The Alot is Better Than You at Everything

As a grammatically conscientious person who frequents internet forums and YouTube, I have found it necessary to develop a few coping mechanisms.  When someone types out "u" instead of "you," instead of getting mad, I imagine them having only one finger on each hand and then their actions seem reasonable.  If I only had one finger on each hand, I'd leave out unnecessary letters too!


If I come across a person who seems to completely ignore the existence of apostrophes and capital letters and types things like "im an eagle and im typing with my talons, so dont make fun of me cuz this is hard," I like to imagine that they actually are an eagle typing with their talons.  It would be a hassle if you had to hop in the air and use your feet to karate-chop two keys simultaneously every time you wanted to use the shift key to make a capital letter.   Also, eagles lack manual dexterity, so I can understand why they'd want to leave out apostrophes.  Eagles are all about efficiency.  


But there is one grammatical mistake that I particularly enjoy encountering.  It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase "a lot" and condense it down into one word, because when someone says "alot," this is what I imagine:


The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people's grammar.  It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I'd normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.  

For example, when I read the sentence "I care about this alot," this is what I imagine: 


Similarly, when someone says "alot of _______", I picture an Alot made out of whatever they are talking about.  


If someone says something like "I feel lonely alot" or "I'm angry alot," I'm going to imagine them standing there with an emo haircut, sharing their feelings with an Alot.  


The Alot is incredibly versatile. 


So the next time you are reading along and you see some guy ranting about how he is "alot better at swimming than Michael Phelps," instead of getting angry, you can be like "You're right!  Alots are known for their superior swimming capabilities."
  

784 comments:

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Niki said...

Hilarious. I hate when people type so strangely that I can't even understand them.

h3y gurrl mad siqq yo last nite we were sooo sxc rjiohf438y8943hg43hg8943hg934?!?!?!

^^ That's what I see.

:)

michelet said...

I love this! Now can you do one for all the people who say "loose" when they mean "lose"? That's the one that drives me crazy.

aunt_deen said...

Who the hell are you and why am I not having a drink with you right now?

Jupiter said...

I say alot too much. If i wrote a dictionary, I would put my definition and yours. But dictionary writing is boring.

Emily said...

This may be my favorite post of EVER. I like it alot! ;)

Angela said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karellen said...

Ye gods, I do adore the Alot! Is he owned by Noone? When I did message boards, people would say "noone likes that". This always made me wonder how everyone was so up on the likes and dislikes of Peter Noone.

Anyway, if the Alot hadn't hooked me, (it did) the "All Your Base..." shout out in you pictures/words disclaimer sold me, for certain!

Beth said...

I heartily agree with the Alot. My major grammatical pet peeve, though, is misuse of quotation marks. You can see my rant on it here: http://remarkablydomestic.com/2010/03/22/some-notes-on-the-valley/. Well, maybe not rant, more like quiet complaining.

Alan said...

Hello,

One of my friends has a habit of referring to me, and others, as Alsotoo. Today she confided "Alsotoo, I've been made redundant at work." That troubled me, of course, but of greater concern was the subsequent comment, revealing a darker side of her persona.

"I'm hurting alot," she said with a sad smile. I understood that she was upset, but could not countenance that sort of behaviour, considering what we now know of alots.

Birgitte Necessary said...

Your alot has a lot of fans! Thanks for sharing his journey, and yours, with us.

Christy said...

I love you and this made my life. Thank you for sharing alot with me.

Angela Noelle of Striking Keys said...

Holy heck, this is funny.

leslieandbrian said...

Can you PUH-LEASE explain your position on the concept of "I could / couldn't care less?"

My sides hurt from laughter after this post; I can only imagine the delight other grammar-related posts would provide me.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to let you know that I have spent the past two days reading all of the posts on your blog nonstop. Your humor sucked me in! You are super hilarious. Keep it up, I need to feed my addiction to your posts!

Anonymous said...

PS: Yes, I did get to the end, and I did find your secret blog. I read all of that too. :)

thanh n said...

I just found this blog from the 'Ugly Overload' blog and you have totally made my day, you are such a funny person! Your older posts are great, the one with the haircut, and the spider, and the haters, and there was another one... I can't remember it but I do remember that it was good. OOO yea, the one with the fish and the one with the Easter Bunny. I hope you do become one of the champion of the internet, or something close to it :] Keep it up, you don't need a real job.

Wilson said...

I discovered your blog earlier tonight and did not move from my couch until I read every post. I'm sure you get this a lot, but I'll go ahead and say it anyway: I love you.
Marry me?

Mungaidwellinginangstanduncertainty said...

These pictures NEED to be made into alot(lol) of shirts!!! Can there be an alot of shirts?
Seriously though, I would buy t-shirts with these on them.

