Dog

A lingering fear of mine was confirmed last night:  My dog might be slightly retarded.

I've wondered about her intelligence ever since I adopted her and subsequently discovered that she was unable to figure out how stairs worked.


I blamed her ineptitude on the fact that she'd spent most of her life confined to a small kennel because her previous owners couldn't control her.  I figured that maybe she just hadn't been exposed to stairs yet.  Accepting the noble responsibility of educating this poor, underprivileged creature, I spent hours tenderly guiding her up and down the staircase - placing biscuits on each step to lure her and celebrating any sign of progress.  When she still couldn't successfully navigate the stairs at the end of her first week with me, I  blamed it on her extreme lack of motor control.  This dog is uncoordinated in a way that would suggest her canine lineage is tainted with traces of a species with a different number of legs - like maybe a starfish or some sort of primitive snake.

The next clue came when I started trying to train her. I am no stranger to training dogs - much of my childhood was spent working with various canines because I lacked the social skills to interact successfully with people.  With so many years of experience behind me, I was sure that training this new dog would be a very simple task.

I was wrong.  Not only is training my dog outlandishly difficult, it is also heartbreaking.  She wants so badly to please me.  Every fiber of her being quivers with the desire to do a good job.  


She tries really hard.    


But when turning her head at an extreme angle fails to produce a life-altering epiphany, she usually just short-circuits and rolls on her back.  

Over the past two months, she's made some progress, but it's been painfully slow and is easily forgotten.  Still, I was living under the assumption that maybe my dog just had a hidden capacity for intelligence - that all I had to do was work hard enough and maybe she'd wake up one day and be smart and capable like a normal dog.  Until last night.  

Last night I was sitting on my couch mindlessly surfing the internet when I looked up and noticed my dog licking the floor.  Just licking and licking.  At first I though maybe I'd spilled something there, but her licking did not seem to be localized to one spot.  Rather, she was walking around the room licking seemingly at random.  She lay down on her side and kept licking out of the side of her mouth while staring directly at me.  



At that moment I realized that I needed to know for sure whether my dog was retarded or not.  

I Googled "how to tell if your dog is retarded" and after a bit of research, I found a dog IQ test that looked fairly legitimate.  It involved testing your dog's ability to solve a few very basic problems, like figuring out how to get out from underneath a blanket. 

I gathered the necessary supplies and began testing.  

The first test asked me to call my dog using a variety of words that were not her name to gauge whether she could tell the difference.  I called out "refrigerator!" and was pleased to see that my dog did not respond.  She also failed to respond to "movie," "dishwasher" and "banana."  I was beginning to feel  very proud of her.  Then came the crucial step: I called her name.  Nothing.  I called it a few more times to be sure.  Still nothing.  

The words hung like a neon sign broadcasting my dog's failure.  "It's okay," I thought.  "She'll do better on the next one."  

In the second test, I had to put a blanket over my dog and time her to see how long it took her to get out.  I threw the blanket over her and started my stopwatch.  She made some cursory attempts at freeing herself, but as the seconds ticked by, it became clear that she was not going to pass.  


Still, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed that she just enjoyed being under there and could get out if she wanted to.  I added an extra couple points to her tally for faith's sake. 

After flagrantly failing three more tests, it came down to the final trial.  If she could score five out of five possible points on this section of the test, she could bump herself out of the bottom category into "below average."  

First, I had to make her sit, which was a test in and of itself.  Then I was supposed to show her a biscuit, let her sniff it, then - after making sure she was watching - place the biscuit on the ground and put a plastic cup over it.  If she knocked over the cup to get the biscuit within a certain amount of time, she'd pass the test.  

I put the biscuit under the cup and started the timer.  

My dog ran over to the cup and sniffed it.  She walked around it once and then looked up at me like I was some sort of wizard.  I pointed to the cup.  I knew it was cheating, but I wanted to help my dog pass her test.  


She didn't understand, but she knew she was supposed to do something, so she just started frantically doing things because maybe - just maybe - one of those things would be the right thing and the magical wizard cup would let her know where the treat went.  

 

After five minutes of watching my dog aimlessly tear around the house, I finally accepted that she was not going to pass any part of the test and yes, she was most likely mentally challenged.  But damn it, I was not going to let my poor, retarded dog feel like she failed.  

873 comments:

1 – 200 of 873   Newer›   Newest»
Jenny said...

hilarious! my cat used to stare at the wall and howl. we solved this by getting her some liquid valium.

Maddie said...

At least she has a compassionate owner... :] I got so excited to see an update, especially one filled with hilarious pictures :D

Annah said...

Ahhhhhhhh. I CAN SO relate to his... Your dog sounds like a loveable furball. Only makes it more endearing if you ask me.

buggrit_1979 said...

Hahaha awwww I love ludicrously stupid dogs.

Annabelle said...

I am sure that she is just waiting for the right moment...Maybe a home visit from Cesar Milan? He knows how to whisper to event the most retarded critter. PS Your blog continues to make my day a little brighter. Thank you.

Shauna (Fido & Wino) said...

I love this post! My dog almost tilts her head right of when... well pretty much all the time.

It's okay. Retarded dogs are still cuddly :)

rebel_of_nowhere said...

Your posts never fail to amuse me and make my day xD Thanks.

Your dog sounds suspiciously like mine: he refuses to see why he can walk up the stairs when being carried is a perfectly acceptable option.

That, and his legs are much too short to easily nagivate anything higher than four centimeters.

The other one is entirely TOO smart. It's insulting when a golden retriever continually outsmarts you and gives you a poor-dumb-human look.

Lori said...

You should've adopted a stray triceratops.

Allie said...

Maddie - Yeah, she's a lucky dog. Her previous owners were really bad people, but I love her no matter what she's like. I kind of find her condition endearing.

tnd8863 said...

I'm so glad to see you post something new!!

Please take your dog to the vet and see what they can tell you.

Anonymous said...

Loved it =)
I'm sure your dog is lucky to have an owner that gives a damn and doesn't just get rid of her for not being perfect.
Also, is this dog drawn in proportion? Because she looks like a huge wee-dog =P

Luff
Derek

Emily said...

it doesn't matter if dogs are dumb, she sounds like a good buddy.

Erica said...

I don't think I have ever posted on a website to tell them I am literally LOLing, but I am. Like, I have to take frequent breaks and come back, lest I get fired for reading blogs that aren't work-related at work.

I am pleased that my own dog is not retarded, and filled with joy that there ARE dog-retarded tests on the internet. Thank you.

Christa said...

