Every time I write something new,  I feel like I need to make it better than whatever I wrote before it so that it never appears as though I am regressing.  Except I kind of feel like the last couple posts I wrote are pretty much the best I'm capable of - like maybe I peaked and everything else I'm ever going to do will be a disappointment.  (<-- I wroet that part sober. Now it's not so good.  Also the next part.)

So I decided that probably the best thing to do would be to get really, really, really drunk and then write about nothing until any expectations that anyone may have ever had of me are sufficiently loweered.  Then what happened was that I had some little bottles of rum that I got out of a piñata last summer and they were lying around and then I drank them.

Here's the illustrated version of what I just said:


And that's pretty much what's happening right now.  

(now real drunk starts) Anyway, I asked Twtter and they said I should do this live, so that's what I'm going to do.  I don't even know what I'm going to talk about.  Please still respect me after this, oksay?

UPDATE: So I decided to draw a graph to better represent the psycholgical predicament I'm.  This is it: 


Basically, a burrito is pretty awesome.  And then you get a fighter gjet and the burrito isn't so awesome anymore because burritos can't fly in the air and kill things from a great distance.  

So my reasoning goes that if I write a post when I'm really drunk, it will be like this: 


UPDATE: I meant to finish that off by saying that the burrito would then seem more awesome compared to whatever the worst thing ever was.  Maybe a rock.  Like a really, really shitty rock.  LIke a rock made out of styrofoam.  

UPDATE:  I jsut realized that I might be setting a  bad example for my younger readers.  Kids, this isn't a good idea.  I made this for you to prove it: 


I am ashamed of that horse.  If I wasn't drunk, I could draw a horse that was at least a thousand times better.  I'm preactically an expert at drawing horses, so I should know.  When I was a kid, I used to draw horses, like, every single day.  

UPDATE: I promise i'm actually really good at drawing hoerses.  I just drew this horse and I didn't even try:


It's a palomino and it's jumping!

UPDATE:  And this is the reason that posts like this have to happen: 


Does this person really think that saying that is going to make me go "Oh, okay.  Sorry about the delay in quality material.  I was just messing with you.  I'll get right back to making everything exactly up to your specifications." 

Sorry dude.  I can't live up to your expectations all of the time.  Sometimes I'm going drink six miniature bottles of rum and then draw horses.  That's just the way the world works.  

Anyway, guy, I drew you a picture: 


It's mostly scribbles with a few dots.  I felt like that you needed to have your expectations lowered.  I thought about adding some blue, but then I thought "fuck that guy.  He doesn't deserve blue. I'm not putting any in there." 

UPDATE: But then I made a drawing with a whole lot of blue for the rest of you.  Just for contrast. 


UPDTAE: So I'm sitll really conceredned about the example Im' setign. That was s lot of typos, but I think I'm going to leave it because it's honest.  I'll try to edit the next part to the best of my ability.  Which is not much ability. Anyway, I made another drawing to show why drinking is bad:


There's no possible way to interpert that positively.    

UPDATE:  WAit.  I found a way. 


But you still shouldn't drink.  Because even though the upside-down, colorless ranbow can turn into a smiley face, it still has five double chins.  So that's like, ten chins.  Watch out. 

UPDATE:  There's a weird point after you've been drinking for a wihle where things start to turn and get weird. After a few hours of drinking, you feel all great and giddy:


And then there's a turning point. 


And pretty soon you start contemplating your mortality and the mortality of everything  and there's a creeping feeling that you and everything you know and love is going to die.  

I think I've almsot reached that point.  I should probably either drink more, go to bed or eat something really awesome.  

UPDATE: Guess what?  

I MADE MORE BLUE FOR YOU!!! 


And I ate a pita shell.  I feel better.  

UPDATE:  It is now morning and I feel like maybe I accomplished the opposite of what I was trying to accomplish because now I feel even more pressure to perform to make up for this monstrosity.  Anyway, I won't delete this rambling testament to my psychological shortcomings, but I think I'm going to move it down the page a little.  Maybe a few posts back, so it's just buried enough to give me a little peace of mind.  

604 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 400 of 604   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

I'm a different Anonymous, by the way. But I just wanted to say that you could really post anything and people would still love it. If people have kept up with you or read the rest of the blog or your 'best of' or even just the last two really funny posts right before this....then they are probably so addicted to your blog that you could write 10 random drunk posts in a row and people would still keep coming back hoping for the real posts to come back. I hope that made sense. I think has something to do with operant conditioning and a variable ratio of reinforcement that I learned about in psych 101. Yeah. :D

Ben-M said...

This Live blog posting idea is very cool Allie - could it be that you're going to make your worst post ever your best post ever?

Anonymous said...

Ha Ha! I knew you would have to make a blue drawing. Love it and love your blog.

Anonymous said...

Tell everyone who's a hater that they're haters and that in the morning, you'll be sober but they'll still be haters.

AshleyBleu said...

Allie...sorry, but I was disappointed in this drunk blogging..your talent is worth waiting for. Your cake post and party posts were the best so far, but don't sell yourself short by blogging while drunk...

Jepha said...

omigawsh Allie!!! you're so freaking awesome! Getting tingles cos we're online at the same time.... woah!!!

lom said...

Oh god I do love your site, it always given me a laugh

Anonymous said...

Allie, I just wanted to say that you don't need to worry about pleasing anyone but yourself. All of your work is good, ALL OF IT, and our expectations of content are always met.

I understand the lack of personal confidence though, so just work through it however you need to, even if that means by making drunk posts to lower expectations.

Stay awesome.

Deborah said...

Thank you for the Blue!! Pretty!

lynner said...

You are just as funny drunk as you are sober. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

This is great. No more regularly scheduled content please.

Anonymous said...

Love the blue drawing!

Anonymous said...

I...I think I love you.

Jeremy! said...

