12 Emoticons for the Advanced Writer

Have you ever been overcome with an emotion but unable to find the right emoticon to express yourself?  The answer is yes.  And I'm going to help you.

*:0 = "MY FACE IS ON FIRE!!!!"

!,! =  "Hi.  I am a rabbit"

% = "I feel like I am a mosquito looking directly at you."

|:( = "I am displeased with my unibrow."

<:( = "Pointy hats make me sad."

>:( = "Now my hat is upside-down and I don't feel any better about it."

(::::) = "I feel like I am the underside of a pregnant dog."


:*( = "You make me cry sparkly tears."

{:| = "I am a Frenchman."

Q:| = "I'm Davy fucking Crockett."

:$ = "I am trying to look unimpressed, but someone drew a squiggly mouth over my real mouth and this must be terribly confusing for you.  I am sorry."


Grant said...

~-:) "It's my birthday."

Grant said...

7:( = "I just got a bad haircut."

Allie said...

Grant - NICE!! Love the bad haircut.

BB said...

.......... /......
......... /........
........ /_____
.... {`______`}
.... {..................}
..... /{..............}
.... /....“............“...
... /_/......`“`....._
..{__}##[ ]##{__}
.........(__)`(__) This is my fucked up santa :)

Allie said...

Diego - Holy crap! That santa kicks ass!

Stormy Cruz said...

If there was any question as to your genius, I think this post clarify the matter once and for all.

To celebrate, I'll bake you a cake...in my chef's hat:


Jurgen Nation said...

*<;}= Merry Christmas! Love, Drunk Santa.

Stormy Cruz said...

**clarifies. Clarifies the matter.

P.S. The underside of a pregnant dog thing, I think, is up there with the Theory of Relativity.

Meghan said...

Ummmmm I just discovered your blog. I'm in love. You are hilars.

You might enjoy mine as well, as we are both clearly awesome. Check it out. :)

Gigi said...

Oh Allie!!! I will definitely be using these emoticons!!!! You are a genius, girl! A genius!!

BB said...

Yeah, I keep telling her that she should be a stand up comediant, but she doesn´t listen !

Unknown said...

ooh, i got one.
>.< = "i just tasted something really sour and i wanna spit it out on your face.

Dual Mom said...

Ha, very clever. I'll be using these!

Jen O. said...

You are a very talented emoticon artist. See what I just did? Emoti con artist? Sheesh. Tough room.

miss. chief said...

haha emoti CON artist. i totally get it.

Erin said...

There was a loud outburst of laughter when I got down to the pretzel one. And then an even louder outburst when I got to Davy fucking Crockett. Hilarious!

dogimo said...

I have have one that looks like a BEAR.



a bear.

Blissseeker said...

:~( All I want for Christmas is a nose job...

Anonymous said...

I must use all these emoticons once. How do you suggest I use "I feel like I'm the underside of a pregnant dog"..?

Allie said...

Stormy - Yes, but can you bake me a pretzel in your chef's hat? 0=:)-<&

Jurgen Nation - That is radtacular right there. Holy cow.

M - Thanks for reading! And yes. We are both totally awesome :)

Gigi - I would love to see someone use these in something. Be sure to let me know how you do it!

Diego - Maybe someday, Diego. Maybe someday.

Josephine - It also looks like it might be constipated... >.<

Dual Mom - Definitely let me know if you find a way to do it :)

Jen O. - Trademark that. Seriously. That was awesome!

miss.chief - She should totally trademark it, huh?

Erin - the ampersand has always looked like a pretzel to me. Like one of the broken ones at that bottom of the bag that no one wants.

Joe - o<-< <3 :-D (That is supposed to read "I heart bear" but it looks more like I am saying "I am lying on the ground giving projectile birth to a human heart and hey! There's a bear!"

Blisskeeper - Here you go---> :-)

Cheryl - I think it is most appropriate for when you are having one of those days where you feel all floppy and lumpy and bloated. It can also be used to express profound embarrassment.

Nomadic Cognition said...

LOL hilarious post! I especially loved the "Now my hat is upside-down and I don't feel any better about it" face. =D

That Chick said...

And I have already made these each a part of my daily texting/typing/etc routine.

Thanks for making my life a bit easier to express.

Jen O. said...

Emoticon artist™. There! Now every time someone uses that term, they owe me a million dollars.

Ed said...

I am not worthy to comment on the Awesomeness of this post.

So I leave you with this:


Chl said...

( . ) ( .)

Really big boobs, and one is lopsided. :)

Kurt said...

[=]:{ - Even with this awesome mustache and Abraham Lincoln hat which chicks totally dig, I can't think of a good emoticon.

Christine @ The Dishy said...

(:{o I'm surprised that you don't find my moustache irresistible.

Blaise said...