Hilarious! Something about the way you did the dog's eyes really capture that whole 'IDONTKNOWWHATIMSUPPOSEDTODOOOO!!!!' Look.

Our border collie looks much the same way and instantly reverts to either spinning around in circles while shaking his head, or grabbing the nearest pillow and savaging it.

I can't even blame it on past owners...we've had him since he was 8 weeks old....

bekee said...

hilarious. thank you for trying, tho!

Allie said...

tnd8863 - I took her in shortly after I got her :) The vet seems to think that's just the way she is, which is fine with me. As long as she's healthy and happy, I'm glad to have the extra entertainment.

jpam1966 said...

Yay! New Post!!!! You've clearly been working on your art skills too! Beautiful dog art! Thanks so much for the creativity of You, Allie!

Christa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cath@VWXYNot? said...

Awwww!

If it makes you feel any better, I have two cats who both fall off the sofa / coffee table / scratching post platform on a regular basis, for no reason. They'll just be sitting or lying there - and then *thump* and they're on the floor. But they're still lovely snuggly cats!

Cathy said...

This is so my dog. She can't walk up stairs or follow a command to save her life. But she makes up for it by being cute and adorable! Thanks for always managing to post something that relates to me on a personal level!

Brandi said...

I almost wonder if this wouldn't be better than owning the smartest dog in the world...

This morning my dog lectured me very loudly for making her be outside.

My punishment for ignoring said lecture? She ripped the screen door OFF, laid it on the ground, sat on top of it, and waited for me to get home...all while wearing what I like to call her 'take that Bitch" face.

Similar things have happened to couch cushions and disappearing countertop food ...

Kristina said...

This?

my favorite post ever! I too have a dog that licks. Licks Anything. Everything. The Air.

:)

but we love him :)

Liz Tee said...

OMG -- do you have a greyhound? The drawing looks suspiciously greyhound-like. We have one and I have recently begun to have the same doubts about her intelligence (or lack of). I am afraid she would not pass the test either.

jillsmo said...

Could she be deaf?

Siren said...

Maybe she's totally psyching you out. Taking notes on how weird she can get you to act. Does she ever stare off into space like she's doing equations in her head? That's a sure sign. It could also mean she's a robot or an alien, though.

Or maybe you just need to communicate at her level. Like, try licking the floor. Which, by the way, if you do, you should definitely take pictures.

Kelsey Montgomery said...

That was so hilariously adorable xD
I love you, Allie. And your retarded little creature.

Gnetch said...

Ahhh you have so many fans!!! Congrats!

Anyway, I don't have a dog but based on your story and drawings, I can picture what you and your dog are going through. You are absolutely a compassionate dog owner!!! :D

Katie Mac said...

I actually suspected the opposite once! I was convinced that my dog could spell for the longest time. I would say D! O! G! and she would go all nuts. But then she also did it when I would spell C! A! T! or O! P! P! So I guess she wasn't ready to be called "Genius Dog" afterall.

rebekah said...

my black lab does that weird licking thing, too. the carpet, her bed, and if she's sitting by the kitchen table while we're eating, she'll lick our pant legs. it's really strange.

JRM said...

This story makes me want to get another dog, one that is just like yours.

lindsay said...

haha why is your life so entertaining??

Stacey Nelson said...

So glad to see a new post. I was going through withdrawals.

I'm glad I was home alone while reading this because I sounded like I was sobbing I was laughing so hard! I had to stop reading and get a kleenex to dry the tears. :)

Sarah said...

I think it's totally ridiculous that that blanket thing is used as an intelligence test. Every time we put a blanket on our girl, she lies down because THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE UNDER A BLANKET. Sheesh. :)

Angie said...

Hysterical!! I have a French Bulldog that is seriously a ra'tard, but he's slap happy and oh so sweet, so it kinda works for him...Do you ever wonder if they think we are the retarded ones...like, Oh yeah? You are talking to a DOG!!!

Allie said...

Liz Tee - She's mostly bluetick coonhound, but she might have some greyhound in her. She is really lanky and fast!

Jillsmo - I had her hearing tested and she's fine in that department. Sight too. She's just special, I guess :)

Emily Dunkle said...

Haha! Amazing illustrations. You should check out some episodes of the Dog Whisperer if you've never seen it. Cesar Millan is very inspiring in working with crazy dogs.

Michelle L. said...

My stomach hurts from snorting laughter. Pay no attention to those dumb tests - she is a good dog, damn it! My dog failed them all, too! Especially the blanket test. She just remained calmly blanketed - without struggling or, apparently, wondering what was happening - until I couldn't stand it any more and set her free.

Katie P. said...

I took my kitty to the vet to find out if he was retarded and the vet said no. Just as I was smiling proudly at my poor dazed cat, the vet added, "Now I'm not saying he's not real, real slow."

This Little Light said...

You have a greyhound, don't you? It's okay, honey, we can form a support group.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

My dog is a poodle, and they're supposed to be one of the smarter breeds. Well, Gryphon is pretty smart, but he still hates doing stairs, and refuses most of the time. So we have to carry him up like a baby. Probably totally our fault, seeing as he loves the attention. So, I guess that makes me the stupid one?

Reggebah said...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe your dog is a miniature pincher.

Karl - MinPin owner.

Amblus said...

Well, hey, just think of the money you'll save on college!

gharbutts said...

one of my dogs would pass this test even though she is definitely retarded. her father is also her grandfather and her head is smaller than her neck. she is by far the sweetest dog in the house though and always tries so hard to please everyone, so I think I would prefer a seriously mentally challenged dog to my smart-ass dog who steals steaks when we're not looking. grrr.

Jennifer said...

That cracked me up! I have a dog and I know exactly how you feel! But don't they bring so much joy?

Angie said...

Damn, I just snorted coffee through my nose because I was trying not to laugh out loud in the library. Funnily enough, snorting coffee through your nose is even more frowned-upon in a library than laughing. Go figure.

Anyway, your dog sounds a lot like one my family had when I was a kid. She would (and I'm NOT making this up or exaggerating) forget who I was between the time I left for school in the morning and came home at night. I would get off the bus, walk up to the house, and she would yip and cower like I was at least the fourth axe murderer to visit the house that day. After a half hour or so, the light would come on and she'd realize "Oh, wait - that's not an axe murderer, it's the young human who lives here and has lived here since before I was born. Silly me."

She also chewed rocks. She would collect them from the driveway and completely cover the deck with them, then chew on her favorites. We finally had to stop letting her outside on her own because we were afraid she'd break off all her teeth. O.o

Pyroclasm Jones said...

