actions that usually elicit eyeball-rolling and shrugs from my friends and family (muttering within hearing distance, "There she goes again with her cancer spiel.")

Anyways, I love your blog!

Lindsay Stamhuis said...

I laughed so hard while reading this, the other teachers in the work room started wondering out loud if I'd lost it completely... so thanks not only for making me laugh, but also for inadvertently causing my reputation as a serious educator with no mental health issues to go straight out the window! Hope you're feeling better!!! :)

standish said...

This might seem overly intimate, but I am in love with your blog, want to marry it or at least cheat on my girlfriend with it (except that I don't have a girlfriend, so it's totally legit), and am verrrry much looking forward to you not dying. And now I am going to go into the corner and blush a little.

Vard said...

i realize that a comment to this post may be not the best place for a proposal, but still: marry me or something (and i'm serious about that, especially about the 'something' part). i know you have a boyfriend but that's okay because i do, too. i'm absolutely in love with you for about four hours now, because that's how long i've known about your existence.

or rather...

i'm going to kill myself, because my life doesn't make sense anymore. until 4 hours ago i thought i'm an awesome blogger but i don't do so anymore. therefore i hate you.

Caleigh said...

OMG I felt that way when I had to go to the ER cause of my gallbladder...

Marie said...

I would think with the low BP, shakes, consciousness problems, nausea, stomach pains, near bradycardia, etc., one thing your doctor might have checked for is adrenal disorders.

Given that your diagnosis/prognosis was "your heart is weird and that's all I know - deal with it", perhaps he did and your adrenal glands are cozy and great.

That said, maybe he didn't. If you are uncertain, adrenal dysfunction (e.g. Addison's) could be a good thing to investigate, particularly because symptoms can come on slowly.

I'm sorry your situation leads to uncertainty over if/when to go to the hospital. That is completely unfair and rather dangerous for you.

Mrs. Keck said...

Yay for not being dead! Big thumbs up on that one! You're too funny to die. Keep feeling better!

LFR said...

#1- the math formula is spot-on, thanks.

#2- my very own Beloved Boyfriend had exactly the same symptoms about a month ago, right up to and including the passing out, rapid irregular heartbeat, dizziness, nausea/dry heaves and elevated white blood count. All this after he passed out in the hallway, fell and hit his head and scared the everloving freaking shit out of me thinking he'd just died. Ever seen someone passed out on their back with their eyes open? *shiver* I promptly freaked the fuck right out. I was forced to physically (wo)manhandle him / drag him / fireman carry him into the car for a trip to Urgent Care. Got him to the clinic, they ran a battery of tests, didn't like his "weird heart" either, and came up with very little else except... at least in our case they were doing some form of rapid testing for H1N1. Yep, that's right...

Diagnosis: the flu.

Note that he's also a skinny, fit, super-athlete bicycle racer dude, and the doc told him that this stuff (especially the low blood pressure) tends to hit the athletic sorts a lot harder.

Anyway, glad to hear you're feeling better! And especially not dead!

leslieandbrian said...

i am so very delighted to hear of your non-death. i would have missed you alot.

(and p.s., no, the "alot" thing will NEVER get old.)

(and p.p.s., as a child, my husband always thought adults were saying "making ends MEAT," and he was utterly horrified. we would love to see your interpretation of this grammatical conundrum.)

hush chelsita said...

Don't die Allie!
Now that I have found your blog, I cannot go on without you.
Also, we are friends on facebook now.
And I can't go around having my facebook friends die on me.
DON'T DIE ON ME.

Anonymous said...

While I know this is schadenfreude, the "You have to pee." drawing absolutely slays me.

Hooray for not being dead! Stay that way!

Tools or Toolshed lol said...

I nearly had a heart-attack whilst reading this but only because I was laughing so damn loudly. I am in awe of your brilliance and I'm really really glad you're not dead :)

Calamitybird said...

Only you could tell a story that horrific and have me hyperventilating with laughter reading it.

