Sneaky Hate Spiral

Most of the time, I'm pretty even-tempered.  Aside from the odd nervous breakdown or caffeine-induced bliss-seizure, I have the emotional variation of sand.  However, every once in a great while, I'll lapse into what I like to call a "sneaky hate spiral."

The buildup:

Sneaky hate spirals begin simply enough.  In fact, that is one of the hallmarks of sneaky hate spirals - they are merely the confluence of many unremarkable annoyances.

Your day begins poorly.


Before you've had a chance to recover from your unpleasant awakening, you are pummeled by a series of unfortunate events.  There are probably some loud and/or persistent sounds mixed in there, too. 


The little frustrations start to happen more quickly.  They ping against your psyche like hundreds of tiny pebbles.  


Eventually, the sum of the small annoyances begins to exceed your capacity for patience and rational thought.  All it would take to send you over the edge into a bottomless pit of angry hysteria is just one more tiny, little thing...

The turning point:

The turning point is usually a minor but slightly jarring incident, initiated by some force of nature that cannot be blamed or scolded - like gravity or sleeplessness or wind.  That last specification is very important.  In order to send you into truly batshit crazy hysterics, the final straw must cause anger that cannot rationally be directed outward in any way.


Your worn patience plus the inability to blame anything for your misery causes a chain reaction to take place inside of you.



The rage enters your body, but cannot exit through either the blame or personal responsibility pathways. It therefore must travel to the very center of you where it will fester and eventually rupture.  

Chaos:

When enough anger and hatred has accumulated inside of you, it will rupture through your pathetic sense of integrity and start spewing outwardly as if you are some sort of rage sprinkler, spraying your putrid hate all over anything that comes near you.   


You are officially out of control.   At this late stage, there is no way around it.  You are simply a helpless passenger in your psychotic war-machine of a body.   

529 comments:

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odorunara said...

Take this and multiple it by being a white American in rural Japan (despite the fact that I've studied Japanese for seven years), and this is my life at least once a week. Little things: clerks refusing to use my eco bags; being unable to tell if people are racist jerks or just jerks; city people; having coworkers who won't let me spit out a sentence (trying to end all my sentences for me when I'm trying to explain that that's NOT the case and why). Also, monsterously large spiders.

I bet you get this a lot, but I wish you could illustrate my life. I seriously laughed so hard I cried when I read this.

your mother said...
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your mother said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
your mother said...

Finally, forgot to mention that the thing falling out of the cupboard looks like an iron to me - my mother said that happened to her once before I was born, an iron fell out of the closet and hit her point-first right on the top of her head! It's a wonder she wasn't dain bramaged.

your mother said...

(deleted and reposted because leaving too many comments in a row was annoying me)
1) of all the hilarious drawings in this post, your morning face is the best - I should just tape it to my mirror;
2) the biggest culprits in my hate spirals are the following: unexpected cat vomit (usually ON my bed, sometimes while I'm still in it) and/or dingleberries, birds chirping loud enough to wake the dead, falling down the stairs while still in my nightgown, the presence of too many ants in my kitchen (I lose my shit at these ants on a regular basis), hay fever (my inability to stop sneezing makes me want to go postal), just missing the subway/train, cheap-ass umbrellas turning themselves inside out when it's raining and windy (which for some reason it often is in NYC), repeatedly losing at Brickbreaker, spilling coffee on myself, having too many emails received before I get up in the morning (I frequently say things like "36 emails? FUCK you" to my Crackberry) and my DVR inexplicably failing to record shows, my refrigerator making a loud clacking sound (this particular model doesn't do the buzzing/whining so much as a random loud noise which I have been known to yell at), strangers laughing loudly, kissing or otherwise conspicuously enjoying themselves in my presence (once I shouted "Get a room!" at some teens making out in front of the subway turnstile, like a crazy old lady);
3) whoever mentioned Lou Bega (Vega? Too lazy to look it up), screw you. That's *so* much worse than La Bamba.

Remzer said...

I came back last night from a weekend away, fishing woth friends, so I should've been the embodiment of Zen. But an accumulation of little annoyances made me lose it.

This post is both comic relief and the explanation I was at a lost for. I'm linking my wife to this.