I have three greyhounds, and my first thought was "She must have one too." They are... special dogs. But I'm glad you love yours. :)

gharbutts said...

oh yeah and my cats are pretty stupid too but I'm beginning to think that's my fault.

Canadawgs said...

As long as your dog is smart enough to make you love her, and behaves in a socially acceptable way, she's smart enough!

And what Liz Tee said about greyhounds. Your drawings do look greyhoundish, and greyhounds, while very intelligent in their own way, are not biddable animals. Ours will happily stand under a blanket for ages. Why not? It's comfy.

Mary Beth said...

I had a cat who used to fall upstairs but I think she was only doing that to make me feel better about MY klutziness!

Allie said...

Emily - Haha, we've frantically watched almost ever episode of the Dog Whisperer :) It's been extremely helpful for sure. I mean, as helpful as anything can be with my dog. She walks well on a leash now...

Jenny said...

Do you happen to have a whippet or a greyhound? 'Cause I have a whippet and you totally just described my dog.

Jennifer said...

Aww, the poor thing... I love the cocked-head expressions on your dog in every picture! I started reading this expecting it to be a story about how your dog wasn't good at stairs (like most other dogs), but I was pleasantly surprised!

Ken said...

I think you need to consider the possibility that the dog is deliberately cultivating low expectations to make his own life easier.

Some husband taught it to him.

Allie said...

Jenny - She might be part greyhound or whippet, but she's mostly bluetick coonhound. However, she's definitely not a purebred, so it's totally possible.

Ella said...

I had a dog who didn't understand the concept of fetch. He would bother you until you threw the ball and then just chew on it for hours until he decided he wanted to run again and then and only then did he bring it back to you.

I have a cat that has a body the size of a watermelon and pencil legs and tail. She doesn't come out when people are around and has a GIANT dreadlock on its back.

You are not the only one with "slow" animals.

Good luck!

Danger Boy said...

This reminds me so much of my special dog. He spent 20 minutes last week licking my right knee with all the dedication a child gives to licking a pudding pop. I'm not sure what was special about my right knee...only he knows.

C.S. Thom said...

Oh my goodness I think I love her, too! She *wants* to be a good dog! Unlike my cat, who pretty much couldn't care less what you think.

Kathleen said...

The part about the dog wanting to please you was heartbreaking! Ah, they're so great.

After your dog started licking everything, did she gag or throw up? My dog has a sensitive stomach and that's usually a sign that I better get her outside quick. Last week she swallowed a square foot of our carpet trying to make herself throw up. :(

FabuLeslie said...

Oh, Man, I was laughing so loudly at the part where she just laid down under the blanket that my own dog woke up out of a sound sleep and just stared at me. I'm pretty hopeful she would score in the below average to average range, but I guess I'll never know because I will never try this test with her. I got a book for Christmas called 101 Dog Tricks in the hopes I would try to teach her some this summer. Instead, I've been trying to teach her how to go get her toys when I say, "Go get it!" She looks a lot like what you described during the biscuit-under-the-cup-test. I like to think it's because she's stubborn, but some days, I'm really not sure.

Rosie said...

My dog once got stuck between the sofa and the wall. She forgot how to walk backwards and didn't have enough space to turn around, so she just sat down with her nose to the wall and waited patiently for someone to rescue her. I'd suggest they could be related.

Tanie said...

I am laughing and crying so hard I almost choked on my pita sandwich.

Gini said...

HahahaHAAAAAAA!!!

Anonymous said...

we thought our irish wolfhound was retarded, turns out he's just really, really, really lazy.
he just dosnt care. if a blanket was put on him he would lie there, grinning moronically. if a treat was placed under a cup, he would leave it. it took us a month to teach him how to sit and he still barely gets it. he dosnt always respond to his own name but he is smart, he is just really lazy. he just dosn't care.

Pixie said...

I have one dumb-as-rocks dog and one super-smart dog.

I love them both, but seriously...

DUMB DOGS ROCK.

They're way too stupid to get bored and figure out how to get into trouble. ;)

Jay said...

Your dog still outperforms my cat in pretty much every area. I've resigned myself to having a throw-pillow that eats...

JelliDonut said...

That dog looks suspiciously like my BIL. Only smarter, waaaay smarter.

Cecilia said...

I have two dogs. None of them is the brightest bulb of the Christmas tree, but the younger one is unbelievable stupid. She has a legs' issue, also. It's seems that each leg has a different idea of what they should be doing: sitting, running, laying, whatever. As a result of that clash of willings, my dog's body is in constant danger of being teared apart. Damn legs.

Sif said...

You made me laugh so hard my family wondered what the weird huffing noise was. Don't worry, you don't want a dog that's too smart. They figure out how to open the rabbit pen, then you have no rabbit.

Melissa said...

YEAH! New post! LOVE YOU!

So your dog can't do simple things like stairs...or know it's name.... But maybe it's like Rain Man...and will teach you to count cards or solve world hunger!

Either way it's nice to know there are good animal people out there like you!

Emily said...

Aww, I thought my dog was retarded when I got her too. She ran into anything that was placed differently then before, like open cabinets. I found out she was blind and this leads me to believe she is a genius because she does things no blind dog should be able to do, like get food from the middle of the kitchen table (she is only 13 lbs so this is quite a feat.)

Pixie said...

Oh, and my smart dog SERIOUSLY loves being under blankets. He likes to shuffle around like a fuzzy Halloween ghost under a sheet and wrestle the other dog.

If we don't play with him, he'll often put HIMSELF under a blanket and do that.

Lala13 said...

Yay! This is the first "new post" I've seen since I started watching your blog (which was like last week) so I'm super excited!

I was swimming in my pool once with a snorkel on, and when my poor mutt dog saw that I wasn't coming up for air, he started barking hysterically and finally resorted to jumping into the pool to save me. It was funny, because I had to save him in the end. I gave him points for effort, though.

craicmonkey said...

Sometimes when we play throw and get (as opposed to catch) with our dog, she'll suddenly stop the game and then proceed to tear around the yard whilst making a loud "heh-heh-heh" sound. The picture of your dog running through the house reminds me of that! Hilarious, but not really 'cause your dog is retarded, but hilarious still.

Beatrice said...

=( How old is your dog? You should give it 50 pts for being cute

Ves said...

