Every time I write something new,  I feel like I need to make it better than whatever I wrote before it so that it never appears as though I am regressing.  Except I kind of feel like the last couple posts I wrote are pretty much the best I'm capable of - like maybe I peaked and everything else I'm ever going to do will be a disappointment.  (<-- I wroet that part sober. Now it's not so good.  Also the next part.)

So I decided that probably the best thing to do would be to get really, really, really drunk and then write about nothing until any expectations that anyone may have ever had of me are sufficiently loweered.  Then what happened was that I had some little bottles of rum that I got out of a piñata last summer and they were lying around and then I drank them.

Here's the illustrated version of what I just said:


And that's pretty much what's happening right now.  

(now real drunk starts) Anyway, I asked Twtter and they said I should do this live, so that's what I'm going to do.  I don't even know what I'm going to talk about.  Please still respect me after this, oksay?

UPDATE: So I decided to draw a graph to better represent the psycholgical predicament I'm.  This is it: 


Basically, a burrito is pretty awesome.  And then you get a fighter gjet and the burrito isn't so awesome anymore because burritos can't fly in the air and kill things from a great distance.  

So my reasoning goes that if I write a post when I'm really drunk, it will be like this: 


UPDATE: I meant to finish that off by saying that the burrito would then seem more awesome compared to whatever the worst thing ever was.  Maybe a rock.  Like a really, really shitty rock.  LIke a rock made out of styrofoam.  

UPDATE:  I jsut realized that I might be setting a  bad example for my younger readers.  Kids, this isn't a good idea.  I made this for you to prove it: 


I am ashamed of that horse.  If I wasn't drunk, I could draw a horse that was at least a thousand times better.  I'm preactically an expert at drawing horses, so I should know.  When I was a kid, I used to draw horses, like, every single day.  

UPDATE: I promise i'm actually really good at drawing hoerses.  I just drew this horse and I didn't even try:


It's a palomino and it's jumping!

UPDATE:  And this is the reason that posts like this have to happen: 


Does this person really think that saying that is going to make me go "Oh, okay.  Sorry about the delay in quality material.  I was just messing with you.  I'll get right back to making everything exactly up to your specifications." 

Sorry dude.  I can't live up to your expectations all of the time.  Sometimes I'm going drink six miniature bottles of rum and then draw horses.  That's just the way the world works.  

Anyway, guy, I drew you a picture: 


It's mostly scribbles with a few dots.  I felt like that you needed to have your expectations lowered.  I thought about adding some blue, but then I thought "fuck that guy.  He doesn't deserve blue. I'm not putting any in there." 

UPDATE: But then I made a drawing with a whole lot of blue for the rest of you.  Just for contrast. 


UPDTAE: So I'm sitll really conceredned about the example Im' setign. That was s lot of typos, but I think I'm going to leave it because it's honest.  I'll try to edit the next part to the best of my ability.  Which is not much ability. Anyway, I made another drawing to show why drinking is bad:


There's no possible way to interpert that positively.    

UPDATE:  WAit.  I found a way. 


But you still shouldn't drink.  Because even though the upside-down, colorless ranbow can turn into a smiley face, it still has five double chins.  So that's like, ten chins.  Watch out. 

UPDATE:  There's a weird point after you've been drinking for a wihle where things start to turn and get weird. After a few hours of drinking, you feel all great and giddy:


And then there's a turning point. 


And pretty soon you start contemplating your mortality and the mortality of everything  and there's a creeping feeling that you and everything you know and love is going to die.  

I think I've almsot reached that point.  I should probably either drink more, go to bed or eat something really awesome.  

UPDATE: Guess what?  

I MADE MORE BLUE FOR YOU!!! 


And I ate a pita shell.  I feel better.  

UPDATE:  It is now morning and I feel like maybe I accomplished the opposite of what I was trying to accomplish because now I feel even more pressure to perform to make up for this monstrosity.  Anyway, I won't delete this rambling testament to my psychological shortcomings, but I think I'm going to move it down the page a little.  Maybe a few posts back, so it's just buried enough to give me a little peace of mind.  

604 comments:

1 – 200 of 604   Newer›   Newest»
zain said...

DO IT LIVE, like Bill O'Reilly!

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna be the first one to comment here!

Anonymous said...

oksay :)

Anonymous said...

awesome

freckles said...

I BELIEVE IN YOU, ALLIE!

AmandaCanzo said...

of course we'll still respect you!
:)

prometheusrising said...

Respect... probably not. Laughter? Here's hoping!

louboutin said...

That sounds like the most delicious pinata EVER!

Elie said...

Ohmygod that would be so funny live!