Teri said...

One hundred trillion million super duper laugh points to Allie for this post!!!

Stolen Sentiments said...

Pure brilliance.

Roberta said...

Where the HELL is my comment? You've reduced me to checking back to see if you thought what I said was funny. JFC and WTF? So, what I had said was, you nailed it with the ripping the shirt thing (my rage-a-muffin husband does this when he bobbles his cereal bowl and spills...) I absolutely roared at this one. Utterly and completely the funniest. Your drawings are genius, and I can hear the fridge, wallet, and brain saying "LOL" in a high squeaky voice. It's superb, Allie!!

Anonymous said...

This is the funniest thing I've ever seen! I was in a hate spiral all day today and my friend sent me this link because she thought I was acting crazy. I was riding around my neighborhood on a bike basically yelling that the local supermarket could go f--- itself for not having the kind of cheese that I needed. Thanks, hyperboleandahalf! You saved me from my hate spiral!

carolynpkao said...

NINJA BEAR!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ptYTGTNiyQ

Sammhael said...

It's so true. Thank you for illustrating so simply and beautifully what usually takes me three hours, a bottle of whiskey, two calls to the cops, and chewing on furniture, trees, or people smaller than me to properly express.

medic said...

so funny!

fillthecup said...

HAHAHA (better than LOL, and ~same effort, and also ono....mono...piyah? is that right?)
Fantastic. Especially the 'para bailar la bamba' bit. Damn Los Lobos and Lou Bega!

The 'hatred purification...' diagram was my favorite tho, worthy of being included in biology textbooks.

Jessica said...

Thank you for writing this... I am a pretty mild mannered person, but those little things add up so quickly sometimes. There really is a loss of control when the frustration becomes to great. Sending you some positive loving vibes to get you through the rest of your week... Thank you for the laugh and bringing me back down to earth. You and your blog are a blessing :)

Kangarara said...

Thank you. Thank you. I just had the worst worst worst day, and the only thing that's made me even unfurrow my brow is this post.

Mamique said...

para bailar la bamba...........
Great, now it's stuck in MY head, lol. This can't possibly end well ;-)

queenofthecentre said...

This happens to me quite often...and of course I usually end up going into a murderous rage at my husband...poor guy!! I have on occasion went off at some random person...those times are fun :D

AWESOME again, Allie!!!

jhudora96 said...

As if bears weren't scary enough...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ptYTGTNiyQ&

Anonymous said...

I would comment on my fav parts but it was all pretty much perfect. I am reading this at 3:30 am, windows open and I fear I woke up my next door neighbor with the sounds of muffled laughter and then weeping.

writingisfun said...

I just read this again for the umpteenth time, and I swear, it gets funnier every time I read it. I agree that the smiley faces are what make this post for me.

I'm sure my cubihood thinks I'm insane from the muffled laughing that comes from my cube while reading these posts...

coffeeaddict said...

I love your blog! Christ that is so me, and everyone else apparently judging by your comments. I'm loving the batshit crazy hysterics. Bloody hilarious!But now I think I need therapy.

Kate said...

YES. This is so me. Just this evening I was shouting at my pumpkin STUPID FUCKING THING, WHY WON'T YOU SOFTEN YOU'VE BEEN COOKING FOR AN HOURRRRR

Anonymous said...

Oh my god.

I was REALLY having one of these days today. Heatwave, stepping on pointy things, annoying email from client, unnecessarily loud lawncare right outside the window, etc, etc... I posted my anger as a facebook status update, and one of my friends replied with this link. I feel A MILLION TIMES BETTER NOW. Thank you. Thank you for saying what we're all thinking.

Michele N said...

I just wanted to say that I was totally heading down the sneaky hate spiral today... until I read your blog! Thank you for saving me from being a helpless passenger in my psychotic war-machine body. My co-workers thank you too.

Oh, and thanks for being awesome! Your blog always makes my day!!

Snarktooth said...

You *are* super creepy because you broke into my head and stole my brain. I love you so much that I'm going to let you stay on rent free.

Quix said...

I fear for my productivity now that I've found your little corner of the internets. Thank you for awesome. That is all. Have a lovely day!

Jenny said...

