The Four Levels of Social Entrapment

One of the most difficult aspects of interacting with other people is figuring out how to extricate yourself from a conversation without appearing rude or mentally unstable. You aren't allowed to just walk away - you need to have a reason to stop talking. And the reason can't be that you want to stop talking. You need to find a way to end the conversation without making it seem like you want the conversation to end.

This unspoken set of rules can turn an otherwise rational person into a flailing, helpless victim in a sea of self-perpetuated social anxiety.

It's like we're all competing in a game that no one wants to play.  And even though you can't ever win the game, you can prevent yourself from losing by pretending that you like playing long enough to be allowed to stop playing.


The game has four levels of difficulty.   
  
Level 1: Brief encounters with kind-of friends

There is a special kind of awkwardness between two people who don't know each other well enough to interact effectively, but are familiar enough that ignoring each other's presence isn't really an option.  No matter how much you like the person, you dread encountering them because you only know two things about each other and once you've covered those two things, there is nothing else and that is terrifying because you aren't good at ending conversations and that makes the horrible, strained silence all but inevitable.

But eventually you do run into one of these acquaintances and even though you both sense the impending awkwardness and desperately wish to avoid it, you have a social obligation to say hello. So you do, and the conversation derails even more quickly than you expected.


And then there you are, standing clumsily in the parking lot of Best Buy, frantically trying to keep the conversation afloat until one of you can think of a decently acceptable way to end the encounter. You stop caring about whether you make sense or not.  You'll say anything to avoid silence.  


At some point, the rapidly deteriorating subject material forces you to give up on being polite and just settle for the first bumbling phrase that comes out of you.  


Luckily, your artless delivery doesn't matter. The other person is just thankful that they finally have an excuse to stop talking to you.  

Level 2: Forced proximity 

 Trying to end a conversation in the grocery store is like battling a sea monster that has an infinite capacity to revive itself.  


As soon as you figure out how to disengage with the person, you run into them again and you have to figure out how to start a new conversation. And then you also have to figure out how to end that conversation.  No matter how many times you come across each other, it never really seems acceptable to not say anything.


You try to joke about it.  


Soon, however, you will exhaust your supply of pleasantries and lighthearted banter. 


The awkwardness of each new encounter is magnified by the awkwardness of the previous encounter until you have no choice but to pretend that you are so fascinated by the ingredients of what you're buying that you don't even notice the other person is there.  


Level 3: The Trap

However, some acquaintances don't share your desire to avoid awkward encounters. In fact, they often seek your company despite your complete inability to relate to each other. This person is seemingly immune to awkwardness and once they latch onto you, you are not allowed to leave until they are done with you.  


For example, you might be sitting by yourself in a café, enjoying a cup of coffee.  And then you see her squinting up at the drink menu.  


She's trapped you at social gatherings a few times,  backing you into a corner and then standing at just the right angle so that you'd have to physically push her out of your path to escape.  She's extremely passionate about a variety of things that you have no real interest in, like veganism and the healing properties of soy.  She can talk about these things for hours without pause.  While you don't mind that she feels that way, you don't particularly want to hear about it in such great detail.  But she tells you anyway.  Over and over and over.  You might make a feeble attempt at steering the conversation to a topic of more mutual interest, but she doesn't want to talk about what you want to talk about.

The first time you escaped her conversational death-grip, you thought that she had probably said all she needed to say and that the next time you saw her, you could maybe talk about something else.  But no.  She checks up on you.  She wants to know if you've tried any of the things she suggested.  When you tell her that you "haven't gotten around to it yet," the cycle starts over again.  

You want to avoid this kind of interaction, so you turn your chair away, hoping that she won't see you when she turns around.   


But it's too late.  She's spotted you. 


She's not quite sure if it's you yet, but you can feel her eyes focusing on you.  You risk a glance to see if she's still there, even though you know that she is.  


And then you accidentally lock eyes with her.


Once eye contact is established, she begins to lurch toward you in slow motion, like a zombie in a bad horror movie.  You are consumed by a desire to bolt, but you don't.  Your obligation to adhere to social decencies outweighs your sense of self-preservation. You stay right where you are, unable to look away.  


You are going to have to talk about soybeans.  A lot.  And you are going to have to pretend that you like it.  To protect your dignity.    


