The Party

At some point during my childhood, my mother made the mistake of taking me to see an orthodontist.  It was discovered that I had a rogue tooth that was growing sideways.


My mom and I were told that the tooth, if left unchecked, would completely ruin everything in my life and turn me into a horrible, horrible mutant.


Unless I wanted to spend the rest of my natural life chained in a windowless shed to avoid traumatizing the other citizens, I was going to need surgery to remove the tooth. 

I was accepting of the idea until I found out that my surgery was scheduled on the same day as my friend's birthday party.  My surgery was in the morning and the birthday party wasn't until the late afternoon, but my mom told me that I still probably wouldn't be able to go because I'd need time to recover from my surgery.  I asked her if I could go to the party if I was feeling okay.  She said yes, but told me that I probably wouldn't be feeling well and to try not to get my hopes up.  

But it was too late. I knew that if I could trick my mom into believing that I was feeling okay after my surgery, she'd let me go to my friend's birthday party.  All I had to do was find a way to prove that I was completely recovered and ready to party.  I began to gather very specific information about the kinds of things that would convince my mom that the surgery had absolutely no effect on me.  


I'm pretty sure my mom was just placating me so that I'd leave her alone, but somehow it was determined that the act of running across a park would indeed prove that I was recovered enough to attend the party.  And I became completely fixated on that little ray of hope.   

I remember sitting in the operating room right before going under, coaching myself for the ten-thousandth time on my post-surgery plan: immediately after regaining even the slightest bit of consciousness, I was going to make my mom drive me to a park and I was going to run across it like a gazelle on steroids.      


And then she would let me go to the party.  

I must have done a really good job pretending to be okay even while I was still unconscious, because I was released well before the anesthesia wore off.  My mom had to hold on to the back of my shirt to prevent me from falling over while we walked out of the hospital.  

I first started to regain consciousness while we were driving on the freeway. I didn't know what was going on, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered that I needed to do something important.


THE PARK!!  I didn't recall exactly why I needed to go to the park, but I had spent so much time drilling the concept into my head that even in my haze of near-unconsciousness, I knew that getting myself to a park was of utmost importance.   I tried to communicate this to my mom, but the combination of facial numbness and extreme sedation caused me to be unable to form words properly.  


I yelled louder and more urgently, but my mom still couldn't grasp what it was I wanted.  


It was at this point that I decided to open the car door and walk to the park by my damn self.  The only problem was that instead of being stopped safely near a park, we were hurtling down I-90 at 70 miles per hour.


Luckily I hadn't had the presence of mind to unbuckle my seatbelt, so instead of toppling to a bloody death, I merely hung out the side of the car and flailed around ineffectively.

A little shaken up by the incident, my mom decided that it would probably be a good idea to pull off at the next exit and get some food in me.  We found a Jack in the Box and she led me inside. 


It was pretty crowded, but my mom didn't want to get back in the car, so we found a table and she told me to wait while she stood in line to order our food.  


I sat contentedly at our table for a few minutes.


But then I forgot what was happening and panicked. 


I had to find my mom.  I had to tell her about the park.  I tried to call for her, but I still couldn't quite remember how to say words.  



I began stumbling around the restaurant, shouting the closest approximation to the word "mom" that I could come up with. 


My mom hadn't yet figured out what I was trying to tell her, but she knew that I was yelling and stumbling into the other patrons and generally causing a scene, so she firmly told me to go back to my seat.  

I had remembered why I wanted to go to the park, so I obeyed my mom, thinking it would increase my chances of going to the park, thus increasing my chances of going to the party.  

When my mom returned to our table with our food, some version of the following conversation ensued:

Me:  Carn we go to the parp now? 

My mom:  The park?  Is that what you want?

Me:  Yes!  The parp! 

My mom:  No.  Eat your food.  

Me:  But moun - I can roun arcoss the porp.  I can do it!  I can go to the partney!

My mom:  No you can't. 

Me:  I can!  I can!  I CAN!!! 

My mom:  Look at you.  You can't even walk. You can't form a coherent sentence.

Me:  I CAN ROUN ARCOSS THE PARP!!! I CAN GO TO THE PARPY!!!

My mom:  You are not going to that party. 

Me:  NO!! NO! NO MOUM!  I CAN DO IT!  I CAN GO! 

My mom:  I said you can't go to the party.  Now eat your food.  

Me:  MOOOOOOOUUUUUMM! WHY? WHY ARE YOU SO MEEEAAAAAAANNN?? WHY ARE YOU SO MEEEEEEEAAAAAAN TOOO MEEEEEE???

My mom:  Stop it.  

And then I started to cry big blubbery tears into my milkshake.  It was at that point that my mom noticed all the people glaring at her and realized that, from an outside perspective, it appeared as though she was not only refusing to let her poor, mentally disabled daughter go to a park and/or a birthday party, but was also taunting her child about her disability.  


And that's how I got to go to a birthday party while very heavily sedated.

1,072 comments:

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Jules: said...

This is brilliant! Thanks for the laugh!

Sam said...

I love the fact that everytime I read your blog I choke on my coffee (ya know-cuz I'm laughing so hard)

Tami said...

Oh man. This was epic.