Doesn't Boyfriend have Working for the Government health benefits? Maybe you should make him Hubby. *cough* just sayin'....

Very glad you are not dead and not exploding blood!

Blaise said...

287 posts! Good god, girl, you've gotten popular! Congratulations! For the popularity and for not dying, I suppose... I hope they figure out what's going on soon.

tnd8863 said...

Try not to freak out too badly. I had a headache every day for a while, and never found out what was wrong.

I had to try a few different medications before finding something that worked.

Then I just stop taking the pills, and have been fine. Since the doctor could not find anything, hopefully, you are just fine.

David Morris said...

Hey, maybe you were just dehydrated/over-hydrated. I once was sick and drank TOO MUCH WATER, throwing my system "out of whack" (it's a medical term), causing my heart-rate to go bonkers. All panicky, I felt like I was going to die but when I went to the doctor, he just proscribed apple juice and RE-LAX-ATION.

Conclusion: you probably need to drink some apple juice?

I--I'm not a doctor.

Mrs. Cleanest / Nonners said...

I adore your blog--I think it is super excellent. And even though you already have 200-something comments, this one matters because I am awesome.

Sapphire Myst said...

I seriously did not think I could laugh as hard at someone's misfortune, but sadly enough I did. I'm going to Hell. I'm uber glad you're not dead, because then my life would have no meaning. Your blog is like liquid crack, I can't stay away no matter how hard I try. I've had to start taking the laptop in the bathroom when I read it because I know I'm going to laugh so hard I pee...so umm...thanks! Get well soon

Jamie said...

YAYYYYY!!!!!!

I feel as happy as the shark man linked below!!!

Amy said...

I just discovered you and also am super-glad you're not dead. I put your Alot on my bulletin board since I'm an English teacher. Should I be paying you royalties or something? I feel kinda bad you can't afford insurance...

brightshadow said...

You are my favorite marginally sane person ever.

Also, I have chocolate and chemistry homework. Guess which one is better?

Sarah said...

Man, this reminds me of when my mom went to the doctor because she couldn't see out of one eye and felt like tiny men were stabbing through her skull from the inside, and the doctor was like, "Wow, that's weird!" We still don't know what happened. But she's totally fine now. So that bodes well, right?
I hope you're feeling better now!

P.S. I just found your blog and have read about four months worth of entries in three days. Thank you for distracting me from the horror that is grad school. I look forward to more, since, you know, you're not dead and all!

Lindsay said...

Please remain not dead for a very long time. You are awesome and I'm glad you are ok!

Christopher said...

you're like the funniest person ever and funny people never die premature deaths until they've been on SNL so don't worry, unless you're on SNL, you're not, are you?

marcy'sgnosis said...

Just way to f_ _ king funny... but, I'm really glad you're not dead.

Vanessa said...

Oh my god, I wish you were here with me in Canada so that 1) you could just go to the freaking hospital when you pass out in a bar without drinking and 2) I could buy you a beer. Once you stop letting people watch you pee, of course. We are cool up here, but that's too much.

ima2seven said...

Hysterical. Again.

Glad you are feeling better!

You should try accupuncture.

chris said...

Sounds like you just had a George Costanza moment. Fortunately for both of you Dr. House is there to reassure you.

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard at the picture of the doctor "supervising" i peed my pants a little.

Amy said...

My comments are disappearing... they're not mean or anything. Weird.

crazysauce said...

and that is why i don't go to the hospital...EVER. i just make sure i have all my med school friends on standby.

Kirsten said...

Oh god, I had the whole passing out in the bar thing happen to me once (when I hadn't been drinking), and as I was careening off walls and banging my head on the bathroom stall and collapsing on the floor, all I could think was, "Oh god everyone thinks I'm some stupid drunk girl and if I feel better the bartender totally isn't going to serve me now." All of this turned out to be true, although in retrospect it's probably good that the bartender didn't give in to my demands for a Stoli and Diet Coke. (I also had bad taste in drinks)

Claire said...