Level 4: Well-intentioned social terrorism

The well-intentioned social terrorist does not alert you before they invade your safety bubble.  It's always a surprise.  You'll come home, exhausted and eager to finally feel safe from unwanted interaction. 



But then... 


You're cornered like an animal. There's nowhere to go.


You'd always assumed that your own home was a safe place - a place where you were not in danger of sudden, undesired social interaction.  But your pathetic delusions of safety implode into the realization that nowhere is safe anymore.  


You could tell them no, but you aren't busy and you don't have any immediate plans, so you don't really have an acceptable reason to decline their company.  

   

You could try to lie and say that you're just coming home to drop some stuff off before you have go somewhere.  But if you do that, you'll have to spend the rest of the night in total darkness, because if your friend walks by and notices that your lights are on, they're going to know you were lying.

 

But if you allow this person into your house, you are no longer in control of when the interaction ends.  This is not as simple as finding the right opportunity to walk away.  No.  This is some next-level shit.  You can't just walk out of your own house and leave the person there.  Where would you go?  

If you want to be left alone, you're going to have to wait it out until you can convince the other person to leave.



But even then, it isn't over.  

Now that you are aware that your home is not the impenetrable fortress of protection you once thought it was, you are forced to live in a constant state of slight uneasiness. Someone could surprise you at any time.  What if your friend decides to surprise you with a visit every day?  Now you have to worry about keeping your place picked up, "just in case."  You're scared to play music or watch movies because then you can't pretend to not be home if someone knocks on your door.  

You are no longer in control of your life.  



745 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   601 – 745 of 745
Anonymous said...

fear not mortals... a cell phone is your emotional vampire repelling holy symbol. see one of these serenity black holes heading your way? no problem. unsheath your electronic sword of justice and paint your face with a look of damn-the-luck disappointment and say, "aw, i really gotta take this".

Anonymous said...

Agh, a combination of one and two happened to me last week (high school classmate, grocery store) and it was so unbearably awkward.

Anonymous said...

I am a first-timer to your blog...this post made my day!

Go Allie! :)

punkwhitechocolate said...

A couple of times I have had the ninja like people in my house, but even worse than this. One time my roommates and I came home to find the awkward creepy guy just sitting in our apartment alone. He said he thought someone else was home...no. And another time I woke up to my annoying friend sitting on top of the couch I was napping on just waiting for me to wake up to chat with me. Honestly some of the scariest moments in my life.

Anonymous said...

You guys think you have it bad? I have to spend 30 minutes every day sitting on a bus next to someone who always chooses to sit next to me, but we have absolutely nothing to talk about. The silence is broken every few minutes with him going So... and then i go "what?" and he goes "nothing" T_T

ircannibalcat said...

Epic post yay!

Oh god, the drawings of the psychotic 'Trapper' with the blue eyes... Dying of laughter right now.

I can relate to every one of these so well. I'm painfully socially awkward, I just have no idea how to be normal when speaking to acquaintances. Friends aren't so bad as they're used to me saying, 'Okay you people are boring me, goodbye'.

And god fucking dammit, I hate when people drop by my place unannounced. Is nothing sacred?!

Anonymous said...

The horror movie style zooming in in The Trap had me laughing so much my flatmates demanded to know what was so funny.

Fantastic post!

Xilonen said...

Yet another reason why I live in near-total isolation in the woods a quarter mile up a logging road and give out my address to next to no one. For anyone to "drop by" they'd have to be missing hikers who would probably have more interest in food, water and rescue personnel than accosting me with pictures and stories. Or perhaps Sasquatch. But I wouldn't mind that so much. I'd like to hear what Sasquatch has to say.

PS - I've been reading the archives all stalker-like and figure it's far less creepy if I actually contribute to the dialog. So, hi!

Phoebe said...

#4 is why it is great that I live in the middle of nowhere.
Nobody can find my house even when I give them directions, and you can't "just pop by" to somewhere that is about half an hour away from absolutely everywhere else.
Unless you are maybe one of the cows that likes to chill out in the field next door.

jacqueline said...

you really are the best person ever. (except for my best friend) but she doesn't draw like this. yet. so you are the best person at this.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

This is way too on target. WAY.

I suspect that you have been that yellow dude outside of my window while I happily typed on my computer, haven't you?

I swear, I didn't mean to make you cry.

Anonymous said...

This was every day of the week in college! So many venues, so many acquaintances from so many classes, clubs, etc! D: Surely it gets better for real Grownups!
Love your stuff, have to say.