My dog regularly confuses commands. Telling her "Down" will cause her to roll over, telling her "Speak" will get her to jump up or hold out a paw.
Once we put a little toy of hers- a stuffed animal shaped vaguely like a human (don't worry, she's way too scared to become a man-eater)- onto a rocking chair with bars supporting the back. She kept trying to get Ted (our name for the toy) back by grabbing one of his legs and pulling, even though only his leg was small enough to fit through the bars and the rest of him would get stuck on the sides. That kept her frustrated for a good 5 minutes before she gave up.

She's a real smart one.

Anonymous said...

Post pictures of your dog! Even though your drawings seem very accurate.

ktcrusher said...

I like how your dog NOT going downstairs look exactly like it should be part of an illuminated letter in a medieval manuscript. Maybe she's part dragon, and that's your problem?

Nicole Lorenz said...

My dog answers to his name and does stairs all right, but he can't get out from under a blanket to save his life. He just lies down and falls asleep. He also can't tell that feet are part of a person if they're wearing socks and seems to view them as some sort of cottony monsters.

Oh, and if someone pokes me, he growls and snaps at them like he's defending my honor. Even if the person poking is someone he likes. Even if it's ME poking MYSELF.

James said...

Hmmm... Is it warm in your house? My mom's dog would lick her floor all the time. A dog's tongue helps regulate their body heat as blood flows through it. I realized she was doing this because she was hot and licking the relatively cold floor cooled her down. Just a thought!

Stephanie ~ Meow said...

Well...geniuses don't always follow the norms of society. So maybe she's just an exceptionally smart pooch and shuns all that normal dog stuff to be her 'special' self. That or she really is just a few fries short of a happy meal.

You're sure she doesn't have any hearing problems or anything like that?

Moooooog35 said...

I was going to post SOMETHING here but all I've managed to do for the last ten minutes is tilt my head and fall on the floor.

So dark under this blanket.

So. Dark.

Forgetful Girl said...

I tried the test with my 9 month old puppy. She passed with flying colours AND can go up and down stairs.

I'm scared she's an evil genius and will take over the world someday and I will be her human slave.

Wasted Wishes said...

Oh my god, I started to cry this was so funny. At this moment I am doing the 'hide the treat under the cup' test and my dog is failing horribly. Your drawings are priceless!!!!

tamara kay said...

sometimes my brother and i will start pretending to fight and he will pick me up over his shoulder. when i scream for our two pit bulls to help, they usually just lick my face. so maybe every dog is somewhat retarded.....

feefifoto said...

Wish I could recall exactly who led me to you because she (I'm pretty sure it was a "she") deserves a medal and a Monday holiday in her honor. In any case, I'm glad I found you. hope your dog gets over her retardation real soon. At least she's eager to please.

Archives said...

my dog arrived severely damaged by the drug lords who owned him before i did, but this book was REALLY helpful to get him to learn basic commands like "sit", "stay", etc.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_7?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=101+dog+tricks+by+kyra+sundance&x=0&y=0&sprefix=101+dog

other than that....totally hilarious and sad at the same time!

Anonymous said...

This is adorable! I love you're dog, and totally question the accuracy of the blanket over the dogs test, who doesn't like blankets?
Also: if you're looking for training advice I highly recommend "the training levels" which is fully online here: http://www.dragonflyllama.com/%20%20MAIN/indexdog.html
I used it to train my rambunctious puppy and I had lots of fun. And the people in the yahoo group are generally friendly and helpful. :)

Beta Dad said...

p.s. my babies are laughing like crazy at the drawings. and stomping on my keyboard.

Regina said...

omg. Tears in my eyes funny. I love that you didn't want the dog to feel like a total failure. Too funny.

Rose said...

Just finished reading this whole fucking blog (i think) and was going to congratulate you and your blog cause it's the one year anniversary since you posted the Congrats for Finishing My Blog (or something) post!! Yay! Here's to another 1000 years together (you can live that long, right?)

My dog once jumped off a five foot high porch and pulled a muscle just to impress me so your dog is not alone.

typografika said...

I had a bitch from the same gene pool as your dog, i swear. I found her on the corner of the street as a very small puppy and she would answer to nothing else but 'Corner', so that became her name.

She was terrified of everything except window cleaners. Upon seeing a window cleaner at a window she would be thrown into a complete frenzy and chase them from room to room, barking with a vaguely circular motion of the head, obviously following the wiping action of the offending cloth.

She was also almost identical in appearance to your drawings (which are so emotive and funny by the way) apart from the fact that she was completely black. She also, was tragically eager to please.

Thanks for reminding me of her. She was 'put to sleep' in her own basket, peacefully in 2000 after having cancer. But she was a fine and funny dog.

Renny said...

Allie, how long did it take you to draw your dog so many times? That is so intensely good, you make me want to take an art class so I can become as skilled as you.
I'm not even kidding.I'm so impressed by your artistic talent.
At least your dog loves you and wants to make you happy. What more could you ask for in a dog?

Melissa Garcia Logan said...

My dog does the "offer fifteen behaviors in the hope that one of them is what you want" thing. I think it's a symptom of his anxiety, leftover from having Very Bad previous owners. This dog is my heart dog, but on some level I acknowledge that his spirit was very likely broken and as awesome and amazing a dog as he is, he will never be quite what he could have been if his former people had not abused him and then abandoned him. He is so so easy to love though, and to spoil with treats. Unlike my other dog who is mostly Evil, who I somehow manage to love like a parent with a teenager who keeps getting brought home in a police car.

I will hug my dopey dog in honor of today's post. and share my string cheese with him. But not with evil-dog. Because she stole my toddler's lunch today, like a playground bully, that bitch.

andrewvest said...

Allie! This SPOT ON! My dog did EXACTLY this same thing for YEARS. LOL!! Your blog is great, I personally believe that your "Cake vs. Pie" entry should be archived in the Library of Congress so that it may be used as a citable reference. Keep it up, I love what you've done and I look forward to seeing your blog blossom even further!

Oh, BTW, the little fellow at the bottom that says "HELLO." is adorable to the point of nausea.

Becky said...

I'm SO going to make my dog take this test. However, I think that dog intelligence might wrap around, because there are times when my dog, who seems smart most of the time acts completely retarded like we've never met. I can't tell if he's so smart that he has the capacity to act dumb, or he's actually just dumb and has the capacity to occasionally act smart.

Connor said...

I think my dog has a mental switch for his retardedness. Usually when he gets really excited and playful, he runs around the room like that's his purpose in life. Sometimes he runs into stuff too, which is only adds to the hilarity.

Kaessa said...

THANK YOU for that laugh. I'm so glad that your dog wants to make you happy, even if she is retarded. Great pictures. I love your stuff.

Susan said...

