Sneaky Hate Spiral

Most of the time, I'm pretty even-tempered.  Aside from the odd nervous breakdown or caffeine-induced bliss-seizure, I have the emotional variation of sand.  However, every once in a great while, I'll lapse into what I like to call a "sneaky hate spiral."

The buildup:

Sneaky hate spirals begin simply enough.  In fact, that is one of the hallmarks of sneaky hate spirals - they are merely the confluence of many unremarkable annoyances.

Your day begins poorly.


Before you've had a chance to recover from your unpleasant awakening, you are pummeled by a series of unfortunate events.  There are probably some loud and/or persistent sounds mixed in there, too. 


The little frustrations start to happen more quickly.  They ping against your psyche like hundreds of tiny pebbles.  


Eventually, the sum of the small annoyances begins to exceed your capacity for patience and rational thought.  All it would take to send you over the edge into a bottomless pit of angry hysteria is just one more tiny, little thing...

The turning point:

The turning point is usually a minor but slightly jarring incident, initiated by some force of nature that cannot be blamed or scolded - like gravity or sleeplessness or wind.  That last specification is very important.  In order to send you into truly batshit crazy hysterics, the final straw must cause anger that cannot rationally be directed outward in any way.


Your worn patience plus the inability to blame anything for your misery causes a chain reaction to take place inside of you.



The rage enters your body, but cannot exit through either the blame or personal responsibility pathways. It therefore must travel to the very center of you where it will fester and eventually rupture.  

Chaos:

When enough anger and hatred has accumulated inside of you, it will rupture through your pathetic sense of integrity and start spewing outwardly as if you are some sort of rage sprinkler, spraying your putrid hate all over anything that comes near you.   


You are officially out of control.   At this late stage, there is no way around it.  You are simply a helpless passenger in your psychotic war-machine of a body.   

529 comments:

1 – 200 of 529   Newer›   Newest»
Joel Durham Jr said...

Holy shit! That's me like, EVERY DAY!

Quench! Wines said...

You've obviously been watching me. That's kind of creepy, but it least it turned into a funny blog post.

Tiffany said...

This happens to me, literally on a monthly basis.

diane said...

I love you so much...

Jeremy said...

I'm on a 60 day ManPMS cycle. On that 60th day, I will literally kill any object, animate or otherwise, that picks a fight (e.g. does nothing) with me.

I'm running out of places to bury the Cub Scouts that have tried to sell me popcorn.

Jody said...

That...was amazing. Trying to giggle quietly in my office turned into hysterical squeaking and wiping tears from my eyes. Thank you Allie, I totally needed that today!

Anne said...

Yup you nailed it! Haha. Hope you had a great B-day!

Olli said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is the funniest thing on the Internet.

(Trust me, I'm the world's best procrastinator and have actually seen all of the Internet.)

nothing.to.understand said...

This happened to me on Tuesday...long story short, my rage led to many pizza boxes and stupid F*&#%!@! parmesan crumbs ending up strewn across my hallway. Then I cried a little bit.

Formerly EHoss said...

Thanks for teaching me the words to 'La Bamba'. Now they will be following me around in a barely readable font color for the rest of the day.

Amy said...

This is by far your best post since the Alot! You are great!!!!

Yuoaman said...

God... where are your cameras?

Naomi Hurst said...

This is me so freaking much lately. My BF thinks I am crazy, but really everything in the entire world is just working to irritate the piss out of me.

Kim L. said...

Aaaaaaaand now La Bamba is stuck in my head. You're lucky I like you, Brosh.

Hercynium said...

OH MY GOD THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!

This will crack me up for YEARS to come!

Anonymous said...

You just made my day. Thank you. I especially love your depiction of the Annoying Song Stuck in the Head Problem.

spyderqueen said...

In fairness, the cheese triangles TOTALLY DON'T FUCKING GO THAT WAY. FUCK YOU SUBWAY! FUCK YOU WITH A CHAINSAW!

Wayward American said...

Omg...this is such my life I laughed so hard I cried!

Neecola said...

I fucking love the angry faces. And no, can't tell the lefties from the righties.

Teresa said...

Oh god, oh god, she's in my head.... No one else around me gets annoyed by sounds. But constant, driving, irritating sounds can make me stressed out to the point of physical illness. So, I hear ya or whatevs.

PS, I'll be helping my mother-in-law move this weekend, so I'll be thinking about this post over and over and over.

Veggie said...

I got some looks laughing outloud in the middle of class

XO, J said...

yes...absolute yes...go there all the time. love.

Leauxra said...

WOW! The only thing you forgot is throwing things around looking for the wallet, then breaking something very sentimental/valuable in the process, and then yelling at it to get out of the way!

