A News Update, a Dramatic Montage and a Video Animation

My friend Colin made a fantastic animation based on one of my old posts:


I'm pretty sure Colin would be totally pumped to get some recognition for his hard work, so if you're feeling helpful, you can go over to Newgrounds and rate the video and/or leave a comment.  If you're confused about how to rate things on Newgrounds, go here.  I have provided a handy screenshot with a giant yellow arrow and some helpful instructions.

In other news, I recently moved to Bend, Oregon because it is quite possibly the best place on earth and just breathing the air here is like huffing joy and celebration.  The bad news is that I've been busy using my shriveled, little t-rex arms in a mismatched battle with heavy boxes and furniture.


Perhaps the exhaustion and feelings of physical inadequacy involved in the move caused me to be slightly more vulnerable than usual, but a few days ago, I wrote this post.  Which I promptly buried below my other posts because it is shameful and it could possibly be interpreted in a way that would make me look like an alcoholic.  

Anyway, I'm working on a new post and, despite signs to the contrary, I'm not beginning an agonizing retreat into a life of substance abuse and failure.  In fact, just this morning, I ate fruit, drew a picture of my dog and then later waved pleasantly at a person passing by on the street.  Is that something that a despondent, irreversibly damaged drunk would do?  Kapow. Totally logical and irrefutable rebuttal to your possible doubts.

582 comments:

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Anonymous said...

I think you should move to my small town in Northwest Georgia next... :D
We could really use someone awesome down here.

The Alternate Box Dimension said...

Boxes use the mass energy of their contents to attach themselves to an alternate dimension which is why they become so hard to move. Sometimes this causes a box to be pulled into that dimension which is why they go "missing". Boxes are bad m'kay ?

Designing In Surprise said...

Bend is awesome - I'm sure you'll like it better than the wilds of rural Montana. The world won't end tomorrow if you don't unpack immediately - chill for a while and enjoy the scenery!

Anonymous said...

Bend is AWESOME!! The only reason I don't move there is because I could not find a gob as an English Teacher =)

Anonymous said...

Glad you're not broken up.. I had already mentally matched you up with The Oatmeal guy. Because the internet made me do it, that's why!

Phelan said...

FIRST!

Phelan said...

uh damn, I should check facebook more frequently....

Phelan said...

move to New Zealand next time, we have big lakes, and islands... and stuff, and we're in the middle of nowhere!

Anne Demme said...

Bend is the best! I'm from SW Washington (just north of Portland) and thus have had many a good time in Bend and in the surrounding area, namely Sunriver and Black Butte. One of the best concerts I ever attended was in Bend (Jack Johnson @ the amphitheater), and there is a ton of amazing boutique and vintage shopping, not to mention delish BEER from Deschutes brewery to help you on your way to alcoholism if in fact that is going to be your fate. :)

Enjoy it, Oregon is rad!

Clandestine Road said...

I heart you and your posts. Hope your tiny twigs of power regain their original form so you may flex them next time at passing strangers.

Ariana Aislinn said...

Welcome to our awesome state! So much love for Oregon. Glad you are happy to have moved here! (We're very happy to have you. Oregon is awesome but needs MORE awesome.)

Gneal said...

Also, moving to Oregon should cut the vicious dog monster attacks by at least half.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

You're not an alcoholic. It's a well known fact that a night of good drinking will clear your head (and possibly your stomach, but that's beside the point).

Also, moving sucks. But it seems Bend, Oregon is a lovely place. So it's probably worth it.

Also, I'm sorry to hear of your t-rex arms. Please do not become extinct. But if you want to draw a picture of you with actual t-rex arms, that would be awesome.

Faith said...

haha " the shower hammer" is a mazing lol and i want some dragon sweat body wash lol

BeBe Babies said...

I live in Oregon and my Mom is trying to convince me to move to Bend with her and I told her it is the lamest, dumbest city on the planet...but that's only because I don't want her to leave me. Oh and I am almost 30 and live on my own... I don't live in her basement or anything... we have just never lived apart. So yeah have fun in Bend!

NewYorkWitty said...

Colin's commercial is funny, but you have to give the credit of franchised loud, rapid, fantasy product ads to Picnicface out of Canada... a little linkage...owwwwwwwwww

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs

ErikSwallow said...

Your new post makes me love kittens all over again.

Anonymous said...

If any of the excellent beer in Bend isn't your cup of tea and you need something a little stronger (I always need the hard stuff when I move)check out the Bendistillery tasting room just outside Tumalo; some of the best spirits around. Welcome to Oregon, there's no place else like it.

Morgan said...

Welcome to Oregon! Let us know if you ever do a meet-up. ^_^

Anonymous said...

Holy sheets! I live in Oregon too!

IT'S LIKE A CELEBRITY LIVING IN MY STATE!
Neener neener other states, Allie lives in my state!

Hannah said...

Warning: This comment is going to be incredibly awkward.

I wanted to give you a comment. I've never really commented on blog posts before, but I think that this blog is totally deserving of my creepy stalkerish adoration.

But it's taken me two hours to muster up the courage and the words to type. I finally settled on saying "Welcome to Oregon!"

Then I remembered that I don't live in Oregon, nor have I ever been there. I've barely even been north of Oklahoma. Now I'm back to not knowing what to comment. Damnit.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to Oregon, Allie! Good job moving to Bend, it really IS beautiful and they really need your $$. Come enjoy the west side of the state every once in a while, too. *waves from Beaverton*

leorising

RLF said...