I dunno, your "how dramatic it actually was" illustration, coupled with the sad-peeing-girl illustration, might be the most heartbreaking stickfigures I've ever seen! I hope you feel better!!!

DerTeaHound said...

I too was torn between giggling fits and wanting to hug you, which is only slightly creepy because I just found your blog yesterday. Your blog is awesome, very funny and somehow relateable. You remind me of some comedians who write my favorite books, only yours have pictures which make them infinitely better. =)

Jake Ryan said...

So you up and fainted--multiple times--and your blood pressure plummeted to 70/35...and the doctor's just sent you home? I seriously hate whatever hospital you went to. I hope you're ok...I'm gonna be so pissed if you die.

Rebecca said...

Oh wow...I am so glad you are feeling better!

AD said...

i can't believe they just sent you home. did they say/do/look at anything about your potassium levels? this sounds like a very bad case of potassium deficiency. has happened to me a few times, had the exactly same symptoms.

eat bananas! feel better!

demonickiwi said...

If it makes you feel any better, I went through a very similar thing with the ER and no answer from the docs about 4 months ago. I'm still a manic hypochondriac (which I never was before, you win on that account) but I'm also not dead yet. And don't die, your posts make my week/day/month/etc. Tell the doctors that you're too important to die if you see them again.

Tiffany said...

Per usual, you crack me up. My fiance has declared that if he were not going to marry me, he would want to marry you. I'm open minded, so I don't feel the need to stalk and kill you.

Yet.

No, really, I don't want to do that.

I digress, though.

Your hospital experience sounds truly terrifying. Congrats on still being alive.

Tiffany said...

EARLIER POST FROM BEN:

"Believe me, this isn't spam, I just like to spread information and fun things around the internet."

----------

UM...Isn't that the definition of spam?! You did not even comment on the blog post.

Definite spam.

Maddi said...

I've just spent my entire day reading the last 4 months of your blogs. And after much consideration have decided that if were of different sexes, I would want to either have your/you to have my babies. And hopefully they'd be as funny as you. Today my boyfriend was like "you love that blog way too much" and I was like "this is the greatest thing on the internet" I love you. lol :)

takhisis said...

Oh jesus... well here's hoping it's noting and not a Serious Something.

I'm in the same kind of place since I just went from contract to perm, I have a 3-month gap where I have no real insurance. So of course that's when I immediately get a lung infection and random chest pain that points at heart issues. So now I'm working from home, coughing up my liver, pretending I'm all fine while I feel like I'm about to hack up my spleen because it won't be viable to treat for another two months.

Gabbeh said...

This is the 5th one of your entries that is almost identical to something that happened to me (others include the goose attack, the horrible messy house post and the fish incident). Except when this happened to me I was in Thailand. And I had such bad diarrhea that I overflowed the toilet in the ER, and I did get an actual diagnosis of gastro. I had to pee in a cup 3 times and poop in a cup twice. Then I got 5 bags of IV fluids, two huge syringes of morphine, an IV loading dose of antibiotics and 10 bags of pills to take home with me.

... So anyways I know how you feel and it's good you're better :D

Anonymous said...

i'm really glad you're feeling better! i wonder if you were dehydrated? maybe your electrolytes were low? next time your fever is over 102, try a sports drink along with your raspberry tea... well, not together of course because YUK, but if it keeps you from passing out in counter puddles, might be worth a try.

LOVE the illustrations!

Coyote said...

I'm among the many people who are very happy that you are alive, and just thought I'd say so.

Some ideas of what may have happened:

-- You were allergic to the tea.

-- A stranger snuck drugs into your tea.

-- Slavers snuck drugs into your tea, but your friends took you to the hospital before they could kidnap and sell you.

-- The tea had been there since the bar opened twenty years ago, with nobody ordering it, and in that time became sentient. When you drank it, it attempted to take over your body, but eventually your immune system won out.

-- Your body was just a bit exhausted from being ill, and even though you didn't feel that bad, you were probably dehydrated and sick, and exhausted, and you ran out of energy all at once and got shocky. Once you're not a child any more, you gradually lose the ability to tell when you're thirsty or dehydrated so it will sneak up on you.