LMAOOOO that is me EVERY DAY!!! God I love your blog.

Kara said...

I love the drawings. So true, even the la bamba part. In fact it is now stuck in my head...

Also follow me please! I just started blogging :)
http://kara-liveoutloud.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

I totally want a "Stop taunting me with your powers of flight" shirt.

Robert said...

I sincerely doubt you will read this out of the 433 comments on this post, but I literally just read your entire blog over the last 3 days and it has made me feel better about absolutely everything.

Perhaps it takes away from my legitimacy that I haven't been here from the beginning, but baby, I'll be here 'til the end.

Love,
Robert

Kits said...

Omg! This is me sometimes! Wicked wicked post :)

Velocity_Boost said...

I just got linked to this site today (specifically to alots). This is precisely me today, in words (and pictures) I've never been able to articulate.

My particular breaking point, when the unaimed-rage burst forth from the deepest recesses of my bitter, coffee-flavoured soul, was when I unconsciously made myself a tea-coffee-milk drink, after a day of getting lost three times on a two-years-familiar five-minute route, losing $20 and finding it right where I was looking for it ten minutes later, being tripped by an always-underfoot feline, and going out multiple times to run errands I could've done all at once if I'd just bloody remembered them in time.

I am calm now, in part due to this post. I thank you.

Michelle Kendrick Hartney said...

Thanks for the laugh. You are HILARIOUS!

Rachel said...

Sneaky Hate Spiral caused me to rip my brand new sunglasses off my face and hurl them forcefully to the ground, where they shattered into at least 10 pieces. I did this all in front of my 5-year old, because I am mature like that.

J Doe said...

I agree with anonymous above, you have to live longer than I do, so I'll never be bored! and "I have the emotional variation of sand" is fantastic.
I decieded to use your title as the first in my series of paint drawings--come check it out!
http://unabashedbananas.blogspot.com/2010/05/sneaky-hate-spiral.html
Thanks!

MJ said...

I actually started to feel more and more upset just by scrolling down your pictures. Lets just hope something doesn't happen to push me over the edge.

miranda said...

a friend of a friend posted a link to this on a friend's facebook page. i just got a new macbook and therefore have been stalking people on facebook 24/7. i saw this link on a particularly sneaky-hate-spiral day and was like "IT'S PROBABLY GOING TO SUCK BUT I'LL READ IT ANYWAY JUST SO I CAN HATE IT LIKE I HATE EVERYTHIIIIIING."

and then i read it and couldn't stop laughing for about three hours. moral of the story: you have a new faithful #1 fan. way to rock!

WingSong said...

In the past two days, I have read every single one of your posts and have loved them all so very much. This one is one of my favorites. I think I'll read it every time I have one of those kinds of days. And then I will feel better.

Why does adding faces to everything and making them talk in chatspeak make everything so much more adorable and acceptable? I don't know, but it's awesome.

Cari said...

I'd add a few things, like not finding a music CD in its proper box (so it's probably lost inside a computer, CD player or another CD box), and saying "Hi there" to a friend in MSN and right after that he/she goes offline. In this one I like to believe that the system lagged and the person had already gone offline before I sent the message...

Andrew said...

Where are you? Have you died?

One Pork Chop said...

Lovely - now La Bamba is stuck in my head. I do want to thank you for pointing out the correct words for the song. Up until today, I thought he was saying, "La la la la la bamba, la la la la la bamba, muchaco cinco, nueve contesta."

Consequently, those are the only words I remember from four semesters of Spanish in college.

I often feel enraged while standing in line at Subway, so this post spoke to me on many levels.

Ashlee Lane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashlee Lane said...

I absolutely love this post! You are completely hysterical. I'm not even tricking you into reading my blog which is not funny but is now on its very slow journey to funny-dom(ish-ness) because you have seriously inspired me (and tricking is bad). My best friend from college is so like you with her neuroses and total wackiness. I'm all the way back in the October '09 stuff now and only discovered your blog 3 days ago. OK, forget I said that...I sound like a stalker. I'm not. I'm really not a stalker.
Two questions:
1) Did you ever finish that book/are you still working on it?
2) When are you going to post something new?!? :( I mean, I have enough to keep me occupied for roughly another 24 hours, but then it will be done and another post is necessary. No pressure.
One more thing...I'm not a stalker. Really.
*I deleted my post because I had "it's" instead of "its." And that bothers me, Alot. (Alot always understands.) Oh my word I'm sounding more like a stalker every second!!!!