Shaun said...

It no longer bothers me when people butcher the English language on the internet. It was annoying, but I understand people are both lazy and stupid. With that being said, people that correct grammar on the internet are ALWAYS annoying. They should be kicked in the face a lot...by an alot.

Julie said...

10/10 ... Brilliant work!

Thanks alot!

Sarah M said...

you so made my night. I love this alot.

ADrian said...

There are indeed, alot of comments here. As with most of your readers, I love this alot.

jmartin said...

I would like to express my appreciation of this post. Furthermore, I will do my damnedest to do so without making a meta-joke about just how much I appreciate it.

2KoP said...

Alot reminds of that old joke. "Be Alert, because the world needs more Lerts."

Anonymous said...

This article is about as pointless and as bigger waste of time as it is getting angry at other people's grammer mistakes. People will always annoy you if you let them. If you spent as much time as you did writing this drivvle on learning a thing or two about tolerance and undertsanding in your fellow man, you would have a much happier life. Tolerance is incredibly underated.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe people actually sit at their home computer and decide it would be fun to mentally vomit on the screen the useless thoughts they think others will find amusing... and then other idiots read this nonsense and find it neccessary to post an equally useless comment on how they thought the author is the most awesome human on the planet. Go and get drunk, then get laid... all of you!

Daniel said...

The Alot is totally adorable, is there any chance you can make a T-shirt of it? :D

Anonymous said...

I love this concept. Alot.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha, yea... what about the girl who said, 'you made my night'. What the? What happens on a boring night at her place i wonder. Does she take a little time away from her computer when she's not feeling up for the excitment of reading blogs, by sitting in a corner with an empty icecream bucket on her head?

lady_mason said...

Dear Multiple Anonymous people,

I think it's amazing that you conveniently hide behind anonymity before coming online to a specific website, then proceed to shit on what was written and the commenters who enjoy it. Get with the program: Allie is actually giving us a tool to deal with our anger. You should appreciate that she is helping us... we should be paying her for therapy.

I, personally, do not think that all people who have bad grammar are lazy and/or stupid, but I have to admit that it does drive me nuts. So if imagining a fictional character will help me remain cool and collected, and prevent me from getting all sanctimonious and posting a correction, what is the problem with that.

As for the lot of us needing to get laid, I'm thinking you need to take a look in the mirror.

Signed, NOT anonymous, because I can stand behind my opinions without feeling shame.

Bridget Delaney said...

This is BRILLIANT! I would keep trying to think of something for "alot" and sometimes other horrible grammar things. However, I love this! I was laughing the whole time! We need more "alots" in thie world! Too bad that they are imaginary!

Debra Marrs said...

Allie, you are SO clever. Great art and excellent grammar/usage lesson to a whole lotta people. Thanks for bringing humor to the silly foibles of the English language.

Debra

Cydney Alexis said...

I bet a stuffed animal alot would be quite popular. I'd order one.

chris said...

If you could find a Hungarian mafia sweatshop to make stuffed alots I'm sure that many of your fans, English teachers, and people with one finger on each hand would buy one.

bpddjeoomon said...

I always see "alot of you..."

I shall now draw the outline of an alot on my mirror. It will be an alot of me.

SleepyGirl said...

This... is the most magical post of all time. I've sent it to all my equally-neurotic English Major friends, so that finally -- FINALLY -- we have a coping mechanism for the internet. ;)

Violet said...

This is incredibly hilarious. Now I will no longer be filled with RAEG over grammatical errors! (Except for "irregardless". That gets my goat, too.)

This has gone viral, as I'm sure you're aware, since Wil Wheaton just used the Alot as part of a gag on Twitter: http://twitter.com/wilw/statuses/12266833545

Yay! :D

Sarah said...

AND people who start sentences with 'am' and not 'I am' aaagghhhh. I love you alot xxx

anja said...

I thank you so much for this lesson. I´m not a native writer, so I make a lot of mistakes. But, thank´s to you, I will never ever misuse Alots again. ;)

alysdexia said...

There is no s/he; it's one or who.

A lot is a middling amount; all lots are lots. There go (in Middel English spelling) a littel, a bit, a fitt, a lot, and a mickel. And stupid in English is dazesom.

http://twitter.com/alysdexia

Anonymous said...

Well being a total newbie, but introduced to you via Nick Daws, thank you, you have certainly brighten my morning, loved the post.

Claire Nelson said...

This is the most entertaining and brilliant literary revelation I've ever come across.... oh it made me laugh so much! And now I really want an Alot! :)

Thank you for this.

MissDebs said...

Thank goodness I am not the only one.

Problems with grammar make me weep a little, but I love your determination to be creatively tolerant.