Shameless Fanboy said...

Wow, I must leave a comment because I just know you'll read it. We're so alike; here's a brief anecdote that makes it obvious, without me having to spell it out. What the hell, I'll say it overtly too! Allow me to give you some advice that relates to how you can avoid the sticky situations that you described! And now I'll say something witty, because I want to show that we can relate as equals. We'll be friends one day, I know it, right before you become super famous, and then I can say that I loved you before you were a star.

Anonymous said...

Allie, why is it that you can relate to every single aspect of my life!? Please stop stalking me... Or don't.. you're a pretty cool stalker :)

Anonymous said...

i am seeing some serious t-shirt ops in these drawings!!

y said...

Oh dear gods, #3 kept making me think of Sarah Palin. **HIDES BENEATH THE BED**

Austin116 said...

True story. I read this, walked outside, AND IT HAPPENED.


clearly, you can predict the future.

rn2010 said...

So, I've read every post of yours I could get my stalkerish hands on,"like omg, my boyfriend grew up in rathdrum/cour de lane too!" Of course, he wasn't properly thrilled by this news. I just wanted to say, keep up the good work, your blog makes me laugh out loud in inappropriate places. Also, I'm following you, on the internet, not in real life.

sillyniecy said...

I just finished all of your entries as of today... You are very entertaining. You are also very awesome. Mostly awesome. Entirely awesome! Going backwards through the entries was interesting, but I've learned a lot (in a non creepy way!) and I'm excited to now know the back story when you post a new entry. I'm sincerely glad you've become famous, you deserve it.

Catstina said...

Oh how I love you!

Ganesh Jaju said...

I have always experienced these feelings. But, never tried going into categorization.

Brilliantly written as always!

parawhore said...

Solution: Ask them what flavor their toes are.

Unless you're hot, then you're screwed

Ryan said...

I <3 you Allie
This is so spot on.

Anonymous said...

I find having some type of important hobby makes for a pretty good reason for people to leave you alone. I always say, "Oh I need to work on this new song/video before my deadline" Works all the time. Because usually people don't understand it so yay

Tom D said...

I love your comics. This is some of the funniest stuff I've read in ages.

Laurel Rogers said...

Jeeze Louise, Allie-you're one helluva student of human interaction! This is molto brillianto, and I'm not even Italian.
PS: I'm totally afraid to click on your drawings, but I think I will anyway.

Phyllis {My Wedding Concierge} said...

So true! Thanks for the laughs - I can totally relate at times!

jkm said...

i love this... the facial expressions in the first scenario are incredible. i laughed out loud.

Nick Luft said...

Why the stains on the background. Made me feel as if I had spilled something on my screen. Like you had cut and pasted (with real glue) the cartoons before you put them on.

No, wait.... this is what you wanted it to feel like. Now I geddit.

Aggy said...

The grocery store... An all too familiar scene! Love it!

Zanzi said...

this is hilarious and so true!

Anonymous said...

level 4 is my life
If level 3 happens, I run like the wind or crouch like a tortoise if I really want to stay. War tactics are in practice every day.

mamabunni17 said...

I thought I left one, but apparently not. Anyway it said something like:
Hey allie, I've never commented before, but I had to to tell you that I love you, you are wonderful, and I also used your 'mandatory sex parties' in a blog i wrote, i gave you full credit and added a link, but just so you don't get furious and send your bears and sharks after me, I'm telling you here that I did it. if you want to see what I wrote, my blog is at mamabunni17.tublr.com you are under no obligation to go there, but the link is there if you wish it.

Anonymous said...

This morning i made a stupid typo (chicagl) in the scanner at work and it made me think of spaghatta nadl, who i sorely miss :(

Hairburger said...

amazing : ) I just look people right in the eyes, RIGHT IN THE EYES, and make them say hello. Am I wrong?
I've been drawing on MS paint for years, and now....I'm starting my own blog, yay!. Maybe one day it will be awesome like you.
: )

The Other Allie said...

Everytime I read your blog, I get the sneaking suspicion that you're another version of me from a parallel universe. Only you're, you know, blonde and older than me.

Anyways, I loved this entry! A tip for surviving level four--say you're tired. Slouch your shoulders a little, sigh, and say it's been a really long day and you just want to lie down. That way, when they see you surfing the internet or watching TV, they can't judge, because those are things you do when you're tired! It's foolproof!

rbliss said...

