The Scariest Story

There was a short period of my early life that was punctuated by truly unfortunate nightmares. I'd go to sleep feeling safe and warm. 


Then I'd awaken several hours later and somehow be completely convinced that my closet was inhabited by fire monsters. 


I'd flee to my parents' room because, like most six-year-olds,  I believed that my parents possessed some magical ability to ward off homicidal, fire-breathing monsters that were easily eight times their size.  


I don't know exactly how I thought they would be able to protect me from the monster, but as far as I was concerned, my parents were forcefields of safety and that fire monster could go fuck itself. 

As I lay there between my parents, I felt a gigantic flood of relief.    


Inexplicably, the feeling of complete immunity to danger made me extremely energetic.  


I didn't need sleep; all I needed was safety.  


It was intoxicating. 


And in the morning, despite having slept very little, I'd wake up feeling recharged and ready to rampage.  


Unfortunately, my parents were not high out of their minds on feelings of invulnerability, and they did need sleep.   

After enduring several consecutive nights of spastic flailing followed by days of gleeful chaos, my parents decided that they needed to take action. 

My mother, being the shrewd diplomat that she was, decided to bribe me into staying in my own bed at night. She knew that I had been lusting after a certain stuffed toy, and told me that if I stayed in my own room every night for an entire week, she'd buy the toy for me. 

But the promise of such an enticing reward did not make the nightmares go away. Nighttime turned into a battle of will power.  I would awaken, become completely terrified and be overwhelmed with the desire to bolt to the safety of my parents' room. But I willed myself to stay in my bed.  Instead of sleeping, I spent the entire night vigilantly watching the closet.  


If a monster came out and tried to attack me, I was prepared to flee reflexively.  But until I saw the whites of the monster's eyes, I would hold my post.

I really, really wanted that toy. 

My sleepless nights turned me into a listless little zombie during the day.  Activities that I once enjoyed with childish abandon became a struggle. 


I was completely dead inside.  

But the most insulting part of the whole ordeal was lying awake in my bed, shaking with terror and suddenly becoming aware of my younger sister slumbering peacefully on the other side of the room, wrapped up in her blanket like a fearless little burrito.


She was three years old. There was no possible way that she should be so brave in the face of such extreme danger. I looked at her over there, happily dreaming her little dreams, and I felt envy. I should be the brave one. I should be the one defying death so nonchalantly. Who the hell did she think she was?

Not only did she sleep soundly but she awakened cheerfully, ready to take on whatever daily challenges a three-year-old is likely to face. The numbness and deadness I felt inside contrasted sharply with her blatant contentedness. It started to feel like she was being happy at me - like her enthusiasm was intentional and malicious.


Then I had an idea.


I could bring her down to my level.  I could fill her little mind with images so gruesome that she'd be irreversibly scarred for life and would no longer be able to taunt me with her complete disregard of fear.

And most importantly, if I could make her scared enough to seek refuge in my parents' bed, I could use her as a sort of Trojan horse and tag along under the guise of concern.

She was my ticket to safety and I had to scare the ever-living fuck out of her.


I spent the entire day concocting the most horrifying story I could think of - an amalgamation of every single scary thing I'd ever heard. It was a masterpiece.  It was the scariest story in the world. There was no possible way that my sister would walk away unscathed.

When it was finally bedtime, I waited for my parents to turn off the lights and leave the room, then I turned to my sister and said "Do you want to hear a story?"

She loved stories.  She didn't see it coming.


I began: "On a dark and stormy night....


By the time I was done weaving my tale of blood and horror and more blood, my sister had become silent and wide-eyed.  Her innocent little brain had never encountered such an impressive amount of gore, and I could tell that she was still struggling to process it all. 

Satisfied with my handiwork, I whispered "goodnight" and nestled into my blankets to wait for the inevitable moment when her tender young mind crumpled beneath the sheer volume of terror I'd just injected into it.  


Amazingly, my sister was able to fall asleep.  She couldn't possibly have been unaffected. How could she sleep?  She must be experiencing a delayed reaction, I thought. The inside of her head just had to be a festering stew of terrors - fermenting, bubbling beneath the surface until they gathered enough force to wake her and propel her to the safety of my parents' bedroom.  It had to happen. There was no way that it wouldn't.  

As I lay there in the dark, willing my sister to awaken and experience the full force of the nightmares I'd planted in her mind, I began to think about the story I'd told her.  The bear-snake with bat-arms. The skeletons. The blood. The murderers.  

Then I looked at my closet. 


Oh no.  They were in there.  

The jolt of fear I felt in my spine nearly paralyzed me, but I still managed to flee to my parents' room with tremendous agility.  I desperately clawed at their door until they let me in.  


I told them I didn't care about the toy. I told them I never wanted toys ever again.  I cried violently and screamed about how scared I was.  

Even the impenetrable safety-fortress of my parents' sleeping bodies was not enough to ward off the incredible amount of fear I'd brought upon myself.  I didn't sleep. And it wasn't because I was high on safety.  


In the morning, I felt like I'd aged ninety years in a single night.  This is it, I thought. This is what the end of life feels like. My tiny adrenal glands had nearly exploded themselves in my panic and I was exhausted.  I ate my cereal robotically, expending only as much energy as necessary. 

I almost didn't notice when my sister climbed up next to me.  


She looked much less traumatized than I would have expected, considering that she spent all night stewing in the after-effects of my story.  In fact, she seemed extremely excited about absolutely nothing. 


Maybe I had broken her. Maybe this was how she was choosing to cope with the indelible horrors I'd etched in her psyche. 


But no. 

She was not only unfazed by the story - it had awakened a hunger in her.  She experienced the scariest story in the world and she loved it.  And she would not be content until she had mined my brain for every terrifying snippet it was capable of producing.  I had to make up more stories to tell her. Scarier stories.  Stories with more blood.  Everything became a potential subject for a story. Tell me one about lawn mowers, she'd say. And I'd have to come up with a story about a sentient, homicidal lawn mower. 

I had created a monster. 

1,113 comments:

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Andy Calmes said...

The sequence where you almost don't notice your sister climbing up next to you had to make you laugh while drawing it...and when you were going berserk in your invincible state...and...all of it. Too funny!

Samantha said...

This was hilarious!!!! I think I was afraid of my closet till I was 14!

And my sisters have DEFINITELY been happy AT me. :)

Shandle said...

If it makes you feel any better, after reading that story I probably won't sleep tonight!