Anonymous said...

My mom was in the hospital ER and I was thinking how inadequate the pain chart was. So I googled it. And found your site. I read that post, then the Dinosaur Goose post, then the Allie and Fish Best Friends Forever post, then the Alot post, and now this post. I immediately ordered the I Like This Alot t-shirt from Zazzle and it just came in tonight and anyone I meet who recognizes it while I'm wearing it gets immediate 100 cool points. You are just so wonderful, Allie. This world is a better place for having you in it. Thanks.

My life... said...

Allie~
First of all I might have a Girl-crush on you because of your amazing writing! I think I've read this blog once a day since discovering it (even when you don't post a new one, I read the old ones over because they are soooooooo funny!). This post is by far my favorite. You have the human condition down to a "T". Thanks for making me laugh so hard that I have to gasp for air!!

Polina said...

i just wanted to let you know that i read this the day it came out, laughed cuz i recalled times when i felt this way. And then today happened. My day started out okay but got progressively more and more down and it wasnt until i got so mad that i took my anger out on a plastic trash can that i realized....hyperbole and a half....this is just like this weeks comic. and then i launched into a fit giggles and realized how funny the entire situation was so I just wanted to personally thank you for that moment that launched me into a giggle fit after a very trying day. =]

Caratunk Girl said...

I love this - you are freaking awesome. I completely love the La Bamba not getting out of your head.

Crap.

Actually it is in my head now.

Thanks a lot.

Anonymous said...

The sneaky hate spiral is slowing accumulating as the day goes on!!! Oh yes, oh yes...

becca said...

I have been staring at my vent for 2 hours now yelling at it in my head to stop making so much noise. Feeding the pit..... good thing it is the weekend.

The thing is, even when you acknowledge that you are in this state, you can't do anything about it. You can't just shake it off and make a conscience decision to forget it. You have to wait until something really really great wipes it all away. Or you get good sleep. Which is usually the solution.

Mari-Ann said...

I swear if I ever win the lottery, I am sending you a big pile of money to reward you for being so funny! You are amazing and I wish I owned an Allie of my very own that I would keep under my bed and bring her out only when I was quite sad because we don't want to use up all the Allie Humor Powers at once. In the meantime, I will haunt your blog and wait for new funniness. Alot (ha) of new funniness.

Drakmarth said...

Today my hate spiral formed its ugly visage as ANGROR, scion of Chaos, as my plan at work today was turned upside, then scrawled upon by a small child with crayons.

Its a shame it was minor things that chipped away at my armour and then several massive cannonballs (an entire mobile network going down, an electronic lock causing several hours of issues and now flooded flat) from 3pm have shattered my mental stability. I began shouting to the air about how 'Gorram gorram...why..gor..DAAAHHH!' it all was.

Oh well, all you can do is laugh..or punch broken fridges. But that hurts. :(

Bobby Coleman said...

so true and so funny. you take the simplest aspects of life and make them absolutely hysterical.

Thank you!

ruthmoth said...

It's not just the heat; it's the heat AND the mf'n wind. Stupid birds, too.

Schmutzie said...

This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2010/5/28/five-star-fridays-edition-105-is-brought-to-you-by-edith-wha.html

STG said...

I don't normally comment on these types of things - especially when the person who wrote it appears to be funnier than me (nothing pisses me off faster!). At the risk of stroking your ego, you really hit the nail on the head with this one. I was actually crying from laughing so hard, and I usually only do that when reflecting on something funny I have done. I approve.

p.s. kiss my ass.

val said...

I'm sad you haven't posted in a week, I hope this isn't like every other blog I find and fall in love with only to find out the blogger is over it and not posting anymore. I bought my fella on of your dinosaur whore t shirts!

Amora said...

This is riot! Thank you for making me cackle! It's SO spot on!

PS: La Bamba was the first song I learned as a little girl. After reading this blog entry, I was singing it for 2-3 days!