Paripatetic Nomad said...

Live drunk blogging is Always a good idea, and your readers will probably respect you MORE, not less. Or at least find you no less hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Is posting the whole thing twice part of the "real drunk" aspect?
You rule!

Anonymous said...

YAAAAAY, Allieeeee!!! Are we gonna get a spaghatta nadle strip?!

mandy! said...

i wanna get drunk and post comments as you go. operation beginning now? fuck.

The Boob Nazi said...

hahaha I like it.

Pollariis said...

Yes. Yes 100 times yes

evilsciencechick said...

You could draw a picture of a gorilla picking its nose, and it would be hilarious. DO NO FREAK OUT! BUT PLEASE CONTINUE DRUNK POSTING!

Amanda Absolutely said...

LOL. It was such a good post you published it twice! LOL

Mary Elizabeth said...

YES! I have been waiting impatiently ever since you mentioned it on twitter...

map said...

if anything i respect you twice as much now

I am The Karen said...

YAY GREAT IDEAS!!! :D

Katherine said...

I wanna see a drawing of you hitting that pinata!!

sarawr said...

You should talk about the first time you ever got drunk. Because drunkenness + nostalgia + memories of drunkenness + illustrations = win. Or it equals hangover. One of those.

Tracy Lynn said...

I kind of wish I still drank, just so I could drunk post, except I'm pretty sure if I got drunk I would be too busy getting arrested to blog.
There IS a reason why I don't drink, you see.

zethä said...

i used to think of you as some kind of cutie alien, now i like you more; i have common things with you.
you still are great drunk.
you are so oksay

Anonymous said...

BUT THE CAKE POST WAS SUPER AMAZING AWESOME JOY

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure I'll always love your posts!

Deborah said...

Yay!Allie gets the drinkie on!! Draw a picture of me, please. Thank you, because I love you, in a non-creepy way.

Anonymous said...

You're always funny Allie. Even when Boyfriend doesn't think so. This is no different. :D

Carol said...

I'M SO EXCITED!!! I feel like you drunk is hilarious, based on the video you posted of you going down the slide and laughing incessantly for 2 minutes. Not that you not drunk isn't hilarious (because I feel confident that you're the funniest woman on the internet--maybe even in real life).

Nena said...

This is awesome haha. I totally feel like your drawing right now too haha. Though just remember that tomorrow, is the hangover.

Anonymous said...

Talk about one of the following: unicorns, root beer, gummi bears, spray deodorant, flowers, the weird stuff they give you when you buy flowers so they don't die, floor-length mirrors, or what happens when you microwave CDs. :)

Nice Girls Don't Swear said...

Wait. There was rum in the piñata? Awesome.

Anonymous said...

OH I MISUNDERSTOOD.

ALL YOUR POSTS ARE AMAZING AND FUCK IT, THEY ALWAYS WILL BE!

RitaTherPita said...

Woohoo! This is great!

filleosophy said...

The last time I drank rum, I decided to drunk dial my godmother.

She's 85 and only remembers who I am when I start reminding her of things we did together. Except they are things we didn't do together because these "memories" were part of a memory exam that she failed. She never remembers who I am.

So the last time I drank rum, I decided that out of all the people to call, I should basically call a senile stranger.

I'm just saying -- this is what happens when you drink mass quantities of rum. Proceed with caution.

Laura said...

That is the best warning above the comment form. It's old to everyone else but omg I was startled.

IDK WHAT YOU SHOULD POST ABOUT. I'VE HAD WINE. Talk about how everyone who is drunk valiantly tries to convince everyone around them that they are sober maybe.

Sandy said...

Why does no one ever invite me to parties where there are pinata's filled with alcohol?! I must know the wrong type of people.

mobro said...

LAWL no more respect. But that's okay, I never really had respect for you in the first place. You know why? Because respect is overrated, and respect leads to expectations, and therefore if I have no respect, then I have no expectations. THEN, everything you do blows me away everytime. Go you Allie. That is all.

Lillian said...

I approve of this idea, let the posting commence! I hope there will be Martians and/or avocados involved.

LindseyAnn said...

Bottles of rum?


O_O

BEST. PINATA. EVER!

Polyvorina said...

Rum from a pinata (!?!?!!... that has to be a post of its' own!) + ANYTHING = a great idea!

Chris N. said...

I'll still believe in you Allie! While you figure out a way to do this live though, I'm gonna try to finish back-reading your posts. I still have a couple months to go through.

Corbin said...

I tried drunk blogging one time, but it didn't work out as well for me. I just got really depressed. But, I came here to say that no matter how good your writing becomes, you'll always keep improving, especially with someone with as interesting of stories as yours.