It totally made my day that you have brought your comic-ness to Oregon. There is quite a bit to make fun of here. BUT. Don't make fun of salmon. Really. No jokes.

Tom said...

Don't be ashamed of the drunk post... Even drunk you're funnier and more intelligent than the vast majority of the population.

imperfectprose said...

Welcome to God's Country.
Please note, Oregon is one of the homebrewing capitals. Next time it'll have to be a neighborly beer instead of all that rum.

And for the record, I really liked your blue drawing : )

Sara said...

Hey, Allie? You're my favorite.

David said...

Welcome to Bend! If I see you falling over with boxes, I'll call in some friends to help you up!

PunditusMaximus said...

Not that it matters, but here's my (supportive) take on it:

You can't write the great stuff without writing the good stuff. Even if you never make anything that you think is better than what you've already done, other folks will disagree. And no matter what, you're speaking to them, which is the most important damn thing anyway. So write as much good stuff as possible and accept that only some of it will acquire the random magic sparkles that make a thing great.

Anyways, "I'm mortal and I'm going to die" is pretty damn classic.

Brie said...

Congrats on your move! Have fun breathing the rich, rich air down there!

kris said...

welcome to oregon! soooo much better than basically everywhere else.

Anonymous said...

Friends are people you can get drunk with and not apologize, so quit all ready. We all wish we could be your friend. It could be worse. My doctor asked me what I was using for pain management and I said Burning Sky ale. She ALMOST managed not to do an eye roll.

Arlene said...

Lol.. that video made me laugh so hard I am sure the neighbors think drunken monkeys live here.

Archika said...

Oh thank God! So, you've been shifthing bases...and here I was thinking that maybe you had found a job (gasp!) and hence the infrequent posts. Phew, relief!

PS: You are super lucky today that I finally decided to comment haha :P love your work :)

SteffyBee3 said...

I've spent the last week reading different posts you have. I aspire to be a famous blogger too...But i cant seem to get past procrastinating. So I will just sit and read yours.

Mandy said...

I wanna see the doggy drawing!!!!

christine said...

i lived in ashland for a while and went to bend once. we went hiking in the 3 sisters wilderness. having grown up in NYC this was new to me and i almost died from not knowing what i was doing. but bend was beautiful and i hope you love it there for a good long time.

i loved the drunk post. every good author needs a drunk post. i was sad to see it vanish -- but glad you just relocated it instead of deleting it.

good luck in the new digs. and i hope your arms recover. i hate moving so damn much...

Hildred said...

As an Oregonian I feel compelled to welcome you to this fine state...as an Oregonian I feel compelled to offer the advice that you move out of Bend ;)

cynic said...

I also moved recently. I'm pretty sure my failure was greater than yours. You still have a boyfriend. Though I totally have an internet crush on your blog, which consoles me.

For a while, I thought, "I am going to do tons of pushups and be a super mover the next time I move."

Now I'm thinking, "I'll just turn off the lights and turn down the heat and save money for movers for the next time I move." But once in a while? You think, "Maybe my hands don't have to be cold from October through March," and then you're lifting your own stuff the next time you move.

David said...

Hi Allie,

My previous comment seemed OK, and then I realized a sentence didn't say what it wanted to. Proof reading is hard. Your blog is awesome! This has little to do with proofing, save that this is but a small aspect the Herculean feat that is your blog. Really, awesome work! Keep on keeping on.

Ichigo said...

Holy crap, you moved to Oregon!
Now if you get more internet famous, you can come to Eugene and like, sign my face or something.

Rachel Kadel-Garcia said...

Hooray for burritos! Also the video is bursting into flames from sheer EXCELLENCE.

lom said...

I must be a creepy pod people

Emmanuel said...

ALLIE! long time follower, first time commenter here. This is exciting! ^^
Anyways, I love your blog more than I love Nutella, and I fucking love Nutella.
And this is one of the most hilarious videos I've ever seen, from one of my favorite posts of yours :) I am totally showing this to my friends XD

David said...

Oh Allie, I'm so glad you told us where you live now. :3

Vincent Rupp said...

You moved to Bend?! Awesome! Next time I'm down that-a-way, we are totally hanging out in the lava tube cave. What do you mean you don't know me and think I might possibly be leading you into a one-way underground death trap?! That's so rude! Screw you, Brosch & more beers for me!
P.S. Please visit the High Desert Museum and have a hawk swoop inches from your head before watching a baby porcupine munch on treats. Thx and good night!

Anonymous said...

god! finally!
NEWGROUNDS + HYPERBOLE AND A HALF =
THE MOST EPIC OF ALL WINS!!!!!

bigBANG1127 said...

After watching the video, I started reading the rest of the post with the announcers voice XD

Jill Wiswall said...

Yay! I needed a fix. And welcome to the land of much less bear and mountain lion and stuff!!

Britts said...

Congrats on your move! I know nothing about Oregon except the Oregon trail. Remember that game? Crazy shit happened in that game. I'm in NYC, so there's a bit of a difference in our locations, but I hope you love it!

Glad to hear all is well with you and Boyfriend. Will he be amused by everyone's concern? My boyfriend is several states away in Baltimore so I'm glad you don't have to suffer the distance! It sucks!

This is your blog, we're just reading it. Don't stress about what you post! It's all in good fun. Every time I read something new on here I smile. I also stumble it to all of my friends and then reread it and laugh some more.