I can totally relate. You are genius!! Love your blog :)

SocialOddity said...

Oh man, your perfectly executed illustrations have left with with a feeling of utmost anxiety again. You see, my well-meaning neighbor once had me trapped in my house in my room like a hermit, in constant terror of her uninvited drop-by. Even the pizza guy ringing the bell freaked me out because then she could just look over and KNOW I was there. Every time the dog barked, I desperately tried to shush her. *shudder*

I eventually just had to move.

You are so hilarious. Your blogs always make my day. Carry on, good lady, Carry on!!!

Butterfli said...

so I've been reading your blog in its entirety for about a week now and I've run out of posts to read. This is not good. It makes me sad. Do you really want me to be sad, Allie? I keep looking for new posts but to no avail. You have succeeded in addicting me to this blog and now I'm like a heroin addict, I would totally have sex with you for just one more hit. Please!

rhin07221 said...

I'm cracking up at my desk right now. The zoom in for "The Trap" did me in. I'm pretty sure everyone around me thinks I'm going insane, but maybe now they will think twice before socially trapping me.

I just want to say I love the blog and I signed up with blogger just so I could follow it after reading a post from long ago about how you lost two followers and were going to track them down and do horrible things to them. Keep up the good work!

SelcouthWonders said...

lawl.

I live in little townhouses, and when I was younger, so did two of my friends.

One time, they ambushed me.
They rang the doorbell.
I was sitting on the couch when my mom opened the door. "Lauren," she said, looking at me, "Cyndi and Alexis are here, do you want to see them?"
Well mom, I can't very well say no now, now can I?"

"Hahah, sure," I said, still sitting in my sleep boxers and hair greasy and grimy.
I ended up shutting the door so fast when I told them that I couldn't hang out, that I shut my cat in the door.

He's never been the same. . .

Angela said...

I had a quintessential 1 interaction just the other day. I actually saw two people I haven't spoken to since high school at an arts festival. I was able to handle the first one pretty well, since I knew some stuff to talk about from Facebook. But after I'd relaxed, I saw the other person. I don't even know why she stopped me. She doesn't even post anything on Facebook, and we never really even spoke when we were in school. I immediately freaked out and started talking about the weather instead of saving it for the last resort. I saw myself doing it, but I just couldn't stop. It was miserable.

mgm said...

The trap! Oh! The trap! I feel the trap is my whole life rolled into that particular social entrapment. Now, I'm trying to get the word out that I got into a freak Weasel accident and is, now, mentally damaged. I make it legit by yelling names of various dictators from history in public places and asking people if they want to see my leg-dance.

Amanda said...

Dude, level four is my life. I'd like to say was, having moved halfway across the country to escape the dreaded drop-in, but now I've made friends, so I'm back where I began.

cait said...

I love that now that I've read your whole blog I can see recurring characters; level 4 is totally based off of Insomniac Musician Neighbor! lol.

Also, Level 1 is totally what its like every time I see someone I went to high school with on campus. I go to a university that's less than an hour away from home, so like half my graduating class goes here. And its not any of the people who I actually liked back in high school, its all the people who I would prefer to never ever see again. And of course one of them happens to have the same major as me, so we've had a couple classes together. And he always makes a point to say Hi to me whenever we pass by. Its like, "You never talked to me in High School, so why are you acting like we're such good friends now?"
Its annoying.

Cass said...

I know all the people you have described just praying that I am not person 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thorbjørn said...

This was one of your better posts yet! :) I think you might be slightly nuts, but in a very funny and good way. :)

Anonymous said...

This is brilliant! This hasn't happened to me directly but I know people who HAVE had to go through this! xDDD

Keep it up Allie! Your cartoons have made me laugh harder than in several years of my life! Can't wait for the next one!

kakupacal said...

Super-excellent... and I love the crazy, mental-hospital-style art.

Crystal ( big fan, and seventh grader ) said...

uhhmmm.......this has sooo hapened to me....oh and i was wondering...wat where u thinking about when u came up with the 7 GAMES YOU CAN PLAY WITH A BRICK...by the way...i love brick conquerers and truth or brick

please never stop writing..or else....i will find u.....ok well...plz answer this.... by the way...im a seventh grader...and i love ur blog

Crystal ( big fan, and seventh grader ) said...

uhhmmm.......this has sooo hapened to me....oh and i was wondering...wat where u thinking about when u came up with the 7 GAMES YOU CAN PLAY WITH A BRICK...by the way...i love brick conquerers and truth or brick

please never stop writing..or else....i will find u.....ok well...plz answer this.... by the way...im a seventh grader...and i love ur blog

Stormy Cruz said...