So, were you ever able to prove to your mom that you were fit for party attendance by running across the parp?

Siobhan said...

Hahahaha that cracked me up! Genius! Think I got lots of weird looks from my family members for laughing at the computer screen..

Quincy Quincette said...

Um... I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed in a week and a half...

THIS DOES NOT FILL ME WITH CONFIDENCE!!!!

:-p

NinaStargirl said...

I love the part where you try to get out of the car. I am having a not-so-good evening and went online with what I thought was a desperate attempt to find something happy (I think I had in mind some kind of clearly impossible magical email of happiness?). No email. . . but Hyperbole and a Half! You are saving my life this week, Allie.

Kavey said...

Scarily I was about 15 when I had a somewhat related experience - having my wisdom teeth out (which were still under my gums, so not a minor yank job) and insisting on going to my friend's birthday party the same day.

I talked similar bollox and my kind friend made me banana milkshakes to drink with a straw instead of the food.

BUT I WENT TO THE PARTY!!!

Kelley said...

That is definitely how these things work. Definitely. I have a 5 y/o and a 2 y/o. If they embarrass me enough or say "parpy" one too many times, they get what they want be it a chainsaw, a bag of glass, a night out with the Mexican drug lords, you name it.

HerGoldenHair said...

Couldn't stop laughing! :D

Hottestgeek said...

Only one word.. after these six.. EPIC!

David said...

Oh gosh, there are tears streaming down my face now. Thank you.

I can vaguely remember doing something like this to my mother when I was a kid, however, I was not sedated...

Shantastic said...

Long time reader, first time commenter. I love this so much -- I'm with the laughing-until-I'm-crying crowd and the "Please make a book with all your amazing drawings" group too. I'd put the book on my coffee table and aggressively advertise it whenever people came over: "You really need to buy this book. It makes me laugh until I cry. Let's have story time now, so I can show you."

I had my wisdom teeth pulled over Christmas break 2008 and, after they gave me the general anesthesia, the next thing I remember is waking up being led into the recovery room. Only I didn't know it was the recovery room and thought they hadn't actually done the surgery yet because, to me, it had only been a few minutes and I didn't feel any pain.

I mumbled to the nurse: "So when are we going to do this thing?" My dad, who was waiting in the recovery room, laughed and said, "Shannon, they already did the surgery." I laughed back, sarcastically, and said, "No way. It's only been like three minutes!" Then I told the nurse I didn't know why my dad needed to be there, because I could have totally driven myself home.....

FoxRain said...

I'm in love with you. Please marry me.

I acted like that when I was a child too. Man my mom hated me. Like it wasn't hard enough for her that everyone thought I was her grandchild, she also had to endure my antics.

My dad had had o endure it too. Last time I was drunk I tried to convince him that a boyband member was the love of my life and that he was mean for not accepting our love.

Thanks Allie <3

I'm Lori...and maybe I'm you, too. said...

Sounds remarkably like the story of How I Got to My Junior Prom!

Vosil said...

Just thought Id post to say I had exactly the same vertically challenged tooth problem as a kid :(

Except they told me that if they just removed it it would leave a hole that would then swallow the rest of my face ... or something. Then the orthodontists stood around a fifteen year old me discussing how they might be able to up-right this tooth over the course of several years by means of rope and pulleys and I just sat there thinking *OMG!! You're experimenting on me! This is deeply disturbing!!!!! ... and slightly cool* Ten years and three repeat operations later and I have a shiny and decidedly vertical tooth and no face-swallowing hole! Hurray.

I still remember the aneasthesia process on my first operation though.
Nurse: So, this is your first operation?
Me: Yes it iOWWWWWWWWWW! *You cheeky wench!!! you cared not at all about my operational experience. You were just distracting me from this other so called nurse, I call torturess, sticking a needle the size of a mars bar into my favourite hand! What is this shi...oooooooooh tingly up my arm*
Nurse #2 AKA the torturess: Ok love, can you count back from ten for us?
Me: Sure. *What is this?* Ten. *Of course I can bloody count back from ten* Nineee. *Thats easy* Eiiuuuughhhth *I'm like sixteen* Thvenununnnnghhhhhhhhhhhh *....droooool....*

Genia

PS: Love the blog.

adampsb said...

This is pretty much one of the funnies things since the Far Side stuff came out years ago. Should be a book or could even be marketed as Limited Edition comics

Absolutely classic - an excellent read

http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/09/between-two-islands.html

adampsb said...

This is pretty much one of the funnies things since the Far Side stuff came out years ago. Should be a book or could even be marketed as Limited Edition comics

Absolutely classic - an excellent read

http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/09/between-two-islands.html

adampsb said...

This is pretty much one of the funnies things since the Far Side stuff came out years ago. Should be a book or could even be marketed as Limited Edition comics

Absolutely classic - an excellent read

http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/09/between-two-islands.html

adampsb said...

This is pretty much one of the funnies things since the Far Side stuff came out years ago. Should be a book or could even be marketed as Limited Edition comics

Absolutely classic - an excellent read

http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/09/between-two-islands.html

adampsb said...