Did you do anything interesting for Halloween? I feel like there are many potential and hysterical stories that could come from a Halloween with you.

The video was awesome. I voted and stumbled it to all of my friends.

Hope to read more soon!

-Britt

loradona said...

Welcome to Oregon! By voluntarily moving here, you have erased one step on my list of things to do in order to more effectively stalk you! (Except I'm not a stalker. Not really. Please believe me.)
I hope Oregon doesn't drown you.

William said...

What happened to Boyfriend? Did he move with you or did you replace him with a sparkly gay vampire?

Btw I've been reading the blog for awhile now but never actually commented. My friends and I love reading your writing.

http://thenewgonzoadventures.blogspot.com/

Eloise said...

Welcome to Oregon! It's the best place ever, pretty much.

PM said...

Welcome to Oregon! Our state is lucky to have you!

Claraherron said...

GAHHHHH!!! ok, so I've read almost every single post here, and I'm fairly certain I am in love with you. Also, you might be the twin of my sister. I want you two to become best friends, so I can in turn leach friendship, seeing as I'm only 17. Oh... By the way, I live in Corvallis Oregon. My aunt and uncle live in bend, and I visit all the time. Don't be too scared if you see someone lurking around your house in a snuggie and bear slippers. It might just be me.

John said...

Love the blog allie....did you bring Boyfriend or did you dump him for a sparkly vampire

ShinyLexie said...

Sometimes, I really miss Oregon.
Bend is awesome and amazing and if I could live anywhere on the desert side of the Cascades, It would totally be Bend.

Just so you know.

Joe said...

Holy fucknuts, I used to live in Prineville which is really really close to Bend! I used to go to Bend all the time! That's the closest I've ever been to meeting someone famous.. too bad.

Anonymous said...

Ah Bend is such a lovely town, and Bachelor is the greatest ski mountain on the west coast. The backside in late spring is a snowy heaven. I miss the times when my aunt lived there.

Alexandra said...

huzzah for oregon!! =D I quite agree, the air here is basically orgasmic, except in eugene where I live (literally some of the worst quality air in the nation). anyway, glad you're here!! =]

Lyndse said...

Welcome to beautiful Oregon! You'll love it here.

Come visit us up in Eugene sometime. I know at least five people that LOVE you. At least.

Megaseven said...

Aw, weren't you in Montana before? I see how it is... I start making plans to move there and you preemptively move away. I'm offended to the core. To. The. Core.

Anna said...

You know I will always love you Allie. <3 You are my hero.

Tropical Thinker said...

Oh. Em. Gee.

Awesome video.

T-Rex arms are a drag to utilize for moving stuff, however.

In any case, glad to know you're still alive and kicking. Or moving... homes...

Yeah, I'm going to wait for other comments to bury this one.

ClairieO said...

yey for happy Allie!

Oregon is still far away from Australia which means it's not super awesome but there seem to be plenty of nice people there to welcome you so yey for you!

Glad the move went well. Welcome back!

DarthBrini said...

I hope you love Bend! If you want to know some fun things to do, send me a message. I'm in love with Oregon and you're not too far away from my grandparents and the place I've spent almost every summer of my young life. Perhaps I romanticize it because of my childhood, but either way, I love it.

joe fsu said...

I seriously made a blog account just so i could tell you how awsome your blog is. I had bronchitis for a while and my sister sent me a link to this blog cause she thought it would cheer me up. It definetly did so thanks you and i look forward to new posts, i literally read them all when i was sick. Happy blogging allie

Shakeitstrumpet said...

Bend Oregon huh? I am jealous. I have always wanted to visit Bend. Congrats on the move and for at least attempting the good fight with heavy moving boxes and not allowing your spirit to be dominated by failure.

Laura said...

I googled and google-mapsed Bend, OR, because I'd never heard of it. And whenever I never heard of a town in the US I imagine it as being this great place right in the amazing outdoors. So I was happy to find out that Bend really is a place like that.

Wikipedia says: "It started as a logging town but is now identified as a gateway for many outdoor sports, including mountain biking, fishing, hiking, camping, rock climbing, white-water rafting, skiing, and golf." Well there you go, sounds awesome!

Enjoy your times there! Me & my flat country Holland are slightly jealous.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to Oregon! As long as you're not from Cali, it's all good~

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you're back, your posts always make me happy. Hope Oregon continues to be wonderful for you!

The drunk post was actually quite wonderful, so don't worry about it.

I can't even draw good horses when I'm sober :(

Chase said...

Heart you Allie! Hoping Bend, Oregon is the best thing for you!

Joe Cap said...

In the bottom picture of you laying prone, you look like an ice cream cone!
Enjoy Oregon, I am jealous.

mosprott said...

Yay!! Bend!! I'm totally envious! Go have a Black Butte Porter @ Deschutes Brewery and chill!!

Love your blog. Love you.

Toliver said...

You shouldn't worry about the moving thing. My ex moved herself into her old apartment before I met her in half a day, furniture and all. Now she keeps in shape and stays active, and even for her when she moved out after senior year of college it took both of us all day to move her very few things out. It's just harder to move out of somewhere than move in; maybe it's the memories and emotions that are all tied up that keep you there, or maybe it's all the extra crap you pick up while you stay somewhere. Either way it's always harder to move out than move in. Hope Oregon treats you well!

Kate said...