-- Random medical weirdness happened just to freak you out, and now it will go away and not happen again, because the universe prefers to surprise you.

Anyway, I'm glad you're still with us!

By the way, you could put up a PayPal button on your site, and people would send you money because they think you're hilarious.

Comedians get paid to go on stage - your stage can be the internet.

Jessica said...

so I just starting reading your blog, and I would have been really sad if you died, because there would be no more hilariousness. so basically a selfish reason, but yeah I'm glad you're alive.

I'm totally going back through your archives because this shit is too hilarious to miss just because I'm a couple of years late. but I'm pretty sure that if I knew I was going to reach the end of all allie ever I would die a little inside.

please don't be super creepy and find me. that would be creepy.

thanks.

Erin said...

I'm glad you are feeling better! I just found your blog and I have to say that I completely adore you in every way. :)

Jen said...

I'm so glad that you're better and you have rainbows shooting out of your butt. Congrats on getting so many followers. You seriously rock. I remember the good ol' days when I was one of 100 fans. Craziness. Oh and also thanks a ton for writing about me in your post...I'm the drunk canadian bus driver. I have another drunk blog for all the stupid shit I do when I'm not working. www.whoneedsabra.blogspot.com

I know you hate it when people try to be your friend and push their blogs on you. I'm not trying to do that. You're awesometastic and all but I don't want to be your friend. I'm just trying to push my blog on you! I'm so funny eh?

Kirk said...

" Emre said...

Brilliant. I hope you feel Alot better."

Well done Emre. L-alot-OL

Nidonemo said...

I'm so glad you didn't die! I would miss you and your outrageously funny humor so very much! *hugs* Yay for not dying!

Cake time! :D

Jessica Harper said...

Hey.
I hope you don't mind but I stumbled accross your blog on the blogger choice awards. What a great blog you have got goin here. It's really great to read. Also, I'm glad your feeling better. It all sounds a bit scary.
Anyway, pleased to meet you I am Jessica!
www.jessicaeharper.blogspot.com

Jessica Harper said...

Hey!
I hope you dont mind. I stumbled across your blog on the bloggers choice awards.
May I just say, what a wonderful blog you have got going here. It's really great fun to read.
Also, I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better. All sounds a bit scary though.
Anyway, pleased to meet you I'm jessica.
www.jessicaeharper.blogspot.com

stonemaven said...

Sounds like you hyperventilated and threw yourself into arrhythmia/tachycardia. On top of what sounds like a virus, it can feel like a heart attack and you feel like you can't get enough air. Also Dr.s are just guessing at what's wrong with you anyway, that's why they call it a Practice - or so my grandpa the Dr. said.
I understand the hypochondria. I have a transient reoccurring chest pain that I know is a muscle spasm across the rib under the collar bone from sitting awkwardly at the computer since it shifts from left center chest to right center chest, but I also "know" is one of my arteries filling with plaque and causing angina.

Donna said...

awww! poor baby girl! I hope u feel ALOT better soon.

cocacolna said...

Oh no! I'm glad you're feeling better.
~Jennifer

Clabwag said...

I kind of hate the fact my comment didn't send earlier. I was all witty and sympathetic, but just a little snarky.

Now all I have is this. Nothing. I feel ridiculous.

Alia said...

Wow.
First off, excellent work not dying!
Also, I tried reading this post in an uncomfortably quiet computer room at school, desperately trying not to laugh.
At one point I grunted like a farm animal and I'm fairly certain my face turned purple.
Good thing my super-loud Gieco (Geico? Gecko? Whatever...) ringtone went off (you know, that one the old guy in the commercial has that he thinks is really hip?) and drew attention to me.

Cat said...

So glad you're not dead! Kinda sounded like what I felt like the day I got diagnosed with diabetes, so I'm glad to hear your bloodwork was normal.

Rich said...

I'm so glad you're not dead. Please stay alive. I love you.