Omg. I'm so sober, and I explained the burrito graph to my boyfriend. I totally get you. We should be buddies. Also, I want a burrito so bad right now.

Also also, thank you for the beautiful blue picture. We non-rude people love it. I hope the rude people are struck blind by its beauty.

I like this Alot. ;-D

Anonymous said...

BAP!

Betsy said...

Best. Idea. Ever. Next time use a Four Loko. I can only imagine the hilarity that would ensue after one of those! Also you're my hero. I don't feel like I'm alone in my ADD-ness. Also you help me procrastinate studying for my test tomorrow. Whoooo!!

procrastinationpartyofone said...

Post what you want to post when you want to post it. Like you're doing now. The awesomeness factor will take care of itself, as it always has before and always will in the future, because you kick ass and post awesome things.

Sorry that you've gotten so psyched out over this. *hugs* from a random internet denizen!

Claire Miller said...

don't do things while you are drunk
really, i care about you (yes, i am a super creeper.)
you will regret this
you are setting a bad example!!!
Small children look up to you!
your gonna be all "awww. I was stupid. I can't spell things right when I am drunk. I drew an ugly horse. and then I tried to make it better by drawing a slightly better horse. I need to draw a really amazing and possibly flying horse to make up for this. and it will be glittery. and taste like bacon. yeahhhh." (you will be hungover when these conclusions are made).
then you will spiral into sadness and depression.
so no more binge drinking. and if you do, don't tell us.

- Claire Miller lauavaffs(loves, but better. and friendlier)yaouuu!!!

ps. i am not with any strange annoying program like DARE o MADD or SADD or whatever. i just don't wanna read anymore depression posts.

pps. you do not need to lower our standards. we love you if you are just yourself. always try your best!
haha.in 7th grade my science tacher made everyone write "I will always try to do my best" in the beginning of our notebooks and sign it. She was absent from school about once a week. Do YOUR best Mrs. Galliano! stupid. and she made us all dissect owl pellets (basically, barf with fur and bones in it). I did not like her.

Matt said...

I like the horses. And the blue. I'm going to accept that as a personal gift. So thank you.

Guernica322 said...

Yay blue! That picture looks like what would happen if you put all of my college dorm stuff in a blender, drank it, and puked it back up. For some reason when I bought all of my stuff I decided that it was necessary to have literally everything be blue. I had a blue rug, blue pillows, blue sheets, blue comforter, blue blankets, blue slippers (two different pairs, mind you), a blue garbage can, hell, even a gian blue poster. I get that I wanted everything to match, but it was like wayyy overkill. It's just difficult going into target and not buying everything you see just because it matches something else you're buying and you kind of sort of actually don't really need it and probably won't use it. Oh, the beauty of target.

(I am so off topic with everything tonight. T_T)

drew said...

That's how dogs see rainbows! Those poor pups.

Anonymous said...

THAT RAINBOW IS BEAUTIFUL. The minimalist lines! The gorgeous black and white interpretation! GENIUS. Positivepositivepositive.

:)

I'm going to drink all the time!

Anonymous said...

I think this is a great post! If you do the same thing over and over again the amazing becomes mundane! If you throw in a ton of different exciting things then they all contract each other and it's all awesome! Keep up the awesome exciting work!!!

The real Joe said...

omg Fat upside down colourless rainbow smiley face with 10 chins is complete win in its rawest!!

Anonymous said...

I'm a different Anonymous than any of the previous Anonymouses.

This reminds me of the much older posts on this blog.

In a good way.

All my sentences are separated out for you.

I'ma go now.

Anonymous said...

idk man, it's like you tried to make a rock out of styrofoam but instead you accidentally made an ULTRA FIGHTER JET WITH LASER ACTION THAT GOES TO HYPERSPEED. You accidentally screwed yourself over.

Jepha said...

That rainbow might be even happier if s/he had a burrito... a burrito that come from a pinata... a pinata that poops rainbows....and those rainbows are eating burritos... there is not telling where the madness would end!

Mollymoose said...

WE are liek lnog distance drinknig buddies! I drank so i Could wiret my German paper. I speak bettre Germamn when I am da-runk.

Draw a picture of me drinking and writing my 8 page paper about the Protestant Reformation!

The Weed said...

I'm so glad you did this! Really. I think it was very wise. And I'm pretty sure it was specifically my tweet urging you to do it that pushed you over the edge into doing it. So, good job. Thanks for taking me seriously.

No, but honestly, I can't imagine the pressure you must have been feeling. Far lesser things have made me crumple into a ball of anxiety-ridden panic.

Sometimes a blog post needs to be about nothing but some stream-of-conscious rambling. If it's coming from you, chances are it will be pretty hilarious.

Ashley Rose said...

okay wait...what time zone is your comment form in? Because I thought that maybe something was posted maybe 10 minutes ago, and then I saw that the last person commented at 10:49 pm. Which is an hour ahead of me. You people are living in the future...

The Books I Read said...

Ally you should just take reader's stories and illustrate them. Clearly you can't have like 100,000,000 stories to entertain us with, but you could make ours funny. Like this one time, my best friend visited her cousin by bus but she'd never been on a bus before so she got on the bus home that took her to the cousin in the first place (aka not the bus back to HER home). And fell asleep and woke up at the bus station and no one, not even the bus driver was on the bus, so she had to crawl out the window and then her bus she actually wanted to get on showed up so they all saw her climbing out the window like a crazy person.

Think about what you could do with a story like that!

BnE's Mommy said...

LMBO!!!!! FREAKING AWESOME! Screw that dude...he doesn't no nothing. ;)

The Books I Read said...

PS I'm sorry I spelled your name wrong, Allie!!!

The real Joe said...

@Ashley Rose The time zone is Mountain.

Madeleine said...

Haters gonna hate. ;-) As if they're paying you to do this? You can't be funny on demand, just do what you feel like. Ignore the squeals made by anonymous dorks on the internet.