As someone with wrist problems, there are days when I have to force myself to use abbreviations. It hurts, but I may use the eagle cartoon to justify myself in future.

MissusDe said...

Even though I'm the type of person for whom typos jump off the page (or screen) and repeatedly poke me in the eye, I have been guilty of the "alot/a lot" confusion. I think it's because I always figured if "maybe" worked, so would "alot".

There's no excuse, really. I was taught by nuns; apparently, they failed to do a thorough job. It's entirely possible that I was sick the day of that lesson, though.

David Snopek said...

I'm sure this doesn't really need pointing out but none of the problems discussed here are actually grammar-related. They're only spelling and punctuation errors.

A grammar error would be: *I like he. Or Yoda talk like: *A good Jedi you become will.

Entertaining article all the same! Love the pictures!

PJ said...

I was never sure if it was alot or allot - but I'll take your word and I will say a lot.
But I have a question - why do people speak in the negative??
Why 'Never Forget' - Why Not 'Always Remember'
'That’s not a bad idea' - Why Not - 'That’s a good idea'
Any ideas

Anonymous said...

Nice Article, But What About The Weirdos Who Capitalize Every Single Word They Write? It Drives Me Nuts.

Tim said...

I want a stuffed alot.
I mean I WANT ALOT OF PLUSH.
RIGHT NOW.

Marie said...

As to the question of "All drawings and words are belong to me" at the bottom of the page, I suspect one of two things. Either it's a reference to this extremely long standing joke - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_your_base_are_belong_to_us - or a coincidentally original joke. Either way it's a joke. But don't fret. Sometimes a sense of humour doesn't come standard with the high IQ package. And I frankly suspect the standard deviation of the test used on you to be about, oh, a thousand.

As to the other point made along the lines here, you're totally right. Proper spelling, grammar, and written communication in general is just stupid. Right? I mean who needs to read things and have a standard way of interpreting what's on the page? Let's just let it run free! Let's let everyone use whatever letters they like to spell something. Here I go: !Rt gin;c liwsfwqt!

The point in the end is language has rules so we can communicate and insecure people run around telling everyone how high their IQs are. Can we all agree on that?

Zojojojo said...

I know you get hundreds of comments and I feel like I'm joining the party an hour late and I forgot to bring chips, but thank you for your fantastic blog. I look forward to reading more, and catching up on the rest.

You've officially brought joy to my life, so that makes you awesome and like Santa of the Internet.

Celebrate the Malleable Reality said...

Thank you for this post. The things you mentioned are pet peeves of mine as well, and now you have put things in perspective for me. I wonder what I'm going to do with the time I'll have from not being all rage-y at spelling and grammatical errors. . .

KheironQ said...

Very creative. Enjoyed immensely...or ALOT!!!

:)

Columbine said...

I want Alot! I will feed it Tad Bits and the extra "is" when it is is unnecessarily reduplicated.

MixieArmadillo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Natty said...

That's a huge pet peeve of mine. My husband and I literally fought about it. He kept telling me that alot was a word and that I was clearly insane to think that a lot was the correct spelling. We finally came to the decision that he should write the word "allot". Which is worse because it doesn't show the quantity being large!! But I just didn't want to fight anymore, so now he writes allot in all of his papers, and the teachers don't even correct him, so he thinks he is still right. GRRRRR!

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you should take some time to review the rules of grammatical agreement.

Although this is a really cute concept, I had trouble reading the article due to all of the agreement errors.

N o a h said...

Michael Phelps likes to smoke Alot... Should PETA be notified about this?

Yewtree said...

Aww, I want a pet Alot.

Excellent post. I think this strategy will be very calming.

Laustin Austin said...

Yes, your twitter account should be @lot.

lj said...

This is very funny.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God, I love you, ALOT! I love lotsa ALOTS and I never did before.

--Utterly enamored in Boston.

Zachary said...

What would a lot of alots look like?

Millers said...

When I read this, I picture you smoking alot of pot. Can you draw that for me, please?

Sally said...

I have tried for eons and eons to find out what an Alot looks like - but I totally knew they existed! Thank you so much for the visual(s), and the ability to transform that Alot into beer cans...priceless!!!

Would you mind if I shared this with my high school English students at some point? While I have erroneously told them that "there is no such thing as an alot," they would now come to know and understand the Alot so much better!

EgoWumpus said...

Oh, man! Allie, I have a problem!

Someone just emailed me, asking me to allot alot of time to him. I don't know what an Alot of Time looks like! Is it an alot with a lil Wayne style clock around it's neck? I'm just not sure!

I'm going to have to go think about this alot.

Polter-Cow said...

This is brilliant. Thank you for putting this out into the world.

Anonymous said...

You could, alternatively, stop being such an OCD baby. Just saying.

Catgofire said...