Vince said...

I am also drunk, and to me, this seems like a good idea. Take that as you will.

Mary Elizabeth said...

Also, I feel like pinatas should have tequila, not rum. What type of party was that, anyway?

The real Joe said...

Yay tequilla. That would be a way better Pinata!

Keven C said...

Just keep doing what you do, Allie. It's priceless!!

nuclearheadache said...

Well, umm, there's no where to go but up from here:)

Christopher said...

ha, i thought it was still pretty funny

Dianna Marie said...

DO ITTTT!!!

The real Joe said...

I totaly follow you on the burrito thing. I like Burritos too.

Dedoubt said...

I don't drink anymore, but I was always really smart and funny when I did, and my blog posts back then were the BEST EVER. So now I kind of wish I was drinking and having fun along with you, but you're having fun with all the other millions of people that love you and do drink, so you prolly got like at least a million people to drink rum and write stuff tonight. Maybe even draw things. I'm still pretty smart and funny when I take Ambien and write, so maybe I should go take some and come back. Or fall asleep. Sometimes that happens, too. Thank you for existing and bringing your existence to us.

Kenny said...

I mean, don't embarrass yourself drunk-blogging.




Also, Central Oregon is where it's at. Just throwing that out there.

Abbie said...

This just made my day. Perhaps my life. We'll see how the next 70 or so years go.

areyoukiddingme said...

I thought only drunk people in Chicago ate burritos. Are you in Chicago?

Also, where does one find a pinata filled with alcohol? I think that should be a permanent accessory in my life!

Kiersten said...

I completely understand wanting to top what you have - and also agree that your last post may have been the best thing ever put on the internet! however, I'd like to assure you that I'm excited every time I see that you've posted something new - no worries about quality =)

Anonymous said...

I'm so sad that I'm sober and yet totally understand the burrito graph.

Edwina said...

This is already the most hilarious thing I've ever read.

susan said...

Eeeee love the drunken post. Your drawrings are fabulous. Keep drinking;o)

Corbin said...

Dedoubt,

I have to say, I'm not much of a blogger, but when I take my Ambien CR and start editing photos, they turn out a lot better than they do when I'm sober.

Heidi said...

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!

The real Joe said...

Don't worry, I don't drink. However, my friends swear up and down I have a THC producing gland in my body somewhere!

Mary Elizabeth said...

I'm too sober for this shit. But fighter jets are pretty awesome.

ActuallyJessalyn said...

Don't worry. We'll love you no matter what you write. =D And about the respect...
;D

Rillion said...

What's the worst thing?

Polyvorina said...

I prefer to think your last graph should be "burrito... fighter jet... burrito... worst thing ever... then fighter jet again," not burrito. You'll be a fighter jet again, Allie, I believe in you (but at the same time, I don't believe in you because people can't be fighter jets... or burritos...) and now I'm hungry.

Leah said...

Now I want a burrito.

Asha said...

Burritos are delicious.
Maybe you if you try flying in your jet while eating a burrito you'll feel better.

Anna said...

I wish I had the foggiest idea what you're doing, or that I could stay up to see it, but I will have to figure it out tomorrow. I willfully maintain a middle road on web/social/anything where I learn way more than I should about anyone else's life.

Even slightly less than totally awesome posts will be utterly hilarious to us poor souls starving for comedy.

I tend to stay way from rum. My first rum memory involved passing out as I left the bathroom just as I was unlocking the door. And given the location of the bruise on my forehead the next morning, apparently I caught the doorknob with my face on the way down

Heather said...

I feel like to truly respect your work, I should get drunk and then read this. Be back in a few minutes.

Miss Nikki said...

So... you're blogging drunk now? That's perfect because us bloggers always do it drunk. (did that come out right?) Well, at least we're on the same burrito wave length just keep those flames away from my laptop. Although I may want the new Macbook Air, right now I can't afford the new Macbook Air...

JelliDonut said...

I would drink and blog but I'm too anal about spelling. YOU ARE FREAKIN' AWESOME!

And what ZAIN said, except O'Reilly is a shitbag and you're not.

Deborah said...

If you use the plastic knives to make burrito into plane, don't pour rum on and light it, just because it seems like fire should be in there. Because that is a waste of rum.

susan said...

Ok I totally don't understand the burrito/fighter jet graph but your illustrations are so damn cute, it doesn't matter!!

Jes said...

I specifically love all the drunk typos =P

Dancer said...

I like it when you post more often. I miss you when it's so long between posts. So while you work on those amazing super posts you can just post some everyday stuff in between. It doesn't all have to be your best work you know. We just like to hear from you sort of regularly.