Hmmm... Kurt, yours looks more like a leprechaun to me. With an upset stomach!

CWD said...


B{i = man wearing fake glasses with attached mustache unhappy about his cold sore.

Hipstercrite said...

i'm not up on emoticons. i feel kind of like a loser. is there an emoticon for a loser that doesn't really know their emoticons? what would it look like?

enjoyed the post


BB said...

:O BLOWJOB!!!...Sorry, that was just mean !

Unknown said...

Fucking awesome! ( . )( . )

Steam Me Up, Kid said...


I push my boobs together sometimes to make cleavage.

Oh, I mean: I FEEL like I push my boobs together sometimes to make cleavage.

MattDeHaven said...

Hilarious... I was just stumbling the interweb and saw this.. and i loled. That's all.

Maggie said...

wizard <|={O

deb said...

found you through @fritinancy's RT. your writing is fuckin awesome.

i commented. don't eat my firstborn. (no wait, i don't have one. won't have one ...) yeah, ok, i commented of my own free will.

Maxie said...


vanilla ice's hair.

I tried to do the face and it didn't make sense.

ignore me.

Yes Mom said...

Just discovered your blog... funny funny :)

QK = sideways ninja

Anonymous said...

Just discovered your site. It is really very captivating and alluring. Funny just does not seem to encapsulate your writing! You have a new fan!

CherBearBlue said...



Anonymous said...

YES! I always needed to know the proper way to express myself when my face is on fire! Thanks!

Sarah said...



Or maybe emoticockandballs.

I'm sorry.

jazzlamb said...

The underbelly of the pregnant dog is PRICELESS! I think I'm going to trip on it for a long, long time!

artywah said...

8@) <- piggy

Matthew J Bevis said...

These emoticons of yours are delicious!

&=0E) = Hello, I am The Swedish Chef from The Muppet Show! (Before translation: Bork! Bork! Bork!)

X-P - Hello, I am a corpse.

J:-| = Hello, I am not amused by my hairdresser's decision to 'surprise' me with a 'flock of seagulls' hairstyle.

H%-{ = Hello, I just had an anvil fall on my head. Do you have an aspirin, by any chance?

.-) = Hello, have you seen my left eye lying about the place?

I used to use others on my blog, but I can't remember them now. Was a LOT of fun at the time, though. Yours are fabulous!

Matthew J Bevis said...

Oh, you've got blog owner approval set up now? Fair enough. I think that means I submitted the previous comment twice. Please delete one copy of it! (And this one too.)

Cheers big ears - and I hope you're doin' okay.


Paul said...

~:-) = im harry potter

DJ Buttaskotch said...

|:-) = "My unibrow completes me."

:-3) = "Im a frenchman." (Not that theres anything wrong with the frenchman you made, I just like mustaches.)

:-|)> = "I also like goatees." (I like face-hair!)

i-o = "Ow, someone just poked my right eye. wtf."

:=) = "I was genetically modified to smell things better."

o-( "I was genetically modified to not be able to wear glasses and girls never know if I am winking at them, because it looks like I am just blinking."

:-Q "I just drooled a little bit."

Sarah said...

oh my god. i just found your website and i totally love it. I'm supposed to be working but all i can do is keep reading.

You are hilarious and have inspired me to use emoticons on a daily basis

Brendan said...


Unknown said...

<:3 )--

bird's-eye view of a mouse

alex said...

}:)► Devil
:¶ Mmmm thts good
:§ cupped hands shouting


Stewmeat said...

( . Y . ) Huge boobs

( . ) Your ass

( o ) Your ass after anal sex

( O ) Your ass after prison

Unknown said...


Chicken burger...a chicken's head sticking out of a bun.

samuel contreraz said...

Check out my goatee emoticon.


Unknown said...

( o )( o ) <--- Awesome Areolas

( Y ) <-------- Not awesome buttcrack

zo-ar said...

My best friend and I are zombie fans , so we invented this:


It's a zombie with the brains out.

Oh! And we have one fot Ctulhu too:


Careful, he's mad...

That Guy said...


Lick the dot

nekoteo said...

=^.^= meow!

Fantastic Elastic said...

here is my chicken emoticon:


happy Sloth from the goonies:


jimbojimmierayjimbob said...

#;^O ~ ~~ <==8 Too obvious?

Christer said...

been using this one for ages:


still not sure what it means.

Aleigh said...

@ Sarah P: How about 'eroticons'.

And my contribution:

. = I feel like the universe is imploding.

corynne said...

@(-.-)@ its a monkey and >( ')3 a fish and a chicken -> <('3)

corynne said...

^ ^
(=^ Y ^=) a Kitty!

cappy @ writer's block said...

this is wonderful :)
i have it bookmarked on my computer as "happiness"