Having a beer and chillin' out is a perfectly cromulent plan. I will get one now.

Anonymous said...

C'mon Allie, I waited a week for this? The last two posts were genius, and I've been checking my bookmark every day and telling everyone I know to visit your blog because of your awesome hilarity. (keep reading so you'll see that this comment doesn't prove your styrofoam rock theory)

I only recently discovered your blog, and have been reading back into the depths of your past posts (yea, it's creepy. I know), and you've come such a long way (seriously, dude, you have gotten infinitely better and funnier... except for this one).

Not a fan of the drunk blog... your brain cells are better when they're not moshpitting inside your rum-filled head. Can't you hear their pleas? (save us allie... no more booze... we want to be funny again...)

Kevin said...

Ironically, this just increased and/or met my expectations. I laughed, I cried, I believed.

Anastasia said...

You're always awesome, even drunk. The last few hours of my life have been really crappy, but you made it better. Thank you. And I definitely think we need spaghatta nadle. Please? Or not. Up to you. Because you're the one drawing. And being awesome. I'm rambling. Sorry. Bye.

J9 said...

okay - I seriously have no expectations, well that's not true, I expect you to write. yep, that's it. You write a blog, and that's pretty much my level of expectation. I will read it, good bad, awesome or craptastic, doesn't matter. You write for you, and I'll read for me, m'kay?

Bramble said...

Good Lord! Funny! And real...that's why we all really like you...fake people are a dime a dozen.

Quiara said...

You know what would be awesome? A rum burrito on a jet. Probably it would wind up in barfing, but I'd barf on the anonymous prick who's trying to cut you down. So what I'm saying is we need to have a drunken taco party on ... IDK...AirForce 1, maybe. I'm sure Obama would let us borrow it, right? And then we could all barf on Anonymous.

Ali said...

I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I pretty much love you, and also, you have an awesome name. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!

henry said...

we love your work you much and you know what it you want to get sper durnk and do a post, I don't care cause you are alwas funny yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, you have had an mazingly funny life

The Monster said...

ALLIE ALLIE DRAW ME MORE BLUE

PLEASE ALLIE I LOVE THE BLUE SO MUCH

UNLESS MAYBE IT'S PURPLE

PURPLE'S PRETTY MUCH AWESOME BECAUSE IT'S BLUE WITH RED


Also I'm inspired to get drunk on pumpkin spice liquor now!! :))))

Anonymous said...

You're quite possibly the most entertaining drunk ever. DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.

Lisa said...

Oh AWESOME. I came across your blog long ago, but have only just returned to revisit it. And I think it's FATE.

See, I'm in preproduction for a film right now, and after looking over the script I thought, "this shit is like something that Hyperbole and a Half" girl would do." And then, having thought of you, I looked up your blog again and saw THIS entry.

The film is titled "Wasted." Guess what it's about. TELL ME THAT'S NOT FATE.

If you're by any chance still drunk, check out the promo video here and relate to it: http://www.indiegogo.com/wasted
If you're not still drunk...well, it'd be cool if you related to it anyway. Because then I can say that this movie I'm in is officially approved by fellow lover of the liquor bottle Allie Brosh. And that would be AWESOME.

dbs said...

I once made a styrofoam rock. I apologize.
p.s. even your drunk self has more talent than most people.

MR said...

If it's any consolation I can barely function when drunk XD I don't even think I could manage to post while intoxicated.

Tonks said...

This is awesome. You are awesome. I wish I had the guts to do something like this. Keep on blogging! I'll definitely keep reading hahaha.

Mary said...

OMG, you have NO idea how much I needed that post right now. Nothing cures a broken heart more than reading a blog by someone who is also drunk. I toast to you, Allie.

aimee said...

Ah wahnt sahm spaghetta nadle!!

The Doom said...

You are the best. But I am a more coherent drunk than you, Allie. PRACTICE.

rbeckmanosv said...

Okay, I love your blog (alot) but why is there always a person vying to be first to comment after you post something new?? Maybe there should be a giant laser that eliminates such individuals... or a velociraptor. Just sayin'.

Chrissy said...

Where do you get rum-filled pinatas?

Rachel Leigh said...

I think drunken-Allie might be even more entertaining than sober Allie. And that is truly saying something. I truly appreciated this post.

Anonymous said...

drunkwin.

Rainey said...

This. Is. Awesome. I tried to blog a movie review drunk once....and it was not nearly as awesome as this. Nor did it have any horses or blue squiggles.

You are the queen of blog.

Um, also don't worry about setting a bad example because in my opinion blogging rates as one of the safest activities you can do while inebriated. In house + on computer (maybe in pjs eating a burrito?) = safe

Shasha said...

LMAO. This is the best post EVAR <3

Emergency Potluck Committee said...

Ahahahahahahahahahahaha

You're the best.

I'm drunk on laughter.

I recommend reading this together with other people (who are also kinda drunk on laughter), it compounds the ridiculousness!

My friend liked my version of spelling better though: 'rediculiousness'. Yeah, I don't have to be drunk to fuck up spelling.

Thanks for the post!

Anonymous said...

okay yeah so that wasn't your best... BUT it makes you way more real. which is good, because i always thought to myself "is this girl REAL?!" and then decided that you were not real and were probably just some farcical unicorn with a magical horn full of wit and speckled with hysteria. it was the only logical explanation for the jubilance your nonsensical banter brings to the mediocre work day. so thanks.

Amy said...

I like the obese colorless rainbow smiley--hehehe...

It made me giggle


http://amyscookingadventures.blogspot.com/

Jennifer said...

I think I see spaghatta nadle in there, but it looks like he's put on a little weight. Perhaps he should go on a low carb diet...

Mallory said...

I don't really know what is going on, but, I'm pretty sure I can relate to all of it.

Anonymous said...

I saw the update on my reader, but there were two, and my husband said, "It's like three hyperboles!" He wanted me to tell you that.