Oh, and then someone sees you do it, and you get to add embarrassment on top of everything else, so you yell at them, too!

This is the reason humans are stupid. We go to bed when we aren't tired, and get up when we are, so we are never fully functional.

Colleen said...

Have me met? I just yelled at my dog for breathing too loud.

Christina In Wonderland said...

This happens to me at least once every full moon. I'm a werewolf. RAWR.

El Doo said...

One of my favorite posts to date.

Excellent.

Julia said...

LMAO! Dude. This had me laughing out loud because it's so true. Unfortunate for my poor boyfriend since he's usually the poor guy who ends up putting up with my psychopathic rage when I freak out on him for sneezing or something equally inane. And then I feel like an asshole so now he'll have to put up with me crying over the shame and guilt for an hour.

Ryan said...

Nothing sends me into a blind rage quite like Subway cheese triangles. Well played Allie, well played

WotV said...

That fucking wind gets me every time.

Jaclyn said...

OK, this is the first post that has made me want to comment. LOVE IT. Um ... that wind thing happens to me. It's nice to know the crazy had happened to others, too ...

Kisha said...

You should add small children, usually between the ages of 1-3, and in their repetitive phase, to the flow chart for extra levels of rage:)

Liz Hill said...

The earworm!!!!!! ARRRGGH. Aside from that *parabailarallabamba* I thank you for saving me from going off--because I am laughing now *se necessita* sigh

Annie said...

Oh god, La Bamba! I laughed so damn hard. I am a composer and something like that can (and does) incapacitate me for a day. I'm a new fan - thanks so much for making my gut hurt on a regular basis!!!

Carlos said...

I kept the laughter under control until I got to the brain refusing to go to sleep. That was awesome.

Looking at all the comments above it appears you are able to capture everyone's everyday life experiences and make them enjoyable tales. Thanks for your insight.

Jen said...

This is by far the funniest thing I have read in months. This has totally been me for like 8 weeks. Pregnancy only amplifies this.

Anonymous said...

I know this post is supposed to be funny, and it is, like all of your stuff. But it also moved me. I'm not sure if you were going for that, but that's what happened.

Seriously? Fuck Picasso. Your stick figure drawings have more poignancy than a a Rembrandt.

In the spate of three short days, I have come to need your dose of self-deprecating commiseration as much as air.

You're going to be huge, girl. Huge.

banana said...

This happens to me ALL THE TIME! Seriously, I feel crazy, then I feel bad because I end up taking my anger out on my family, usually my mom... :( Or my cat named Kitty, when she's really annoying and won't let me sleep with her loud purr that is constant and gargling and when I open my eyes she's staring me down wanting me to pet her but I'M TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP KITTY!!!

... this happens almost every night.

P.S. I tried re-subscribing to your account (I had deleted my google account but I made another one just so I could subscribe to you!), but it says something like "We're sorry, the site owner has blocked you from joining this site." *cries*

banana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keely said...

AMAZING.

Seriously. I hate those days. I often end up throwing a fit about the weather, regardless of what it is. Sunny? Universe, why must you mock my misery by being so fucking cheerful. Rainy? Like I needed something else to reinforce my misery.

And then I go home and break something.

Love in the Dumps said...

These always seem to happen to me on Tuesdays. Not Mondays, when you're ready for them, expecting.

Taylor K said...

Living in Phoenix (I don't know whey I live here, I hate it) makes me like that every day during the summer months. GRRRRRRR.

emmysuh said...

First of all, I'm pretty sure you said these were all left hand drawings, which, ASTOUNDING, Seriously.

Secondly, yes, that which described (particularly CATS BEING BATSHIT ANNOYING) is MY LIFE. I too am 99% of the time rational, 1% insane for no reason. Except mine usually goes into long, long crying jags instead of rage. But the build up is the most important part, people are like, "um...why are you sobbing?" and I'm like, " SOB...the cat knocked over my ipod...and I left my cell phone charger at home...and we were out of hummus...and SOB SOB SOB SOB..."

Then I look even MORE crazy, HOORAY.

J-Bird said...

That's odd. I believe I experienced that vicious cycle last week at a barbecue. Poor guy didn't know what hit him. Allie - it's important that you stop stalking me and using my life as fodder for your blog. Thank you. P.S. - Cheese triangles should be slightly overlapping at the tips and no more. In case anyone is interested to know.

Mikael said...

Great... now you got that stupid bamba song stuck in my head. You're in big trouble! Funny post though.

Erin said...

This was me yesterday. I was having a meltdown the entire day, and it was all little things. I knew I should have stayed in bed, I just knew it.