Love the video.. I know that took a lot of work.
Reminded me of old "ren and stimpy" but better.
thanks for the laugh.
good luck with the move and don't give up. your humor rocks.

kara@elements-interiors.net said...

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNY!!!!!!!!!
As always!!!!

GIVEAWAY! GIVEAWAY! GIVEAWAY!!!

Heres Link



*Enter Camille Beckman Luxury Give-Away Here*

Jules said...

Because of your personification of inanimate objects, you could never abuse a substance... it might hurt its feelings! Looking forward to stories from Oregon!

SisterMerryHellish said...

I have a friend with freakishly short arms! She'll be glad to know she's in good company.

Also, I'm calling her T-Rex from now on.

Vanessa said...

Your shriveled little T-rex arms is my favorite visual of all time. Oh, and just so you know, I thought your drunken post was REALLY funny.

Danger Boy said...

He did a good job with it. I nearly snorted coffee, but managed to refrain.
Moving is an absolute pain. I hope I stay in this house for a long damn time, because moving is like wrestling a troupe of wild mongoose while being kicked in the nads by an emu death squad.
Or something else that is not enjoyable.

Jen S. said...

Welcome to the PNW. It's gray here - that means you'll have plenty of indoor time to contemplate death and the purpose of your life. But that could mean that you also have lots of times for great posts.

Christina said...

I loved the post, and I hate moving so much that I think your drunken live post was a perfectly reasonable response! I'm glad to hear that you're a little closer to civilization and there won't be so many toothless, scary, rural mountain men to rape and/or kill you. I hope. Congratulations on the move, and thank you for the new post!

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Love that video. Especially the exploding coconut. That put me over the edge...

Jennifer B said...

In fact, just this morning, I ate fruit, drew a picture of my dog and then later waved pleasantly at a person passing by on the street. Is that something that a despondent, irreversibly damaged drunk would do?

Well it depends. Were you drunk?

RACHEL. RACHELLLLLL said...

you moved... you didnt break up with boyfriend did you? that would make sadness explode from my currently happy face! dont let that happen.

Fred Miller said...

I never doubt you. I even have hope in strong drink.

It's scriptural. Proverbs 31: [something]. "Give wine to one who is of a heavy heart and strong drink to one who is perishing."

Wompa said...

What stage of the process is denial?

Faith said...

Ok, that video animation was so, so, soooo funny! Your friend Colin should be very proud of himself! AND, he should make more videos based on our posts. That's my vote.(Which seems appropriate since it IS election day today!) Because I like silently laughing at my desk until I'm crying. It's my favorite way to start the day!

Hope you're doing well in your new home!

Micki said...

I never doubted you, Allie. :) But I'm glad you waved pleasantly at a stranger!

The animation is pretty awesome. :D That post of yours is definitely a classic.

Leigh B said...

Yay your back!!!!! I was worried that the basement/cellar orc had risen from the murky depths and turned you into its slave.....but he didn't, and you're still alive.

Love the video too, epic =]

Your blogs have given me a little piece of American humor out here in Australia, thats right Allie... you've made it to Perth, but I'm looking forward to getting back to the states soon and reading more of your blog posts

Kacy said...

wait...you HIDE posts??? oh no! have i missed any? also: my grad school friends and i regularly use "parp" as a code word for being at that stage of research/homework/paper grading where we've lost all sense of who we are and what we are doing with our lives. you are great.

KP said...

Bend is stubendous.

Ms. MM said...

I know I already commented, but I had to add that my eight-year-old was laughing until his face was red when I showed him the video, and he was running around yelling, "LOOFAHS MAKE ME ANGRY!!!" for the rest of the day. Thanks.

Oh boy, he's still doing it!

Julie said...

The PNW is awesome! . . . if you like rain. But seriously, it's one of the most gorgeous places in the US.

I love your posts! They brighten my life.

lala [mrs. new guy] said...

yayyy oregon. you're even cooler now.

Anonymous said...

Wha, are people accusing you of being an alcoholic or something b/c you did one hilarious drunk post? *facepalm* People...are not the smartest. If you've ever worked with someone who is Actually an alcoholic, etc., they wouldn't be as....ignorant and uninformed.

Keep being hilarious and awesome, I love your site!! :D

kerry said...

there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting drunk! viva le booze! it gives me the happeh!

Abby said...

if you get any funnier, i really won't be able to breathe from laughing :)

claire said...

anyone who has the patience to draw pretty pictures in paint is a totally non-despondent and incredibly responsible person in my opinion. i just drew a picture in similar allie style, and my right side just cramped up. i will be dramatically limping for the rest of the day in the office. if anyone asks me why, i will direct them to your blog.

Jax said...

Super awesome but also, where has Spaghatta Nadle gone, we haven't seen him in a while?...

kentperrodin said...

I know a couple of really nice people in Bend - not cultists or anything. If you need a contact, sing out.

Auria said...

Oh my god, I could totally visit you. This is crazy.

Dannicalliope said...

Love your posts. Keep up the good work--you make me laugh so much (in a totally good I-feel-that-way-myself-at-times) way. :D

Anonymous said...

No worries. Brilliance does not come on a schedule. We'll be patient for your next piece.

Bay said...

LIFTING ALL THE THINGS should be boyfriends job.
I mean, I know you are woman hear you roar and all that.
But still.
That's what boy biceps are built for.

TheUltimateTia said...

OMG! You moved to Bend, OR!