The real Joe said...

I think you are right about the bed thing Allie. I am out.

The Doom said...

Something awesome to eat: a burrito.
Or alcohol.

msprimadonna67 said...

Thanks for the blue picture. Totally made my day. I'm so glad I'm not the other guy who got the picture with no blue in it--that would suck!

sage luke said...

you are incredible.
will you marry me?

xoynx said...

Don't eat anything! Something may seem awesome right now, but your judgment is impaired, and you may end up eating a whole gallon of olives.

Anonymous said...

I vote eat something awesome!

Pinkmnm said...

Eat something!

Deborah said...

"I should probably either drink more, go to bed or eat something really awesome." Can't you do all three? And send us a picture of that. Pretty pretty please?

Kate said...

ZOMG AWESOME.

NicholeLA said...

ALLIE. ALLIE BROSH. I want to be pals! Do you have heat yet? I certainly hope so, it's almost winter you know. Your brain gives me 1,000,000 giggles! If we are pals I can stay in your basement when I visit and eat all of the monsters who live there. And you can teach me to draw horses, please. And we can take really silly pictures all over town... sigh. Daydreamin'.

I love you, whatever you write is magic!

<3Nichole

Seth said...

"I should probably either drink more, go to bed or eat something really awesome."

Um... why can you not drink more and eat something really awesome in bed?

Nicole said...

You know, I am sick and alone and my boyfriend is 6000km away, and this TOTALLY MADE MY NIGHT.

I particularly identified with the unhappy, colorless rainbow that has the power to be a smiley! with 5 double chins!
And the burrito-fighter jet-burrito-BADNESS!!-burrito sequence.
That perfectly describes my current aiming-low goals so everyone will be surprised when I am AWESOME!!! again.

you are the best.

Allyson said...

I love this just as much as all of your other posts (which is A LOT). I'm pretty sure we were separated at birth. I hope that doesn't sound as creep as I think it sounds...because that would be awkward. Not that it would really matter since you don't actually know me.

ANYWAY...
Awesomeness. This is it.

p.s. I'm glad I'm not the only one who draws random color paintings on Paint.

Adrianne said...

Allie, your blog is completely brilliant. don't worry about living up to everyone's expectations. your drunken grammar and syntax and general badassery is superior to most people's sober grammar and syntax (case in point: my last sentence) and badassery. i know this is one measly comment and therefore unlikely to change your mind but please don't freak out too much ok? even if you stopped blogging altogether i'd still admire the shit out of you. so dude, even if the remainder of your blog posts are burritos, hell, i love burritos! this is awesome! though i think there will be some tyrannosauri (??) in there too.

(^tipsy commenting)

Nathaniel said...

You should eat something really awesome.

Like a BURRITO!

Anonymous said...

blue. bluEEEEEE. BLUE IS ALL THAT MATTERS!!!!

Anonymous said...

PIta shell is NOT AWESOME! in a spectacular bringing-to-full-circle you should eat a burrito!

Kate said...

Alcohol + Writing = win :D

Ps: my writing lecturer talked about your blog at uni today. So you're respected by Australian writing students at least.

(Which my girlfriend says is kind of like being respected by a hobbit or something I guess)

bluepaintred said...

ohh you messed up reaaaaaal bad, cus this is the finniest thing EVER! it puts the rest of your funniness to shame!

now whatchu gonna do?

natalie... said...

ok so you are pretty much awesome. days like this come and go. it seems to me that all you needed was a giant virtual hug from your adoring followers and after reading through the many comments left so far, i think that even if you told us all to fuck off, we would still love you and support you. if you need any more rum, let us know. we're here for you more than i think you know. :)

MC said...

There is a restaurant called Fighting Burrito in Ames. It is wonderful, and their sign has a fighter jet on it. That is all.

bluepaintred said...

ohhh typos :D Pretend I'm drunk too!!

Eileen said...

If I promise to have absolutely no expectations of you ever, ever again - not even if offered cake and a golden measuring stick by which to judge your output - will you promise to never, never again write a post whilst drinking teensy bottles of rum? I have the feeling it's not good for you. Or for horses. Or rainbows. Or blue.

Sue said...

I love you! Thanks for making me laugh!

naomi said...

Drunk bloggers kind of win forever. So expectation-lowering fail. Which is a form of lowered expectation? AUGH! THE MADNESS!

Melanie said...

You know, I have totally thought while reading your blog before, "damn, she's funny. I don't think I could handle writing this blog. I'd start panicking about being good and stop being funny..."

So what I'm saying is, mad props to you for being brave and continuing to post when teh internetz demand entertainment. If you ever suck someday (doubtful), we will still love you.

Anonymous said...

YAAAY! I love random allieing!! (hell yes, you're so awesome that you are a VERB!)

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for the blue! I appreciate it!

GOD BLESS YOU ALLIE ;-;

Anonymous said...

I can't believe how awesome you are. And not just because I've recently started drinking spirits alone in my room. You = Dreamboat. That is all.

Anonymous said...

"Sometimes I'm going drink six miniature bottles of rum and then draw horses. That's just the way the world works."

True.

The Doom said...

PITA SHELLS ARE NOT A FOOD

And they remind me of my ex-girlfriend. BLAUGH.

If there were anything other than wine in the house, I would also get smashed. BUT ALAS. It will have to wait until this weekend, as always.

PS: Dear Allie: You're the best. As seems to be the general consensus here.

Mark said...

Love it. I'm sorry, but I find this post just as suberb and entertaining as all those that preceded it. Which is to say, extremely superb and entertaining. Also, yeah, thanks for the blue. My favorite.

CyborgCoquette said...

I love you forever.

Sarah C said...

Allie, this post made me laugh so much! As do all your posts. You make me smile, now I need to stop procrastinating and do coursework. ):

Plus the 'Anonymous' person is clearly such a dick they didn't want to reveal their TRUE identity.

librarylea said...