Fucking brilliant

Les said...

For. The. Win.

Shelle said...

Mama said there'll be days like this... haha, perfect explanation of how the psycho-madness sets on :)

Rachel M Cantrell said...

Good Job Allie :) your left handed drawings succeeded. I salute you :P

Gnetch said...

Pretty much like me when I'm PMS-ing.

Jo said...

I have these days quite often. The only way I can ever snap out of a rage is when I get busted for shouting at inanimate objects. Then I'm made to feel stupid, which only makes me feel more angry because someone else pointed out how stupid I am. Asshole.

gryffindork311 said...

that little moment that pushed me over the edge today: learning the words to la bamba. thanks allie. i see your la bamba and raise you one "im blue daba dee daba die"
suck it.

JohnTheBastard said...

FUCKING CHEESE TRIANGLES! THAT IS NOT OPTIMAL CHEESE COVERAGE! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU ALL!!!!!!

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

the heat is stupid and needs to die.

Elle said...

OMG! You totally nailed this! This happens to me at least every other week, and sometimes more often than that. You are full of the AWESOME.

Beta Dad said...

You should teach a psych class! I had no idea about the different tubes. Now it makes so much sense.

Mama Kat said...

Are you better than FIRE!?!?

Best line ever...I will be using that on my kids for the rest of my life. Thank you for that.

Heather said...

Since there are currently 1406 emails in my inbox, I am definitely on the way to yelling at someone over cheese triangle placement (there is definitely a specific way to lay those suckers down).

Kate said...

Always made worse if, in your dream before you wake, somehow you've been transported back to 6th grade church camp and the song you can't get out of your head is "Our God is an Awesome God." And then you hate God and that just makes you feel like a traitor.

chrissymazer said...

The La Bamba playing in her head ALL DAY LONG is so me!!

LOL

Alexis said...

Why are you so awesome?

Jessica said...

You should do a pie chart or bar graph on the probability that all of these things will most likely happen on Mondays.

La Bamba alarm clock. Cheese triangle placement. Cat butthole. These are the rages we all feel so potently. You are strummin' my pain with your fingers!

sarawr said...

If you replaced La Bamba with Whadaya Want From Me, this would be an eerily accurate representation of my daily life and emotional responses to same -- right down to the cat butt and insomnia. Only, you know, this is hilarious instead of totally miserable. :P

Lindz said...

First, I should say that that exact thing happened to me (ask my husband if you don't believe me).

Secondly, it is infinitely more hilarious and fun when you tell the story.

Finally, you are fantastic. <3

Goremeister said...

Describes just about everyone's lives...except I don't go all rage-like, I just go FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-

Love this blog, btw! Just about every post makes me roar with laughter, maybe because this is exactly the sort of humour I employ (sans pics though, I can't even draw like you can :( so yeah).

Morgan said...

Hilarious post, as usual! Goddamn cats are always waking me up, RAAAAGGGEEEE!

Claire said...

Allie, this post is perfect. You have amazing timing. I love you.

Ten minutes ago, I got a tax form in the mail. For our 2009 taxes. Which were due on April 15. So now I have to redo our super-complicated taxes and possibly pay in. I was sitting here trying to figure out how to report this stupid, incompetent health insurance company to the I.R.S. but instead of going into my own hate spiral, I get to read a new HAAH! YAY!!!!!

Lindz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brutalism said...

Oh, hells yeah.

cpwalk2 said...

This was me last night. After feeling pathetic after the Grey's Anatomy finale and about my life as a med student in general, I flew into a self-loathing rage. Good thing I feel better today so I can spend my entire day learning about prions. :P FML.

Drew said...

If the cat's anus won't stop taunting you, apply duct tape.

You're welcome.

Jennifer said...

I had one of those days a couple Mondays ago. Not even the sight of baby ducks could stop the rage.

Alexis said...

OMG this was awesome. I needed this today. I've had a day like this today. And yesterday. Two days of this. Perfect-o. Thanks and kisses. I'd send you cookies and beat the shit out of that Subway guy for you if I could.

One Pea said...

This post totally bugged the piss out of me, which is a reflection of your fabulous ability to tell an illustrated story. Good job. Now I have to go kill someone.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Oh man, have I been there...probably about eleventy million times.

I find Cymbalta works, but only at extremely high doses, which also causes perpetual narcolepsy, which is perfectly fine by me.

Salt said...

It's like you know my cat.

This was outstanding.

Lulu said...

Para bailar la bamba
Para bailar la bamba
Para bailar la bamba
Para bailar la bamba
Para bailar la bamba
Para bailar la bamba

... ...

waiting for the turning point

Velocigoose said...