Thank you for making me laugh at my desk!

Libby said...

Allie, I love love love your blog, and so does the rest of my office. My husband and I just got a very goofy puppy, so I was laughing out loud at your story and pics. Hilarious! All the best to you and your pup!

Princess Sunshine said...

I can relate too, in fact I think you may have flown to Australia, stolen my dog and dyed her..

Michelle said...

I accidently just posted my comment in another post. Maybe I need to google "I am retarded."

Well done. As usual.

Michael D. Lockhart said...

Just brilliant. I'm sending you the bill for the hernia...

knittergran said...

That is so sad....in a sort of funny way!
I'm just so glad she has you instead of some creep who would try to beat sense into her.
Great post!

Anonymous said...

My shelter dog was like that. For 3 days I actually thought she was deaf! I started Googling deaf training methods. She also looks very similar to your dog (drawing)... except more Dobie-colored. She had very obvious broken ribs from her last owner, and it took me forever to get her to stop crapping behind the TV. Blergh.

I think I prefer retard dogs, they will always keep you entertained! Lunie (my dog), has an attachment problem. She becomes attached to every person she meets... then cries when they leave her sight. She is also racist... she especially hates Asian pool cleaners. Oh, and Mexicans.. she will scale a damn wall to get to a Mexican. I'm starting to gather who her previous owners might have been... hmm? Well that, and I'm from Southern Cali. Ha!


-Elish

French Bean & Coffee Bean said...

Poor poochie...

In contrast, my Demon Chihuahua is in a league all on her own. The people in my house are convinced that we are the ones who are *actually* in control, but Maddie knows better. She's just toying with us, making us believe that happy thought. --.--"

-French Bean

Coyote said...

If she's even reasonably housebroken (i.e. doesn't go in the house as long as you make her go outside enough), and if she doesn't completely destroy things or people, or any other pets, and if she's affectionate, then retarded isn't necessarily the worst thing.

There are many fine qualities people and animals can have, other than being smart.

Of course, you know, try to keep her away from electrical cords, cars, sharp things, water deep enough to drown in, or cliffs.

Anonymous said...

Pretty much every post I think, "I could not possibly think Allie is more awesome," and then you post something and I think,"wait a minute! somehow now I love her even more!" Also, I adore your dog from this post alone.

Raccoon Girl said...

YAY ALLIE POST! 8D I was getting worried about you! *HUGS*

And this is too funny! There's a mentally challenged Weimaraner at the farm where I work; they found him severely neglected and dumped out in one of the horse fields. He's about half the size he's supposed to be. And he's HAPPY ABOUT EVERYTHING! 8B

He will run in circles until he gets dizzy and falls over. He'll gallop like an idiot all around until he runs into parked cars or the side of the barn. He'll run up to you, nearly push you over, then stare at you with happy googly eyes going "MAH NAME IS LEROY AND I LOVE YOU~ <3 <3 <3" He's a dumb as a box of rocks but is wonderful just the same! :D

I'm happy to see you have an awesome puppy and even happier to see that you're well enough to write again!

tori aka ggs_closet said...

OMG that was hilarious. My dog will lick my couch or pillow all while looking out corner of his eye at me. When I tell him to stop he takes one last extra long lick. A sort of "FU."

Miriam said...

Holy CROW! I bet your dog and my dog are related. I bet if I did this same stuff to her she wouldn't do anyyyyything!

Just Another Blogger said...

Dave Barry once said that "dogs make good pets because they are very loyal. (NOTE: When I say "loyal," I mean "stupid." I once wrote a column in which I said dogs are stupid, and I got a lot of nasty mail from people who insisted, often with misspelled words, that dogs are intelligent. Perhaps from their point of view dogs are intelligent, but I don't want to get into that here. I'll just stick with "loyal.")"

I find this to be a lovely description -- because regardless of intelligence or lack thereof, you can never deny the power of a dog's love and loyalty.

Thanks for the great post! :) (Then again, they are all great...)

-JAB

Kirsty said...

I choked on my own saliva while reading this out loud to my family so hysterical was my laughter.

It hurt. But it hurt so good.

I am now off to check if my dog is retarded....

Natalie said...

Don't worry my dog doesn't respond to her name either. She does however try to eat bees even after they sting her (she rubbed her face on the sidewalk because she didn't understand why it hurt!), eats rocks, paper, dirt, bugs, pretty much everything (and she's not a baby anymore almost 9 months old!). She has pyscho moments where she tears around the house/backyard/couch with a crazy look on her face. She used to eat her own shit too. So don't feel too bad about having a retarded dog. I feel your pain :/

Skulda said...

Aww poor little gal! You too Allie! So what if your dog is retarded? She clearly loves the shit out of you, and I'm sure you love her. I think the companionship is more important than having a dog as diligent as Lassie. :)

One Pork Chop said...

I could write the very same blog about my dog although mine wouldn't have the pretty pictures included.

Great post!

Stephanie said...

I adore your blog. This is too funny.
I've known smart dogs and dumb ones, and believe me (as well as the many others here apparently), the dumb ones are vastly to be preferred. Instant love in a cuddly (even if occasionally speedy) package. Good luck with further training adventures - I can't wait to hear more.

JS said...

Your dog is clearly not a brainy dog.

However, the floor-licking thing is not unusual, even in very brainy dogs. Some vets think it's a lack of salt; other vets say "meh, it just happens."

earthcharms said...

AAAAAAAHHH! The drawings of your dog are so hilarious that I'm sitting here at my work desk silently CRYING from silently laughing so hard!

Supersalwa said...

Ohh! I actually found this story kind of sad! Your dog seems very sweet, though, and I agree with the others that she's very lucky to have you!

Julie @ Willow Bird Baking said...

I seriously laugh until I cry at *every single one* of your posts.

Abigail said...

Awwww... my dog sits around licking things too. I don't think I have the heart to give her an intelligence test.

♥mily said...

haha! some dogs are just stupid, they just can't help it. at least your dog tries.

dinogami said...

If you have not already, you must drop everything RIGHT NOW and read the old Dave Barry essay 'Earning a Collie Degree', which you appear to be able to do via that link at Google Books and clicking on that particular title name. It's funny 'cuz it's true...

ariseymour said...

I wanted to add to the list of thanks on this post - I've not giggled so much at anything for years and I really needed to today (dissertation deadline looming), so thank you.

quiltzyx said...

Geezie peezie, tears are running down my face & all my ribs hurt from laughing...wait, I can't breathe....ah, OK, now,
Thank you Allie, for once again making my day!
Between your blog & drawings, and all the brilliant comments, I will surely make it through the day grinning.
Good luck with Dog, she's a keeper. :D

Trish said...