Katy said...

You drew that drunk? Mad props.

Paris said...

Whoa! This post really sucked - ANYTHING you write later will seem like fighter-jet-level-awesomeness compared to this whackadoodle. You didn't even paint-bucket inside the Os and As

My expectations are significantly lowered.

Corbin said...

Like, the kind of rock one stubs their toe on?

Lillian said...

I can relate so far, since I once bought a burrito from a perfectly respectable and tasty Mexican fast food place and almost broke a tooth BECAUSE THERE WAS A DAMN ROCK INSIDE IT.

I am sure your burritos will be much better and the fighter jet will scare the rocks away (possibly while being piloted by a dinosaur)

Pamela said...

Rum hates me.
Bourbon does not hate me.
Pills don't hate me either.
So I stick with those.
And for the record, I was totally sober when I read the cake post and still wet my pants.

Mary Elizabeth said...

Man... ANYTHING made out of styrofoam is probably the worst thing ever. It's so bad for the world!

The real Joe said...

I like the Horse. Especially the rainbows coming out from behind it :D

BB said...

FU-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAACK !!!
I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.
I missed you kid :)

Andrea said...

Where was this party with a pinata filled with alcohol! And why was I not there?? You are still awesome!!

KurtMac said...

That last update was unnecessary! I think that simply writing "The worst thing" is much worse than a really, really shitty rock made out of styrofoam, therefore re-establishing "The worst thing" as the worst thing.

Catherine said...

Wow....that was....unfocused. lol.

A bit confusing

But it's okay because you have burritos in this post. And burritos are tasty!

Mary Elizabeth said...

When you drink, you make the sun cry!

(That's why we do it at night, when the sun's not looking)

rebecca said...

Once again stifling myself with a pillow to keep from waking my sleeping roommate with my laughter! Gah. You rule.

Amanda said...

My horses look like that...

Jennie said...

I totally get feeling as if you cannot possibly top a post like "The God of Cake" because it was possibly the funniest thing I've ever read. I've read it 10 times and still laugh to the point of tears. It's effing genius.

But dude, nothing is worse than a rock made of shit and I should know because I was playing hopscotch with my daughter and the rock I chose to mark my place? Calcified dog shit. This post is WAY better than calcified dog shit. And now I want to wash my hands. And then eat a burrito. Thanks a bunch, God of Cake. Thanks a bunch.

Devin said...

If you were to learn how to u-stream, life would be amazing. Voice, PLUS random drawings and answering of comments and questions right away. My life would be heaven.

Dorothy said...

I think my girl crush just got bigger.

Burritos ARE awesome. Fighter jets kill people. I think burritos can, too, though, if the person has allergies to something in the burrito and it sends them into anaphylactic shock and they don't have an epi pen.

Burritos aren't *designed* to kill people, though.

I have no idea where I'm going with this.

Your horse is perfect. Yay for horses!

Tawna Fenske said...

You know, it's very possible this is the funniest thing I've ever read in my life. I'm not certain though, because I'm drunk, too.

Twnw

wait, I mean Tanwa

no, I mean Tawna

Aw, fuck it.

Anonymous said...

It's a better horse than I could draw.

Anonymous said...

you're super!

Susan said...

I LOVE the horse! But, why is the sun sad?

Anonymous said...

Holy crap. I know you get, like, a million comments on every post from people who say they love you. But...I love you so fucking much. And you're such a winner, it's ridiculous. And this post is amazing, and made me laugh so hard that...nothing happened, I just laughed. I love you.

Timothy Madden said...

I was in church choir when I got your Twitter update. Turns out the old folks get upset when you get all giggly during a song about the crucifixion. My bad.

Anonymous said...

This is stupid. Back to regularly scheduled content please.

Giselle said...

I have never seen a piñata that had little bottles of rum inside. Now I am extremely jealous.

The real Joe said...

I like the first horse better. I have no idea why, I think the lack of colour is what did it for me :(

nanethlin said...

PLEASE DRAW RUM COMING OUT OF A PINATA

OR A PALOMINO

I AM NOT PICKY

DramaticGirl said...

The palamino jumping horse is amazing! and drunk blogs are fun. I just started a blog..
adventuresofadramaticgirl.blogspot.com
Please love me. You are hilarious. And beautiful. And without you..I would never have known how to put on my coat. xoxo

Serenity said...

I know this is totally going to be buried under a mass of other comments and you'll probably never read it but Allie you are awesome because you are you.

You don't have to try and out-blog yourself, just write what comes to you and I guaranteeing your fans will love it.