Steve Faramelli said...

Love the part of you telling the story to your little sister!! I'm convinced that some kids just can't be frightened. My daughter is one.

RS said...

DAMN IT! I wanted to be the first to read and comment on this. Anyway, can't wait to finish reading this. I LOOOVE YOUR CARTOOOONS!

www.riskofrain.com

Katie said...

I love this!!! You are too hilarious =)

I used to be afraid that my mom's dead ancestors lived in our basement and I told my younger sisters about it. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) in my case, I managed to freak them out to the extent that NO ONE went in the basement anymore.

Haha, good times.

Claire said...

Awesome as ever :)

Cxx

haveFaith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mrwriteon said...

Absolutely brilliant. And look how all those nightmares turned you into the brilliant creative force you are. You are the best in the business.

Jordanne said...

I remember having a nightmare about vampires when I was young and climbing into the bottom bunk with my 6-years-younger sister (because she was too young for the vampire to want to eat her, so if I hid behind her I would be safe). Later on that night I threw up all over her and her bed. I am such a great sister.

MOV said...

You are the funniest writer EVER!!I wait and wait for your new posts and then have to savor them like the last Godiva chocolate in the box. Big sigh.
I like to consider myself (and my crazy antics) as a Parallel Universe version of you (you know, if you had kids and wrote about that). You rock!
MOV
http://mothersofbrothersblog.blogspot.com

Ekaybee said...

Literally laughed out loud at the picture of your little sister happily asleep. Hysterical as usual!

Kj said...

Its all been said before, the doorknob scene, the little sister coming up to the table, dads shorts and chest hair. But where is dads second leg? Moms is curled up, but dads seems to be missing. Now that is frightening!

Anonymous said...

I have such a crush on your dad. I want to run my fingers through his beard.

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious and amazing! You're drawings remind me of Edward Gorey!

Erica said...

I love the pictures of you in the parents' bed sideways kicking your dad in the back! I did the same thing, and was eventually banned from the bed. Luckily my big sister in the top bunk never tortured me.

I have twin friends who would terrorize their little brother, one scratching at the window with freddy krueger claws and the other waiting under the bed to grab his feet. They're still horror geeks, and he's a pothead. No wonder!

Jess said...

First let me say, another freaking funny as hell magnificent story. Second, your poor wrists. Are you still using the little mac pad to make these? While look at the picture of you with your pan on your head and your lifeless mother behind you I nearly winced. So much lovely detail! Your wrists are fucked.

I can totally understand how telling that story to your sister creeped you out. I'm 19 now and while teasing my friend about the creak she kept hearing upstairs at her house, I was like "the grudge is going to come down those steps, legs all twisted up, while making that disturbing noise." I was sitting closest to the stairs.....I ended up moving the farthest I could away from them. ._. Bravo to your sister who must have fearless fear of steel. Bravo.

Eakos said...

I for some reason was exactly like your little sister. I loved hearing horror stories and watching scary movies and everything violent and dark. I was an only child though so I would make my mom tell me these stories and watch scary movies with me.I found out later in life that my mom was your type and wasn't able to sleep well because her psyche was charged with horrific thoughts. I think I was a little monster from the beginning. Also, I like spiders because they eat mosquitoes and other annoying insects. My grandma taught me to appreciate their function in nature. My girlfriend on the other hand destroys them every time she sees them with her shoes or something. I have been trying to make her change but she won't. The funny thing was that maybe about a month a half ago researching for a reason people are scared of spiders was that I came across your blog. I have now read every single one of your entries and I love it. I also suggested on Facebook that you could do something like weather updates to satisfy our craving for blog entries. Thanks for everything.

Tina Lorene said...

the real question: is your sister a serial killer because of this?

Alayna said...

Please don't go away so long ever again :))

Undisclosed Enlisted Wife said...

I think I'm an awful combination of you and your sister. I remember ALWAYS wanting to hear stories and watch movies like that, but in the end, I'd always be scared shitless. X_X

Jules: said...

I did this to my sister, with the toilet monster...it worked, and she still remembers it to this day.

Autism & Oughtisms said...

You. Are. Brilliant.

I have a 5 year old that I've been trying to convince to stay in his room at night instead of running into ours. I had also been using a soft toy as motivation to keep him there - but I gave it to him up-front and told him to cuddle it instead of coming to us for a cuddle. It seems to be working.

I'm glad we don't sleep him in the same room as him younger brother now :)

Why Is Daddy Crying said...

great! now I'm going to have nightmares of bears with snake bodies and bat arms! Well done woman!!!

Krista said...

Brilliant.

Whitney said...

You sound a lot like me when I was little, with such a wild imagination. Except, I was the younger sister and was oblivious to all creatures of the night until my older sister informed me that my imminent doom was always lurking behind every closed/ open closet door and under every bed; not just my own!
I'm still not so sure that all those boogiemen are not real. Therefore, I never let any of my limbs hang over the edge of the bed. It's just too risky.

Thanks for putting my childhood into pictures. haha.

Whitney @ Honey Bunches of "Oaks"

jdracecar said...

I live for your posts!! I really do! I love the part, "Oh and there were spiders the entire time". You are so funny and wonderful and you always make me day!! Thanks!!!

happynoodlegirl said...

I really wish I had a sister to tell me scary stories when I was growing up.
I had to rely on books and the TV!
That was awesome!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm supposed to be working on a paper, but dropped everything when I got the message:) Now text all my friends to tell them:)

Anonymous said...

Brilliant!!! best one yet

HavenNyx said...

Ahahaha, love the happy little burrito =) Also the interpretation of your dad, with chest hair. Heehee.

laura said...

This is hilarious and totally relatable! Except I was afraid of monsters being in the hallway. I would imagine giant dinasours who wanted to eat me just lingering in the hall way, waiting to catch me if I dared seek the comfort of my parents! Talk about a battle of will power. I also had monster crabs under my bed.

If you like funny stories about France, you should check out my blog!
laurasviequotidienne.blogspot.com

It doesn't have awesome drawings like yours does, though.

John said...

Brilliant! Aren't siblings just THE WORST!?

ps. Parents DO create a ward of protection against nightmarish things. True story.

Tish said...

I get tickled over those that try to post first lol. Cracks me up almost as much as Hyperbole.

www.luvandkiwi.com

Anonymous said...

When/how did the terror end? That shit never goes away...!

coffeeismylover said...