This is pretty much one of the funnies things since the Far Side stuff came out years ago. Should be a book or could even be marketed as Limited Edition comics

Absolutely classic - an excellent read

http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/09/between-two-islands.html

adampsb said...

This is pretty much one of the funnies things since the Far Side stuff came out years ago. Should be a book or could even be marketed as Limited Edition comics

Absolutely classic - an excellent read

http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/09/between-two-islands.html

Anonymous said...

I am crying with laughter!

Deb said...

Oh Allie, I love your work so much. If ever I want a laugh, I just have to read something of yours and I'm gone.
You're a gem! An absolute gem!

rebecca artemisa said...

i had to literally stuff my face into dirty laundry on my bed to not wake up my poor boyfriend because i was laughing so fucking hard at nearly 2am omg
<3 <3 <3

Thomas said...

I've been watching too many I-didn't-see-that-coming movies this week, so opening the car door had me for a moment. So glad your mom made you wear your seatbelt (though I suspect it was to also to keep you upright and off the dashboard.) And that last panel is priceless.

Way curious about the party, and if you ever went back to that Jack in the Box.

Anonymous said...

...had to dry my eyes first, never thought I would laugh so hard I would cry... That really made my day.
Thand yooo!

//Tringo

Jen said...

This was the perfect thing to read first thing in the morning. I just got 3 teeth pulled two weeks ago so I know that lovely feeling all too well.

Russell said...

Amazing as usual Allie, I loved the 23rd picture the most.

Mandie said...

Bahaha. Love your mother's face to the table in the end.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Sounds like a Day in the Life of A Daft Scots Lass and her Aspergers Girl-child!

ornith said...

When I got my wisdom teeth out, I didn't remember anything between the anesthetic and waking up (briefly) in the car in the parking lot.

The pain meds also kept me about that sedated. I would go to the bathroom and repeatedly fall asleep ON THE TOILET before succeeding at, you know, going to the bathroom.

This continued until I finally realized I was itchy, and was told this was allergy to the meds, and no more good meds for me. I don't remember what med it WAS, of course, because I was all out of it.

Moooooog35 said...

Id toadelly acking my moun to taek nee to the parp meow.

Dziadu said...

Sooo, how was the party? :D

Anonymous said...

Wow. This is the hardest laugh i had in weeks. Thank you so much.

OnePerfectDay said...

O.K. This was the funniest thing I've come across in I don't know how long!!!!
The story combined with the illustrations made me cry. I mean it I was laughing so loud I cried!
Thanks.

I just came across your blog for the first time- I don't even know what it's about yet, but I'm coming back...

Aunt Les said...

There should be specific rules for reading anything Allie writes:
1)No food or beverages within reach
2)no sleeping people nearby
- they will be woken due to excessive and extreme fits of loud laughter.
3)Close all windows so neighbors don't call police upon hearing shriekish laughter.

I realized that there's no reason for me to pay to go to a gym to workout - the extreme laughter is exercise enough. Between the laughing and heavy crying from laughter - my body gets a workout. Thanks Allie.
I'd buy anything you publish just to get a quick workout...

GetCreative said...

This happened to be the first thing I read upon waking up this morning, and I was laughing and crying and making weird heaving half-asleep laugh sounds so much I had trouble actually reading it. You are hilarious, the drawings...they are comedic masterpieces.

Au Lapin Blanc said...

This was AWESOME!

Dr. Cynicism said...

Oh Allie, you make everything better. Magically, my shitty morning becomes perfect. Thank you!

Bill said...

This is an EPIC story. I NEEDED to laugh like this first thing in the morning!!

Rob said...

boat

Zackersinc said...

You are the most hilarious person I know!

Zackersinc said...

Except I don't actually know you. That's awkward.

Brianne said...

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

I seriously have tears STREAMING down my face. I do feel somewhat guilty that my laughter is at your expense.

Kayla said...

AWESOME!! I love it, as always! But my question is this... How did the party go?

Marushka C. said...

For me it was being determined to have a milkshake on the way home from having my wisdom teeth out. My mother tried to help me but of course I couldn't manage the straw and kept drooling. After she guided me to the restroom someone told her how brave she was. I had just been accepted to a great college which made the whole thing even funnier for her.

Marushka C. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miranda said...

I hope you know I laughed so hard at this I am absolutely sobbing and I can't breathe and my family thinks I'm insane now.

Ms. Co-dependent said...

I'm so glad my boyfriend isn't home right now, because he would totally think I've gone insane down here, based on my laughter. Awesome blog. "Parp?" lol.

Krantz said...

I love your blog ever so much, you make me so happy! I laugh until I cry. And then I laugh some more!

Jen said...

This was 100% Pure awesome. I laughed so hard my husband in the next room work up!

Andreerah said...

I am crying from laughing so hard. I had a similar experience when I had my wisdom teeth removed but not nearly this hysterical. PARP!

Mary Beth said...

I am in tears from laughing but I'm at work so I'm trying to do it quietly. There is a good chance it looks like I'm having a seizure ... but totally worth it!

Karyn Climans said...

And I thought I was strong willed! You make me look like a wet noodle in comparison to you. I don't even know you and I love you already.

Susan said...

I was never allowed any milkshakes after dental work, I couldn't feel them running down my chin.