Trying to out do yourself is just a waste of time and energy. Just be yourself, we'll always love you ^^

Laura said...

lol. :D.
That's awesome.

Emily! said...

YES! I hope a video as epic as your response to kyle comes as a result of this. Also, if i was a child and i saw your first drawing of a horse, i'm pretty sure your warning would have the reverse effect. i love the way you draw hah.

christie! said...

Ahhh! I love this idea. Who knows, it might even turn out to be a fighter jet of a post.

Lydia said...

This is the best thing ever. Keep posting, keep drinking. Also, you should sort through your friend requests on facebook because, well, I want to be your friend and facebook just told me I can't because you have too many requests.

Also also also, DRAW A UNICORN DRINKING RUM! Now THAT would be the best horse ever. For shizzle.

Anonymous said...

YOU are like the greatest burrito ever! Also a jet plane.

Love this adventure you're on, thank you for sharing it with us!

Peter said...

Stream-of-consciousness Allie is JUST as entertaining as brilliant-storytelling-Allie. You shouldn't worry about "peaking" or any such silliness.

You write, we are entertained, the cycle repeats, and every now and again there is rum. (And pretty horses)

StephanieC said...

Allie, even drunk you kick most of our blogging asses.

And I am real world jealous that you, and I quote, "didn't even try" for your jumping Palomino. I mean... fuck. Have you SEEN my horrendous drawings?

Actually, you have probably never ever seen my blog 'cause you are awesome and I am not. And every time I read your new posts that is cemented even more firmly in my head.

Anywho.... Can my burrito be gluten free and vegan? (Okay, maybe a little cheese).

And yes, a styrofoam rock would totally suck. Maybe even as much as I do. Maybe not. It's up to Bruce to decide.

Brett said...

Doesn't the jumping palomino just prove that you were lying in your warning? Because apparently getting drunk makes it so you can draw a jumping palomino with one skeletal front leg and it's forelock blowing in the wind.

Anonymous said...

Expectations sufficiently lowered. Looking forward to your next attempt.

Rod said...

Palomino is a bit horrifying, actually, but no less awesome. Just in time for Halloween.

Jeff said...

brilliant. MOAR.

Keven C said...

No blue for you!

Wallflower Confessions said...

You're awesome. Always.

The real Joe said...

*clap* I agree with you. If (s)he doesn't like the post, they can stop reading it, and not make a demeaning comment on it.

Jared said...

This is so much win lol (like all your posts)
I'm pretty sure you're the greatest person in the universe Allie.

Sure.. I haven't met everyone in the universe, but i stand by my statement.

Polyvorina said...

Wow. It never occured to me that they were miniature bottles. I've been thinking about the logistics of 6 large rum bottles in a pinata and it was breaking my brain. Maybe *I* need 6 miniature rum bottles...

rebecca said...

Ignore Anonymous! You rock!

Anonymous said...

IMMA DRINKING WITH YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!
I have chocolate wine. It's wine, but chocolatey and cheap.

Meyertron said...

You're totally making my night! While I don't want you to unnecessarily kill your funny brain cells I appreciate your drunk tactics to 'lower the bar'. Personally I love your humor at any level.

Christine said...

I love this. You think it's bad. You are wrong. This is just as amazing as sober you. Drunk you should show up more often. I wish drunk me was this interesting. Drunk me usually just laughs a lot at nothing. Drunk you would makes me laugh soberly. A+ work.

Sock Gnome said...

That scribble drawing make is making me trip like I'm on acid.

Scribble more.

Anonymous said...

At least you didn't apologize AGAIN for taking so long to write a post. You should just start posting like every other month so I don't check your site all the time for new content.

Michael said...

I love scribbles and dots!

MissGenevaS said...

what happened to all your bear drawings?
DID YOU ABANDON THEM!?!?

Sam said...

Oh Allie, if only i could send you my full stock of miniature alcohol bottles. But there we'd never see the color blue again because of douche bags and twat waffles like Anonymous.

Rain said...

Can I haz Hug?

Heather Lynne said...

I love this. Keep doing it all night?

I like burritos, okay?

Piwi said...

I hate you Allie. You're drunk and I'm at work. I want drunkness in my system. I NEED IT. Oh, so pretty.

I want a horse. And a donut. And an umbrella.

I don't think your warning works. I love that horse. If that's what happens when you get drunk, I'm definitively getting drunk ASAP.

Burritos look like they're plotting something. Like they're not quite right after a while. They look tasty and pretty at first, but if you stare at them for too long, you can totally see how they're part of a conspiration.