Jeff said...

I'd just like to point out that technically, you're "Not Dead YET". It's about the best anybody can hope for.
And I agree with the person above that said this story was like a funny version of House. You should totally write for that show, they could really use your help.
Anyway, I'm glad your not dead YET.

Sunni said...

so glad you're not dead.

FWIW, I had a heart being weird one time too. After I caught a strange cold-y virus thing at a wedding, I felt like passing out all the time too. I also went to the hospital and a cute doctor held my hand and explained it much better than your doctor did. I was in love with him for two months after said weird heart incident. Because of the latter, I can't fully remember all the details about why my heart was weird.

trinity67 said...

Dear God you're funny.

I'm glad you're not dead, either.

Antics said...

im sorry you almost died, but this shit is hilarious

birdykins said...

Don't die. What would I do without all the funny?

Lars said...

Sounds serious. Maybe it's lupus?

KM said...

Situations like this are exactly why you should carry a laminated copy of your revised pain scale with you at all times. Had it been handy, chances are the doctor would have understood the gravity of your situation instead of making you waste away on the toilet. Don't they know you test for Ebola-Aids with blood not urine???

Lanned said...

I know you won't get around to reading these anymore since you are queen of the internet now (Go you!) but if you are ever in the hospital again and you are having trouble maintaining consciousness and they need a urine sample, ask them to get it with a bloody catheter. It is embarrassing as all hell but if you can't sit upright its better than peeing all over your hand trying to hit the cup and keep from falling over.

Elisa said...

How weird is it that your pictures of sadness/crying/pain are SO FREAKING EMOTIONAL TO ME when they're just paint illistrations! They get me all sad feeling. It's creepy.

WatchGirl said...

Christ on a cracker, I just stumbled onto your blog and you are now my newfavoritepersonbestfriendever.

Schmutzie said...

Not being dead rocks the very hardest.

Dee said...

I can't believe you went to the bar with a 103 degree temperature. What would your mother say?

Christine said...

you are so hilarious! keep it up! you just made my day~

MD_Not_a_Dr said...

First time commenting on here, because that's just the type of day is is. I am glad you are not dead, but is there such a thing as a debilitatingly major panic/anxiety attack? Is debilitatingly a word? If not, it should be. Also, I shall continue to insert two spaces after my periods out of spite. Long live the white space!!!

dtelisman said...

Did you see the white light? If you do, stay the H E L L away!

Adam's Clayton said...

My God, I've never felt sorrier for a drawing than I do of the drawing of you on the toilet asking why this is happening to you.

Pirate Princess Pickle Bunny said...

Hy heart landed me in the hospital 3 months ago. They put me on really intense/awesome drugs and I kept yelling at everyone and refused to use a bed pan...because I wanted to poop in a rubber glove instead...like the dignified people do. Yeah, never living that one down. Ever.

See...it can always be worse.

shikaaal(: said...

my feelings while reading this was mounting amazement.i was sick on vacation and THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO MY SISTER AND I.only they wouldn't check me into the hospital as a patient, so I was forced to stay on the crappy beds they leave for family. While I was sick. And they kept trying to douse me in ice water to "bring the fever down!" never mind the fact that I had 5 blankets, and was still,miraculously, shivering. And all the while, my sister and I looked on in terror, because we kept being told "it's not typhoid" but we weren't told what it was.Figures.

Simone Says... said...

do you have a book deal yet?

you're gonna need the money to pay that hospital bill.

(seriously, someone needs to sign you, like now)

oneblacksheep said...

Am also very glad you're not dead, as I too have just discovered your blog and would be very sad were you to go and die and leave me with nothing funny to read.

That sounded very selfish, didn't it? I'm glad for your sake too. I don't imagine being dead would be as much fun as being alive.

Hilarious post, but I alternated between "OMG that's the most hysterical thing ever!" and "OMG that sounds terrible, you must be hugged!" Only I don't want to catch whatever it is, just in case it's contagious, so you'll have to settle for virtual good wishes instead.