You are hilarious. Thanks for starting my day off laughing.

Les said...

This blends two experiences I had: one as a boy having to have oral surgery to carve a hole in my upper palette to get a tooth that was tucked behind my sinuses (similar to your situation). The other was when I had my wisdom teeth removed: just like you, I had two of those that were growing sideways. After the surgery, I likely grossed a lot of people out when trying to eat a cheeseburger with 20% of the feeling back in my mouth, then tried bowling that evening held off on the pain meds; rolled my best game that season :)

Tom Johnson said...

Oh, Allie, I wish I could somehow re-subscribe to your site after every post you write...but like...not without UN-subscribing, but just...becoming another subscriber while still being the original subscriber...so like...every post, I become a whole new subscriber...like an amoeba?...I don't know, I'm very bad with logistics...:(.

Lolamouse said...

Very few things make me laugh out loud. One of them is YOUR POSTS! Thank you for a much needed laugh this morning.

Dana said...

Seeing you have a new blog post always makes my day!

I too had an experience like that when I was younger; only I was recovering from the flu. I convinced my parents I was fine and to let me go to the party. I ended up being picked up early and puking all over my dad. And I puked so hard, I shat my pants. Reminds me all the time of why NOT to have children.

MonsteRawr said...

Your poor mother, your pooor, poor mother. I hope you put her in a nice home when the time comes.

Anonymous said...

Pray tell, how old were you when this happened?

A similar instance involving myself and a heavy amount of sedation (though excluding the party) happened to me. But I was 20 at the time.

ania said...

Definitely one of my favorites!

Like many others, this reminds me of my wisdom teeth extractions.

Brandon said...

God I love you.

Barry Allan Scott said...

Thanks for that...you brightened my day!

wfayew said...

The crazy orthodontist told me the same thing. Surgery + braces = good teeth. No surgery + no braces = worse than Jewel. I said "Eh...no thanks." No surgery or braces for me...and my teeth are PERFECT. (As is everything else about me. No. Not really. But my teeth are a okay.) Although now, I'm jealous that I didn't have an experience like this to share.

Liz said...

WOW, a few people told me I had to check you out, and I can totally see why! Totally hysterical and ROCKSTAR artwork!

MamboPoet said...

This was the PERFECT way to start a day! I look like an idiot sitting at my desk gagging on laughter but I am at peace with this. Yay to new posts!

Bec said...

Loool I laughed so much :) Thanks Aly!

Þórir said...

Brilliant!

rosanguyen said...

I LOVE THIS! AHAHAHAHAHA
accompanied with hand drawn pictures make it more worthy to be read.

leigh said...

Thanks so much for the laugh this morning! Epic story, love it.

Brett said...

Brilliant :D Now I really want to hear about all the shenanigans you caused under influence of heavy sedation and painkillers at that party.

*Bean said...

My friend sent me the link to your blog, and Im so glad you write this thing, because it ttoally cracks me up while Im "working." Thank you!

Rach said...

Woah, I had a similar rogue tooth when I was little. I did not get to go to a party while sedated.

Excellent post as always.

Dee said...

Omg, I'm laughing so hard, I'm practically bawling here!!

troublekitty said...

That is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read. I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!

Emily said...

Ha! I love this one! I had many orthodontic woes as a kid that were just LIFE RUINING as far as I was concerned. My mom had to put up with a lot of bargaining and meltdowns to get me through each one. I still have a sideways wisdom tooth though!

Kim said...

Ahhhh! I have totally had TWO random teeth growing in bad and wrong places in my mouth. When I was a kid they discovered I had an extra middle tooth growing in behind the other two that would eventually make me a horrible gap-toothed freak and when I was older (13? 14?) they discovered that my left canine baby tooth had never fallen out because the permanent one was growing in sideways. I was told pretty much the same thing as you. If they didn't do something, all my teeth would fall out and I would be doomed for life.

So they yanked the baby tooth and attached a wire to the sideways tooth and I had to have braces so that they could in a painfully slow fashion tighten the wire over the course of two years to straighten the tooth out.

it is still kind of weird and sideways. Poor stupid tooth.

jdieten said...

I had that same tooth thing, but they fixed it when I was 15 and a freshman in high school. When I woke up I had braces on. Apparently something didn't go as planed and they made this decision while I was still conked out. That was traumatic.

Theresa said...

I love you Allie. Don't ever stop blogging. Your blog has made me laugh till I cried more then pretty much anything else in the world.

On your next trek through the woods will you please eat some thimble berries for me? I haven't had them since I was 11 when I spent part of the summer in Libby Montana.

SA5MI said...

Awesome!! This made me laugh. You're incredible Allie :]

Tsuki said...

Hahaha, love you Allie <3 You make me laugh so much with those stories, I wish you were a robot(or some super humanoid being of some sort) and you could post stories every single day. ^.^

Allison Mackey said...

ROFLMAO that made my day!!!

Emma the Eco-Princess! said...

Awesome! I laughed so hard I'm crying and I scared my dog!

sillymeggy said...

Well now I want to see how the party went. I DEMAND FOLLOWUP.

Angie said...