Oh, my. Your little sister sounds like me. At least when I was younger. I used to be in LOVE with scary stories. Now that I'm old enough to understand the stories, they scare the living shit out of me. hahah.
Oh, & your blogs never cease to make me laugh hysterically. Made my day. Love it.

Cowboy Shaman said...

Well, it's official . . .

You ALWAYS make me laugh.

Well done, mon ami! Well-done!

quiltzyx said...

Totally worth the wait Allie!
Luckily, once I got into my bed, having leapt from the doorway onto it in order to avoid the SNAKES that lived under it at nighttime, I slept like your little sister. And the SNAKES were always gone in the morning. Made me pretty good at leaping though.
Thanks for all the laughter. :^D

dtamir87 said...

Excellent post. As per usual.

My little cousin from Israel would always ask me to tell him dramatic renditions of Disney World rides.

"....you plummet to your watery doom in a brier patch! And then animals sing!"

Help4NewMoms said...

Please, please make notes cards out of the picture with the sister smiling with her "crazy O's"! It makes me smile and I want to frame it and put it on my desk so I can smile all the time!

Hollie said...

I was on the phone with a customer when I did my daily click on Hyperbole....when I saw a new post I scrambled around like a fish out of water trying to click delete the call so I could read!
I love you Miss Allie.
This post needed more Benny though.. I miss him.

Delphine Dryden said...

The more closely I identify with your stories, the more I worry about myself. One might think I'd want to stop reading them, but sadly I cannot because the funny is addictive.

You were far, far too smart to be a happy child. It's that particular type of smart that does nobody any favors. And speaking as a parent of freaky little geniuses, I can't help but retroactively feel for your parents. Did they ever get any sleep, like...ever?

wolfy said...

<3

Anonymous said...

Oh my God. Your sister is awesome.

Troter said...

My parents started making me sleep in their walk in closet (with the door open). It was only slightly less terrifying than my own room, and I stopped going shortly after. They are cruel, cruel geniuses.

T.D. Cash said...

Excellent as always. The picture of you in the morning with the pasta strainer on your head is my favorite picture you've ever done.

maria said...

This sounds very familiar. I did the same thing to my little sister only it worked. The psychological torture I put her through made up for the fact that I was afraid of the dark (and didn't want to face it alone).

the default attorney said...

This is similar to what I thought was in my closet, except replace the word "blood" with "clown." The movie "It," really messed me up.

Greg said...

Bats for arms??? How does it eat??

Julietta said...

I just had to comment!

I'm 26 years old, and still keep myself awake in terror that there is something in my hallway/closet/undermybed/undermypillow/nexttome/lookinginmywindow

I blame watching Poltergeist fiendishly when I was 6 years old and insane, crippling hallucinations as a side effect of Benadryl. My grandmother gave me a dose once (she was aware I was allergic to it) and I spent the night on the sofa, watching shadows dash across the curtains. Shadows that took the forms of my family, chasing me over what looked like a sheet waving in the wind, carrying knives and chainsaws. I was 4. At 10 I accidentally took it, and woke up having to pee and spent that night in the recliner, crying, too scared to move because in my mind I was being chased by my mom, covered in blood, screaming that she was going to kill me as she waved a bloodied kitchen knife at me. I couldn't even scream out to my mom to help, and she was about 6 feet away from where I cowered in fear.

... I did not need a sister to fill my mind with terror. I did quite well on my own. I still lap up every frightening show/movie/book I can find though. I spit in the face of terror! Even if it makes me walk up the stairs at night sideways with my back pressed against the wall so nothing can grab me.

the plummer said...

Ha! I totally miss telling made-up stories; olden times from babysitting as a teenager. Except the stories were generally filled with poop and diarrhea jokes. Those kids were gross.

O_O

Ish said...

Thanks for this, Allie! Hilarious as usual, and I'm loving the art!

Nora said...

This made my day completely, thank you SO much!

Juice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Juliann (the Insane) said...

I read this during my anthro class and am sick-ish with allergies. (Or maybe actually sick. Who knows.)

I had to put my fist in front of my mouth so I wouldn't laugh and could hide my silly smile as we talk about ritual and religion.

I'm not sure how well I did.

But I just loved this! I mean, what kid didn't have the "there's something in my room that's going to eat me and is terrifying and I cannot face it alone"? I remember after my teacher read to us Harry Potter in third grade that I thought that Lord Voldemort was going to come out of my dark closet and kill me. And then after I watched Old Yeller as a kid I thought a rabid wolf was going to jump through my window and bite me and then I'd have to be killed for getting rabies. (Nevermind the fact that I live in the Central Valley of California, where there are no wolves around for miles and miles and miles and miles....)

This is why I don't watch scary movies. Fortunately for me, I could freak out my little sister easier than you could yours. ;)

lisa said...

Ha, my big sister made me sleep in her bed with her after she watched The Exorcist because she was afraid to sleep alone. I thought it was fucking hilarious to shake the bed and make growling noises to scare her. We younger siblings are EVIL! Thanks for entertaining me; you are incredibly talented, Allie.

Juice said...

Another well written post. My sister scared me one time by telling me the house (we had built) was possessed by the ghosts of the former residents (though there would not have been) who had died in the laundry room...

-Juice
I Left Cookies In Your Freezer

margarita said...

I just stumbled upon your blog like a week ago. Pretty awesome! Dunno if you got any readers from Europe yet, but here's one :). Greetings from Finland !

During my sleepless nights (it seems I've become permanently nocturnal after working night shifts for 3 years) I've been reading your stories and giggling alone in the dark...it's always nicer than writing my master's that I really should be doing... Anyway. Keep up the good work :)!

lacrema said...

Oh, my god. I laughed so hard at this I almost cried. This could be a scene from my childhood, except it is much funnier than the chilling terror I remember.

Also? Thank you for the nightmares I'll be having tonight about bearsnakebats... killing me... and me turning to blood... then dying, and reviving, and bleeding, to be killed again.

Love,
Lac

Anonymous said...

as stick-firgure art goes... your parents resemble Kris Kristofferson and Barbara Streisand. good to know.

missfortune said...

I use to have the same dream over and over that always sent me running to my parents room, they tried to bribe me with those jewel belly Troll dolls, it was a fail.. the Jaws Shark that was in my kitchen surounded by bad guys did me in. :) great post!

CkretsGalore said...

I hope you help your parents when you're rich (basically somewhat famous now).

When I decide to have my spawn I hope I don't have to go through the same ordeal!! (Jinx)

CBW said...