It looks like Bendover to me, sorry!

Okie said...

Hilariously awesome video...heading over to give him some rating boosting now.

JordyF said...

What, only one in 307 comments mentioned the whole Newgrounds-Hyperbole synergy? As a semi-retired NG BBS addict I was both disturbed and intrigued that NG had wormed its way onto my favourite blog. The general BBS community is practically the absolute inverse of VerySerious but the animators and creative folk there may be a suitable match for the wondrous ideas that come out of this blog (current video bearing strong evidence for that theory).

Proceed into Newgrounds with caution and joy.

CopperKaNikki said...

Why would you move farther away from me!?! :(

Fred Miller said...

Failure is essential to anyone's development. Love you, Allie.

sdillon0991 said...

So, a few weeks ago I was first exposed to your blog when my friend posted the spider post on my facebook to mock my arachnophobia (Which only reinforced it by reassuring me that I'm not alone), and ever since I've been periodically working through all of your blogs as a way to shirk my duties such as writing essays or studying for midterms. Also, I'm pretty sure if for some unfortunate reason you ever found yourself in central Ohio, I would probably abandon my friends to hang out with you, which is really saying something, because I'm a very loyal individual.

Hannah said...

YAY!!! Yellow-triangle head Allie is back! WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! Also... ermm.... I don't know if you can swear off of substances after you talk about huffing. It's like light and dark matter... they equal black hole of.... OOOH! MORE DRAWINGS!!! *wanders away...*

beth said...

omg I looooove the moving montage. Any chance some of that could end up on a t-shirt??

"Guppy" Honaker said...

I totally need to contact Sweeve for the "Shower Hammer," a razor saw with jet packs and so much more! Who knew showers for men could be such an adventure!?!

- David

Aloe Vera Juice Benefits
Holistic Nutrition and Health

Dave said...

Bend, Oregon is home to Deschutes Brewery, brewer of many fine ales. Enjoy them in good health!

Zenzendiva said...

I'm so excited that you moved to Bend! That's my old hometown! <3 Now I'm in the middle of California with the worstest allergies ever. Enjoy Bend... it's the happiest place on Earth!

Lauren said...

Congrats on moving to a place with nice air. Hope it wasn't too traumatic for puppy. Suggestion for a new post: something about your dog. I very much enjoyed the prior Dog post about determining whether it was retarded. I'm sure Dog has more funny things to offer your insatiable readers!

Windrider said...

Absolutely fucking fantastic.

Reminds me of the Brawndo commercials on youtube.

Manny said...

Welcome to Oregon!!

Manny said...

Welcome to Oregon!!

Laura said...

Pfft, Oregon is just Washington except much more lame.

ClassicDangerCase said...

So in order to vote I just click on this face with the number 3 on it? What are the other numbers for?

Follow my blog. Friend me on facebook! Eat my tweets for breakfast!!

whoa... sorry about that. Couldn't get the 'awesome' voice out of my head. Started to manifest in this comment. Peas.

Anonymous said...

ALLIE.

I have been shouting in my head for so long for the last five minutes that I now have a HEADACHE.

This summer, I visited Redmond Bend, Oregon, to see my Aunt and Uncle.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DISCOVERED?!

If you do, you can stop reading and skip a few lines down.

IF YOU DON'T, which I'm hoping you don't because otherwise this is a waste of text and energy and more shouting in my head as I type this, (SPOILER) I DISCOVERED that it is positively the most beautiful, wonderful, dog-friendly, people-friendly, best places in the US to live.

Seriously, I'm so jealous of you for moving there. I want to live there someday. The air is amazingly breathable (so unlike Wisconsin summer air), the mountains are gorgeous, and there's so much to do! The parks are spacious (goes on to drool over how beautiful/fantastic/wonderful Bend, Oregon is).

IN CONCLUSION,

If I visit my aunt and uncle there again (which I hope to do) I WILL TRY TO FIND YOU.

I will do this in a number of passive ways:

1) Going outside and listening for funny people.
2) Going outside and listening for laughter, for laughter is sure to lead me to funny people
3) Look for someone with a little yellow bump for hair, pink shirt and distressed facial features at parks, that frozen yogurt place which name currently escapes me, etc.

IN CONCLUSION,

Great job picking the best place to live, I hope your moving goes better than it has thus far (with less betrayal and tears and hopelessness), and I hope that chance helps us meet someday!

Yours,
Haley

- Kori said...

OMG you live only 128 miles away from me. :D I'm so excited! Haha!
>:D I'mma come stalk yooou.

Okay not really.

Welcome to Oregon! The most awesomest place eva.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to Oregon! :) I think you'll like it here!

Desmond said...

Everyone will be very kind, but you know you've lost it. Good luck getting it back.

mo said...

Just a quick thought. Your waaay too crazy to go outside of the Montana border with out being considered "crazy". Trust me I've learned.

Anonymous said...

You moved? To Oregon?
Oh my goodness, this means that I can now stalk you much easier! I live in Washington, just across the river. :)

Kirbyfemur (Kris Brown) said...

Yay a fellow oregonian!!! I'm glad that i stumbled upon your little blog thing through the video on newgrounds, it has provided a good amount of entertainment for me for the last good while :3

Brent said...