Amazing.

D.R. Fairday said...

The alot is currently sharing 9th position on the chart with "do", which you can see at http://ndragan.com/lange/spellmain.html

The forerunners are the more frequent definitely, you're, ridiculous, separate, your, there, were, and principle (!).

And that is only because I don't count "its" where "it's" should go, all the case's of plural's being spelt as possessive's, and maybe other's I should of.

Lisa_Gibson said...

So completely hilarious! I like the Alots. :) Thanks for helping make my Friday a lot better.

Hen Jen said...

oh wow, I heart this! um, alot! :)

TiddK said...

Wonderful! Love it! Would you now turn your undoubted talent LOOSE on people who cannot spell LOSE? It's doing my head in :D

Elianne ♥ said...

I just loooove this post (just as everyone else), but I think I am dying... I can't breathe, I can't eat because I discovered your blog last week and became totally addicted to it and now I don't have anything new to read since tuesday... I'm in a lot of pain right now and only YOU can cure me.
Please, save my life NOW.

Thank you, and sorry if I make somes mistakes : I'm a french Canadian... =)

Anna said...

I'm sick today. Feeling like crap. This made me laugh so much though because improper grammar and the like bugs me to no end, so thanks! You should do one with the word "apart," which is another I see a lot. As in, "Grandma is really apart of our family." Really? You've shunned Grandma? That's not very nice.

Annette Lyon said...

Maybe I can stop twitching every time I see "alot" and instead grin and picture creature.

LOVE this.

rain girl said...

Oh Lord this is *the* funniest post I've ever read.. clearly, I haven't been reading a lot lately ;)

...kidding!

First time here. And thanks for such a delightful post.

Martin said...

Brilliant!

I have to come up with some of these of my own for the swedish language. Unfortunately, I guess the only thing that really works is to imagine that everybody else are slightly retarded.

Rebekah said...

Wow, you have a ridiculous number of comments! I joined not very long ago when you had under a thousand followers. This is going to sound super creepy, but I'm kind of proud of you.

*twiddle thumbs through uncomfortable pause*

Anyway...I keep coming back to this post, and it keeps making me laugh. Thanks for that!

Chantelle said...

The above commenters are correct, the Alot TOTALLY would sound like Ludo from Labyrinth!!

The Cookie Lady said...

Just thought I would share that my friend in Oregon reposted this on Facebook - I (in NC) have been following you for a while. Apparently you're everywhere! :) Very famous.

Erudite Madman said...

Alot should be a word though... just as cannot is a word when you can type can not and can't for the same meaning.

In addition 'a lot' is a area of land, like I'm going to buy a lot and put sand on it so kids can play baseball (ie. a Sandlot). While alot is a copious amout for laymens, who find the brobdingnagian proportions of an amount to make thier liliputian cephalium to be proportionally like the size of leptons.

Meanwhile we have allot, which means to apportion out a certain amount, and is frequeantly also misused for the same purpose of saying a whole lot.

But that is the trouble, alot is essentially a conjunction... it is used to imply a whole lot, but dropping the word whole out of the phrasing as it is excessive, redudant, unneeded, and generally a waste of ink/keystrokes/time/whatever.

I can understand that alot might be frustrating to people who were forced by some rectally retentive educator to treat it as wrong, but the educator was wrong. Language is an ever developing and trasforming medium for communication, and we must adapt.

u n3d 2 chL man... cause crappy l33t is also primarily a modern version of shorthand and stenography to expediate communication.

Belive me, I find the rampant and excessive usage of it in forums, MU*s, and SL to be vulgar and increasingly offensive, but in general it is just a way to help weed out the older generations from the younger... it is the slang and ebonics of this generation.

The fact of the matter is, it is more about phonetic communication, since most people without dyslexia, and many with, can take typed/written text, and aotumaatcially correct it when reading as long as the words are reasonably spelled properly or even jumbled a bit based on context and a certain build in functions. In addtiion we tend to read/spell phonetically words that we have not experienced in the other medium. Most people have never read the words erudite and victuals, and will mispronounce them Ee-rue-dite instead of air-ee-uh-dite (not that many people have heard the word, but those that are Erudite should have heard it and/or read it), and Vick-chu-uls instead of the more common misspelling but proper pronunciation of Vittles/viddles (because most people have heard the word said loads of times, but never read it).

BTW (see shorthand, and it isn't that modern even) I love the Alot... he reminds me of Mr. Snuffleupugus from my youth (I'm showing my age now) since Snuffie was 'Imaginary' still when I was watching.

Just for kicks, I'll end this with one of the oldest slang/shorthand/textism/l33t speak abbreviations, originally used in a childrens book predating a majority of the people that can actually use the net, blog, chat, etc

TTFN

bagpuss1966 said...