We grew up on a lake in FL, so our biggest fear was always alligators under the bed. Once my dad hid under my youngest brother's bed pretending to be a gator and when he popped out my brother projectile-vomited all over him. It was quite possibly the most beautiful Karma example ever.

BTW, to this day I still sleep with an "alligator shield" - a sheet, blanket, anything that covers me. It can be 110 degrees and I still have to clutch a sheet. Never mind that I'm 49 and live in CA now. Some childhood trauma is embedded for life.

I love your blog SO much. Thank you for entertaining us!

Moooooog35 said...

I would have fled to my dad's room, too, if he looked like Jesus.

Kira said...

Absolutely laughed the whole time! Especially over the drawing of you sleeping between your parents. I'm sure my mom could rant for hours about how I would kick and wiggle in my sleep completely ruining my parents sleep.

Sharon said...

Upon your first few illustrations, I was convinced that you had come up with a proto-House of Leaves--and damn, that book STILL scares me just thinking about it, so huge props to your creative younger self!

France Rants said...

Worth the wait.

I imagine it musta been a little hard growing up with a father who looked like Jesus.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who can't WAIT for you to have children? Think of the material!

Anonymous said...

I'm the mother of two boys who share a room. I was an only child. You've just given me insight into my children that no therapist ever could, since I'm absolutely positive that my older son has done exactly this to my younger one (and himself). THANK YOU!

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

"It started to feel like she was being happy AT me - like her enthusiasm was intentional and malicious."

I think that's one of the most perfectly written lines of text I've ever read.

SQT said...

So I'm reading this... and my seven-year-old son has to come up right at that moment and see the first pictures. Of course he wants to see the rest. Then I furiously scroll through the bloody cartoons so I don't end up with his foot in my back in the middle of the night. Fortunately I don't think he could make too much out as the pictures whizzed by.

ticket_09 said...

Love it! My older brother did a similar thing to me when we were kids - But he wasn't as imaginative as you and let an endless slew of horror movies do the gratuitous emotional trauma for him, lol. X-Files, It, Tommyknockers (or whatever that one is called), Alien... But I was much like your younger sister and didn't really get that I was supposed to be traumatised, lol.

I can just imagine a little kid talking like that thinking it was scary 'There's a closet. Lots of closets. 300 closets! Oh, and there were spiders the whole time.' Lmao.

More!

Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life" said...

Been WAITING for a new post.. That...was...GREAT, amazing, clever, funny, poignant and original. I'm a fan for life!

Jared said...

I liked the bat armed, bear-snake....thingy.. If i had one in my closet I'd name him rex..We'd be friends Fo SHO! Your posts always kick ass!

You should check my blog sometime...but only if you like awesomeness and funny things. Or if you like/dislike: the gym, using nudity and violence to solve your problems, the evil inside pandas, peacocks, bratty kids, and evil rapist dolphins... I think you do.

http://whatwouldjareddo.blogspot.com

faemaochasiubao said...

Yet another fantastic blog post, Allie! Thanks for sharing all of your creativity with us. I didn't need a sibling to create bedtime fears. I would do a choreographed "Running-start-turn-off-the-light-jump-into-bed-letting-only-one-foot-hit-the-floor-then-throw-the-covers-over-my-head-and-close-my-eyes-until-I-fell-asleep" dance every night. I was afraid something was going to grab my ankle and drag me under the bed.

Nat said...

Aww, this ws just what we all needed! Priceless story, love the doorknob pictures.

I can't count the times I've somehow managed to get myself into a never ending spiral of "please tell me another story!"... Oldest sister of five. Yup, that's a whole lot of stories!

Anonymous said...

I also had a fire monster, but it looked like the swamp monster from Scooby Doo and it chased me around my grandparent's hedges. Scary stuff.

I had a much wimpier little sister and she still has frog trauma from one of my scary stories.

birdgirl said...

yaaaaaaay!

birdgirl said...

yaaaaaaay!

Devon said...

This is why I wish I had younger siblings. Because my dog was seemingly unimpressed by my scary stories. Though he did sleep in my bed after that.

My stories never involved monsters, but always involved kidnappers and murderers and occasionally ghosts, which I was convinced I could see, so basically what I considered real and present danger. Looking back, what's truly terrifying is how little I was sheltered. I was completely aware of all aspects of the most grisly murder cases, watched Unsolved Mysteries on a regular basis, and any shows about ghosts.

So, fire monster? Psh. At least you didn't climb into your parents bed acting possessed to try to convince them the dead little girl from the 1800s you were convinced lived in your room even though your house was built in 1990 was real by speaking in what your impression of tongues was, because that's probably how ghosts communicated. Or demons.

And that's the story of how I ended up in therapy.

The end.

Fifi said...

hahahaha this was so funny. And totally reminded me of how i told my younger sister when i was about 10 and she was 8 the worlds saddest story. I dont remember how it went but i do remember it involved a blind crippled orphan :p

BigBearswife said...

this is great! You clawing at your parents door... those pictures made me die laughing

KristenO said...

That is one super awesome fire monster. Nice work.

Joanna said...

Wow, I needed a good laugh today. Imagine my joy when I saw your post on my facebook/blogger dashboard. Thank you so much. Thank you for being a creative genius.

Justin'sLife.com said...

This story was totally wonderful. Glad to see another post.

Justin

thereisbeauty said...

Tell me about coffee makers.

Alex said...

Wow Allie your parents must have been annoyed. You are one funny person

RiderWriter said...

Wow, glad to know there are other former kids out there who remember their childhood frights so vividly... my own kids, blessedly, somehow have been spared any nightmares and laugh at me when I tell them what used to terrify me. I *always* had wolves under my bed, and would have to build a protective wall of stuffed animals around me before I could sleep. If the wolves under the bed didn't do it, there were always more of the beasts trying to break in our back door. My other reocurring nightmare was being run over by a car on our front lawn. I'd be paralyzed and unable to move, or it would chase me up the hill. Great stuff! :-/ And yes, I was certainly driven to seek refuge in my parent's bed. The shitty thing about their bed was it consisted of two twins joined by one headboard (very fashionable in the early 60s). So when I'd crawl in between them, I'd spend the rest of the night falling into the crack between the beds. It sucked but I didn't care... It actually makes me a little sad that my kids (now in HS) never, ever, not once came in our room looking for safety. I kind of WANTED them to! ;-)

David said...

The post is wonderful and the "I'm super creepy and totally capable of finding you" warning goes especially well with what I've just read.