Seriously though, as a hypochondriac, you have my sincerest sympathies. Hope you're 100% better soon :)

crissy said...

i love you so much <3

Miss Mayhem said...

I have an award for you on my blog!

MissusDe said...

I had a medical crisis in my early 20's...no insurance either. I was hospitalized for a few days (it's still a blur to me - apparently the docs told my bf that I almost didn't make it). They sent my blood tests to the CDC as well as tested the water where we lived and later determined that I had Legionnaire's Disease (this was back in the mid 70's...yeah, I'm that old). But we didn't know for a long time what it was, and that was the scariest thing of all - not knowing if I'd get sick again, what caused it, etc.

You've got to get some kind of coverage. You might qualify for welfare-type benefits (including health care) based on income...check out your local Welfare office or go online.

I am curious as well - did they ask you to rate your pain? I'd venture a guess that you had something viral/flu-like; hopefully nothing serious. (I'm not a doctor but I play one inside my head.)

I'm very, very glad you're better.

Trish

Awesomeness said...

"Weird heart", eh? Sounds like you got diagnosed with "no insurance". I hope you feel better!

I bought an "I Procrastinate" travel mug. There's $20 toward your eleventy billion dollar doctor's bill.

anitanurse said...

I'm so glad you're not dead...I feel for you, I have been that sick before and had to go to the hospital...because I work there...because I'm the nurse...

meltbanana2 said...

I, too, am in the throes of death (possibly just a strained muscle, but it could be appendicitis or stomach cancer or ebola-aids, one never knows), so I thought it would cheer me up to read your blog.

I someone forgot how much you make me laugh, and how much it hurts to laugh! So you might have killed me a little bit quicker, but at least I will die laughing.

Telza said...

hahahahha amazing

meltbanana2 said...

Make that somehow, not someone.

surferchickadee said...

Hi Allie. I just found your blog through a friend of mine and I must say that I am sure glad that you are not dead. *smile* I look forward to reading more entries from you.

Kayla

Susanne said...

I can't really get past the fact that there is a small, scary man with a paedo-moustache living inside your body, punching your internal organs. I also imagine him with a Mexican accent.

Simplekindofgrl said...

I'm nocturnal. This why I'm leaving you a drunk-tired comment at 3:20 in the morning.

My sister linked your blog to me a few days ago, right after you had posted this most recent installment— which I think of as "The Epic Saga of Allie's Weird Heart That Is Probably No Weirder Than She Is And In That Case Is Definitely Weird But In A Good and Awesome Way So In The End OK."

This post made me laugh so hard that I couldn't breathe and was getting light-headed and dizzy, where I, in fact, was momentarily worried for MY health. Air. EBOLA AIDS!!

And now I'm obsessed with your blog. I've been reading the backlogs for two nights now; making a dent, but moving on.

I have this thing where I absolutely loathe doing things out of order, so reading a blog which is naturally in a reverse chronological order frightens something deep and primordial in me. But, you are so unbelievably entertaining that I throw my fears to the wind and continue down, down into the backlogs. The joy overcomes the twitch of GAAAAHHHH!! Backwarrrrrrrds!!! (And I don't want to start at the back now because I got so far from the beginning!) Rant. Ramble.

Yeah I can't sleep. Let me start over:

Hi there!

Your blog is neat! Glad you're not dead! Hope to see more posts soon!

love
Me

P.S. I want Alot a lot. Mhm.

Anonymous said...

that was so sad i found myself crying. ha ha, how pathetic of me i know.

Bobbi said...

Oh, honey you are so funny, AND so like my daughter. Glad you're feeling better. I'm sure you're fine.

Martha Bright said...

I just found your blog and have been sitting here reading it and laughing hysterically and sharing it with everyone I know for the past 45 minutes. It's a good thing I don't have a job I need to go to! I can just sit here all day!

AimeeLee said...

My mom's a cardiologist - she says if you're better now it probably means that you had some sort of bacterial or viral infection that went septic. I don't know exactly what that means but I think it has something to do with the bacteria/virus releasing chemicals into your bloodstream that mess with your heart.