I want an Alot - they look very cute!

Anonymous said...

This post needs to be added to the Internet Hall of Fame. It's the best commentary I've read, ever.

Idell said...

My grammar-loving daughter sent me this. I'm sure she is recalling her mother teaching a high school English class many years ago. The kids had just returned to class from a pep rally for the "B-A-D-G-E-R-S!" With a cheer/chant, they could spell this most difficult word. I took the opportunity to build on this. I became a cheer-leader and included a hip-bump for the "space": A-oomp-LOT! A-oomp-LOT! I'm sure that the cheer, combined with the visual of their English teacher leading this cheer-ful grammar lesson, produced a teaching moment to last a lifetime. Haven't told that story for a long time. Thanks for letting me know I still have a grammar community.

jah said...

My favourite thing about this post is the number of comments with obviously unintentional grammatical errors. You expected as much, I suppose.

Sammhael said...

...you're a demented genius. This may have saved my brain from the true horrors that Internet spelling has to offer. Bless you, alot. And YOU, Allie.

Sandi said...

Great post! Thanks ALOT!

MItch said...

i care about this alot.

seriously funny. like the kind of funny where you need to change your clothes after you are done laughing.
im sure there is a less creey way of saying that. oh well

Casey Becher said...

When I read "I like that alot," I picture a second, rejected alot that is not liked as much. That makes me sad. :( It's like they're saying "I like THAT alot, but that one over there can suck it!"

Nosgoroth said...

Frankly, I could care less. Really.

Sally C said...

Love how Nosgoroth could care less ...so much so that he/she took the time to post it! hahahaha

Anonymous said...

Since you're being so nitpicky, I wanted to point out that your mythical "alot" should not be capitalized.

HMCCBC said...

Best new blog I've read!!! Made my day:)

Anonymous said...

Haha, it's great, it already works while reading the comments. It helped me, alot. Now is there any way you could learn german and create a similar strategy for german grammar misuse?

Ollecram said...

Would you consider the Alot to be a Grammanimal? Or perhaps a Grammammal?

txuss martín said...

very funny even though prescriptivism is really not my thing...

Tahereh said...

LOOOOOOOOOL

u are my new favoritest person like ALOT ALOT.

and i sooo have more than two fingers!!

hee hee hee

<33333

Bonnie said...

I want this on a t-shirt! I think the "I care about this Alot" would be perfect :)

dan said...

500 comments, well done.

Kristi said...

I really think you could make some nice profits by selling various "Alot" T-shirts. I personally would like to have the "I like this Alot more." $20 seems like a reasonable fee. :)

Dana said...

Dear Allie,
I made you an alot of clay.

http://danaday.tumblr.com/post/526917685/i-made-an-alot-of-clay-click-here-for-the

Love,
Dana

Deb said...

Like others, I want a shirt with ALOT on it. :)

Did you ever wonder what an "eachother" looks like? Most of my students "stare at eachother alot".

Excellent blog.

Meghan said...

This is excellent.

Just thought you should know, your blog's popularity has spread all the way over to Canada's Maritime provinces! A friend and I read this together, and later saw on a facebook status that a mutual friend "did Alot today".

...Nooooo!!!! That turn of phrase will never be the same again. Poor Alot...

danielsleeps said...

wait i think alots are so cute!!!!

Erica said...

I just thought they didn't know how to spell southern Israeli cities.

sonicwind said...

Jesus fckn h Christ u got alot of comments on heir

Jeff Fike said...

I think it is very sad to see someone defending a language that defies all rationality in its rules and mannerisms to a point that the person is annoyed because someone fails to follow the irrationality. Get therapy.

KerryLee said...

"What did you do today?"

"Not Alot".

Poor poor sexually frustrated Alot.

cwtnyc said...

I agree! One suggestion, however: change "them" to "him" in your second sentence.

Jess said...

This is, by far, the funniest thing I have read all day. Thanks Alot!

Stevicus said...

7th grade, GATE class, every morning our teacher would start and end class with this statement," A lot is two words."
Never forgot it. Good for you.

Penny in Australia said...

I love this alot!!! Hilarious.

Keely said...

I'm not sure what it says about me that I now want one as a pet.

Are they house trained?

Even alittle?

Joey said...

I love this post...so much!

Ella Unread said...

Aw...I want one Alot!

Laura said...

Alot is a good one, but for me it's everyday and every day. I work in news and I can't tell you the number of times a reporter has written something like "he does that everyday". I can't take it anymore...

Kandyjill said...

EPIC WIN!

Her Idealisticness said...

I will never not be able to imagine an alot now. Dude.

Andy said...

I like the alot a lot!

Wolkec said...

Allie, you are offically famous now!

Adam said...