You've discovered the reasons behind my being a misanthrope... you've also successfully trolled everyone that will ever read this blog by getting the words to La Bamba stuck in their head for no less than 24 hrs. Well done, allie, well done. *wanders off to make a rageguy.jpg*

Anonymous said...

So getting emails from people who are enjoying your stuff is an annoyance?

lalalalauren said...

i <3 this
thanks for the laugh!

AKatC518 said...

Hello Life? You're now a blog post! :) Though there is one tiny difference in my world, I have 3 cats so picture 3 furry assholes pointing at you instead of the 1. ;p

Oh and btw, I'm new to your blog but I have to say I LOVE IT. I do believe I have found someone who actually updates their blog (cuz I don't anymore) that has a similar sense of humor to mine. :) Keep it up!

Genevieve said...

I'm so glad you understand, Allie. I'm sharing the link on my facebook page so that hopefully my husband will stop asking me "Why are you so angry?" because all he gets in response is an unintelligible stream of syllables "garbleflarfdignarscitwat!" that describe perfectly everything that went wrong and that I'm not mad at him, he just happened to be present when the last thing I could do nothing about happened.

Anonymous said...

And this is why so many times when you're out in public and someone is irrational and really aggressive and hostile toward customer service drones, there's always *a reason*.

Ritchie Fucking Valens.

Anonymous said...

"So getting emails from people who are enjoying your stuff is an annoyance?"

I think probably never being able to catch up is the annoyance. But you could probably keep yours in the draft folder and it'd be okay.

Matt said...

*sigh* Now La Bamba is stuck in my head. Otherwise the murderous rage has subsided due to the lol's you provided

Aryanhwy merch Catmael said...

You win.

That is all.

J said...

Great post Allie! I needed that laugh today. Thank you!

Chrissy said...

This exactly what happened to me yesterday, only I could not explain it nearly as eloquently. I have shared the link on my facebook wall as a way of explaination to all of my friends affected by the sneaky hate spiral.

factoid-er said...

This is me basically every week. And I usually end up exploding over how loud my husband chews or something realdicilous like that. I also get really mad when it is raining but the sun is out too. That really ticks me off. Make up your mind you idiot weather!

Happenstance said...

Para bailar a la bamba ... LOL! That's going to be in my head all day now but at least it'll make me laugh.

NetteNet99 said...

Ha Ha! I so used to be like this, but I take a pill for that now! Actually, I take two different ones...

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

Exactly. It's enough to make you want to vomit with rage.

Yin said...

I love it!!! The battery power sign is especially adorable X)

Zoey said...

I love/hate that fridge picture. Our air conditioner unit is on the ground just outside the dining room wall, about a foot and a half displaced from the fridge. So, for the first month of warm weather, every time it kicks on with its rumbly grr-rr-rr-rr-shhhhhhhhh noise, I spend like ten minutes trying to diagnose the fridge-explosion-doom sound. Then I trace it to outside and get pissed at the air conditioner, too.

Angie said...

Cat's asshole. Priceless.

stephanie of stopbouncing said...

I haven't laughed that much since I "accidentally" set that ant hill on fire.
Thanks for illustrating my week.

Diana said...

I feel kind of empty now...you derailed my sneaky hate sprial with your cartoons. But maybe I could be angry about the fried rice that lodged in my sinuses when I snorted at the cat butt...

Alice said...

you win at life Allie. this is just what i was doing all last week. and this was the PERFECT representation of this feeling!

Chl said...

I hate it when I'm trying to get a plate and instead I get hit in the head with a purse and the remote falls on the floor. Especially since I don't even carry a purse! So strange... :D

Louisa said...

I can totally relate. Although my rage spiral usually only ends when I end up crying all over the place. Which usually happens when I walk in the door at the end of the day and proceed to start sobbing all over my boyfriend (who is trying to be nice and comfort me and not freak out because I'm crying like my mom died for no apparent reason).

You forgot, however, the part where you realize you're in a rage spiral, but have neither the will nor the desire to stop it. It just compounds the frustration when you realize you're being irrational and continue regardless.

Thanks, Allie!

County of O'Corc said...

This truly summed up my week. You perfected it and put a smile on my face at the same time!

saratogajean said...

This rage spiral left me crying and sweating, fighting with a shrunken mattress cover that would not fit onto the mattress without bowing the whole damn thing up like a rocking chair.

Luckily it's in the guest room, so I don't have to look at it every second. Or else, you know, the rage spiral would continue.

c.a. Marks said...

Yep.

curegirl0421 said...

It's so true. All of it. I especially love the anatomical breakdown of the rage cycle.