Amy said...

I need more HaaH... MORE!!

Anonymous said...

Hey, in all seriousness you probably had some horrible strain of flu or infection. Your blood test showed infection. I don't "think" heart problems can cause a fever. Don't be fooled by the EKG nonsense, lots of people have "abnormal" results that are just personal variation. PLUS with the low blood pressure, of COURSE your EKG will be abnormal at that time. You could have been dehydrated, that causes the low blood pressure. If you want to be sure about your heart, you need an electrocardiogram (like a sonogram for your heart) which would be expensive without insurance. There are a billion other expensive tests you could do, but that is the most important one to rule out first. OR since this was an isolated incident, you can wait and just see if it happens again. It really could be some insane freak of nature illness. I had a flu once that almost killed me too, temperature of 104 and I lost all kinds of control of my body and had to go to ER. If you had NO flu symptoms, completely normal blood test, AND you just randomly dropped blood pressure then I'd say wow check it out. But hearing your symptoms it sounds more like freak illness. Don't worry about the doctor's EKG comment. Mine is always "abnormal" and my echocardiogram is perfect, I even wore a 24 hour monitor and my heart is fine. Some people just have weird EKG results, or it was temporarily weird because of the low blood pressure. Also the rapid breathing is totally normal during low blood pressure, to tell you to control it is absurd. Sounds like those doctors and nurses were just very stupid, you shouldn't let it worry you if you feel healthy again. :-)

Sarah said...

You're hysterical. Let's be friends!

Vic Hunt said...

You ought to have a will, and you ought to put someone in it who can write a humorous story to inform all of your fans that you and Spahghatta Nahdle will no longer be making appearances on this blog.

Keith Guerin said...

But what number are you on the chart???
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/S3R2WxDSVNI/AAAAAAAABpU/F9aVHYeF7NM/s640/painfaces7-12.png

Sarah Jane said...

Glad you're feeling better! I don't want to get all preachy and pretend that I'm a know-it-all but sometimes anxiety causes unexplainable medical issues. Whatever it is, I hope you never go through that again!

 ALH said...

I'm so happy our feeling well and alive!

I honestly had no idea that terrifying life or death experiences could be depicted with such hilarity!

Well done. I'm continually impressed.

Heather said...

Ok so I'm really glad you're feeling better...I thoroughly enjoyed the post, too. BUT, ever since someone sent me your blog through an email and said I would enjoy it, I've been reading frantically post after post and failing to do anything rational...such as study for finals, go to work, do my homework, take showers, etc. So you can slow down on the posting, I won't be angry.

Joanna said...

I love the look on your face in the drawing where you woke up on the bathroom floor. I've had days like that.

J said...

Dude,

I think I might actually be able to compete with this story if it makes you feel any better, but wow... that sounds like a blast.

Doctors only seem to be good at diagnosis easy things like "oh it's a cold" or "you have the flu". Whenever it's anything else, they just make their best educated guess. Yeesh. Feel better.

Samm said...

Loved this one, though very sad.

-Samm

Caralyn said...

ummmmm....... you better get well soon. cause i depend on you for my funny things of the week!

Jana said...

Enthusiastic punchers often have mustaches. You can use this information to avoid them.

The Independent Rage said...

The only time I've ever felt similar to that, I ended up waking up in a field in the middle of a briar patch. But no "poop poop poop poop" graffiti, fortunately.

Sarah P said...

It's been a few days. Hoping you're still definitely not dead.

BADAJOZ said...

I didn't even care that a stranger was standing there watching the whole pathetic situation. In that moment, I had no dignity.

hahahahahaahhh I still cant stop... reallY.. I lived something similar.. great job!!

Bonnie said...

Okay, I don't want to panic you at all but from your description you might have Atrial fibrillation triggered by a virus.

My mother frequently had episodes similar to the one you wrote about. She could have an attack, suffer, and then the next day be fine. By the time she could make it to the doctor to discuss what was happening all her stats were normalized. She had to wear a special device to monitor her heart for a few weeks before the doc could diagnose her.