When someone says "Alot of straw", I imagine an Alot hailing from a place called straw, like "George of Trebizond" or something.

johnmc said...

Not just me then.

Join the Grammatical Pedants Society on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=381330521521&ref=ts

sara lee said...

LOL!!! and brilliant! thank you-

Grammar Gramma said...

With all due respect, if you "only have" 2 fingers, you can't use, touch, type with, or anything else them, you can "only have" them. If you'd like to type with them, you could "have only" 2 fingers, and then you could do whatever you want with them ;-) No offense intended - I just notice misplaced modifiers...alot.

Andy G said...

Please, please, please, let's see some ALOT t-shirts!

Anonymous said...

If nobody has mentioned it yet, check out the encyclopdia dramatica article for 'noone'

Sarah said...

Yay! Now, when I visit YouTube, I won't have chest pains. Thanks a lot...err...thanks, Alot(s).

Anonymous said...

Alot is in the dictionary though. Yes, I'm an English snob. :)
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/alot

Ava said...

For a literary reference to the Eagle typing with its talons, see Archie and Mehetable in which Archie is a cockroach typing a newspaper column while the real writer, Don Marquis is out of the office. Because Archie must go to the top of the typewriter and jump headfirst onto a key, he can't simultaneously also push the shift key.

Maraya said...

Thanks for joining the Word Police. I especially like to give guys trying to pick up chicks (i.e. craigslist or dating sites) a hard time by implying that they might do better if they were to proofread and use spellcheck. They don't appreciate my help much.

The one I hate the most is (lol) mostly because it's just not true. I can't imagine them sitting there at their screen thinking that what they just typed was so damn funny that they are guffawing themselves backwards out of their chair with delight. I would like to suggest (sic) as an alternative: silent inner chuckle.

Volker said...

This.

Benjamin said...

What about "I like to do that alot"

Amber said...

I love your blog!!

admin said...

You should totally make a t-shirt out of "I like this alot more"

Anonymous friend said...

I agree about "alot." Nobody writes "alittle."

On the other hand, if you're going to write a blog post criticizing grammatical errors made by others, you might want to be careful about things like using "they" as if it were a singular gender-neutral pronoun. It isn't.

Clint said...

I want a stuffed Alot.

India Drummond said...

Okay, this is just crazy funny.

I love your blog!

Julie said...

I think this is the first time I've commented on a blog. Thanks A LOT for this great piece.
Now could you please do something about people ending statements and questions with "at"? It would be a service to humanity.

Snow said...

Love this post SO much! My husband always used to write "Love you alot" on every single card he gave me before our wedding. Guess what - he read this post, and now refers to ME as his "ALOT" :)

Anonymous said...

An article about lousy grammar and in the last sentence you actually typed "you can be like"? LOL

Ann McElligott said...

When I corrected my college students' essays, they said papers returned from me bled [in red ink]. I corrected alot a lot!

Love your post. If I didn't live in a pet free home, I would get an alot. Maybe I can find a stuffed one, stuffed as in a soft cuddly toy alot.

I also changed to purple ink.

Carol B said...

I love your post! I had co-workers who used alot so much I was starting to question the education I received in a different school system. I really wondered what they were taught.

David and Stephanie said...

I feel obligated to inform you that I referenced this blog post on my blog (http://davidandstephanieprysock.blogspot.com). That's not a shameless plug for our humble and relatively private blog, I just thought you might appreciate the humor. If you were to make an illustration of said reference, that would make me and my wife quite happy.
Thanks for wasting my precious time with your hilarity.

Thiseye said...

I have a 20 page paper due, and I can't help but think that's alot of pages: http://tinyurl.com/yyll379 :)

Anonymous said...

I just read the whole thing from beginning to end (or end to beginning, depending on how you look at it. I consider this the end). Your blog, I mean.

It's been four days since you posted and the depravity is setting in.

Also, I so want a medal for finishing it. If you give me a medal, I'll so give you a medal for giving me a medal.

Jason said...

Eagles, typing with their talons, say "I used to hurry, alot. I used to worry, alot."

kwt said...

I had to read this three times because I enjoyed it so much. I often wish I had a red pen with me at all times so I could correct other people's grammar, but from now on I think I will love the Alot. :) I think a bigger peeve for me than "alot" though is that craptastic spelling of words like light and night. Damn the marketing "genius" who thought "lite" would be cool... whole generations of consumers now have mistakenly grown up thinking nite and lite are real spellings. I wonder if those people also have a nitelite in their bedrooms...

Susan said...

You have just saved me from countless hours of hair ripping every time I see "alot". My favorite of all time was when someone on twitter made a snotty comment about people misspelling words. It bugged her "alot". I pointed out that she misspelled "a lot". She said she was trying to keep the characters within the 140 limit. She only had 100.