Hi, Allie! I love your blog, it's pretty much the greatest thing that has and will ever exist. So, about your drunken blogging the other day, I just want to say that it's totally natural to feel overwhelmed by success. I'm an artist, and this happens to me all the time; the best thing you can do is remind yourself to just do it for yourself.
Also, you can submit just about anything and it'll be funny, so don't worry too much. Most people, I think, would be just as happy to see you submit more of the stuff you used to do.

P.S. You and Duncan need to stop being me and girlfriend from the future!

Anonymous said...

I just want you to know, I identify so much with you my husband decided to read your entire blog to understand me better. Which he does, but a page or so in he goes 'hey, this is really funny' so I think he continued just because he liked it! Now he says PARPPPPP and BAHHS and generally quotes you like crazy.

I love it <3

Creepy Stalker Chick said...

WHAT IS THIS? Bend, Oregon? I live in Vancouver, Washington. That's, like, totally 150-ish miles away. I can totally stalk you now. Totally.

Mari said...

Oh jeeze. Don't berate yourself about your drunken post. I loved it! I'm sure I'm not the only one. Screw the perfect police.

Anonymous said...

Totally understand about the pressure, I fall into that trap all the time, can be crippling. But think about all your favorite TV shows, or bands - you don't expect every single episode or song or album to be as good or better than the last. And you don't give up on them when they're not. I can't imagine your followers giving up on you.

And 'better' is subjective anyway, and changes over time. Down the road you might realize a post you thought sucked at the time is one of your best.

Kaye said...

I read the post that you embedded - the one that you said was embarrassing and it was totally hilarious. Laugh out loud funny! You should proudly display it. Also you may want to consider more drunk blogging. Super hilarious. No pressure, but keep up the good work! :)

M said...

I just thought you should know that the last few days of my life have been spent reading your blog archives. I'm currently on the toilet (and have been for 20min) reading them. I finished shitting a while ago, but it's an inconvenience to move. That's all the praise you should ever need.

Hopeful said...

I'm sort of sad b/c you were kind of one of my favorites and I fear a downhill spiral.

Not that it's any of my business, but don't put any pressure on yourself. It doesn't have to be long, or have a lot of pics, just say whatever little thing you're thinking. For those of us that don't follow you on twitter, don't see why you can't post a little thing here.


I've never unsubscribed to anyone, mostly b/c you're the only one I've subscribed to...but I haven't given up hope. Keep growing!

Anonymous said...

welcome to oregon, our winters may be warmer but it is decidedly wetter year round than anywhere else.

Anonymous said...

Why is the sun frowning in the corner?? Why can't he smile. It really kinda makes me sad. Please make him smile.

Kimberly Whipps said...

Oh my lanta! You moved to BEND? I'm in Portland. Oregon ROCKS. I don't want to be a stalker, but when we go to Sisters...I'm lookin' for you. ;)

- the barefoot girl

Tawna Fenske said...

Wait, what? You're in Bend now? In MY TOWN?!?

Holy shit. I need to start locking my door or something.

Tawna

Andrea said...

Well, I never post anything on here, even though I follow this religiously and think you are the bestest.

But I thought you should know that someone at Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear had a sign with a version of Allie on it saying "FEAR ALL THE THINGS." I loled. So hard. And probably scared the girl who was holding it. Seriously, it was one of my favorite signs. And there were a whole lot of awesome signs.

:) Have a good night! Good luck unpacking your boxes.

Hop said...

Welcome to Oregon! Yay, Oregon, land of my birth and growing-up and adulthood! (I'm moving away from it forever in a week and a half. But not because it's not awesome!)

--- said...

I hate moving. We can never find the church-key fast enough. At this point I own a dozen or so. Oh well.

Anyway, love the blog, and it's fine if some of your posts aren't funny enough to make me pee my pants laughing when I think about them the next day. Really, I promise. I'll keep reading anyway.

Guy said...

Welcome to Oregon! looking forward to posts with a semi-local flavor (Portland area)

Allie Clark said...

Yay we share a state AND a name now! Your posts - all of them, even the drunk ones - make me very happy. I just found out I have ADHD, and reading all of your posts was awesome because 1) hilarious 2) it's really amazing to know I'm not the only one whose brain works like this. I mean, yeah, I read it in textbooks or whatever, but there's a big disconnect between that and seeing someone who has written about things that I'm dealing with too. I know I sound creepy - "We're the saaaaaame, love me!" and that's creepy, but no. I don't mean that. I think you write awesome, witty, hilarious stuff, and I like it a lot.

Alexis said...

Come and visit Portland, please, so that we can shower joy upon you!

I visited Bend recently and it's a great little town! They even have vegan pizza.

Sporadic Symphony said...

Bend, OR really is where it is at. Especially the beautiful night skies.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the Great Northwest, neighbor!

RoseRedHoofbeats said...

This very succintly sums up how much I hate moving. =)

Lychee said...

Yay, Oregon! I'm somehow proud and excited you moved to my state even though I live about 170 miles away from you.

I really don't get it either.

Anyways, glad to see you're posting, and I hope that moving goes well. Updates will come, and I, for one, will wait patiently for them.

Do what you've got to do, Brosh.

Ali said...

Dear alternately-spelled-Ali-Allie,
I think you're awesome. Even with shriveled t-rex arms. Also this blog gives me joy. Thanks a whole lot.
Sincerely,
Alternately-spelled-Allie-Ali

Traductor said...

http://translator-traductor.blogspot.com/




http://translator-traductor.blogspot.com/

Lara said...

I'm procrastinating and have just finished reading your entire blog. I love you.