Scariest one for me was when she went into the bathroom to take a shower. I was sitting at my computer and playing around on the internet. After a while I began to feel kinda weird and as I thought about it more I realized that what was bothering me was something in my environment. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks: My Mom had been in the shower for a really long time (30 minutes). So I jumped up and knocked on the door. No answer. I scream. No answer. I try to open the door and it wouldn't budge. My mother was passed out behind the door. I had to push her with the door to get in and help her. Thankfully she was diagnosed shortly after that. Whatever you have I hope you get it successfully treated soon.

Bonnie said...

@ Keith Guerin: Given her dramatic depiction of blood coming out of her eyes, I would say "Too Serious for Numbers."

Rebecca said...

Hi Allie!

My brother and I both just read through your entire blog in one sitting!

Most awesomest afternoon ever!

Glad you're not dead!!

Tgoette said...

Ally, so glad you are not dead. That would suck and a stream of great new words, phrases and ailments would disappear forever. Let me know if you need an organ donated and if you have any preferences from whom I harvest it. Take care!

Natasha said...

Whoa, that's really awful. You had to go through all that just for the doctor to say "Hmmn, I don't know." I would've gotten really mad with that woman/man. I hope you feel better and get diagnosed with something or you get some pills to help you. I love your posts, ALOT is the best creature invented - my friends and I have inside jokes about it. We often braf that we're alot faster than Michael Phelps at swimming. Sometimes I have alot of fire.

Natasha said...

Whoa, that's really awful. You had to go through all that just for the doctor to say "Hmmn, I don't know." I would've gotten really mad with that woman/man. I hope you feel better and get diagnosed with something or you get some pills to help you. I love your posts, ALOT is the best creature invented - my friends and I have inside jokes about it. We often braf that we're alot faster than Michael Phelps at swimming. Sometimes I have alot of fire.

Kelly Lynn said...

I just read your entire blog over the past two days at work and can honestly say it's one of the best things I've ever read. I hope you are feeling better!

Becci said...

Oh my goodness, please feel better!

Anonymous said...

Hey Allie!
I just found your blog a few days ago. (I saw the ALOT fan page on facebook and now I'm addicted to your blog!) Anyways, I really hope you get well soon! That's the most important thing right now. Don't worry about posting anything until you're 100% healthy again! :)
- Mallory

Annabanana said...

Not being dead is an advantage. Especially over zombies who are only so stupid becuase of being dead. If you ever met an ALIVE zombie. Well. We'd all be fucked.

Hope you're feeling even better now :)

xxx

EpicTales said...

I am super happy to hear you have not died.....I would have died a little myself! GET BETTERAWR!

Lady V said...

Hmm, I was starting to worry about you again because I didn't hit newest comments and there weren't any comments OR posts since the 20th, and I haven't seen you or Spagatta Nadle on Facebook either. But I assume that you are once again resting and fluiding and fully recovering. So we'll see you in a bit.

Mike said...

Hope you're better now, funny lady. Take care of yourself!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're not dead, I've been laid up in bed for a week being sick and bored and started doing MS Paint pictures of myself, dinosaurs and cookies for my own fun, inspired by you and now it's taken over my facebook.

I'm pretty sure my family is going to defriend me soon. But I've included a link to your blog on my facebook so maybe they'll check you out too!

Joe said...

If I were you I would eat cereal for breakfast. Cuz then I'd be synesthetic... was that the right word for it? COLORS!!!!!!

Joe said...

If I were you I would eat cereal for breakfast. Cuz then I'd be synesthetic... was that the right word for it? COLORS!!!!!!

Witless Exposition said...

I'm so glad you're not dead! Not sure how I would procrastinate if you were.

Here's a little get well soon gift (or curse if you don't like these things):

http://miscshortcuts.blogspot.com/2010/04/i-feel-loved.html

JurassicMatt said...

Haha, hilarious! I love it!

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