Oh, Allie - my belly hurts from laughing. Thank you for your hilarious stories and drawings. You make my day every time you post something new!

GrainneMhaol said...

I laughed so hard I parped.

Mark said...

This is instantly one of my favorites.

I just received two of your super awesome laserproof and zombie resistant t-shirts. I gave one to my wife and one to my daughter. Such is my wealth, I clothe my family.

"Parp" will be your next shirt, I can tell .

Parp, indeed.

You rock

e said...

I've had a lot of general anaesthetics, I'm worried about what I could have come out with.
LOVE YOUR WORK, especially since this week it reminds me of this.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1940505

Amy Connaughton said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andy said...

You were lucky! You had the surgery. I'm locked in a windowless shed with teeth growing outta my eye.

At least I have internet access.

http://laughinginpurgatory.blogspot.com/2010/09/30-days-of-blasphemy-day-14-sainthood.html

Anonymous said...

I had to have the same surgery. Luckily I got nitrous oxide, which was awesome and didn't have nearly the disorienting effects of full anesthesia. However, my mother also took me out for milkshakes after.
WTF? Do parents not get the concept that milkshakes and a numb mouth aren't a good combination? Maybe your observers had the right idea: Parents love to taunt us and laugh as we dribble chocolate milkshake down our chin.

Gini & Tonic said...

YOUR LIFE IS HILARIOUS!!

dys·func·tion said...

That was brilliant. I was in love with the post, (as is my normal reaction to your posts) but completely did not see the ending coming.
I laughed so hard that my two-year-old asked me what was so funny!

Batgirl said...

Teeth are so evil. And wtf is with that dental anesthesia? I absolutely hate it.
Last year, I had to be knocked out twice to have teeth removed. The first time was all 4 wisdom teeth. I woke up, sorta but I don't remember getting to the recovery room. My fiance was my driver and the entire time we were in the recovery room, I was talking about how we had to go to CVS and get a stuffed Rudolph. I alternated between Rudolph and whining about the obnoxious gauze all the way to CVS. I wound up spitting the gauze out in his truck and walking around CVS with a bloody mouth. I did get my Rudolph and I slept with it all day :)
The second time I had 2 teeth removed. I had a minor panic attack when I woke up and cried all the way home about how I hated my teeth and I never want to get knocked out again. Not to mention I woke up with a bloody tooth stump in my lap.
I also had carpal tunnel release surgery yet when I woke up from that, I was lucid and normal.
Fuck dental surgery >:(

Anonymous said...

I also had that rogue tooth. Though it didn't come out until I was 21...with my 4 wisdom teeth...over Christmas vacation...soooo yeah. It did kind of ruin everything though! Because my sister was PISSED that my face didn't swell up after the surgery.

Real Talk said...

So glad I found your blog. This is some great stuff here. I love it!

Anonymous said...

That made me laugh so hard this morning that I almost peed myself (it was a close call). The image of your MSPaint child self hanging out the door of the car is what did it for me. Thanks so much for the new blog post!! Loved it, and still giggling about it even now. haha.

Oli said...

Thanks for the laughter! This made my day!! Your blog is so much fun to read! Keep up the nice work.

Anonymous said...

You must have become superwoman to be able to open a door @ 70mph while sedated. Try it. There's too much wind pressure to do so as an adult so I doubt you were "flailing around"

Amber said...

I was giggling with delight throughout this entire post. I agree with Jeni...write a book and I'll buy a few copies too!

Miranda said...

OMG-- this was hilarious! Thanks for the much needed laugh today!

Kristin P. said...

Oh, thank god for you. I just laughed so hard at my desk that I started hiccuping.

Billy Apathy said...

We have something in common! I had a rogue tooth too. Same. Exact. Situation. Surgery and all. Except, instead of going to the park I was too worried that the after surgery pain was going to hurt so bad that I'd crap myself. So I stayed at home and watched lots of movies.

Your story was much more hilarious.

Yvonne said...

I nearly peed I laughed so hard at this. I loved it. Thanks for a good start to my day.

Donna said...

Your poor mom! I bet she learned to just let the teeth grow in sideways next time.

DalaHorse said...

My favorite part was chained in a windowless shed for the rest of your life to avoid traumatizing other people...because of a rogue tooth. Your poor mom...deciding to stop at jack in the box with a sedated kid in tow...what was she thinking? Amazing that you got to the party...in spite of the entire ordeal. Your blog is a neat place!

Anonymous said...

Ahaha best post in a while!!! I'm laughing to myself trying not to wake my housemate in the next room (our walls are super thin).
Thanks for being awesome, Allie!
http://dp2010.newformsreview.com/twentyeight/

Gwenn said...

My six-year-old just had to have five crowns put in (did you know they put crowns on baby teeth? I had no idea!) so I gave him the rest of the day off from school. We just read this and laughed ourselves to incoherence. Thank you so much. You really lightened his dental trauma.

Gwenn said...

My six-year-old just had to have five crowns put in (did you know they put crowns on baby teeth? I had no idea!) so I gave him the rest of the day off from school. We just read this and laughed ourselves to incoherence. Thank you so much. You really lightened his dental trauma.

Anonymous said...