Thanks for the entertainment :D

CourtneyP said...

Major kudos on the artwork in this one. You should write a children's book ... but with less blood.

jgc said...

Oh SH*T this made me remember MY bad dreams - the one about the witches that lived on the fire boat with the water hoses. ARRRRRGH! How will I sleep now? No wait there's more now the one where I am in finishing school and learning to walk like a lady and if you walk off the path it's all snakes and creepy spidery thingys. OH SH*T !

nightangel said...

Oh god, I've been through much the same thing. I feel for you, You are not alone at all with this.

RiderWriter said...

Oh yeah, I've always loved my husband's reoccurring childhood nightmare: being chased by the vaccuum cleaner! Classic! (Maybe he was a dog in another life??)

Padraig said...

Any feeling of uncertainty or anxiety about your ability as a storyteller going forward should disappear. You're incredible. :)

Anonymous said...

If you go down to the very last panel and hit PgUp/PgDn repeatedly, little sister looks like she's talking.

Cryptastic said...

My god... that original feeling of being hyper after a night of restlessness... I tried so hard to obtain that. I would stay up so late (first in fear of monsters, then in wants to play games) and then try to convince myself I was getting more sleep than I was. It failed miserably. here is the post about it.

GregM said...

Wonderful. When I was six, I dreamt I was attacked by an octopus' arms, struggling to get free… and when I woke up, I found the blankets had twisted up and were pinning my arms down.

Did you get my email about possibly doing a stage adaptation of Hyperbole & a Half? Are you interested? It's cool if you're not, but I think it would be awesome.

Gadvac said...

Seems things didn't work out as planned :P Nice work!

Jenni said...

Oh the joys of nightmares. I was never scared of my closet, but I did dream that my clown portrait came to life and tried to kill me. I'm now terrified of those evil creatures...

Amanda said...

Haha, awesome!! Write more soon!!

Annie said...

@TehNeyrZomb, not that you'll probably read this after the zillion comments Allie gets (yay Allie!), but yes! that Doctor Who episode "Blink" was scary as hell! It's been many years since anything has scared me like that; I had to turn away and shudder and I ended up peeking at it while barricaded behind couch pillows. Even my husband was freaked over that episode; we both were.

RiderWriter said...

One more thing: I'm so sure your dad is delighted that the world now knows he slept/sleeps in red polka-dot boxers. :-)

(I think your folks gave up any hope of privacy looooong ago, but just checking... I'm sure having such a creative and successful child has MORE than made up for it - LOL!)

Laura said...

While most comments deal with the reaction of your sister and the idea of nightmares, I would just like you to know that the line that had me laughing the most was "Unfortunately, my parents were not high out of their minds on feelings of invulnerability..." Absolutely brilliant!

Please keep writing and posting! You make the written word worth exploring.

Anna said...

I love your posts.
I was your little sister.
The first thing I ever wrote down on a piece of paper was a "story" when I was 4. "A girl went into a forest. She died." Which was soon followed by school assignments of long stories full of extreme gore, with pathetic illustrations. No one else got to use the black or red crayons.
I suspect if a child pulled that shit now they'd be in some sort of counseling

Poolie said...

I do believe I may have wet myself! Bravo! Brava! Whatever!

Anonymous said...

I'm in love with the way you have perfectly captured the mentality of children.

And also a little bit in love with you. :)

Also I'm totally cool with you finding me LOL

Simone Says... said...

i used to fall out of bed because my nightmares were so intense. now i just wake up in a puddle of sweat.

love the sleeping burrito.

TexasBlueEyes said...

Pretty damn hilarious. My parents wouldn't even LET me in the bed. I had to make a pallet on the floor and I lined up all my stuffed animals on the edge of their bed so they would not squish me underfoot when they got out of bed in the morning.

Mikel said...

My ex and I house-sat her dad's place while he was in Iraq. It was an old creepy house with strange noises at night and we'd end up staying up all night to comfort each other...

...except the conversations we would have on these eery nights ended up being about ghosts and shadow people and whether or not they could lick your brains.

The only resolution for rest we formulated on these occasions was to turn on the lights and zombify ourselves with infomercials.

And that's how the ShakeWeight and the ShamWow became our personal Ghostbusters.

The Overlord of food said...

holy god, the best ever. I totally remember staring at my closet, convinced that there were murderers and bad guys in my closet. Every time a car drove by my house, I KNEW there were bad guys coming to our house.. to get me. Only me...

Shit, now i need my mommy's bed tonight. And i'm 27.

Lake said...

I never had a fear of closet monsters, but after I watched "My Stepmother is an Alien," I had a persistent fear that the telescopic eyeball that lives in Kim Basinger's purse was actually living in my toilet and would pop up at me if I tried to go to the bathroom. Gross.

Mind Of Mine said...

Oh God!

That was amazing, your creativity makes me feel so inferior!

DoloresHaze84 said...

Man, no wonder you're such a good storyteller, you started early! Love the drawings of your little sister; they remind me of me before school crushed my soul. :P

I saw in one of the other comments that you're engaged now? YAY! Boyfriend is now Fiance! Congrats! Don't let marriage slow down the blog!

<3 E

Heidi said...

I was freaked the fuck out by my closet, and my night terrors were composed of unspeakable horrors... I somewhat share your pain.
My younger sister delighted in reading horror stories, looking at scary pictures, ghost movies, etc.
Little shit.

Your pictures are so hilarious, they break my brain a little. Sharing this NOW.

<3

Galina said...

See, when I was a kid, I didn't have to be afraid of monsters. This was because the monster king lived under my bed. He was a skeleton and madly in love with me. He would protect me as long as I did whatever he asked of me. However, the only thing he ever ordered me to do was that I could never say monsters weren't real. So when I got scared late at night in bed I would close my eyes and think "monsters are real but they won't hurt me" over and over again.

Amanda D. Barncord Doerr said...

Feeling horrible for the past week, I was so happy to see a new post. I'm going to have to reread it to get the full effect; however, because I immediately fell in love with your fire monster. You don't happen to know if it's single and likes Chinese food, do you?

Danielle said...

and there were spiders the whole time.. AWESOME.

Keep it up :)

Erin said...

I was just thinking about my 6-year old closet nightmares last night! I used to believe that Rocky and Bullwinkle were in my closet and were coming to kill me. This scared me like crazy. Strange thing is that in the light of day, I didn't mind the cartoon at all.

Jo said...