My supervisor is staring. I'm supposed to be answering questions about NBA games' 2nd halfs. Portland/LA and Houston/Golden State. Burritos are so much more important. But she keeps on staring. So I'm going to duck and pretend I'm doing my job.

I would love if you actually read this. That would be as awesome as a Summer Berries and Cream ice cream from Haagen Dazs.

PS: Games are over. I'm going home now. I'm happy again. My world is a cotton candy cloud of sweetness

Anonymous said...

OMG, yes, this post needs a bear! Riding on a horse! Eating a burrito! YES! YES!!

JJC said...

NO BLUE FOR THE DICK WAD!!!!!

Also as I see it - your best stuff makes me laugh at about an 8-10 somewhere in that range- hard to say exactly... but ... even the stuff you say is not your best makes me laugh at about a 5-8 (wider range there, but no offense meant) - so let's say you do one BEST quality post every month, but you could do let's say three (and this is low balling) 5 level quality posts a month if you weren't waiting. ... well ... I think you know what i"m saying - in the One post/month world at best I'm at a 10 just once a month - but in the 3 posts/ month world 3 x 5 = 15 and 15 is more than 10 so that's better.

So really- in the end you're hurting your readers by not posting more---even if they're what you deem "not the best" --

What I'm saying is- Feel free to post more.

christie! said...

I disagree with Anonymous man, this is funny. I just laughed aloud and my friends gave me a weird look.

Anonymous said...

He certainly doesn't deserve blue, it is way better colour than he is.

closing in said...

you excellently exhibit the pains of performance in art and expectations along with 'productivity'.... we have similar boats. i suppose i am fortunate not to have the masses waiting on seat's edge for the next brush stroke. the disappointment, irritation and disillusion is tremendous burden, which you bear perfectly here. well done

Masha Bee said...

I think it's pretty impossible for you to disappoint me. You always choose the right proportion of mythical creatures and awkwardness.

I'm a little bit concerned about the horse, what with its slightly-creepy ghost leg, but that's the only negative emotion you'll find here.

Anonymous said...

This is awesome! Don't listen to the haters! Save blue for not haters!

Christi R. said...

Don't worry about letting people down. Honestly, if a girl can get drunk and doodle in MS paint and make people THIS excited/happy, I think you've got something really special here. I have a feeling people really like you for who you are, and if making retardo blogs is it, THEN GO FOR IT, GIRL. :D (I mean that as a compliment, really I do.)

I think the only way for you to ruin your following is if you get all preachy or start over-advertising or something. Just keep it real and you are golden.

Rav said...

You're kind of badass, miss.

Jibberblog said...

how did the tiny bottles in the pinata not break when you busted it open with a stick and they fell on the floor? You're funny, drunk or not.

Mark said...

The only thing I don't like about this post is that my girlfriend went to bed too early to share it with me.

She will be sad she missed experiencing this live when she wakes. It breaks my heart to think of it.

Jillers said...

That looks like a delicious bowl or multi-colored pasta... with vodka sauce...only I don't know if spaghetti comes in colors other than enriched-wheat yellow and whole-wheat brown. Maybe in fancy stores I can't afford to shop at.

mandy! said...

"Fuck that guy"

YES

YES

YESSSS >:O

StephanieC said...

Allie - I think the negative scaredy-Anonymous posters just do it because they realize it gives them a chance that you might actually CENTRE THEM OUT and give them attention.

I know you don't respond generally to your comments, 'cause there are so many of them, but hell I am tempted to do it just so I could be called out by you (but not really, because I wouldn't want your feelings hurt).

FUCK 'EM!

They are just trying to bug you, don't let it work.

Your drunk horses are wayyy better than any "anonymous" stuff out there. And they commented within less than an hour of your post. They are stalking and loving you like the rest of us.

Negative Anonymouses be damned!!

GeeMonster said...

I like this Alot!

Amy said...

Actually, Allie, this is rather brilliant. I wish you would draw me a picture. I deserve blue.

quasisonic said...

Allie you make my day everytime you post. you are freaking awesome! and this post is killing me with funny, i have been obsessively refresing the page.

And you draw excellent horses. :D

Anonymous said...

I love you. In a def non-creepy way. This is the most amazing expectations lowering ever. In a non-higher-expectations way.
Also? I like burritos. Fighter jets just make them more delicious.

Mini brain said...

This is funny :D

Anonymous said...

You are a hero. I wish I had more warning so I could've been drunk reading it.

megan said...

I love this infinitymillion.

Infiniti512 said...

Yeah he doesnt deserve blue! Drunk Allie rules! Draw a panda next....

RitaTherPita said...

AHAHAHAHA. That last picture is great. It's like a painted middle finger for the guy.