I have been following your blog for a couple months now and I must say it is one of my favorites. I often read and think, "Oh my god! I know exactly what she means!"

out of curiosity, where are you from?

-Mel

elizabeth said...

Bless you for making me laugh so hard I did cry big, blubbery tears. You're better than coffee in waking me up.

tinydancer124 said...

Hahaha, that was pure awesome! Reminded me of when I was 12 and just got my braces put on. I needed 9 of my teeth removed (my baby teeth refused to fall out on their own). I was a mess. Good times. :p

sez said...

You're great.

Also, I had two rogue teeth!!! That's basically what they told me, too. But instead of having mine removed they attached them to braces (once they'd cut into my gum to get to them) and gradually pulled them down in line with my other teeth. And now I have nice teeth. Hooray for dentists?

Ms. Pants said...

So my boss just walked by me after I'd finished reading this. I had tears streaming down my face and was trying to laugh silently so I was sitting here kinda convulsing with a twisted look on my face.

This is why I love my boss: She started laughing at me cos I looked so stupid!

Parp!!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! My favorite thing about this is the little guy behind the counter with a wash cloth, watching with increasing horror...love it!

Amy Connaughton said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Glad to know that I'm not the only one who acts like a jackass when under the influence of anesthesia. Very funny!

Brett said...

My boyfriend has wisdom teeth like that, but they didn't take them out. He looks perfectly normal, until he lifts up his lips with his fingers, in which case he looks like a shark.

Amy said...

Love this! It reminds me of the time my sister had her wisdom teeth removed at 19 and sat on my Mom's lap after the surgery!

Lindsay said...

I laughed so hard I scared my cats. And then some more so I choked on my own spit. And then after I hacked up a lung, I continued laughing.

At least your mom didn't video tape it and use it to embarrass you later in life like mine....

Kiella said...

I'm really going to have to stop reading your blog at work. I definitely just punched all my coworkers in the eardrums with my boisterous laughter over this post. But you know what?? I don't even care. I. DON'T. CARE. They can make me get all dressed up and sit here and LOOK like an adult, but they can't make me ACT like one! You're [enter expletive here that begins with "f" and rhymes with "shuckin"] hilarious! That is all. :-)

Molly Malone said...

Bloody brilliant! Would have loved to have seen you stoned off your arse trying to eat birthday cake!

Jaime said...

That is the hardest I have ever laughed at anything I have read/seen on the internet. Hi-fricking-larious. Loved it!

mhgood said...

[Wiping tears away.] My sister had to come over to my computer to see what I was crying-laughing-giggling-bawling-with-laughter about. Then she looked at me, shook her head and said, "Yeah, it's funny, especialy those pictures, but, seriously, get a hold of yourself. You sound like a dying monkey when you laugh like that."

Okay, she didn't actually say that last bit. But it was true. Your blog makes me laugh so much that my normal laughter sound is surpassed/used up and I resort to sounding like a dying monkey.

You're awesome.

Brandie said...

First time visiting here and oh my! I'm completely cracking up! I have tears in my eyes from laughing and my kids are looking at me with strange looks now. Thanks =)

thoughtsappear said...

Awesome story! Want to hear mine?

I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia, and so I puked.

The End. Thanks for listening. =)

Yvonne said...

Was just pointed to your blog this morning - thanks for making me laugh out loud this was way funny

Amber K said...

LOL! Loved it.

Rachel said...

HAHAHAHAHA!! I love this post! I love all of your posts. I was having a bad day today and just needed to laugh. i can always count on you Allie!!! You are the best!

die Frau said...

I'm home sick today and have now laughed myself breathless into an asthma attack. That's how I gauge funny: Asthma attack= f'ing hilarious.

I have vague memories of attempting to walk head-first down a stone staircase after getting my wisdom teeth out, myself.

Laura said...

Omg, please please post a cartoon story about how the party went! Even if you don't remember most of it, just make it up! Anything you say will be sure to entertain! You are a genius!

nova said...

So great! I love when your mom is turning around in the line-up.

Allie, you rule.

Igor Santos said...

Excellent! It made my day.

Michael said...

When i got my wisdom teeth taken out I actually took off my gown and started fighting the nurses while completely naked. I have no recollection of the event but when I asked why I was naked and strapped to my bed, that's what they told me

Silas said...

I read this right after getting out of class. My professor mentioned that he has oral surgery tomorrow. Despite this, he's still going to try to teach advanced mathematics the day after surgery.

I really hope we get to hear about "relapif homomogy" and "specpral spequences".

Tillie said...

After getting work done on some of my molars I was sent back to middle school. Unfortunately, I was right on time for band. I played French Horn and I was pretty enthusiastic about it. On that day, though, half my mouth was still numb from the dentist's visit. Why I attempted to play along, I have no idea. I guess I thought the working portion of my mouth could compensate for the unfeeling area that was my left cheek and half of my lips. I had to keep repositioning the mouthpiece because it felt like it wasn't even touching my face on the numb side. Well, duh. I was definitely making some sounds, though, so I kept it up. I just kept the mouthpiece mashed against the left side of my face, even though I couldn't feel it there, hoping I looked completely normal when in fact I probably looked super uncomfortable and awkward. And you can bet I sounded terrible, too, if the noise of my fellow band-mates didn't drown me out.