Thanks Allie, you made my day as always.

I hope your ovaries aren't fucking with you today.

Scottsdale Girl said...

it took me MONTHS to figure out why I would always have a song stuck in my head during the morning hours. Damnable alarm clock song! Also, I have yelled at both the cats and the dogs for LICKING THEMSELVES TOO LOUDLY! Gah!

author said...

Thank you. I now understand humans completely.

*julia said...

Weird...this happened to me yesterday....I was wearing a billowy dress and some idiot asked me when my due date was. I went for a walk to cool down and there were people in all my favorite spots when all I wanted to do was be AWAY from people...and then a big bug flew right into my forehead. That was the last straw and I almost started crying...so I know what you mean. Then I was a bitch to my boyfriend all night:(

AEM said...

I think you wrote this just for me. hhahahahaha

Mia Watts said...

I think I'm in love with you.

Tahereh said...

GOOD GOD YOU'RE A GENIUS.

Bri said...

Holy crap, this was me two days ago. Your powers of ESP are frightening...

Ellie said...

Oh my god, I can't count the number of times I've flown into a murderous rage over that goddamn Safari delay rainbow.

"You must wait" LOL

Wendilea said...

OMG your cartoon depictions are hysterical and the commentary is brilliant! I'll be laughing all day over this one!

LAJen said...

This has been my entire week this week! I've moved past the anger to random crying spurts... I realized this morning that it had gotten really bad when my favorite Mexican food place gave me my huevos rancheros without a tortilla and I almost burst into tears. Upside? I went back and apparently looked so pathetic that they made a new plate for me with meat instead of pico de gallo :) Oh. And I got to read this post and it made me crack up. Thanks!

AOL said...

You win, you win, you win. Thank you for making my Friday explode with rainbows of laughter.. :)

David said...

So true about the subway triangles...

loving the post - especially the talking toaster - i want one!

reminds me of the futurama episode where the machines go mental, and the coffee machine is like:

"would you like some cream in your coffee?"

"sure!"

"OUT OF CREAM!!!!!!"

hapikit said...

Allie, I was introduced to your blog through facebook. My cousin sent me an invite to your page. I have spent the last few days reading back through your blogs and am totally hooked (don't tell my boss but I havn't got a great deal of work done this week)
Your awesomeness is AWESOME!!!
My son & I both luuurve spaghatta nadle.
Keep up the awesomeness...did I mention you are awesome?!!

kimh12 said...

Have you been stalking me? Cuz seriously, this is just like my daily life... You had me cracking up so bad at work that my coworker just came over to check on me.

Tiny Technician said...

I cut you! :-)

OK, this just made my day. Yep, going to lock it down to a forever favorite. I really cannot show it to enough people.

Cynthia said...

It's just possible that I may have called my cats assholes before. . .

quislibet said...

Yes! That color wheel is almost always a factor in my RAGE. As is gravity, the bastard.

Melissa said...

Been reading you for a awhile though never commeted but OMG too friggin funny!

I have these days a lot, though for me being woken up nastily ends up being one of my lovely children up way too friggin early to for be to be completely aware enough to avoid half the annoying shit that happens to me. And then I rage!

Don't have a cat now, btw, but all too often happened to me when I did! Why anal face, why!?

erica g said...

Hey, I'm not alone in my hatred of wind! This is me every morning: "GoddamnyoufuckingpieceofshitWIND!!! Don't you have anything better to do?! Go find some amber fucking waves of grain & leave me the fuck alone!!!"

statusviatoris said...

Ha ha! I've just had one of those days! My alarm went off in the middle of some weird psycho dream (see blog post for slightly odd details) and I just couldn't get my shit together for the rest of the day. TGIF!

Bunnee said...

Oh no! I think you just kick-started the spiral of hateration right here. If La Bamba is still stuck in my head at 3 AM (and it will be) imma cut a bitch!

Sig said...

And now I have La Bamba stuck in my head....

grrr.

Heavy Artillery said...

I laughed loudly and disrupted my coworkers! Then I became a bit concerned that I seem to be constantly on the edge of the Tipping Point on a daily basis. Then I remembered I need to take my blood pressure medication when I get home.

Darya said...

Yep. That IS exactly how it happens.

Thanks for all the great posts!

Emily White said...

Hahaha! I love the last picture especially!

I actually woke up in the middle of the night once from a chinchilla running across my face. First, it freaked me out and then I had to spend the next two hours chasing the stupid thing around my room to put it back in its cage. Not a good night.

Amanda said...

OMG This was amazing. Per usual.

Sam said...