Julie said...

HA HA HA HA HA!!! This happens to me too!! Your label of "sneaky hate spiral" is so appropriate! :)

A Pen In Neverland: Angela Peña Dahle said...

Oh dear! Interesting. Horrible, horrible luck or happenings. Funny beyond explanation.

www.a-pen-in-neverland.blogspot.com

Alison said...

So, I found your blog about...1 1/2 weeks ago. I've now read EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER POSTED. At least here. It's not that creepy when you consider the vast amounts of free time I have as a teenager, and my amazing procrastination abilities. Anyway, I adore you. But you probably hear that a lot. I'm not kind of wishing I'd found this AGES ago, because I had a crappy year and you make me smile. The first day I found your site, my parents pretty much broke down my door to find out why I was laughing so hard. I'm not sure what emergency situation they were thinking up in which I would be laughing uproariously. But you know parents. I would like to thanks you immensely for your story of barricading your door from serial killers while showering; it inspired me to do the same AND I have a weirdly built bathroom that's normally inconvenient, but allows me to wedge a box in between the door and counter therefore making it impossible for me to be murdered. Unless the serial killer has door hacking down capabilities. Anyway, now I'm rambling. This is a special message for Boyfriend: MARRY HER.
This is a special message for you: MARRY BOYFRIEND. He seems super cool. I will be sad if you die, so don't please.

The Piratess said...

1) I read every single post of yours in two days. I didn't do much else. Except pee, take ridiculously long bubble baths, and make a batch of crescent rolls.

2) I think we're secretly related somehow, even though I'm not a test tube baby. Either that or this is The Truman Show and you get me far too well to be considered normal and I'll become paranoid that you're stalking my brain from thousands of miles away using velociraptors and the need for a hybrid cake/pie (which I've been working on for about a year)--but I live in Nashville, TN, so I can just blame the flood.

3) My boyfriend introduced me to this. So we can both thank our boyfriends for being awesome/serial killers (potentially). And he's already promised to dress as a ninja while I'm doing laundry because when he looks at me like I'm a three-legged kitten with a terminal disease he can't get mad at me and gives in to ridiculous demands.

4) Although I've been blogging roughly 3.5 years, I'm not going to advertise my blog on here because I'm not one of those tricksters.

5)Alot needs a friend named Anyways. Maybe a potential love interest??

6) I love you. Down in the cockles of my heart.

--Charlotte

Anonymous said...

LOL, I'm going to spill all over the floor! I get that bag of chips every time. Damn you Brosh.

Lor said...

"I hate it when I'm trying to get a plate and instead I get hit in the head with a purse and the remote falls on the floor. Especially since I don't even carry a purse! So strange... :D"

I thought it was a purse too! Then I realized it was a brown mug and it's white lid.

Anonymous said...

Holy mother, my tears of hysterical laughter are mixing with my mascara and stinging my corneas!!! Good thing your post released so many endorphins, or the pain might begin my OWN sneaky hate spiral...aaaahhh....good stuff..you are very necessary!!!!! xoxoxoxo

apotheosis said...

Chiming in with more love for "Are you also better than FIRE?"

Absolutely awesome.

dina said...

This is like anger management therapy! Now when I'm about to get angry at something, I picture it in stick figure drawing form with a smiley face LOLing at me and I cannot stay mad!! SO GREAT!!!

site admin said...

Allie, this is your funniest post ever, because it is so true.

I hope you know that you are going to be incredibly rich some day.

Baba au Rhum said...

Couldn't stop laughing.

Terri said...

A week later! A freaking week later and I am wandering around with "La Bamba" stuck in my head and I decide that cooking is for losers and I head to Subway.

I find myself mesmerized with the cheese triangles and when the girl placed them the CORRECT way, I began to laugh hysterically . . .

Luckily, the manager is a friend of mine. I gave her the link to this post by way of explanation for my hysteria fit in her Subway.

It is all your fault Allie! (bam . . . la bamba . . . bam . . . la bamba . . .)

Terri said...

Oh yeah . . . and I forgot . . .