So, I keep thinking glass bottles - excited partygoers with a bat = disaster but also pinata + hooch = awesome surprise. Was any alcohol harmed in the process?

librarylea said...

I'm also thinking I'm clearly unable to do pinata math. It is clearly time for me to sleep.

I meant: So, I keep thinking glass bottles + excited partygoers with a bat = disaster but also pinata + hooch = awesome surprise. Was any alcohol harmed in the process?

@eloh said...

Too damn many comments for you to ever read this.... so I feel free... really FREEEEEE to say what ever I want...

Dear Allie... add one letter and you would be me... you are my mini me.. a young and beautiful verison of myself...

My childhood sucked too... I tried to dig my way to China on the sly and planned on taking our old dog to forage off her teets to survive my journey....

I know who you are... muhahaha

Don't YOU forget who you are.... even your shitty posts are the best crap on the web...

You ARE THE CHAMPION OF ALL THE WEB!!!

I've had you on my sidebar for months and months..... I'm just usually too lasy to comment. Not to mention that I am CREEPY, really CREEPY... and old.. Did I mention that I'm old? and creepy.

If you didn't do a crappy drunk post now and then... well... we really don't change all that much from when we were children... you're just being Allie... and all the web loves you. Pretty simple.

Anonymous said...

No purple yet :(
I'd go look at a purple flower instead, but it's night time. And it's fall. And I'm wearing pjs.
Still, blue is half of purple. The best half. Thanks for the blue.

Zack said...

Hey Allie, I love this post, it was great. Don't listen to all these idiots, that say this was too random- RANDOM IS WHY WE LOVE HYPERBOLE AND A HALF!

:)

-zack attack

LAJen said...

I love you so very very much! :) This was awesome. And I will fully cheer you on in your 6-mini-bottles-of-rum-drunken-stupor. And you can never have too many burritos. Burritos + alcohol = awesome night (except maybe for the boyfriend...)

Jeni Poe said...

Yeah, you should have posted this sooner...I just so happen to be drunk posting with lots of pictures. I happen to have tacos in my blog...no burritos. And I did the vodka thing, not the rum thing.

Clairie said...

hugs

manarose said...

i just love you. so weird that i'm saying that to some weird random chick online, but i said it. and i said it sober.

Cruella Collett said...

I didn't read all the other 301 comments, but I'm pretty sure they all said "It's okay we love you anyway please keep drinking and drawing smileyfaced rainbows and horses or whatever because you make us laugh and that makes the world a better place and it's okay you don't always feel you're at your best but you are we love you anyway" (at least that's what I think they should say) and I agree (though I would add some punctuation in there somewhere) BUT all I've got since everyone just said what I wanted to say (I think) is that the mix of jet fighter and burrito really made expect we were gonna see the burrito make a spectacular re-entrance... And while I do love all your pictures, unconditionally, the one with the dots and the green and orange almost looks like we did. But that's as close to negative criticism I think you'll get from me. You might say I peaked.

Don't worry - drink piñata! (Which almost turned into piãta because I forgot to type the n after having clicked the ~ symbol. Tricksy those Spanish letters!)

katoelizabeth said...

Allie. You've spoiled me with all that blue... Do you know how much blue I'll be expecting now? Can you live up to my need for blue?

You've turned me into a junkie.
Here I am.
On the internet.
Asking for blue.
Shame.

Jax said...

Anyone who can make blue is ok in my book.

Nocturnal Lure said...

I totally get this, the Burito-Jet-Burito thing. I believe this was a very smart thing to do, my expectations are totaly lowered now, though my respect and admiration are still up... good job... though that makes this post awesome, raising my expectations. Oh damn, you have outsmarted yourself!

Heather said...

I'm sure you are being bombarded with comments left and right, but I wanted to let you know how much I needed this good laugh right now.

I was in tears. The good kind, of course.

I've been having a rough few weeks - my mother was given 2 to 7 months left of life - and I had been down. Then I received a notification that your blog had updated via my page updates. The rest of my night has been filled with occasional refreshes and hearty laughs.

Thank you very much. While others may be giving you a hard time, this reader really appreciates any and every post you make because you are open and down to earth, as well as downright hilarious. Thank you.

Kirsty said...

Respect lost.



Kidding!

Kamielle said...

The end of that post was definitely the best part :3

Anonymous said...

Allie, you've failed. And why have you failed, you ask? Because you haven't even remotely lowered my expectations. If anything, you've lifted them...because not many people I know can be utterly awesome and hilarious even after many miniature bottles of rum.
You rock.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, these kinds of posts are my favourites. somehow, drunk blogging, with drunk pictures no less, is the most amusing! pretty much all of it is super amusing, but the drunk posts... primo.

Cynthia said...

Best post EVER!

Kathryn said...

I had a shitty day, and somehow I found the transformation from magic sparkles to "I'm mortal and going to die" profoundly comforting and hilarious. Thanks for the pick me up!

Keri H. said...

Pshaw I totally told you it'd be a good idea. :-P
Also, you're drawingS of a horse - BOTH are better than any horse I've ever drawn, especially on Paint.
You don't need to hear it again, aw what the hell, you are simply awesome, inspiring, and contagious (in a happy sense, not an Ebola sense).
xo

PS: I'm an editor, if you are ever really worried; however, I think in this case the spelling mistakes add character. :-)

Morbane said...

I don't think you should do this again because regularity would make this really bad for you! But as a tactic for lowering standards, I appreciate it. I am reading this post with a sort of calm, accepting mellowness. Who knows what you might do next. Not me. Instead of reading your post with the sort of sugary excitement that normally comes with adopting a kitten, I am reading it with the sort of feelings that fit into a normal day. Like a Tuesday. Or a Thursday, which is what this is. It's all just sort of... okay. I think I like that.

Audrey said...