I like how all of the things that act like a-holes have little smiles on them. They enjoy your pain! Hooray! :)

Kate said...

It was rainy AND windy (ew?) yesterday morning, and I had a tiny little freakout that ended with me stuffing my umbrella into the trashcan and swearing to myself in public. I'm so glad that I share these sporadic uncontrollable bursts of rage with all of you funny internet people. Can we all be friends? I'd like that ALOT. (Get it? Get it? Awesome. Bye.)

Katie Katastrophe said...

these pictures are so great! i saved a bunch of them to apply to my facebook status and desktop background as needed according to my mood. you just made my day way better! :D

Carrie said...

D: I now have La Bamba stuck in my head too.

Thankfully, life has not quite reached the bottom of the spiral so I think my coworkers are safe for the rest of the day.

However, if my iPod was half that cheerful about telling me its battery was dying, I don't think I could be angry at it. I'd probably apologize to it and rush right home to put it back on the charger.

"It's all right, iPod, we'll get through this together!!!"

Calamitybird said...

This post is a masterpiece. I wouldn't even know where to begin cataloging the parts that apply to me, from the needy cat and its asshole to stuff flying out of cupboards to red lights that hate me.

And I am SO prone to earworms. My eleven-year-old thinks it funny. So just when I finally get one out of my head, he'll come over and sing a bar and run for it. *grrrr*

Anonymous said...

This happened to me 25 years ago and it never stopped. I've been a bundle of hyperrage, usually against inanimate objects and/or fauna since then.

John Dax said...

I blame you for this post. No rage incited, however. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

At least is isn't Lou Bega.

inflammatory writ said...

Any day that starts with Los Lobos is bound to be a failure.

This is one of your best. I am LOLing all over the place.

Sister said...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

Holly said...

Hilarious post! Mostly because it is SO true. I def. have days like that!

e. said...

My God that's brilliant!

Brandi G. said...

Yes, Red Light, you DO hate me. And I hate you TOO, you #$%@%^$^$#!

But I love you, Allie. I'm glad that I'm not the only one this happens to.

Aaron said...

this was yesterday for me.
there were no ACTUAL cats in my presence all day long, but i did see a dog at my job and it had huge balls and they were just very PROMINENT and all in my face every time i looked the direction of the dog (they weren't actually in my face, it just felt like it).
my solution to the hate spiral? Lady GaGa tickets.

Anonymous said...

Not that you could possibly read and process all these over aggrandizing comments . . . but damn you're good.

For those of you who have not lived in Montana or Wyoming, that wind thing is for real. I've lived in Laramie. "Wind Rage" is the second leading cause of murder. It's science. Look it up.

Lale said...

I empathize so, so much with the mac rainbow waiting circle. It's the bane of my life.

Coyote said...

Thank you so much! I'm now going to show this to all my friends, so I can say "You see?!? I'm not the only person who has days like this!"

You may have interrupted my hate spiral that was starting up today!

Of course, now I have "La Bamba" stuck in my head, but it's a small price to pay.

i was born without a name. : ( said...

Ah! This happens way too many times! Why do cats think that you want to see their asses? Its like "HI!!! I HAVE A BUTT AND I'D LIKE YOU TO SEE IT!"
But anyways, I love love love your posts!!!!! This is my favourite so far.

EMMarley said...

For me it's the cat. Mainly since one of mine seems to only find enjoyment in eating and scratching on my door in the middle of the night. She dances with death every time. I, however, appear to be too kind or just too tired to impart it upon her.

Anonymous said...

I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to explain this exact set of circumstances to my wife for 8 years now.

♥AbbeyMaybe said...

HA.
this is me today.
Thank god I'm not alone in this.

Mrs. Powers (806) said...

<3

In so many ways...

Moooooog35 said...

Weird.

You and WebMD.com say the same thing.

Anonymous said...

This was me just this morning, every single fucked itself up, eventually I gave up and cried while standing in the shower with soap running down my face. Then I went to my son's graduation and cried some more, then I went to work and yelled at people, cause I'm the boss and god dammit if I tell you to move the stoves then fucking move them! Now it's 1:38 pm and I am considering checking in to a cheap motel room to just sleep tonight so I don't have to deal with whiney 14 year old, needy 11 year old or bossy 10 year old(or my husband)
I'm glad it's Friday.

smofbbs said...

The illustrious Mark Twain taught that the most effective way to combat an earworm is to willfully inflict it upon someone else.

One Girl said...

This is awesome Allie. Thanks for the entertainment! :)

mepsipax said...

Allie...this explains so much. You should go into psychiatry...they are all crazy anyway... You make the best fucking drawings.

Dan said...

Brilliance.