When I got home with the Subway sandwiches with the correctly placed cheese triangles, I artfully arranged my husband's on a plate with chips and a napkin (Martha Stewart can bite me) and carried the plates gracefully across the room and tripped over our smallest dog and sent them both flying. Sort of a Jackson Pollack rendition in meatball marinara and rippled dip chips.

Perfect end to a perfect day . . .

Terri
www.whyifearclowns.com

Terri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GABE said...

hi allie. i mentioned you in my blog (and linked you) so i thought i should tell you.

not spam or anything, just afraid you'll sue me. please dont sue me. (:O (<concerned look)

http://mildlyfunnyblog.blogspot.com/

GABE said...

hi allie. i mentioned you in my blog (and linked you) so i thought i should tell you.

not spam or anything, just afraid you'll sue me. please dont sue me. (:O (<concerned look)

http://mildlyfunnyblog.blogspot.com/

GABE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Something Awesome said...

At least in Australia and New Zealand, the cheese triangles policy at Subway is changing! http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/blog/2010/05/24/cheesey-victory/

Tony said...

RIP allie :(
we're all going to miss you tons! :(

Shana said...

Thank you for helping me release some real life stress with this post - this distraction was what i came looking for :)

Neil said...

I discovered your blog a few days ago and couldn't stop laughing. I had to go back and read all of the posts (not stalking - honest)and then (still laughing) I had to comment, telling you how wonderful the blog is!

Anonymous said...

No yoast for me?

.. But I love yoast.

Tom Meltzer said...

"Cheese triangles don't go like that" t-shirts, PLEASE!!

Anonymous said...

So, here's my suspicion.

Now that people are expecting you to make posts, you'll feel like you don't have ownership anymore. You'll feel like you HAVE to be funny. You HAVE to be original. And in general, it's going to be a royal pain in the ass. And so you'll sit at your desk with your forehead in your hands, scrunching up your hair, desperately trying to think of something to post. And suddenly you'll notice that you haven't checked Facebook / played hearts / read MLIA in a few days, and will proceed to do all of the above for about 15436 hours. And posting will just look unattractive.

And so after a few weeks of flailing around, you'll stop posting. Our teeth will gnash and we'll send you hurt and hateful and eventually disdainful e-mails. You'll move on with your life to something else. And that something else will eventually become a pain in the ass.

And you'll realize that you haven't posted in a while.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

AprilElizabeth said...

It has been almost 10 days since you have posted a new blog.
Please don't be dead.

AprilElizabeth said...

It has been almost 10 days since you have posted a new blog.
Please don't be dead.

AprilElizabeth said...

It has been almost 10 days since you have posted a new blog.
Please don't be dead.

charles_b said...

This reminded me to charge my phone. Thanks!

emiwatts said...

Is anyone else super confused about what's up with that guy's hand in the wallet picture?

Kyle Halladay said...

Love your site, this post in particular.

That e-mail problem though... I definitely think you should look into forwarding your hotmail address to a gmail account (so you don't have to change your address), and then using gmail's filters to sort the VITAL e-mails from the fan mail.

Might make your inbox a bit more friendly.

TakiMaki said...

Okay Allie...I have now read all of your posts! I love your blog and am surprised I haven't been attacked by a raptor/bear creature since I've been reading it so much. Please let me know if alots become available in stores. I think it would make an excellent class pet and also teach why grammar is important! Oh, and did you know they changed the rule about the commas in a series too? Now you don't have to have one before the and. Seriously?! I wish they would leave grammar alone. No wonder English is so hard to learn. Anyways, you rock!

Simile_Alexander said...

My whole family loves your blog (i.e. my mom, and all four of my siblings!). My friends and I have a blog, and I wish we were as funny as you. You're, like, pure awesomeness.

Jose said...

You are a comedic genius.

Amora said...

I feel for you Allie!

The Banes of My Existence - 5 Star Rating:

**Windows XP auto-install and reboot in the middle of a project and must be ignored every 5 minutes.
**Rain on glasses - can't rub rain off without dirtying glasses but letting air dry will leave spots
**Safari unexpectedly quits
***Husband's popping jaw sound when he's chewing jerky and I'm working.
***Poor reception, "I'm sorry, what was that?"..."What did you say?"..."Pardon?"
***Career Builder Job Search Emails with no applicable jobs but I must search through anyway
***Cat running over pillow while I'm sleeping just for attention.
****Instructor is unable or unwilling to resolve problems with the online course.
****Tailgaters
***Stepping in cat vomit
*****Insomnia
*****Waking to find cat vomit in bed

PS: La Bamba was the first song I learned as a little girl. My laughter is mixed with nostalgia!