Allie!! Your blog makes me smile because you're pretty much me, except blonder and way better at running. Clearly we should be best friends and/or drinking buddies. Or you can just draw a picture of us being best friends and/or drinking buddies since I live in Texas.

Anonymous said...

this entire post is made of epicness and sunshine and chocolate. Thank you Allie for making my endless night of last minute paper writing a little more bearable with blue squiggles and colorless rainbows...:D

lantaro said...

You are so awesome it makes my teeth hurt. Way to take a stand with drinking and posting a blog. I always think about doing that, but I never do, because I'm a sissy or I get drunk and wind up killing people on Call of Duty instead (and by that I mean getting my ass kicked). You did some solid work and I laughed long and loud.

Deborah said...

Champion of the Internets FTW. Will you please be leader of the world, also? Sleep tight, tiddly Allie.

Karina said...

You rock my world<3

karen said...

You can't disappoint those of us that come here for honesty in art. I love you.

Nelle said...

Anyone who complains about any of your posts is a douchebag and can go suck it. I liked this drunk post a lot. I like all of your posts a lot. I even like Alots. We hang out and cuddle. It's cool.

Also notice how the haters are all "Anonymous"? They can go and die.

Keep on doing what you're doing and ignore anyone who likes to complain about it. Now, I'll go back to my own drink.

Mykel said...

Allie,

I just looked up the timezone for Montana. It's Thursday where you are. It's still Wednesday here in California. Congrats for being in the future.

I admire the breadth of your horse knowledge.

Don't fret over your mortal coil. A wise man one plagiarized, "There is no death, only a change of worlds."
Either way, if you die in an elevator, be sure to press the up button. You can never be sure.

This may seem like a long comment. That's because I'm putting off a philosophy paper. Descartes is a douchebag, FYI. He helped invent math, so I think you should understand the depth of his douchebaggery.

If I don't post this soon, my previous statement about it being Wednesday here will cease to be factual.

Yours is a brilliant mind. I envy your creativity. You're like a swashbuckler of the imagination.

(I too am a pirate, see?)

I am a pirate.

Good night, drunken Allie.

Kirill said...

Fairly fucking amazing since I just decided to blog drunk too, but all I do is post song lyrics from the sixties and cry about it and then draw cake.

Valkyrie607 said...

YAAAY BLUE

I love Blue

Actually it's my name

Yes my real name

And now you can find me without even being super creepy

BLUE!!!!!

Xavi said...

This post is just as awesome and relevant as all your other posts. Your blog always brightens up my day :D

Now I really want a burrito, though :( I can't have a burrito because I'm English and it's breakfast time here so I'm having a crumpet instead. It's nothing like a burrito.

KJC said...

Um...I disagree with "Anonymous." I thought that you were equally hilarious with your drunk posts. Especially about setting an example for children. And all of your misspellings. So fuck "anonymous." Maybe I just feel this way because I also am drunk. Nope. Not even that drunk. You're just a genius!

Anonymous said...

On the contrary! I am literally waiting for your first bland post! Ever since your "internet forever" entry, I've been like...okay no one can be awesome all of the time, but the more I read, the more I feel like I actually know you (too creepy?) and it's kind of like how your friends can never disappoint you with fun, you're kind of like that to me!
Be your awesome self Allie!

Jamie

maxporter said...

I... I love you so much right now. Also, blue is my favorite color ever.

IMO, eat something really awesome.

Sara Davis said...

Wow. I am so sorry I missed the live part of this. It was awesome to read post drunk, while you are sleeping it off and I have insomnia. I should have had 6 mini rums too.

Jennifer McLean said...

now THAT'S the allie I know and love. Ok, Know is stretching it... but then I don't actually love you either... maybe I have a good like on. Ya, I like you....and I think you're funny. Yup. Hilarious, in fact.
That and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee. Nothing fancy, mind you. Prolly really cheap coffee, actually. But coffee all the same. :o)

Alice said...

Okay so I totally love you. You are the best and even when you are trying to be sucky, you are still the best.

Also, I would rather have a burrito than a fighter jet as I am hungry.

Boppie said...

You're just doing stream of consciousness and capturing what we all feel while drunk, and then drawing it, which is an added bonus. I like this peek into your brain. :)

Anonymous said...

Your humor is in your wit and storytelling, so as much as your drunk self might have thought your random doodles were funny, I'm sorry to say you succeeded in your effort to disappoint. I guess this means your mission was accomplished, but you don't need to fuss about peaking and expectations and how high the bar is. Your fans love you - even this post - but the point is, we're going to keep loving you even if not every post outshines the last. Your real posts, the ones with obvious time and effort, are what we're here for, and nobody's grading you to make sure you only get better. I think we all just want to see some more genuine Allie.

Zee Poodle said...

Bwaaahhhahaha! I enjoyed this as much as your other writing and pictures. It's your blog Allie - write it however you want. We will still love you!!

Ed said...

Mmmmm...rum.

Rachel said...

You are effing hilarious. This post is my favorite. I love you. :)

Twinz said...

I'm glad your choice of drink is rum. Sailor Jerry's for the win! Also, your cartoon blonde ponytail (I'm assuming that that is what that is) makes you look like half blonde half shark. It's pretty awesome.

matilda said...

you rule

atomicthumbs said...

the blue is ambient art

Valar Morghulis said...

You make me cry with your awesome drunken majesty. FUCKING MAJESTY!!!

*Fleur* said...

I'm glad you're having fun:) Well, at least most of the time... Now I'm off to buy myself some rum! :)

imaginary-iby said...

Don't listen to the flamers. This is YOUR journal and you can write whatever you want! It's not about pleasing people. :D

Also, excellent horses! The first one was nifty!

David said...

Hi Allie,

Your blog is really, really good. Let me illustrate how incredibly good it is with several examples.