Princess Pointful said...

This entire process can be sped up (how the f do you spell the past tense of speed?) by any trip on public transit. Seriously.

Jamie said...

Your writing is awesome, but the pictures make the posts.

whyimbored said...

this is perfect for today - I have been stuck in that spiral for the better part of two months now, finally culminating in refusal to go to work.

Jenn Holton said...

I really think the spinning multi-colored beach ball of "YOU MUST WAIT FOR MY RAM POWERS" would make an excellent T-shirt.

I'd buy it.

I hate that little guy.

thomast said...

This is a super awesome post - found 1.5 Hyberboles through a friend's link to the alot post.

But, I cannot figure out what the brown thing and the white thing with lines are in the dish cabinet? Do you really keep your purse and packing knife in your dish cabinet?

writer.elh@gmail.com said...

I love that you can illustrate how I feel. If I had a creative bone in my body I would probably have a house filled with paintings from my own sneaky hate spirals. These would be dark and red and the canvases would be torn. I think it would be cathartic.

Kris said...

AMAZING.

But does your inbox really have like two thousand messages in it?

Ali @ His Birdie's Nest said...

Let's be honest the Subway people never get the cheese triangles right, they kinda deserve to get yelled at.

Courtney said...

Allie, I think you have a psychic link thing-y kickin'....seriously. I JUST got off the phone w/ a counselor so I can get my hate & "batshit" crazy episodes under control again. Thank you for being you...it's good to know someone onu there has as many Neurocese as myself.

Stacey said...

And that was me just moments ago...but because of you/this post I'm full of laughter glee and um maybe some liquor

ty said...

HAHAHA especially funny today.

Kristen D. Smith said...

I LOVE this since I just went into a sneaky hate spiral this morning when my husband told me he couldn't find his socks.
Oh, and as a former "Sandwich Artist" for Subway in the mid 90's, I completely agree, the cheese triangles are ALWAYS supposed to be placed with the first triangle up, the second down and so on, so that you get the correct amount of cheese in every bite! That's not so hard to do now, is it?

You are right on with everything, and super funny, and it creeps me out how much your posts seem to echo my life...maybe I'm not as unique as I think I am!?!?

Alephra said...

Okay, this one time when I was a little spaz-ling, I was in one of these hate-spirals, and sitting next to my little brother in the back seat of the car on our way to God Knows Where, CA.
Then.... He sneezed.
I whirled around and yelled "SHUT UP!!!" at him.
He gave me the most incredulous look... Then we both busted into hysterics over it. I think we were laughing for a good half-hour over it.
Since then, I can't really bring myself to get into one of those - it seems a little futile to me, now.
As a great philosopher said, "C'est la - oh fuck it." (He was probably more that a bit drunk at the time.)

P.S. Stalk-fight!? Bring it on - come find me. I have ballistic cookies, and will TOTALLY mess you up with cookie-lesterol. >:p

JC said...

Absolutely brilliant!! You've completely nailed my sleeping pattern lately. You're not stalking me are you??? Not that I'd be against that.....I've had worse stalkers!! lol

christine said...

HAHA.

Sleep anger is the worst anger. :(

<3 your post!

tiffany said...

that bloody circular rainbow of waiting. that guy always pushes me over the edge.

Antonia said...

LOL this happened to me yesterday. It started with the internet at work going out and being forced to stay there to answer the phone. Normally I would answer the phone, but typically I'd be the one to help out...not acting like someone's secretary. I eventually just left in protest.

Then I had this placement test to do which required written consent from a counselor. Unfortunately, I forgot the letter, didn't realize it til I arrived, and therefore drove an hour for no reason.

Then there was traffic.

Then I was hungry.

Then I had to pee.

Then I went to Del Taco and they told me to park because my order would take too long to process at the window.

10 minutes go by (I checked my receipt).

I go into Del Taco and complain. I finally get my order after 16 minutes since I placed the order. Fast food my ass.

Left quickly in anger. Got to my fiance's truck (we traded cars for MPG vs. distance) and it wont start. I need a jump.

No one offers to help me while I'm standing there crying over my open hood.

Called up my fiance. He would be there in an hour and a half or so (just leaving work).

I decided to eat my food. Apparently they make Del Taco burgers out of used cat litter. NEVER eat a Del Taco burger.

15 minutes go by. I'm still in the Del Taco parking lot. I realize they never gave me my drink. Went back inside pissed off. Thankfully they didn't argue with me. I think they could tell I had been crying/close to spitting acidy spit.

Get back in my car. I have my knitting next to me. Knit a few rows... 3 stitches fall off the needle. ANGER.

Cry some more.