I looked up Bend, Oregon, and the wikipedia page has a section for "notable residents". I think you should be at the top of the list.

Going back to lurking and not commenting now...

Brooke Hazelgrove said...

We love you Ali :)

Hope the move went well and you are still enjoying the initial joy of new places, smells and joy-filled air. By the time you are settled in, I'm sure you will have guns (strong biceps), hang in there.

Anyway. I think you are more awesome than a burrito strapped to a fighter jet and should keep doing what you're doing. And don't stress about it. You shall continue to funny our days for many more years to come :)

Melody said...

It seems part of the problem stems from trying to carry the box with the tips of your fingers...

Also, love you! We found your blog a while back and now down time at work is hyperbole and a half time...it's the best time ever.

Chris machado said...

HOLY CRAP ALLIE! I live in Bend! We should totally hang out! We can do fun things like get frozen yogurt, or let our dogs play or make fun of hipsters or shave each others backs! Wait... no; not the last one.

But for seriousness, welcome to Bend!

Anonymous said...

Bend, Oregon = Better than Forks, Washington. Less sparkly fairies.

Also, you're fantastic, Allie. Everyone needs to get smashed every once in a while. It is good for the soul.

Alexandra said...

it's like you knew I was going to be packing stuff up into boxes today.

Selvasol said...

I love your art. CAKE, I love your CAKE post. In fact I love it so much that my family has now adopted this phrase (persistence and annoying repetition paid off) as part of our family weirdness.

Thanks. You rock. 'CAAAAAKKKKKKE'.


cheers,
Laura

Anonymous said...

I don't think I've laughed harder. From one Allie to another Ally (RWARSAMENAME!!) you rock. Just be yourself. Sometimes you might suck but even if you do It'll probably be 10 times funnier then anything the rest of us can do =p

Also.. I behave the same way when drunk. Creepy

Bonnie said...

Can I just say I'm stoked you found yourself in Oregon? I've lived here and there in Oregon and may end up in Redmond soon. Welcome!

Anonymous said...

Ally I think I am actually in love with you

Sistas! said...

Brilliance yet again. I think you are my hero.

Bill_Snizzle said...

You're really good at this blogging stuff...Like the way you build up and then have a punch line and shit. I'd ask you to check out my blog and offer advice but I remember you saying you hated people doing that that in a previous post so NOW I CAN'T.

But good job anyway!

Kimi said...

Allie,

I used to live in Bend and I loved it! Enjoy the new scenery!

Anonymous said...

There are a lot of comments on here so I don't know if you'll get to read this one. I saw this video a while ago and when I read the opening of that post you linked to "Every time I write something new, I feel like I need to make it better than whatever I wrote before it so that it never appears as though I am regressing." I thought of it. Its 20 mins but it is very inspiring http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86x-u-tz0MA

I really hope you get a chance to watch it. let me know what you think. :)

Leslie said...

The sneaky drunk spiral? Those can be a bear. Glad you've bounced back. Your blog is so funny, and it makes the world better.

Book Geek (AKA ChibiNeko) said...

Sounds like me every time I try to move!

fillthecup said...

I love your posts, and you don't owe me anything! In EVERY comment stream I ever see, there are tons of nasty, hateful posts. I wonder who these people are, why they can't seem to spell, and whether they have anything going for them.

Don't psyche yourself out or overthink, post if you wanna post, when the fancy strikes you. No pressure. Those crazy, two finger typing jerks will manage somehow.

Skulda said...

Hey Allie! I'm going to Portland in December! I hear it's really nice there. I hate moving but I really want to move. *sigh*
I think the worst part of moving is unpacking and wondering "why didn't I just throw that out?!"

Jill said...

I love the fact that you hid the drunken post. It was fun finding it unexpectedly.

Hope you enjoy your new town!!

Keep up the awesomeness!

Anonymous said...

Bend?? there is nothing in Bend. You should have moved to Portland. Still got fresh air and trees, without a national forest between you and fun stuff.

Hannah said...

BEST. COMMERCIAL. EVER.

Anonymous said...

That drunken post was awesome. No need to be embarrassed by it. Everything you do here is brilliant.
More please!

Gwynnthiere said...

So, I think I've read too much of you lately. I'm sitting here, desperately trying to find a simple chocolate cake recipe for a roommates birthday when the boyfriend comes over.

"What are you doing?" The response is a blank yet startled stare.

"Nooothing...." And while I'm saying nothing, I'm simultaneously lifting the sleeping kitty from my lap to place him on top of my head as some sort of distraction so no one will suspect I am up to anything. Certainly not planning any sort of birthday things. Nope. Just a crazy lady with a sleepy looking cat on her head.

d. vrai said...

I love BEND! Now with more HYPERBOLE!!

Moving sucks, but you'll feel so good once you're done. And if you lived where I think you lived previously the air will be muuuuuuch better.

Becca said...

Who of us hasn't turned to too much rum, wine, beer (etc.) to neutralize the emotional trauma of moving (even to a place as great as Bend, Oregon)? We still believe in you, Allie. I'll wear a brown ribbon in support of you.

Anonymous said...

Unlurking to say how sad I am that your blog isn't what it was.

Dr. Rural said...

Allie,

You've made my sister and I laugh until we cried multiple times -- the post about training your dog? Your grandfather's cake? CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!!!?

What have we ever done for you? Absolutely nothing, that's what. You don't owe us anything at all. We will continue to be grateful for your posts, and we wish you all the best in your new home.