0. Since I quasi-re-discovered Hyperbole and a Half (long story) about 3/2 weeks ago, I've shown/recommended it to all of my friends. They're all very smart and highly critical people, and it's been consistently referred to as "one of the funniest and most original things I've seen this year." It's basically November, so that's a pretty big deal.

1. I LOVE my job--it is literally my dream job. However, due to your fantastically funny (and worryingly addictive) blog, I've worked at half-capacity. It's REALLY hard to stop reading.

2. I have made friends with semi-random people who incidentally learned of your blog from me (via facebook etc.). Apparently they think I've some taste/good humor. This is all you. GOOD JOB.

You really don't need me to tell you this, but I figure it can't hurt.

I am glad that the reason you took so long to post another entry was neither (a) you had died or otherwise become mortally ill, OR (b) you had decided to quit the blog. I know that it's hard work, blogging (or rather I believe you, when you say it), but seriously don't worry about it. You are REALLY funny.

That is all.

Anonymous said...

I miss hearing about Allie's current life from time to time. I worry that she's not doing well. Maybe I should use this Twitter thing.

NikaChicky said...

This was awesome.. wonderful...but I feel had you consumed 8-10 bottles of miniature Rum, this couldl have been EPIC, EPIC I SAY !!!!!

Anonymous said...

lol this can't end well

crasch said...

Yay for internet drunkenness!

I can't think of any artist who consistently top themselves. Even Da Vinci spent some days just drawing giant penises.

One book I've found helpful for overcoming this worry in myself is The Practicing Mind by Thomas Sternberg. He says that you should judge yourself by how well you keep your mind focused on the process of your work, rather than on the results. If you focus on the process, the results will eventually take care of themselves. Some days you'll draw the Mona Lisa. Some days it's Giant Penis Day. But over time, the Mona Lisa/Giant Penis ratio will gradually increase.

Shaay said...

I like blue. A lot.

Perfection kills creativity, Allie. We don't need you to be perfect - we just need you to be.

Suz said...

See, this is why I never drink whilst sat at the computer. I go out instead.

M. said...

I don't think it is possible for you to not exceed the expectations for this blog.It is like magic dipped in rainbows.Everything. All the time. Anyone who says otherwise is most likely jealous, and even more likely a troll. Not an internet troll, but a fah-real fah-real troll that lives under a bridge. Also, I think your alcohol influenced horses are beautiful.Thank you for brightening the dark and perverse world that is the internet with your wonderful blogging! :3

Gnshksvr said...

Sincerity wins over any content.
So you simply win.
That's that.

Arleen82592 said...

I have been waiting for a new post just so I can say this: I only recently discovered your blog, but I really enjoy it. It's great when I am doing a Chem Lab at 4AM and need to take a break and laugh at something for a few minutes. Thank you for being awesome, and keep doing what you are doing. Also, drunk blogging is epic.

Vivian said...

i dont care, this is fucking amazing. maybe if i do my exams drunk i'll be creative!

Alejandra said...

I love how we all support your alcoholism. You are amazing. And fuck that guy that said you should go back to scheduled content. Schedules are for assholes. You be your drunken self Allie, because its AWESOME.

zerohitwonder said...

Unfortunately for you, my expectations have not been lowered. Fortunately for me, I enjoyed this post like ALOT a lot.

LilPixi said...

Awesome!
And totally frig that guy.
HaHa, no blue for you. Douche.

Anonymous said...

I thought I would connect with thismore because it was destiny when I got online drunk and saw a drunk post, but it turned out more confusing than destinous

Carrie (but not the same one that commented earlier, though that Carrie was pretty cool.) said...

I am completely fascinated by the idea of tiny bottles of rum and the fact someone would fill a pinata with them. This must have been one hell of a party you were attending.

Varda said...

First? It's YOUR goddamn blog and you should be able to do anything you want with it.

Second? This is actually pretty funny... in a very 1960's-happening-stream-of-consciousness-let-it-all-hang-out kind of way. I know, you weren't born yet, but I was. Trust me, it is.

Third? I totally get the "I've just put up an awesome post and now I've raised the bar and everyone is going to expect this level of awesome from me all the time and that's too much pressure and I can't do it so I'll never post again" thing. It happened to me after my "From Autist to Artist" post (full of ideas I'd been mulling for years) & then Jenny, The Bloggess linked to it and a gazillion people came to visit my little blog and I went "AK!" and froze up. But you just gotta get back on the horse - which you did. And actually you even drew a horse - so Yay, you!

HogsAteMySister said...

iH lAlei,

Glad you waited until you got home to really get on the turps, hic. Doing so on your trip to NYC could have been all fatal. Looking forward to your hangover post. Lot of black? And internet bad breath? Friends don't let friends post drunk? Oh poo.

Anonymous said...

you are awesome. even your 1st, drunken horse drawing is way better than anything i could ever do.

and i have no expectations. you're always awesome, even when you're not!

UK Prize said...

I am not saying any thing and just go to Win a 3D LED TV by a prize Draw.And have fun....

Lalaine said...

Would a jet plane made out of burritos be more or less awesome than a regular jet plane? I guess it depends if it is functional or not... except not really because even if you had a jet plane made from burritos that worked it would still be made from fricking burritos and it would start to smell and when you sat it would be all squishy and you'd get beans and guacamole all over yourself and it would probably tear apart really easily at higher speeds. So pretty much, don't try to make a jet plane out of burritos. Just regular burritos are awesome enough. And um, jets.

See, I can drunk comment without even being drunk. Unless you count drunk on being awake for too long because I need to sleep because I have to teach painting tomorrow but I decided to read your blog instead because it is funny and stuff. I like HAHAHA oh my gosh this really funny commercial came on with really bad acting. It was for people with diabetes though so I feel kind-of jerky for laughing at it but it was really terrible so oh well. Wait, I was saying something. Yeah I like your blog it's funny. This is really long. I'm sorry. I am glad you gave us all some blue though because blue is cool and it is the most human color I guess according to Regina Spektor and she is a good singer so I guess I believe her. Except obviously I don't because I had to say "I guess" twice in that sentence. Okay I'm going to go sleep now or else I will be sleep-painting tomorrow which could turn out cool but probably won't and will be terrible and I will get fired and stuff. And that's no fun. So good night.