Reesa said...

Hate me if you want, but I do agree with SDP. The internet is used for convenience. There is another way to do everything there is to do on the internet. So although I was taught well both in school and at home, I won't say I'll never use shortcuts when I communicate online. I'm not gonna type in U's and LOL's on an online job application, but I won't beat myself up for slacking off on my grammar when it really doesn't matter. Especially when I'm in a hurry or having to hold something in one hand. Who's grading, anyway? On the other hand: everyone has something that they just can't stand, no matter how unimportant it is, so I can't judge all these people who got all revved up over internet grammar. I hate hearing people mispronounce common words like "nucular" vs nuclear. So I say this: if anyone REALLY has that big of a problem with other people using wrong grammar on the INTERNET of all places, stay off the internet. Problem solved.

cocacolna said...

ah, you make me smile. Thanks!

Christina -; said...

Great post.

You should do a graph of the number of your followers since you started this blog. Every time I check there seem to be 199909 more. It would interest me alot.

Ladyexpat (Nancie) said...

I have nothing but admiration for a grammar policeman who can make fun of the grammar mistakes that we mortals make.

I like you Alot!! :):)

Nora Maschue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nora Maschue said...

Hey! I feel the need to preface this comment by saying that I have been creepin' on your blog for a while now, but just got around to getting an account and properly following it. I am not kidding, I've gone back and read almost every post. Your posts get really valuable when you are sitting in your dorm room at Idaho State and just cant manage to write your philosophy paper

Oh, and it's my birthday and my own father forgot so I'm hoping you wont.

Anyway, Alot is a pretty bomb guy, and this post just got shared on facebook to all of my grammar Nazi friends, so we can laugh at the fact that we have been missing this poor little creature in people's stories this whole time. How silly.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Artisan spring water. I'd like a glittermonkey on a jetski high-fiving the ghost of Richard Nixon. Make it snappy.

Oh, that's over? How come??

:-)

Mark W said...

wow.... I just discovered your blog by way of a Facebook friend. I don't read a lot of blogs regularly, but I have to say, I don't think I've ever wasted as much time in the course of a day reading a blog as I have reading yours.

So awesome! Love the Alot! Laughed 'til my face hurt! Emailed the link to friends and family! Some of them are still talking to me! Now I keep thinking of things in terms of lots of kind-of-creepy but colorful drawings ... but if I end up having weird dreams about my spouse killing unicorns, I'll be sure to just keep those to myself.

CodeMonkey said...

Stick around a while and "alot" will get put into the dictionary and become accepted usage. After all, it does get used alot... :)

Lisa said...

I live on a small farm. So I have Alot of manure, Alot of hay, Alot of broccoli and my personal favorite. . . Alot of chickens!

Coco H. said...

Invent me an animal I can imagine when I hear people pronounce 'height' like "heighth."

Wulf said...

I was unaware that "alot" wasn't a real word for an embarrassingly long time, perhaps due to my ignorance of the creature itself and how it is different from "a multitude". This has been very helpful. The alot can now be like the principal - my pal.

Alice said...

Today, the ad I got was 'Murder Baldness Forever?'. I din' think they're being very persuasive.

Kid Nova said...

Total lol. I love your Alot critter!

Chuck said...

Spaghatta Nadle riding the Alot...do it...do it...do it!

Jo said...

Thank you! I needed this so! I'm an English teacher. Thank you!!

Adopting strategy forthwith.

Sue Dahlgren said...

I'd like it a lot (oops-alot) better if it didn't have a split infinitive (to completely ignore) and/or use like when one should use as, etc.

But, you did make me giggle. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

So...did tubemonster (who has your Alot listed among the creations on your new Awesome button link) NOT SEE the copyright monster's promise of I WILL KILL YOU! at the bottom of this page? Or is tubemonster aka allie?

ASM826 said...

I like the Alot a lot.

Jay and Linz said...

I bet they are indigenous to India, specifically this town found here... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alot

Socks said...

I've been sharing this blog (and esp. this post) with my friends, most of whom are in my WoW guild with me.

Now we talk about alots in game and laugh; it confuses the hell out of everyone else, so that's just extra fun.

Also, I showed it to my mom, who says you're a wonderful blogger. :)

Thank you, alot! :D

Sarah Christine said...

Thank you. That's really all I can say. Thank you.

Jordan said...

I masturbate alot.

Anonymous said...

This was absolutely hilarious! I've been wondering though, what if you see someone use "Alot of this is ___," How would that Alot look?

I love your blog, Alot!

(Yours too, Allie.)

angelaugh said...

Is Alot related to Awhile?

morgan june said...

i am upset that you don't post as often as you used too:/

Honkadoodle said...