HypnoNerd said...

This post made me laugh tears. O. M. G.

Mama Duck said...

Brilliant!

Mama Duck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
phillipskt said...

I neeeed a post about the parpy. Pleeease. Pleeease!

Anonymous said...

YOU TRIED TO JUMP OUT A CAR?

xDDD

Lmfao omg, I'm laughing so hard.

I'm sorry I'm anonymoose. :C

Samantha said...

I love this post so much I can see myself returning to it daily.


At least until the next post.

The Lunar Fox said...

I have nothing but more spam to add, but thank you for making my morning. OMG, I had to laugh so hard but was trying to laugh quietly. I'm sure I've broken something.

Christina said...

In the third picture when you're inside the restaurant, it looks like you're stealing that guy's wallet to add to the crazyness.

Earlier this year i had all four wisdom teeth puled out because they too were growing sideways (damn sideway teeth). The only thing i remember about being in the hospital was the surgeon telling me he liked my colorful nails and that they looked like candy, and I told him he couldn't eat them.

Returning home I felt like my tongue was hanging out of my mouth so I sat there biting my lips thinking that was my tongue.

e said...

First, great story. I had a similar experience where a tooth decided nay, I shall not grow up with the rest of the teeth but shall instead lurk beneath your nice teeth and threaten to uproot them all. It was the summer after the fourth grade. My favorite ice cream was mint chocolate chip, and that's what I requested to eat. The little chips would get stuck, it's very hard to spit them out after awhile... Ice cream and jello for what felt like an eternity. It took me years to eat it again. Second, I really like the format you used for this... I see what you meant by the comic/blog combination. Your Paint skills are fantastic. Keep it up! (I also like your old-school ways, too, as I have been systematically going back from the beginning and read every single post... Rick Moranis? Really? ;-D)

Ankita (Gg) said...

Just three words.
Ha
Ha
Ha.

Lizzie :) said...

Haha, I wish my blog was as good as this!

Violently Natural said...

So amusing I had to keep myself from laughing out loud and scaring my roommate. Much love for the drawings.

TheWanderWoman said...

This is the most awesome birthday ever. First, I got to open my "Clean ALL the things?" T-shirt at midnight (I slept in it). Then you post what is probably your best entry yet. The stars are clearly aligning: I'll probably lose 20 lbs and win a billion dollars today too. I should turn 35 every year.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic! Thank you again. You are amazing!

I had the same thing done as an adult. They took out 4 sideways wisdom teeth plus two more because, despite what I've been told all my life, my mouth is too small... or maybe my teeth are just too big...

My boyfriend drove me home from the oral surgeon. I asked him some unintelligible question approximatle 2 billion times that day. He said after the millionth time he stopped trying to respond to me. When I became coherent again he asked me what was so important. I had no idea. I have no memory at all from that whole day. Wierd.

Cupcake said...

Awesome!

Rachel said...

The looking for Mom sequence made me pee myself. Thanks for that.

OMegaMoth said...

I made the mistake of eating food while reading this post....I laughed so hard I almost choked. Another awesomely hilarious post! :D

Anonymous said...

Not much on the webs makes me laugh out loud but this really did.

I love your blog. You make a lot of people a little bit happier each time you post.

Alison said...

LOOOOL

ALLIE I LOVE YOU

Desmondiva said...

AAahhahahaha! I litterally just cried, I laughed so loud. HILLARIOUS!! Thank you sooo much for sharing. LOVE YOU!

Cara said...

It's not often someone making me cry makes my day. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I have a friend who had to go under anesthesia to get her tonsils out earlier this year. Her mother told me afterward that she kept trying to escape from the surgical chair/table (I'm not really sure what a tonsilectomy entails?) because she saw a velociraptor in the curtains and needed to get away from it. She didn't get to go out in public for a while.

Bea said...

Awww... That was soo cute!!

arianne said...

Best start to a day. EVER.
Thanks ALlie!
You're GREAT.

hyperblonde1517 said...

Bahahha! THATS WAY TO FUNNY!!!! (:

Anonymous said...

But... but... DID YOU GET CAKE? I am now over-invested in whether the party was good!

Susan Quilty said...

I'm so glad Stumble brought me here today, despite the fact that I am now addicted and spent the last hour reading your posts. Internet Hilarity trumps Work again!

Pearl said...

Had a similar experience after some minor eye surgery in high school -- had to get back there to have my band picture taken! I'd say more, but it's become clear to me that I now must write that story...

GREAT post once again. You rock.

Pearl

Emeline said...

Ohhh man, Allie you never fail to make me laugh! No matter my mood, when I see that you have a new post, I get so excited! I find a quiet place in which to savor and fully enjoy your fantastic sense of humor. I sit there all meditative until I am all settled and ready to dive into your newest anecdote. It's like getting ready to enjoy a heavenly slice of dark chocolate cake; I want to relish in every bite! So there I sit and begin to read. Within moments I am smirking, then the laughter bubbles up inside me. But, like a damn trying to stop a swollen spring river, there is nothing that can stop this laughter. It gushes forth and I am overtaken by this sweet, pure sound. These little moments are some of the nicest. Thank you Allie =)

Wendy said...