My dog is also pretty messed up... he also had first owners who locked him up a lot. *sigh* Mine is capable of scaring himself with his own tail. No kidding.

Niraja said...

Your "quizzical dog" drawings are fantastic! Even though your dog is a little dumb at least she is damn cute!

("Quizzical dog" is the term my friends use for their dog when he doesn't seem to understand anything and turns his head to the side to look at you.)

Mika aka Xeyli said...

This so reminds me of that old episode of The Simpsons, where they try to train Santa's Little Helper. You get the dog's point of view, where everything humans say is, "Blahblah blahblahblah."

I'm unable to find a clip of it... but yeah, your story reminds me of it. Bart had to send SLH to obedience school and get him trained, or else have to put him down (I think he bit Lisa). At the end of the episode, SLH finally understands what Bart is saying, "Blahblah SIT." and he sits! Then, all the blahblahs became English words, and SLH finally understood.


Maybe there's still a chance that the switch from blahblah to English will flip for you :)

andygirl said...

I love your retarded dog!

ms. v said...

some of the lack of smarts can be forgiven by the rakish head tilt, as far as I'm concerned!

also...I couldn't love your blog more. I actually read ALL of the entries, SO funny! I hope that's not creepy. I didn't do it all in one sitting, so that's gotta take the creepy level down a tad, if it IS creepy...

*backs away from comment thread*

Sue said...

Hilarious! My co-workers now think I'm a giggling idiot.

BTW- I think Dog is just trying to please you. She stayed under the blanket, cuz you put it on her so it must be right and didn't get the biscuit, cuz clearly you wanted it under the cup!
So see, she's not dumb, just uber-drink-the Kool-aid loyal!

Cletus Residence said...

Dumb is good. Dumb never needs to be occupied. I live with a brain damaged (really, it was a virus) Pug, and every minute is new and exciting for him. He failed the test where you put your dog facing in two gates forming a vee (like this >). A dog with a brain backs up and turns around. My Pug stops moving because his way is blocked. Also if you hide and call him, he gets all excited and looks up at the ceiling for you. Enjoy your dumb dog!

My French Bulldog said to be sure I told you HE was a genius. My French Bulldog is a genius.

C said...

yeaahhh!!! thanks for the new post! also, hysterical. my old dog maggie was like that. one year she barked at a watermelon in a plastic bag for close to an hour.

Barbara said...

I had a retarded dog when I was a kid. He constantly chased cars and was impossible to train. My poor mom.

Gina said...

Oh my gosh. This is my dog. We tried the blanket test too, and she also just gave up and fell asleep. Retarded dog. Her name was Flash, and she would answer to anything that sounded remotely like Flash. Slash. Splash. You get the idea.

DevilsHeaven said...

I'm new to your Blog and have some serious catching up to do, however, I have to say your drawings really add to the hilarious factor.
Your poor dog. Mine used to lick the carpet. I have no idea why.

Jane said...

I think I may actually want your dog. AMAZING! I used to have a springer spaniel who was also relatively special...he used to bury my socks in the garden. And go swimming in a lake, then forget how he got in, and we'd have to climb in to pull him out...

One Blonde Girl said...

Oh my god, I loved this! And for the record, I happen to know two dogs who lick the carpet ALL THE TIME. It's the weirdest thing I have ever seen. I mean, who knew dogs needed a certain amount of polypropylene in their diets that they're obviously not getting from their dog food? Not I.

Nono said...

This is the first time I commented on your blog. I got so excited to see an update and it's funny as always. Keep up the good work!


Greetings from holland

Saraph said...

I want a t-shirt with that last picture of your dog on it. XD

NaTasha said...

All I have to say is that I am not the type of person to even read blogs, but yours are so hilarious that not only is it the only one that I read, but I have come to the point where I religiously check your website each day to see if there is a new post. LOVE IT!!! They just keep getting better!

Aleah said...

First, I think your posts are hilarious, so I'm totally not trying to be Debbie Downer -- but have you possibly had her checked for a neuro issue? Don't get me wrong, some dogs are just a bit slow, just like some people are, but she could have an issue that's entirely correctable. Just sayin' :)

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Well bless her heart, she tried and is really lucky to have you as an owner. I should introduce her to my cat Miss Bubba. She's special too. Cute as can be, but dumber than a fence post.

Joodie said...

Oh this post is priceless! A little while after I adopted my dog, my dad got me a book which was an IQ test for dogs. It has all the exercises you described in it. And I tested my dog. She's exactly the same! With the cup I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she is a tiny chihuahua and the cup was about the same height as her, so I helped her tip it over. And with the blanket I thought the same thing, she just loves being under blankets anyways! hehe. So your dog is not such an oddball. It's got company with my very sweet, yet kind of dumb dog.

Violetta said...

LOL this was amazing! :D

My favorite part is the picture of her play-bowing in front of the cup, with the big goofy grin on her face. You totally captured dog expressions.

Violetta said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Adrienne said...

and i thought my cat was stupid... ;)

Alicia said...

Hahaha...I knew something like this was coming when I got your twitter update.

One of our old dogs used to run in to walls and whatnot when she got excited. It was sad.

Delia said...

Hilarious! My dog does the licking the rug thing, too. And she's afraid to come in the kitchen, even if there's bacon on the floor. It's nice to know she's not the only one.

JEM said...

I had to keep reminding myself as I read this that you weren't talking about my dog.

growingrice.com said...

I'm also pretty sure my dog is retarded. Not quite in the same way, but in the way that he can't just be. I dont think the dog would go pee if we didn't tell them to, but at the same time he can't STAY for all the treats in the world.

The Accidental Tangoiste said...

Oh, poor puppy! Are you quite certain she can hear? We had a terrible time with my dog when I was growing up, because it turned out that he was deaf. (Of course, that doesn't mean he wasn't also retarded; he was, for a fact, dumber than a post. But he was a love. And he could handle stairs and locate treats.)

Good luck! She clearly has a very caring owner. :)

Tillie said...

I think I just peed my pants. I think you also have my dogs at your house as well. i cannot stop giggling.

Sonja said...

Oh my god, I just discovered your blog today, and it is the most awesome thing EVER. I have a dog that I might have to administer this test to myself.

Angie said...

I'll have to try some of these on my dogs... although one is a chihuahua so I think his chances of passing are already very low.

pixy0stix said...