NO BLUE FOR YOU SUCKERRRRR!

Jen said...

You win in the Drunk Blogging category. I'm jealous. I'm not nearly that funny when *I* drunk blog.

Oh, and my horses are that sad when sober. Maybe I should draw when drunk.

Anonymous said...

screw the troll who said this is stupid. DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.

Kaye said...

Do not listen to the haters! When I saw this post first go up I immediately told the people I was talking with, "Can we talk about how much I love Allie Brosh?"

Drunk posts are fun posts! :D

Erinna said...

I think you are neato keen. Like batman keen. You have been slotted into my mental category of 'internet people what do things that are awesome and actually are good at them'

That guy didn't deserve blue. He barely deserves that funky shade of green.

Mat said...

How come the only reader that gets your attention is Mr. Douchebag? :(

All Things BD said...

I think... I almost see... is that Spaghetti Nadle in there giving Anonymous the finger??? Even Spaghetti Nadle thinks Anonymous is an asshal.

Valerie Vincent said...

i liked the 1st horse.

Fat Tony said...

But what if this turns out to be your absolute peak, your most hilarious material? Every post from now on would have to be made drunk, but then they'd stop being as funny as you exhaust ideas, so then you'd move on to drugs, getting further and further into a drug-filled frenzy until the only posts you're even able to make are formed by you smacking your shoes against the keyboard as the imaginary unicorns chew on your ears.

Just, y'know. Just wondering.

-FT

malakii said...

sometimes, a couple wee bottles of rum and lumpy horses is exactly whats needed.

She Cries And Sings said...

Rock on! Even though I don't think your blogs could be disappointing if you tried.

Actually, maybe you should consider writing a "disappointing" blog, it would probably be hilarious!

Kate said...

I've enjoyed pretty much every post of yours I've read, but frankly, if you've peaked I'm pretty much ok with that bc if you write anything funnier than the party story I may pee myself laughing. The only safe alternative for me would be to avoid reading your blog at work...which would require me to actually work, so that's no good. On the other hand, if I pee myself at work, a custodian will clean it up for me. So. I guess it's all good. But no pressure while I take some time to do some kegels...just in case.

SAW1987 said...

Allie, you are totally my hero as a writer and person who likes entertaining friends. I don't mean that just because of this post, although I see that I now have a drunken mentor, too. You are awesome, no matter what you think. Double Rainbow all the way across the sky.

Bonnie said...

Hey, this post had everything I could ask for: drunkenness, horses and Weltschmerz. Sidenote: I don't speak German, but Weltschmerz is one of those words like Schadenfreude that is one word in German, but 17 in English, and it has to do with the lowering of expectations-- you should look it up! It will make you feel better... if only because there is a dedicated, funny-sounding word in German just to describe the need to lower one's expectations. Glad to have you back!!

Elizabeth London said...

That picture you drew for the anonymous dude seems like it has a Halloween color scheme. Is that guy really good enough for a Halloween theme?

Also, "anonymous" is a weirdly formed word. Just saying.

Laura said...

"Sometimes I'm going drink six miniature bottles of rum and then draw horses. That's just the way the world works."

My best friend would totally say this. Hahahahaha, that was hilarious. I love it.

Dana said...

I love you. Probably in a super creepy way. Mostly because this did not lower my expectations at all, because even after drinking multiple mini-rums your drunk blog about nothing was funny enough to make me laugh, while sick with the flu and after having a fight with Boyfriend (mine not yours cause that would be super weird)

Also that guy definitely didn't deserve blue.

courtney.janelle.sews said...

I love you, so, so much.

Skippy said...

You don't have to please all of the readers. Hehe, I love burritos, and I'll also often suffer through a fish taco, or an episode of 2 1/2 men, to get back to the delicious burrito or interesting show that comes afterward. =)

BTW, I'm drinking too; I spend my days trying to entertain (teach) 10th graders. Unfortunately, they often have to settle for fish tacos. (smelly).

Carolyn said...

I enjoy your posts of grandeur just as much as I love this kind. :)

Zia Madeira said...

This kind of logical thinking is the only way to keep people's entitlement issues in check. I do this in every aspect of life without the rum... but I am rethinking my technique! :)

Good for you, dear!

Anonymous said...

Ewwww... I want to comment as Anonymous, but I don't want you to think I'm the same Anonymous who said this post is stupid... Either way, loving your drunk posts! And the other Anonymous is stupid for thinking this post is stupid.

Anonymous said...