Vaelius said...

You are my favorite on the internet. :) I think you hit a new peak... a peakier peak than ever has peaked before. The internet is now spiked. ;)

Lisa said...

Forget Anonymous, this post is hilarious! Love the blog, love the post, and most importantly I love blue, so keep the blueness coming!

Denis said...

Laughed my ass off at smile-rainbow. Thank you for that.

vibhav sinha said...

i think u were drunk while writing this. ha ha ha ..it was really nice

HogsAteMySister said...

Alllieli

Drinking Rum and Coca-cola, blogging for the Yankee dollar. Take two aspirin and blogover tomorrow.

Shawntron said...

I love this on so many levels, especially the fighter jet/burrito-> horse -> "I'm mortal and I'm going to die."

Anonymous said...

It's really nice that you're drunk any everything... but I think that's very unfair to the spaghatta nadle :( Did you consider spaghatta nadle might want some of that rum too?

David said...

Allie... You could NEVER be a disappointment. You're just simply too awesome for that. Also, I loved the blue. :)

Just me said...

AMAZING!

TK said...

This is the best HaaH. Ever.

Katheirne said...

You are mad as a brush; I love it.

Liz of Wool Boutique said...

This post is still awesome. Sorry, you haven't acheived your goal of lowering the expectations.

PR said...

just letting you know that i too appreciate the blue. please don't be crushed by the pressure to be awesome. other than Anonymous aka Asshole who gets no blue at all, we know you're a human and not a "regularly scheduled content" dispenser

She looks like a haddock said...

OMG. Even drunk and feeling low, you are really funny. I think it would make you laugh to know that I took my laptop in my bathroom and looked at it upside down in the mirrow to read the text on your smile rainbow. Then I felt really stupid. LOL

允美 said...

your posts are always good, because they are always sincere :) and i have every confidence that they will continue to be so.
you're even hilarious when you make terribly drunk posts like this one [perhaps also partly because it's still a sincere post?]
regardless of the specifics of your blog content, i'm sure you have a loyal following of readers who, like me, are creepy creepers who read all of your posts and happily await the next one [but not, you know, in a pushy kind of way] without making negative qualitative assessments.
okay that sounded really lame and technical, and i'm starting to seriously ramble here.

i shall just end by saying that the burrito/plane explanation and the monochromatic drunk rainbow have totally made my day.

P.S. thanks for all the blue. it is my favorite color <3

Fisty McWench said...

Allie, long-time fan of your blog because I think you're super amazing, but I seriously think this is the best yet. Unless, you don't want it to be because then it's more pressure and you'll have to drink even more to top it, in which case it is the worst ever. Unless, that means you'll drink more and write more stuff like this... I don't know anymore. Insert appropriate 'you are awesome and incredible and fantastic and make us all feel like we're normal' comment here:__________________________
Did you insert it? Good. Teehee, that made me chuckle, I need to get my mind out of the gutter. Sorry. Wow, way too long a comment AND this is why I don't write things. Stream of consciousness fan rave. P.S. I'm not drunk, although seriously considering it now after the deliciousness of your post. Palaminos are awesome. That is all. Sorry.

christina said...

Imagine that fighter jet was crashing and you were about to die and you hadn't eaten in three days. I know my last thoughts would be "Fuck this jet, I want a burrito."

Satan said...

i, for one, wholly support your drunkblogging experiments!

and also, you never fail to make me happy with posts. so, no more worrying about that, ya? just be your funny self!

it sounds so simple, doesn't it? man. i can simplify anything, even self-doubt. do i win an internet medal for simplification?
(or maybe just boring rambling?)

Anonymous said...

Not to drive you faster down the alcoholic path all writers must inevitably follow, but, drink more often, Allie, if this is what happens when you do.

Steve "ranatalus" Charron said...

Next post: tripping!

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! Now you can post a whole new blog about your awful hangover and long night of intenstinal cramping from all the burritos. :)

Anonymous said...

"...- like maybe I peaked and everything else I'm ever going to do will be a disappointment."

And this is why I don't have a blog. You're my new hero (Superseding Sara Ramirez [Callie] on Grey's Anatomy.)

Anonymous said...

this sort of stuff regularly goes through my head when i'm drunk!

Ally said...

Is the pressure of being Champion of the Internet getting to you? We don't mean to put pressure on you... we think you are awesome is all.

I hope you don't feel too bad tomorrow when you read the typos and wake up surrounded by miniature rum bottles and think you have turned into a giant.

copyrightmonster said...

The bright side of what anonymous person said is that the next blog entry will almost certainly be better. So it will be like a wave, with peaks and troughs of goodness. That's exciting.

Reg said...

I love it! I love you! And when we get BLUE, how can we NOT like your drunken posts? Besides, drunk in your case is the good kind of drunk. Keep it up. :)

Angsthase said...

Although I can hardly compete with THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY FIVE other comments, I shall endeavor to:

I LOVE YOUR BLOG AND I LOVE THIS ROCK OF A POST AND I WILL LOVE THE BURRITO OF A POST THAT WILL FOLLOW AND (HOPEFULLY) THE FIGHTER JET OF A POST THAT WILL FOLLOW THE BURRITO.

As you can see, I used caps lock to draw attention to this comment. Mad Skillz.

Michelle Belle said...

This is among the many reasons why I think you are totally super rad. Rock on.

Blue Sarah said...

I love the first blue picture you drew. I feel like you made it just for me.

Maurice said...

Yay blue ^.^

Anonymous said...

Still love ya Allie...
And love this post. :)

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