Under Urooba's Umbrella! said...

If I told you I love you...would you marry me?

I agree with the one above (not God, the ONE ABOVE ME IN THE COMMENTS) please live forever!!!!

Colleen said...

http://consumerist.com/2010/05/subway-to-start-tessellating-cheese-july-1.html

I believe Subway is set to start tessellating their cheese very soon!

Annie said...

I think you should know: I never knew the words to La Bamba until I read this. Then the next day at work I was bored and thinking about how awesome your blog is. And I started thinking about "Sneaky Hate Spiral" and La Bamba totally got stuck in my head for the rest of the day. :(

Anonymous said...

You'll be happy to know that the Subway cheese issue is now fixed:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rebeccae/subway-finally-agrees-to-tessellate-cheese-nzp

Daio said...

Yo Charles.

Get out of my head. XD

Anonymous said...

At the very end of *my* last sneaky hate spiral I smashed half the kitchen supplies with a cucumber, trying to kill a fly ... then the little bastard drowned itself in my soup. Duh!

I've just started reading your blog, but I already like it. =) Thank you.

maggie said...

iiiiii totally wish we were friends in real life so I didn't feel super creepy for loving your blog so much and not actually knowing you. I mean I shouldn't feel creepy cause obviously like 10 million people above this comment are already like OMG LOVE THIS and don't feel bad about it at all.. but that's just the kind of person I am: awkward...mostly. I could list other things but awkward is the main one.. as is evident by the comment. I'm stopping now lol bye.

PS. I follow the blog's page on facebook and I hope you're doing okay with stuff lately. Life sucks, but you're awesome, and that helps.

PSS. I feel slightly less creepy about loving your blog so much and not actually knowing you, but now a little more creepy because I left you this big long comment that you probably won't get to ready, and said the word creepy like eight million times. Wow. I'm stopping now.

Cat said...

WOW you got a lot of comments on this post. I was hoping that I would be able to be special and make your day by commenting on this, but I see that is not to be.

Anyway, I have a bone to pick with you. You see, I have wasted my last two working days (and unlike you I have tricked the world into thinking I am a responsible adult, and thus have deadlines and such) reading the entirety of your blog archive. Do you have any idea how irritating that is? I mean, you are legitimately talented and funny and fantastic, but I am angry because you have destroyed my (tenuous at the best of times) ability to be productive.

Well I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW. I've even followed you and everything. Ugh. And now I'm going to be a mess and wonder if you're going to reply to my comment, which you blatantly won't because now you are a famous person and even though I read all your posts from when you were not famous, because I didn't comment till now it doesn't count! DAMMIT.

verab said...

ya dun gone n dun it! i didn't think there was a way to properly explain the feeling one gets when trying to walk their plate of spaghetti from the kitchen to the living room only to have all contents of the plate slide onto the floor. THIS IS IT. such incidences have been dubbed "SPAGHETTI DISASTERS" but now i see that it is merely a sneaky hate spiral. thank you. thank you so very very much.

Becky said...

Wow you totally made my day! I love your stories and drawings, it really captures exactly how I felt the other day.

:) Beck

Keep up the awesome work. Looking forward too seeing more!

everbound venvel said...

I hate that freakin' rainbow pinwheel wait icon Mac thing.

Anonymous said...

hirraarious!

Bano said...

OMG - I was taking a big drink of water and nearly lost it all when I came upon the picture of the cat's anus!

And BTW, I HATE it when the Subway sandwich dude puts the cheese triangles on the wrong way!

"Chiyo" said...

Thought you should know and celebrate with me :]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rebeccae/subway-finally-agrees-to-tessellate-cheese-nzp

Menina said...

This is so utterly fucking amazing and hilariously true. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. BUT I AM ALSO RAGING!

RAHHHHHH!!!