OMG! No wonder you took so long, it's a tour de force!!

And the drawings are fantastic! New level!

Caitlyn said...

This is fantastic! I used to do the same thing to my younger brother lol. Thanks for the laugh :)

Anonymous said...

When I was younger every thing I watched about ghost and monsters was burned into my mind. your story reminds me of all the crazy tales that I had made up that haunted me growing up.
Very good story Allie I love you

Anonymous said...

You sir (madam),
are a genius.
My hat is doffed to you.
Statues should be erected in your honour.
Thank you

rainydays5484 said...

This caused me to burst out in awkwardly loud laghter during a RIVETING lecture over the great depression.
I am such a scardey-cat. I've seen exactly 1 and two-halfs horror movies in my life and that is more than enough for me. Probably because one half was "The Ring" when I was eight. >.< Yeah that was NOT PG like my friend told me.
You are hilarious and just made my crappy, stressful week a whole lot better. Thank you so freaking much for just being you.

Ginnette said...

Hey, long-time lurker here! *waves* Just wanted you to know, I LOVE this post so much. I did a similar thing to my brother and sister when we were younger. On our way to the beach, I told my bro that there were "lake sharks" there. My mom tried to convince him that I was joking, but he wouldn't believe her.

Then, I started to wonder myself if there really *might* be sharks there, after all. I spent the whole time literally feet from the shore, terrified that a great white was going to eat me.

Yeah. I really killed that trip for myself. Thanks for reminding me of that...truly AWESOME!

Bren said...

Well, this post explains a lot.

If you're tallying votes, I'm a big fan of the doorknob series.

Thanks for a good laugh. This day is no longer a total write-off.

methanie said...

That scary story didn't scare me at all until you got the bloody ghost part and now I'm freaked out because I work at home alone and the closet door is just LOOMING at me and there is no one here to save me from the bloody ghosts in the closet except the drycleaner downstairs and I don't think he would care for me hanging out with him all day.....

P.S. Can you tell me the story about the aliens now??

Caleb said...

Egypt gets democraticized!

Yeah, that's okay I guess...

Justin Bieber's hair gets 145% more awesome!

Ok I suppose.

Allie has a new post at HaaH!

Holy Christmas balls!

Now THAT'S news.

That's why your my favs!

Caleb

PS I'm going to keep emailing you each week. My dad emails the president each week, so why not? You're like the president of...of... funny.. pictures of stuff... and.. funny.. ilikeyoubyenow.

gusgirl57 said...

Haha!! I was afraid of the creepy crawlies until I was about 12. They came out in the dark and dragged you under the stairs and ate you. My DAD is the one who kept THAT going! That being said, if anyone has kids that are afraid of monsters, get a can of air freshener and call it "Monster Spray" because everyone knows monsters hate the smell of lilacs and fresh linen! and spray liberally in all places monsters might be hiding before bedtime. Worked for my two girls!!

WyattMute said...

That fire monster drawing is bad-ass!

Great post, looking forward to the next :D

Jennifer said...

I'm not going to sleep tonight.


Thanks.

Caleb said...

PS I'm still lobbying for you to read my blog, admire my pictures, and comment. When you do, my next 8 posts are all going to be pictures of me going "OMGz!" Bad for my readers, good for me.

I already cajoled Becky from Steam Me Up, so you're next.

http://calebshreves.blogspot.com

Fajigajiga said...

First!!!...wait a second...Un-First!!! Hells yes!

I feel for you, I had Night Terrors, so not only was I convinced there were things in my room...They actually attacked me! Sometimes I couldn't even move or scream to get into my parents room...Paralyzed and all.

...poor me said...

XD It seems like this was the beginning of your story telling.

Paula said...

I think what I liked most was your dad's tummy. I couldn't help laughing when it first appeared on screen!!! :)

Thanks for your wonderful stories.

Best,
Paula

njreitz10 said...

YUS. It finally happened. Another entry. I can totally relate to your experience. It's like when I watched Halloween with my younger brother when I was sixteen and he was thirteen. I was about ready to have some sort of psychotic breakdown, and all he said was "is teenagers having sex on halloween an American tradition?"

So frustrating.

Jeremy said...

hahahahahahaha...
[deep breath]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

stephasaurus said...

I'm not sure why, but "wrapped up in her blanket like a fearless little burrito" in particular made me laugh uncontrollably. Your pictures are becoming increasingly more awesome, too. :)

TechnoBabe said...

The little sister gets the best of both worlds; ghost stories and still be in her own bed and not around a campfire. This was lots of fun.

EWatson02 said...

Awesome entry, as usual! The "wrapped around the doorknob" image just about killed me.

I LOVED horror stuff when I was a kid. I would check out all of the "true ghost stories" books from the library and read them saucer-eyed just before bed. I would spend the night staring at my bedroom door, afraid something horrible was going to come through it, but I'd do it all over again the following day. (Funnily enough, I don't think my closet ever bothered me.) Hitchcock once observed that the scariest thing you could ever put on a movie screen was a closed door. I think he was absolutely, 100% correct.

gofortheeyesboo said...

I used to draw stick figure comics with a similar style of humour. Everyone thought they were funny as hell. And I suck as an artist. But I couldn't, in a brazillion years, come up with something as awesome as what you do! I laughed so hard I was wheezing for an hour. Air is good. Hyperbole and a half is better.

Luna said...

This made my day! I remember when I was scared of the monster under my bed. It was the Sticky Fingers Monster with suction cups all over his hands but his arms could only reach 6 inches over the edge of my bed so I was safe as long as I stayed curled up in a ball in the very center of my mattress. If I left my room or the safety of the very center of my bed his arms would be able to reach me and drag me under then kill me and drink my blood.

I always kept my bed very close to my door so I could hop directly from the safe zone in my bed to outside my door and out of his reach.

Raven said...

awesome! luv the skeletons!

Odios Normales said...

What if the bear with a snake body and bat arms gets in my closet at night? :(

sadi said...

Love your stuff!

I had little tornados and tiny men from space haunting me when I was young. They would glow, too.

I never did figure out how I came up with that, but I do know my parents had a long discussion about the possibility of my needing professional help.

Nice to know I'm as normal as everyone posting here!

afterthoughtcomposer said...

HA-larious. Your storytelling is impeccable.

Anonymous said...

i can only say that you are amazing at what you do

Anonymous said...

When I was maybe seven I told my best friend a scary story about a ghost horse named Nellie that would attack people in their sleep. At 25, he is still scared shitless of Nellie the Ghost Horse.