I love it! If you put the Alot on a t-shirt, I will buy it!!!

I 100% relate to you on this, too.. part of the reason why I enjoy your blog so much is that I can happily read your posts without having to mentally correct you're(pun) grammar/spelling. So rare to find these days..

Lee-Ann said...

LOL I just found your blog and let me say this was some super funny stuff! I think I love you alot, oops I mean a lot. ;P

Crashandburn151 said...

Can you post something about how to deal with words that should be adverbs? It drives me crazy when people misuse the English language that way! Just the other day, I was driving on the interstate, and there was a flasing sign that read, "Drive Safe". Seriously, how hard is it to add two letters to make it correct? Oh, and a billboard in my hometown reads, "Bank safe". Totally changes the meaning-- a "bank safe" is located in the bank. What they should've written was "Bank safeLY"! Sorry-- just my grammatical pet peeve!

Oh, and by the way, I love the "alot" a lot! :)

Gueibor said...

Damnit, you just introduced me to my favorite pet and showed me I can never have one, all at once! Thanks Alot!

Kat said...

Allie, I've been really inspired by you and so I made my own blog... you probably don't care since you have like a zillion comments and stuff and you're like super famous on the interwebz, but... thank you.

Anonymous said...

Jason 4/17 at 6:55 P.M.:

That's pretty damn good, but suggested edit...

Eagles with their talon(t)s say, "I used to hurry Alot, I used to worry Alot..."

allysie13 said...

The very day that you posted this, a friend of mine on FB wrote " I have alot to do." I really don't want to see that picture.

Anonymous said...

Shortly after this post, a friend of mine wrote on FB " I have Alot to do." Yikes. I don't want a picture.

Ardith said...

You have alot of comments on this post.

I've been spamming all my friends with this post. They love Alot. In fact, my roommate might even go as an Alot for Halloween. Be prepared.

Sean said...

After reading your blog, you remind me of a character called Delirium from Neil Gaiman's Sandman series. If you like floating multicolored goldfish, you might be her sister.

Teddy Started It said...

Thank you! And thanks Alot! And yes, I'd also like a little help coping with irregardless.

Andrew said...

This article contains Alot of split infinitives.

Russell said...

What a fantastic blog post. Thank you.

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

im guilty.........alot.

Anonymous said...

As someone who uses fairly good grammar but HATES compulsive correctors, im (ok, fine, I'M) glad to see that u (whoops- YOU) have managed to turn this urge into something that is not only tolerable, but absolutely HILARIOUS. Good for you!
P.S. I look forward to meeting your pet alot! (you interpret that one)

Anonymous said...

As someone who uses fairly good grammar but HATES compulsive correctors, im (ok, fine, I'M) glad to see that u (whoops- YOU) have managed to turn this urge into something that is not only tolerable, but absolutely HILARIOUS. Good for you!
P.S. I look forward to meeting your pet alot! (you interpret that one)

SACRISTAR said...

Much though I enjoyed reading this I must admit I've not only grown used to much of the internet lingo and even worse, have become complacent myself. Not withstanding, I do feel you need to keep in mind that the vast majority are not native speakers and when confronted with such common mistakes may come to believe that it is indeed the correct spelling.

Sarah said...

I shared this with my 8th grade students today. You now have 20 new fans. We'll see if it solves the alot problem once and for all.

Anonymous said...

I do that alot!

kloseknit said...

You are brilliant. Thanks for the laugh, my cube mates already think i'm nuts.
My pet peeve is "ideals" instead of "ideas" used here in the Mid-West. Just try to start explaining the difference between the two, and watch the teenagers eyes glaze over, and eyebrows knot. Uugh. I hate that Alot.

andrewlong said...

This is great, and much needed. Now I know about the Alot... but I'm still wondering who this Imma person is... She shows up in all my friends' posts on facebook but I have know idea who she is...

Caroline said...

Quite fresh; now could you please help us cope with the incorrect use of 'your'?

Anonymous said...

Technically, "alot" isn't a grammatical error, it's a spelling error. That is, spelling two words as one word. The thing is, no one spells "alittle" as one word, right?

vanessalisette said...

I feel so guilty. I just alot for lunch. PETA will be angry.

I'm new to the post. Has "myself" been covered?
Maybe Myself and Alot hang out a lot.

It drives me bonkers.

Thanks for making me feel sane.

Anonymous said...

If we're going to be critical of others' grammar, then shouldn't we point this out?

"If I come across a person who seems to completely ignore...I like to imagine that THEY actually ARE an eagle typing with THEIR talons."

Rather: "...I like to imagine that HE OR SHE actually IS...typing with HIS OR HER..."

Becky Lang said...

prescriptive linguistics are a joke. American English ONLINE changes the face of English.

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