Adding to the Debbie Downer club - Licking the floor like that is a good sign of a neurological imbalance. A stroke and or seizure come to mind. It would also explain why she is having issues with commands.

Anonymous said...

I just threw a blanket over my dog. The same dog who ignores me unless it's time to try and drink the bath water. He didn't move. Part boxer, part towel rack.

Our dogs should be friends.

Peggy said...

I think the reason I cried from laughing for 10 minutes on this post (besides the fact that it's hi-larious), is because I have a dog that: 1. Looks just like your drawings; 2. I think suffered brain damage from a very high fever he had as a 7 week old puppy when we adopted him; 3. Also has trouble with stairs. He can navigate them but only all at once and only with permission from me or my husband.

lyndsey said...

this is sad and cute all at the same time! i lovingly pity your pup.

KarlaAlfred said...

Perhaps she is just reserving her supply of awesome for when she really needs it... say, when Orcs attack. I maintain faith that this is why my cats are so damn lazy; they'll be ready in time of battle. Right?!


My second theory is that the test was not testing your dog's ability. As a teacher, I try to assess each student in the best way for that student. If Jimmy fails multiple choice tests because he's too concerned with whether the ratio of B answers to C answers is wildly off, I might give Jimmy a short answer quiz instead. I care more about if he learned anything in the last unit than his compulsions for answer choices to be equally represented.
I say you design a test to your dog's abilities, call that the standard, and see how other dogs measure up. It is a stretch, but hey, whatever works.

Stormy Cruz said...

Oooh, girl. I know your pain. Your comment section will probably soon be riddled with story after story of retarded animal, but this one's pretty telling:
My boyfriend's dog, Salem, is a Great Pyrenees. A beautiful, tall, fluffy, all white, princely creature...until you meet him and realize those vacuous eyes indicate the intuition of a tree stump. (It sort of ruins the whole "princely" image.)
My bf and I would be sitting in the kitchen when Salem would run in from the living room as if something demanded his immediate attention. Once there, he'd screech to a halt, look around like "huh?" and then go off about his business. This odd behavior continued and we were at a loss to figure out the cause...until one day, it happened.
One of us was beside Salem as he slept peacefully. Then, he farted. The noise immediately roused him from his slumber, he leaped up, terrified, and scrambled away into the kitchen, soon to forget what brought him there.
The dog is afraid of his own flatulence.
He doesn't know his name either. And he barks at dressers. And he pisses in his own food dish.

Soulman said...

I used to be really confused at my dogs behavior and actually get frustrated or made and basically take it personally. Then I started watching 'The Dog Whisperer' on the national geographic channel and that has been really fun understand what's going on in my dogs head. Check it out.

bard said...

You're hilarious! Will you marry me?

Tuahlia said...

Hilarious! My dog licks the floor sometimes too, but I don't think he's retarded- he suddenly gets a lot more intelligent when there's a biscuit in the room.
The cat on the other hand... he likes to lie sideways on the stairs and then roll over. Also, he doesn't land on his feet like cats are supposed to...

bayleys-mom said...

Please oh please put some of these drawings on to your merchandise?

aLmYbNeNr said...

Poor doggie dog. She IS endearing and she is lucky to have a loving and caring human like you who also knows how to draw very amusing pictures!

Robin said...

I laughed so hard at this post that I had trouble breathing! It's so familiar to me--my hound mix is too retarded for words, but I wouldn't trade her for anything. Stupid dogs are awesome.

Dalia said...

Aww you are super sweet for adopting a dog that needs love more than anything. You just have to be super patient, she will learn something eventually! All dogs are different and we love them for it :)

Also a tard dog is cute and entertaining yes? :D

Cynthia said...

Thank you! A friend of mine sent me to your blog. We are both English teachers and adore the Alot. We want one for each of our classrooms. :)

While I adored your post, I actually have (maybe) some insight. I have two dachshunds that I train -- ones does agility, the other is a therapy dog.

Licking is actually a nervous tick, kinda like chewing your nails or the like.

If she was kept in a kennel for much of her puppyhood, it is very possible that she hasn't learned how certain muscles work, or the muscles have been under-developed. Give the poor thing time to get the stairs. My therapy dog feels it is her right to be carried up the stairs, even though she can navigate them just fine.

Don't worry about the test results. So your dog isn't going to the local MENSA meeting, she loves you!!!!!!!! Having had a really smart dog once, I don't like being outsmarted by my dog! Its much better to be the wonderful Mommy who can solve anything!

angelawd said...

Hilarious! I wonder if there are any intelligence tests for cats. Any creature that can just stare at a wall for an hour has to be slightly retarded. Then again, cats really don't care what we think of them as long as we keep serving them.

utterfolly said...

I think your dog and mine are related - that whole licking the floor thing is so bizarre. I love your blog so hard. :D

Tuahlia said...

Okay, I've just read Stormy Cruz's comment about the dog who's afraid of his own flatulence, and I have to post again to say my dog does that too! Only if someone's sat near him at the time, he'll throw a dirty look at them as he runs away, as if he's blaming them.

Sarah C. Jackson said...

Only you.

I'm glad you're a loving owner at least! Some people won't even take care of their retarded children... I'd hate to see what they'd do with a retarded dog.

Cassidy said...

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. My dog also did the licking-the-floor-for-no-apparent-reason thing for a while. He's also crazy retarded. He's a retriever, and he doesn't know how to play fetch. He's 7 now.

Also, the drawing of him licking the floor should be worth a lot of money.

jrronimo said...

One of my cats licks random pieces of finished wood furniture. Like, I'll be at the dinner and he'll jump up on the table, lay down, and then start licking the table.

I feel your pain.

This cat is also gigantic:
http://jrrver.homeserver.com/jrr/images/cats/Ares.jpeg

Okay, yes, she is really short, but he is still a big cat!

http://jrrver.homeserver.com/jrr/images/cats/Ares2.jpg
I am 6'2 and 220lbs.

Heidi - D said...

Awwwwww... I read this and was sharing your hope and enthusiasm that she might just pass this test... But... Alas... She did not!

I tend to agree with Robin - Stupid dogs are awesome!

Anonymous said...

Uggg... The Dog Whisper? Seriously commenters? Cesar Millan is a horrible excuse for a "trainer" without a clue what he's doing- He's using long outdated techniques that have already been proven incorrect, and there are far too many people missing that "for entertainment purposes only" warning at the beginning of the show (A TV shouldn't be how you're learning to train a dog in any case).

Anonymous said...