Lauren said...

You make me so happy ^_^

Anonymous said...

I can't believe there hasn't been a single "BUT WHO WAS PHONE??????" comment.

I'm disappointed in you, Internet.

Anonymous said...

Serves you right for trying to scar your sister.

Bing said...

Yay! New post! That bearsnakebatthing is only slightly less scary that the fire monster. Love your work Allie. Keep on keepin' on.

Lauren said...

Oh, and you outdid yourself this time with the drawings. Absolutely, totally, wonderfully perfect!

I'll say it again, you make me so happy ^_^

Anonymous said...

You captured the "sprint of terror" perfectly. First, you make sure the distance jumped from your bed was farther than the underbed monsters' arms could reach. Then adrenaline propels you into the threshold of your parents' bedroom where you again find the perfect jumping distance; far enough so no monster could reach to grab you but near enough so you wouldn't make a fatal error and miss the bed, there by landing directly into the monsters' lair (i.e. appx. 1 foot past the ledges of any bed). Ah, the safety of a cleanly excuted bed landing!

Anonymous said...

You captured the "sprint of terror" perfectly. First, you make sure the distance jumped from your bed was farther than the underbed monsters' arms could reach. Then adrenaline propels you into the threshold of your parents' bedroom where you again find the perfect jumping distance; far enough so no monster could reach to grab you but near enough so you wouldn't make a fatal error and miss the bed, there by landing directly into the monsters' lair (i.e. appx. 1 foot past the ledges of any bed). Ah, the safety of a cleanly excuted bed landing!

Heidi said...

I adore your stories, but your parents deserve the biggest box of mail order steaks ever assembled.

pickles said...

I would LOVE to have a bear-snake-with-bat-arms shirt!

Anonymous said...

I love all your stories! They are so funny and the drawings make me fall out of my chair laughing. Seriously, my roommate now thinks I'm some sort of psychopath 0.o
I love their faces of terror xD
I wish you would update more though :(
<3

Anonymous said...

PS: I still can't fall asleep if I wake up in the middle of the night. I imagine little terrifying melty-gremlin demons that try to steal my soul but only after viciously attacking me while my roommate slumbers peacefully and unaware :(

Sarah said...

For some reason, the most hilarious part of this post for me is the fact that you drew your dad's chest hair and that he's of the the upside-down triangle persuasion.

Marie said...

I love the illustrations! My favorites are you being psycho in your parents' bed, the bear-snake with bat arms, and the series of your little sister rising up from behind the table like Jaws. Well, presumably like Jaws, because I don't watch many scary movies.

At about the same age, when I was maybe 5 and my sister was 3, I told her that I was alien who ate her real sister and took her place and that our parents didn't know. Mom still holds a grudge against me from scaring my sister so much.

This post is awesome. I'm gonna show it to my boyfriend, say "That was me!", and he's gonna point out that just last night I locked him out of two rooms because I was freaking out over a ghost movie we watched a couple days ago and laugh at me. I'm going to try to find out what scares him, then tease him about it until he says, "Well, I'm not the one afraid of whales!" And then I'm going to huddle in bed between him and the wall while he sleeps, and I'll have dark aquarium nightmares again.

Kimber Leszczuk. said...

I love this post Allie - you are HILARIOUS!! Shared it on facebook! Don't ever stop writing!!!

Youngest Child said...

This is flippin' sweet.

KBoppette said...

LMAO Oh my god, your blog posts are to spectacularly written and humorous! I love you to death for all the laughs and overall entertainment you provide for a good-for-nothing like me! XD

Jackie said...

what an incredible amazing story ! I love her little sister lol

J-Roll said...

You must have been extremely agile and flexible as a child. I would never have been able to bend around a doorknob like that.

Agent Beryllium said...

My little sister went through a phase where if you punched her, she'd laugh. Punch her, pinch her, smack her, pull her hair... she'd laugh like she'd been affectionately tickled.

This deeply disturbed me. What if wild dogs attacked her? She wouldn't be able to fend them off... she might not even know that grievous bodily harm was being inflicted because she was too busy laughing!

Plus, it was creepy as all fuck.

Obviously, it was my job as the eldest sibling to teach her--quite literally-- the meaning of pain.

I still wonder what would have happened if she'd never learned to equate bodily injury with unpleasantness. Was there something actually wrong with her brain? Was her three-year-old intellect pulling a fast one on me? Was she miswired or was she an evil genius? Or a sadomasochist? Or all the above?

So maybe I saved her life, or maybe I just found a semi-virtuous excuse to beat up on my little sister.

But seriously. OMG creepy kid.

FriendlyBlood said...

Yaay! I love your posts Allie. :) My favorite one is still the ones about your Helper Dog and Simple Dog but I loved this one too.

beermary said...

One night in the 70s my brother started screaming, "OH GOD! OH GOD NOOOO!" Thinking he was ill, my parents sprang from their bed and rushed into his room frantically asking, "What's wrong?"

My brother screamed back, "I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT DOWN THAT HILL!"

We had watched "Convoy" on TV that night and he was dreaming of truck wrecks, yet having a lucid-yet-terrified conversation with my parents about it, without ever waking.

Catie said...

Ooooo nice couch background

HavenNyx said...

In the absence of fact, the imagination is free to run wild. Love that creating stories of monsters and horror lead to creating a monster of her own little sister. That's awesome =)

nasimmansuri said...

This is my first time commenting, but I've been stalking your blog for ages. Thanks for making me a happier and crazier person than I already was. Though I'm not sure if my family appreciates my new ability to break silences by laughing my head off when remembering your blog.
Oh, and I'm following the Alot on twitter, but he doesn't say alot :P
I think I understand my sister's night terrors more now, thanks to you. Though she's more like the age of your monster baby sister. xD

painprime said...

AWESOME as always!! Having grown up the youngest of FIVE boys, I understand your younger sister's hunger for new stories. Because ANY story is better than NO story! ;-)

btchonheels said...

hahaha! Awesome, as always

Pamela in Calgary said...

Ahhhh ha ha ha!!! I love how this backfired on you (even though I'm sorry you were so scared and everything).

Thanks for sharing with us and keeping it real!

CNSF PAO said...