One of the things I love about your writing is you aren't afraid to openly talk about your fears and issues in life. I love that you can put it in a comedic way but as long as you are being true to Allie then forget all the ingrates who are being negative. Their opinions don't really matter at the end of the day. Yes it's nice to be super successful but you want to be happy also. :)

Awesome Jennie said...

Thank you SO much for posting today. And also, thank you for posting THIS specific post today.

I had the crappiest day ever, and am in a very "fuck other people's expectations" kind of mood, so this was perfect.

In reality, this is a total coincidence, and every other commenter is always like "omg I was in such a shitty mood and then you posted and now the world is full of magical butterflies yaaaay" so this comment is nothing special.

However, I've decided to be delusional and believe that this post happened specifically to cheer me up.

You can't convince me otherwise. :P

catherlee said...

Allie, you could draw a polar bear in a snowstorm... and we would try and outbid each other in an auction (ooh! fund raising idea! so Allie can buy "fancy" tampons!)

Tell us you farted three weeks AFTER a blog post, and we will thank you! YAY!!! I don't have to wait a month! thankyouthankyouthankyou!

That last bit sounds snide, but I am sincere! Like a puppy!

anywho... I agree with "JJC". Even the stuff you think would disapoint us... (I like elipses too)... MAKE OUR DAY!!! I do a happy dance!

Guernica322 said...

But see, Allie, the thing about your blog is that you can be completely wasted and you'll still make really hilarious posts. When I'm drunk the best I can manage is to hobble around giggling at everything and being terrible at beer pong and then sitting under the table for no discernible reason. And I'll bet if I tried to draw a horse right now, completely sober, it would look like the "mostly scribbles with a few dots" picture...maybe with some legs. Definitely with legs. I may be artistically retarded, but at least I know basic anatomy...maybe. The horse wouldn't have a head. just legs. Fuck heads.

Long story short, you're awesome. Keep doing your thing, even if that thing is just scribbles and a few dots. Though maybe add blue next time. Otherwise the terrorists win.

The_P said...

This is an awesome idea and the media studies nerd in me has a tremendous hard-on right now.

(that was really creepy, now I feel all weird)

Kate said...

It's not possible to be hilarious 100% of the time. My love for hyperbole is damn near close. I drew this handturkey with Allie-feather to show my appreciation.
http://touch.facebook.com/#http://touch.facebook.com/photos.php?aid=2443145&id=1803947
I was also drunk.

caterpillar said...

lol...lol....lol.....you are really good at making others laugh, drunk or not....i likey likey this post.... :D

Katherine said...

Allie, you're very silly. And that disappoints me because I depend on you to be super serious at all times. Foooor shaaaaame. Also I expect more from my free entertainment.

The_P said...

(also, yay drinking!)

Jessie said...

Best post ever. Which kind of defeats the purpose, but oh well. Winnar iz you!

Cait said...

This just... makes me...so happy...

Najaraja said...

Yeah, screw that anonymous guy (not you, sir. The other one). Your posts are made of win, drunk or sober.

Gabs said...

Allie, take it from someone who knows: rum is ALWAYS a good idea.

Except maybe at work.

But other than that, always.

Anonymous said...

Wait, what's the arrow pointing to?

Anonymous said...

The best thing about this post is that its totally relevant to the state I'm in right this second. It made more sense being drunk than it probably would sober. ALSO! I ATE A BURRITO TODAY!!!! This post is super relevant to my life.
Thank you.
Bye.

Anonymous said...

OH Noes! This post is funny! Yer gonna have to try harder to lower our expectations.

Rebecca said...

That blue picture is pretty, imo.

Also, your drunk horses are far better than my sober horses. Sadface. :P

Toni said...

That anonymous guy is a tit. Allie you're always awesome. And thanks for the blue drawing =D

Karmadrome said...

My only complaint is that I made my sign to carry at the Colbert/Stewart rally yesterday. We get in the car tomorrow, so it's to late to turn the Burrito-Chart into the most. awesome. protest. sign. in. the. history. of. ever. yes. "ever." not. "evar." because. i. am. just. that. serious.

Duzell said...

FUCK YEAH! BLUE! I just hope it grinds his gears that we get precious blue and he gets nothing.

Quiara said...

Anonymous can suck it. I, personally, am enthralled by the blue picture and the drunken horse. If I drew a horse, it'd look like a developmentally delayed donkey crossed with some kind of very ugly dog.

Carrie said...

Don't worry about continuously exceeding our expectations Allie! I'm sure the majority (if not all) of your readers get our LOLs from you just being you. So carry on in any fashion you want.
ps That first horse was hilarious.
pps Yeah seriously, fuck that guy.

RebL @ Mom-a-Tron said...

Thanks for the blue.

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