Uggg... The Dog Whisper? Seriously commenters? Cesar Millan is a horrible excuse for a "trainer" without a clue what he's doing- He's using long outdated techniques that have already been proven incorrect, and there are far too many people missing that "for entertainment purposes only" warning at the beginning of the show (A TV shouldn't be how you're learning to train a dog in any case).

Aelee-ray Usk-bay said...

Oh my word, I laughed so hard!!! My favorite part of your story is the part about him licking the floor!

Anonymous said...

Floor licking- Sign of nervousness, or more often boredom due to lack of exercise.
Sitting- Try a different method.
The testing- Doesn't prove a dang thing. Huskies for example will fail time and time again simply because they're the kind of animal that doesn't do anything unless they see a point in it.

Courtney said...

This post simultaneously made me laugh and also was terribly sad, because I know how badly dogs want to please their owners. I have a pretty fucking stupid dog, too; when you throw him a treat, he turns the complete opposite direction to catch it. No, he doesn't have vision problems; we checked. He also failed the under-the-blanket test. My dog and your dog could make wonderfully retarded babies.

Anonymous said...

Omigosh its definitely her BREED of dog! I have a pure bred blue tick coonhound and she is just plain stupid. They are adorable and give you those sad puppy eyes, as if to say "I'm smart, mom. Love me."

Aimee said...

She sounds adorable. The carpet licking could be a sign of an upset tummy.

Also, my dog sometimes needed higher value treats to learn new things. Like pieces of cheese or peeled hotdogs, maybe a biscut wasn't worth working for.

I also recommend Patricia McConnell's books on training and behavioral issues over Cesar. For more sensitive dogs, he can do more harm than good.

I love your blog!!

Tina said...

Yay! This post is so funny. Every single picture series made me laugh until I cried. LOVE IT

kait said...

aw. how adorable. sad, but adorable.

also i feel a sort of kinship with you in ownership of something retarded. except mine is a laptop and currently i am incapable of showing it any sort of love (i've even revoked its name-owning priveleges and have resorted to calling it "you pathetic piece of ----")

i am glad you love your retarded dog. i love it too. :)

Kristel said...

Hi, Allie! Love your blog. Just a bit of info about the licking thing. My dog does it too - about 3 times a year he has what I call a "licking seizure" - he just licks, and licks, and licks - anything in his path. The wall, the floor, your arm, a bookshelf, a chair, his own leg, etc. And he always looks so frantic...it's like he doesn't understand why he is licking everything, but he still can't stop himself from doing it. The "seizures" last from 5 - 8 hours, and he often vomits within 3-4 hours after the licking stops. The vet says that dogs often lick when they are nauseated (either to self soothe, or in the hopes that they lick something that will actually make them vomit, so as to get rid of the bad stuff is making them feel nauseated). So, maybe your dog isn't retarded - maybe his tummy just hurt. ;)

leslie said...

Aw, you have a special needs dog, and she especially needs love. I think she'll be happy and love you right back if you just accept her as she is. I'll be she accepts YOU just as you are. ;)

WAIT, is she housebroken? Did she pass that test? ;/ Okay, she still needs love. Get her some pee pads.

Anonymous said...

OH noes, this is just too funny!

I HAD THIS SAME DOG, and just like you two, I kept trying and trying, and he kept trying and trying, but darnit, he was just a dummy and there was no two ways about it. He was also my best buddy and he kept me laughing his whole life. (He died of old age - nothing calamitous) I hope you and your new dummy have lots of happy years together too. <3

PS - love your blog, please keep drawing!!

Emily Young said...

The licking thing might not be stupidity- it's called pica and its a nervous tic common in rescue animals.

But considering everything else- it might also be stupidity.

Reminds me of my brother's dog. We called him Rufus the Dufus. Best dog ever--mostly cause he was too stupid to get into too much trouble.

And thank you for posting again! Love your blog!

Ellie said...

"This dog is uncoordinated in a way that would suggest her canine lineage is tainted with traces of a species with a different number of legs - like maybe a starfish or some sort of primitive snake." --- Freakin' hilarious.

You did a brilliant job of illustrating how sweet she is, anyway. =)

Anonymous said...

My 6 y/o daughter said, "That girl is creepy looking... she barely has *hands*! Maybe she shouldn't have a dog"

Wendy said...

LOL my dog isn't quite this silly, but he's pretty darn close. It's my cat who does all the licking, believe it or not!

DILLIGAF said...

Your dog drawings are spot-on. Better anatomy than most sparkledogs.

Also, this post forced me to put my head down and laugh for so long that my parents think there is something wrong with me. So, well done?

Nathan said...

Awww, what a sweet story. I love your Paint dog! I totally can imagine what she looks like.

You might find that she seems smarter the more time she spends with you. Given her previous circumstance, she might have learned helplessness. Animals (including people) who get punished or don't get rewarded no matter what they do (when totally neglected or raised by sociopaths) gradually either stop trying altogether, or they lose the ability to figure out how to work on their environment. She maybe one of those dogs. :( Google "clicker training" and "free shaping" to learn about how to encourage her to think for herself more. You're so great for taking her in!

dawn said...

I have three cats, as I've never thought I'd be patient enough to train a dog. This after having five children and taught my cats to fetch, shake, High 5, and a few other things! I found your blog two weeks ago and have anxiously awaited your next post! I think I would enjoy having a dog like yours - already "potty" trained and just wanting to please me. Or maybe that's just the goddess complex I have cultivated since my kids grew up and left home :-) Thanks for the laughs and please post more often!

Off now to find the more "puppy" of my two cats and try "hide the treat"!

Louisa said...

I suddenly feel a lot better about my dog. I was all worried because he licked (yes, licked, not chewed) a 4" hole in our drywall, tried to eat wrought iron furniture, and daily ran headfirst into our metal door. And he would totally have responded to any word said in the "puppy" voice, his actual name be damned. ("Here, Refrigerator!") But he got out from under blankets and would have totally found the biscuit. So apparently he's not a complete lost cause. Hooray for sweet, happy to please dogs, even if they're a few hamburgers short of a happy meal.

Kelly said...

Oh my goodness I LOVE the drawings of your dog! They capture that "?????" moment perfectly! :D

Ahh I love dogs! :)

immahlady said...

Hey, the dog may be dumb, but she sounds like a sweetie.

Do you think dogs have blogs of their own? Cause I'd love to hear what life is like in your house from her perspective. Bet she thinks your super-tall and able to find magic doggie treats.

mdmw said...

hahaha my dog definitely does not ever pass the blanket test. he'll either lay down, or run around running into things. at least they mean well!

Brinn said...

You're dog is adorable. What is her name?

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