Behind me I hear a kid on a bike get hit by a car. I felt much better after this. (Don't worry--the kid was fine.)

I seriously believe the only solution to this sort of anger is watching a small child on a bike get hit by a car.

Tonya said...

Awesome timing!! I was totally at the breaking point yesterday...and had a few tremors this morning too.

Big Nessy said...

Perfect!
I have these days way more than I should.
At one point last week, as the rage spiral reached its peak, I looked at my husband and shouted, "IF YOU DON'T STOP BREATHING SO LOUDLY I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FACE WITH A SPORK!"
I don't really hate him. He just thinks I do.

Shari Green said...

Ahahahahaha! Thank you.

Ireland said...

it's getting really creepy how many similarities we have. I have a feeling I'm going to be just like you in a few years.

hey, I can hope, can't I?

Ellen said...

OMG This is me almost every day! I'm amazed that someone else can put into words/drawings exactly what I go through.
You are wonderful, like a robot with fairy wings and warm cookies!

Meghan said...

My boyfriend used to get so pissed he couldn't wear clothes, just like the guy in the drawing tearing his shirt off. I almost wet my pants laughing.

Tropical Thinker said...

Oh dear God, someone documented my life while I was distracted by shiny objects!

Awesome post by the way. And thank you for helping me get rid of my sneaky hate spiral that was about to start up. This is actually better (and oh-so-much cheaper) than alcohol to make you forget about how crappy your day can get. Thank you so very much!

Morgan said...

The "Turning Point" pictures are a RIOT. "This is the last time, brain."

Kat said...

Thank you for explaining so eloquently how this happens. All this time I just thought I was surely on the verge of truly becoming psychotic. :) HAHAHA! The Subway picture had me laughing out loud! Why is the cheese thing so hard for them to understand?! :)

springiris said...

Amen!

I also hate the wind!

Stupid wind always being all windy and sh*t.

ozarius said...

Well finally someone got around to writing a blog about my life!!!! Except of course, the 'chaos' phase is yet to begin for me - have been waiting for years...

Ryan said...

Who keeps a briefcase in their kitchen cupboard?

mouse said...

Oh my. Thank you.
When the sun is trying to kill you, you forgot the part where perfect strangers come by and exclaim about the beautiful day.
I need my husband to read this so he'll be more sympathetic when I beat on him to wake him up and say "If you don't stop snoring I will kill you."
And it's not La Bamba, it's that Doobie Brothers song "By the hand hand take me by the hand pretty momma ..."

Rhian said...

What's wrong with "La Bamba?" I love that song. :)

BaltimoreGal said...

I think if I ever saw anyone wearing that "look at me" cat ass on a t-shirt I would drop to the ground laughing. I'll leave it up to you if you want to make that happen.

April said...

O.M.G. Laughed til I cried. My in-boxes mock me daily ... the work in-box that currently stands at 297 and the personal ones that are at 852 and 283. Glad to know I am not the only one driven to homicidal rage by that.

leendadll said...

This reminds me of the day were I lost it to the point of kicking off my shoes with reckless abandon as soon as I walked in the door. One went through the window screen. So I yelled at the cat then TOTALLY DESTROYED the window screen for being a it being a stupid, in the way, breakable bitch.

Some "I need medication" days are more obvious than others.

Baby Bows said...

This is SOOOO awesome, I totally relate!

kait said...

hahaha. I have a terrible temper... this seems to happen to me a lot.

I hope this got out your anger and you're feeling better. :D

Your blog is hysterical! One of those sites I bounce around impatiently waiting for the next post for. :D Like buttersafe, or xkcd, but better. O.O And to be better than buttersafe .... well, that's something. I'll say that. ^^

Anonymous said...

I thought I was the only person that this happened to XD

BrighterScribe aka Kyra said...

OMG! This is some HI-larious s***! I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard! I totally have those kinds of days! So true! It's the adult temper tantrum. Break out the lavender essential oil and do some serenity now breathing! ROFL! Thanks for a totally bust a gut post! Awesome!

Mika aka Xeyli said...

Unfortunately, it's the hubby that always ends up being at the opposite end of my insanity.

Why can't it be all the stupid people in the world on the opposite end of my insanity?!

Anonymous said...

"I have the emotional variation of sand."

Oh Allie, I want you to live forever just for my own entertainment purposes.

You're such a unique artist. :) :) :)

Amy said...

I LOVE LA BAMBA~~~
AND I LOVE THIS POST

KEEP ON ROCKIN IN THE FREE WORLD

eeky said...

Gold.
Pure gold.

thesheepyone said...

haha :) loving the lht reference :) you are truly amazing :)

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