Trabb's Boy said...

I guess Subway reads your site:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rebeccae/subway-finally-agrees-to-tessellate-cheese-nzp

Delfin Joaquin Paris III said...

I take out my aggression by making fun of celebrities on Twitter - often times they reply.

I just posted a story about how I goofed on Jackie Stallone.

Yes, I pick on easy targets.

Dark Matter said...

This is so dead-on it shouldn't be funny but it is. Hysterically.

Sometimes it gets even worse - I have too much of a sense of the ridiculous and always anger-cry, then someone asks what was wrong and I start laughing halfway through the story because I fully realize how stupid the whole thing is...Only I'm still angry and anyone laughing at my fury, even if it's me, makes me want to throw things.

Fortunately my entire family is a little psycho and has days like this too so they understand me.

Angela said...

I'm reading this late, but thanks for the best birthday present evar! I'm currently experiencing a laughing fit break during a spiral rage. I think the spiral has been broken!

Nicole said...

This is the best blog entry that ever happened to me. No, seriously.

Zorana said...

I'm having one of those today! Haven't gotten to the murderous rage yet, but now at least I know what it looks like. :o

Anonymous said...

It has been a loooong time since i've laughed uncontrollably at anything. Your illustrations and your stories are effing HILARIOUS! I am so glad I found this site!

JelliDonut said...

I did not authorize this biography, but at least you did an excellent job with my likeness. I expect a fair split with the royalties.

Sara said...

I just found your blog (yay for facebook stalking -- someone told someone else about it and I noticed and was like, "oh herro what's this...oh herro it's AMAZING!" and started reading instead of...what was I doing before? Your facebook page also distracted me, because I wanted to know what was wrong. I'm very sorry to hear you are medically needy (because "sick" didn't seem like the right word?). My mom was in poor and diminishing health for a couple of years and finally this year got the heart+lung transplant that saved her life when she needed it most. I hope your saving medical act is on the horizon!

Anyway, I'm definitely bookmarking this post to read when I'm having a shitastic day and need a smile. Thank you for creating it.

Feel better!

~Sara

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Jeff J said...

Wow. That was hilarious. I was laughing so hard I cried. Unfortunately, they weren't all tears of joy -- I had a hernia repair operation a week ago, and laughing deeply still causes excruciating pain, kinda like having your insides ripped open. I wanted to stop reading, but I couldn't. You should put a doctor's warning on there or something. Keep up the good work, just please don't start making "get well soon" cards or people will suffer. :)

Bea said...

GOOD NEWS FELLOW CHEESE TRIANGLES PHILOSOPHERS:

http://9gag.com/gag/24675

oh and my fits usually end up pretty fast at the sight of my pathetic looks sobbing like a kid in front of a mirror...

Sprachprofi said...

Awesome post!

Has anyone found a solution though, how to snap out of this spiral?

Anonymous said...

That was soooooooooooo funny, and I soooooooooo needed to laugh. I'm on day 3 as a non smoker, and it LOOKS like I'm doing great, but this pretty much perfectly describes my innards right now.

Bless you, child, for you are a good egg.

(Mona Lott is too wild to sign in)

ZoesMom said...

Even though La Bamba is now running through my head, I LOVE this! Brilliant and sooo true.

none said...

O.M.G. I SERIOUSLY am CRYING that was so fucking funny!

Austan said...

This is The Funniest Thing I've Ever seen, Thank you so much, from the bottom of my Hatred Purification and Amplification Center!!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for holding a sign at our last embassy demonstration.



http://www.nowarforisrael.com

Anonymous said...

Having had a similar week myself, and coming from the other side of the counter to all you cheese and dressing nazi's...


Does it really fucking matter what the hell pattern the cheese goes in? or whether the sauce goes on the cheese or the salad since it gets mooshed together anyway? it still tastes the fucking same and you're lucky i don't throw it in your fucking face.

Christie Mowry said...

I love you!

Anonymous said...

WHY IS CHEESE TRIANGLE TESSELLATION SUCH A DIFFICULT CONCEPT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND?

CL said...

Every time I read I this I have to laugh out loud really really hard, in the for realsies LOL way.
I <3 hyberboleandahalf! :)

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