Albion's Angel said...

Heya. A comment on the post that inspired the vid, I think Sueeve products should form a merger with Aperture Science.

For full details on personel, Products and GLaDOS visit

http://half-life.wikia.com/wiki/Aperture_Science

Ps, this is not a blog but a funny wiki post created using information found in Valves Portal and Portal 2 games and trailers which feature Aperture Science.

Morgaine said...

Well, damn. A demanding asshole demandingly assholed your last post, and he got a picture. I wish I had a picture for following you silently but politely.

Karadactyl said...

I had to comment on this too because "How to Make Showering Awesome Again" and "XTREME SHOWER PRODUCTS" are the 2 links I shared with a bunch of my friends. And then I saw this video and it is flipping amazing. I too immediately read the original post and "XTREME SHOWER PRODUCTS" with the PowerThirst guy's voice, so for me, the animation is spot-on. Who says spot-on? Me apparently.

Congrats on the move.

And I want to see a picture of the dog too :)

-Kara

mushroomhunter said...

Hey. Welcome to Oregon. No Orcs here. Just ELFs who will bomb the sh** out of your backyard if you piss on their trees (for science's sake)

Kat Swan said...

I never lost faith in your amazing abilities. All artist (need say artist like a snooty person to get full affect) go through slumps. Keep creating so I can continue to waste time and laugh so hard I pee my pants.

Jillers said...

I am glad to know that having just discovered your blog it did not immediately go defunct!

Jordan said...

After reading all of the current comments, I just had to comment again because someone mentioned adding you to Bend's Wikipedia page under "Notable Residents," and I looked to see if someone had. No one had (and I would if I knew how to do it), but the second person listed (just three people up from where you should be listed alphabetically) is The World's First Pregnant Man!! You would also be three above a Lawnchair Balloonist! I totally think you absolutely NEED to be on this list! Someone PLEASE update Wikipedia!

C.J Ellis said...

There's such a manly shower-condiment advert happening in England at the moment! The jist of the ad is basically "Do you want to be like a woman?
OF COURSE NOT! It's a well established fact that even women don't want to be women!
If you want to be a woman, you better not bring any more than one bottle into the shower with you! This is why we've invented this liquid that can perform every single shower function, all in one bottle!"
It has a hook as well.
In case you want to hang it up on the wall, or fight pirates.

David Levering said...

I worked at a science outdoor school in eastern Oregon for years (in addition to living in Salem), and must commend you on your choice of new residence. Bend is positively made of awesome!Summer: Awesome. Winter: Awesome! In between seasons:Awesome!

See??

John Day National Monument is a worthwhile way to spend a nice day, though being a paleontologist, I am intensely biased.

(They have giant prehistoric pigs the size of horses and sabertooth cat-like critters. More awesome!)

Luna H. said...

I was supposed to be doing my homework but instead I read your blog. My parents are wondering why on earth I'm giggling like a maniac over Topographical Maps. I hope you're pleased with yourself.
Translation: This. Is. Amazing. Please keep posting.

Anonymous said...

i think you ought to team up with www.srslysorry.com !

Tyler Lefebvre said...

WE WANT MORE DRUNKEN POSTS!!!
they crack me up.

Emily said...

I actually liked your drunk post. I really enjoy your more polished stuff, but I've started to miss the really random updates you used to post, and it reminded me of them. It makes me laugh and remember that I'm not the only crazy one out there :o)

Savannah said...

New TSHIRTS Allie! make new TSHIRTS! I want some with Parp and Cake and possibly drunk drawn horses.
Get on that as soon as you're done moving :)

andrew said...

Allie! Oh no.. you've broken up with your boyfriend?!

I hope I'm wrong, but there are reasons for my suspicion:

1. You've moved to a new town.
2. You had to carry large boxes with your spaghetti arms (no mention of a manly man to intervene and rescue).
3. References to 'Boyfriend' conspicuously absent of late.
4. Two breakup articles on thegloss.com
5. Drinking alone..

Please tell me I'm wrong and that you're happy.

Abigail Fitzsimmons said...

Huzzah! This are first time I commented on your blog. But it not first time I lol'd. And yes, I'm using badly-written grammar on purpose. ALOT. :D

I think if you can churn out posts like "The God of Cake" it will only get better from here.

Also, I quote "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!/Clean ALL the things??" alternately throughout my week, and me and my friends (who I have indoctina---I MEAN introduced to your blog) giggle.

Can't wait to see what you turn out next :D

Anonymous said...

You know, I was a little unsure of your capacity to be mentally stable, but that whole waving at a person on the street thing totally turned me around! Way to go Allie!

Nicole said...

Once at work I gave up using the elevator even though I need to go back and forth between a few different floors several times a day - carrying heavy objects. All in the name of fitness.

I could barely walk for THREE days after.

Anonymous said...

Where is boyfriend? I am willing to move to Oregon for you if you need boyfriend 2.0

Tawna Fenske said...

Setting aside my earlier jokes about Bend being MY TOWN, my desire to lock my door, and my suspicion you might be sleeping under my porch, feel free to use me as a resource if you want to get to know your new hometown. It's sorta my job as the PR Bitch for the organization tasked with luring people to our beloved mecca.

Here's me all legit and professional and shit:

http://www.visitbend.com/About-Us/Staff/

Drop me a line if you want any Bend-related tips, and welcome to town!

Tawna

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