Usually your stories are exact moments from my own childhood. This time, you are more like my older sister and I am your little sis. We moved into an old house outside of Boston (right next to Salem)when I was 7. The house was furnished with someones weird stuff and there was a full sized door in MY BEDROOM that lead up to the attic that was full of things like a toy train set, jewish trupmet music books and evil dress forms. As if that wasn't bad enough, my sister, who is three years older than me and knew these things were facts, told me that not only did Freddy and Jason live in our attic, but it was also a fire hazard. Forget that I didn't know who Freddy and Jason were, I knew they wanted to kill me. Long story short, I developed insomnia and spent most nights planning my escape (getting under my bed and holding onto the frame Spiderman-style so that if they looked under the bed, they wouldn't see me) and trying to determine if there was a glow of flames coming out from under the door.
Luckily you didn't scar your sister, I am still a little traumatized.

Fitzi said...

I used to scare my sisters by hanging their stuffed animals from ceiling fans and blaming their porcelain dolls a la Child's Play. They still can't face the dolls and they are 20 and 23. Being the oldest is awesome.

Geeky Canuck said...

I'm 38 and sleep Burrito style. Glad to know I'm not alone.

The Jules said...

Nothing worse than being killed when you're already a ghost. It's adding insult to injury really.

Well, injury to injury . . .

t.WeeZy said...

I did this once only with my younger brother and the movie 'Pet Cemetery', intent on scaring the hell outta him.

He ratted on me to my Dad and then I was forced to let my brother sleep in my bed the rest of the week.

Burn.

www.coolbeansandweenies.blogspot.com

Cailin said...

SO EXCITED! BEST THING EVER! MADE MY WHOLE WEEK! I love the pictures of your sister looking like a burrito. So precious

angelofsaturn said...

Just think about all of that plus having extremely poor eyesight and thinking that everything is out to get you.
Plus I used to experience sleep paralysis and I seriously thought I was gonna die on more than one occasion.

And of course my younger sister was snoozing away happy as a clam across the room impervious to my gasping and attempts to move to get the creepy things away.
Bitch.
lol

Cherie B said...

I read THE STORY to my teen-aged daughter in the creepiest voice I could come up with. I enjoyed it WAAAAAY too much.

Sephira said...

Oh hahaha I loved your story and drawings. Every time I saw the drawings of your little sister I giggled a lot!

You do really put a smile on peoples face! thank you <3


xx Seph

Grace said...

I love your stuff and check your website every day hoping for something new. I love your drawings and your words!
Thank you!

Sciencechick said...

Ha ha! The elder sister plot backfired!

I also suffered quite garish and super realistic nightmares as a child, while my baby sister slept soundly every single night. It wasn't fair. One night I got angry with her, walked into her bedroom and was sick all over her carpet before walking back to my room and going back to sleep.

I denied all knowledge in the morning, but given it wasn't my parents - I was the only possible culprit.

I still think of my sister as the 'baby', even though we're now adults (sometimes).

Loving your posts - keep up the good work

Amy said...

yesss I'm so happy. Got on here kind of skeptical to see if there were any new posts, it's my 18th b-day aaand... NEW POST ftw. :)

Just wanted to say, love this blog. I'm kind of new to it. I also grew up in Idaho :) I love the northernness, lol.

ty for writing. :D

Anonymous said...

Awesome, but can we please please have another comic about your dogs?

NC17 said...

Awesome!

Jordan said...

This was so me when I was younger! You made me laugh out loud! Awesome post

Boredom Blog said...

WOW, I totally had the same experience as a child, minus the little sister and parents.... okay a similar experience.

I was terrified by that damn Stephen King and his stupid IT movie, you know, the one with the clown??

That clown was living in my closet, I'm sure of it.

To this day I still can't walk over sewer man holes, he might grab me!!

(You'd have to have seen the movie for that to make sense....)

Word Warrior said...

Allie,

Your stories are the syrup to the waffles of my life. Don't ever stop being this awesome.

My sisters tried to tell me scary stories and sabotage my sleep, too. It didn't work for them either. :-/

Courtney Leigh Llewellyn said...

Once again, you have made me laugh out loud at my computer screen. Bravo, Allie.

(It was totally you clinging to the doorknob that made me LOL IRL, btw.)

(That was a lot of letters in a row that didn't actually spell words.)

DowntownKTBrown said...

I used to have my parents open the closet doors every night before I went to bed. I thought that if they were closed, the monsters could open them and get out, but if they were already open, the air pressure would hold them in. Hmmm.

Katrinae said...

I <3 this blog!! I used to be scared of monsters under my bed too. Of course, the light switch was across the room from my bed, so I had to turn the light off and run, jump into my bed, and bury myself in the blankets until I was positive the monsters weren't going to get me.

I also have 2 older sisters who went to great pains to scare the ever-living crap out of me. My parents went out once and they decided to convince me a ghost named George lived in our house. My sisters would tie each other up, then call me to come untie them, saying George did it. You could go under the stairs to our basement, and they rigged a way to have a towel go flying at me while I was going down the stairs. When my parents came home, my sisters gave me a plastic coil thing to wear, telling me that as long as I had it I would be safe. I carried it for months!

@TehNeyrZomb - I LOVE Dr. Who, but that episode scared the crap outta me too... those angels were soooo creepy!!

EllaBella said...

Haha, I was so the wriggly kid in between their parents (and my dad had that amazing beard too). My mum said I'd get across the bed and manage to wiggle my toes in someones ear and tickle the other parent with my crazy curly hair.
I'm still a wriggly sleeper and have been known to wake up sleeping across the bed and, in extreme cases, with my head at the foot-end. This annoys boyfriends a lot more than it ever bothers me.

Excellent art as ever Allie!

Caley said...

Every time you write a new post, it absolutely makes my day.

ORKMommy said...

Fucking brilliant! Totally worth the wait! This story wouldn't have been nearly as awesome without the pictures. You ma'am are a literary AND artistic genius!

EllaBella said...

Oh, and my older sister tormented me too though it doesn't seem to have caused me *much* permanent damage. I got my own back on her though cos I was like a monkey and I used to hang from the slats under the top bunk which pushed her mattress up and annoyed the fuck out of her.
Then when she got her own room she had a bunk with a cupboard underneath it. One time I hid in there for what felt like hours waiting for her to come bed then just when she'd turned out her light and I could tell she was almost asleep I leapt out and scared the bejesus out of her. Still one of my favourite moments from my childhood.

Adam said...

Oh lawd. xD Died a thousand times reading this. Made me relive all the terrors of my childhood.

D:< Needs moar blog posts, though! Once a month =/= enough...;D

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