OMG hahahhahahha. I needed this today. Thank you for your wit and lunacy :)

Mandy said...

I think I just snorted a little, trying to keep in the laughter here at work.

CorinneLovesAPug said...

Awesome! I love love love this one. Had a similar experience when I got my wisdom teeth out. Hilarious. You made my morning. Cheers, Corinne

sixseventytwo said...

I am supposed to be studying right now, but I just read this and it totally made my day/made me laugh in a very quiet library. Totally something I would have done as a child. Awesome.

Echo said...

I was in my late teen when I had my wisdom teeth removed. The first thing I asked my mom was why they didn't make drugs like this for people to use. Apparently I was feeling good. Ha!

Road Trips from the dashboard of Erin and Sara said...

Very funny...I hope you post often because I am often bored and in need of entertainment!
~Keep Blogging

the chopping block said...

Your mom's stressed out eyes are killing me! My side is hurting from laughing so hard. Heeheehahah

sbodier_1 said...

OMG. New to reading your blog, and I love it. SO FUNNY!

Courtney said...

I'll admit it: I laughed out loud (at work, mind you) at the part where you opened the car door & tried to get out of the car while it was STILL MOVING.

This blog is hilarious & I love it.

Magnus said...

Oh wow. That was superb.

thomsirveaux said...

Oh sweet jeebus that is fantastic!

If you ever get a chance to go back in time, tell Young Allie not to change a thing.

Melanthios said...

Oh man I remember the three oral surgeries I had. You dealt with that a lot better than I did. First oral surgery I was screaming like a banshee when they gave me the laughing gas. The second one I barely remember, but the third one I was totally blase and chill. I was an old veteran by then (18).

I'm so glad to know we have this in common, weirdly enough.

Meghan said...

OMG, that is hysterical! When I was four, I did a similar thing in the car. I guess I thought I was Superwoman and meticulously unlocked the door and undid my seatbelt. We were turning a corner and I fell right out, face first... I ended up having to deal with mouth surgery too because my front teeth got shoved up into my gums. Good times, good times.

You are hilarious, you never disappoint! :)

Belle the Kat said...

holy crap man. that was about the most hilarious thing ever- laughing so hard I'm crying!

Bit O Advice said...

LOVE it! You always make me laugh (my husband cant even do that)

Emily said...

as a mom, this happens to me more often than I'd care to admit.

Thanks for making me laugh about it!

Sylph said...

OMG.. here's another "laughed so hard I cried"... read at least the last half with tissue-in-hand and tears running down my cheeks. But this time with the added fun that I just ate lunch so was not only trying to avoid my co-workers hearing me, but also trying to avoid interfering with the settlement of said lunch into my stomach. I succeeded, but just barely.

Rachel said...

Oh Allie, this is just too good for words. I think I'm going to make your page my new home page - too much funny first thing in the morning is awesome. The rest of my day I'm going to start whispering 'parp' to myself and people will look at me even more weirdly than usual.

bRice said...

PEOPLE ARE STARING AT ME NOW. I'm the crazy person laughing uncontrollably in the office.

Laura said...

Dear Allie:

Having been a monkey-child myself (and now having 2 monkey-children!) I felt I was well equipped to handle the image of quasi-conscious baby-Allie hanging out of the car on the freeway.

I was not. I laughed so hard I peed a little. Especially at the look of shock and horror on your mom's very 1992ish face.

Thank you. That is all.

Dingbat said...

Great story(telling)!

Julia said...

And then...you went to the party and...and...AND...please and?

anne marie in philly said...

gee, you lead an interesting life...I LOVE this blog!

Ellie said...

Hahahaha. My two favorite frames are the one where your mom is peering over her shoulder at you and the last one. Really hilarious, Allie.

kait said...

Oh my god! This was hysterical! :D And worrisome

XD I'm getting my wisdom teeth out in December. My mom is taking me to/from the surgery and my boyfriend has agreed to babysit me through my predicted post-surgery pain coma. o.o I'm pretty sure mom won't take me to a food place while I'm sedated though... god, I hope not. :( Good thing I won't remember any of it lol

Amy said...

Lol'ing the whole time, I effin love you. I think this is your funniest/best/most awesome post ever.

:D

Anonymous said...

Crying with laughter right now. Thank you thank thank you for being hilarious!

Robin said...

Thank you for bringing laughter to my totally craptacular day!

D. Marie said...

I have to remember NOT to eat food or drink anything while I'm reading your posts. Oh, my sides!

Kimmie said...

I always think, "Oh, it'll be ok to read this at work" and then I regret it because I'm choking and snorting trying to hold back the gales of hilarity waiting to spill forth. You'd think I'd learn.

Erin said...

I just want you to know that I stumbled upon your blog a couple days ago, and have since proceeded to read every post you have ever made. You are awesome. I am now a dedicated fan.

adriene said...

I really needed that laugh today. You are the best. Did your mom think twice about letting you out in public after this?

Preston J said...

I freaking love your drawing skillz.

Brandi said...

I'm actually crying I'm laughing so hard.

You're a genius.

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