Holy mother of all shit that is fucking awesome, Allie. I missed this post while I was off getting shitfaced on a cruise ship for a few days, but I couldn't let it go without telling you how awesome I think you are.
And I have to say, it feels a little like the age-old conundrum, "what do you get the man who has everything?" because, well, how do you tell the awesome girl she's awesome when she has hundreds of people telling her she's awesome on a daily basis?
Well, you find new and exciting ways to tell her she's awesome, that's how.
So, I'm currently looking into a little skywriting. Where in Montana are you again? And is there any abbreviation for specfreakingtacular? Because apparently smoke is expensive.
In the meantime, you should know that this was one of your most hilariously amazing posts. Also, your drawing of the aisle at the grocery store was so awe-inspiring, I feel strongly that it should one day be hanging the MOMA.

Love,
Stormy

Anonymous said...

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

how do you put to words and amazing art the thoughts that swirl through my head?!?! the blanketed figure at the end of the entry is ME

Ashelleigh said...

I love the conversation fragments!! They left me laughing for quite a bit of time. Almost thirty minutes straight, I have to admit...

As a small child I figured out how to avoid instances such as this: by staring blankly at the other person until they were convinced you were possessed. I wouldn't recommend that to anyone over the age of ten, though. It's no longer socially acceptable then.

Diana said...

This is why it is much better to be brash and rude. Because if someone I don't want to spend time with shows up at my place, apart from making sure they didn't get chased by machete wielding zombies or, you know, have their house burn down in the middle of a blizzard/hurricane/other horrific situation that genuinely necessitates them needing refuge, I'm perfectly happy to say "well, that sucks. I'm going to bed now! GNITE!" and close the door in their face.

Assuming I answered the door in the first place, which is a *BAD* assumption. If I'm not *EXPECTING* someone, and someone knocks on the door? I won't even usually walk across the house to look through the peephole of the door.

Anybody I know who NEEDS to see me knows how to use a fucking pay phone, text messages, and an internet kiosk. They can make some advance arrangements.

Everyone else can get bent. This is MY house. I don't "owe" you answering the damned door.

And yes, that was my "out loud" voice.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, ALLIE, YOU DON'T EVEN *KNOW* ME AND YOU COULD MAKE ADVANCE ARRANGEMENTS BEFORE SHOWING UP ON MY DOORSTEP. JIMINY CRICKET!

Honestly, you need to embrace your inner bitchiness, and Become One with The Bitch. :p

Steph said...

This is sooo true at college, especially when your roomie (whom you totally love, but still) is super-social and always has random people popping in unexpectedly. And don't forget all the people from last year who were on the floor above you or in your psych class. What do you say to them when you're suddenly standing together in the elevator? Meat is good? ......Actually, yeah, I might try that one next time.

Emily said...

I think you are missing a level in there somewhere: The never-ending conversation. This can occur when you hit it off with someone at a social gathering and make the mistake of giving them access to another form of communication. For instance, say you went to a pool party and met this really nice guy (friend type, not date material). As you are parting you say something like, "It was great talking to you! Hey! Find me on Facebook!"

This right here is the fatal exchange that causes the next era of your life to be filled with nothing but "HEYYY HOW YA DOIN?? HAS YOUR LIFE CHANGED IN THE PAST 22 MINUTES SINCE I TALKED TO YOU ON FACEBOOK CHAT????? :DDDDDD" and regret for ever giving this guy your phone number and accepting his friend request. And the conversations always end with something to the effect of, "Well, that's okay, you can get back to shampooing your dog and we can finish this conversation when you're done! text me?? :)"

The only way to end the never-ending conversation is to cut off all connection with the person altogether, therefore hurting the person's feelings and looking like a heartless evil witch snob. And then you are filled with this terrible sense of loss because this person really likes you, and you could have actually liked them too if they had just given you a little bit of space.

NOTE: The never-ending conversation gets exponentially worse when the person in question does not understand the fundamental workings of the English language. I know this from experience.

Tiffany said...

I once saw an old acquaintance right at the front of the grocery store, and even though she'd seen me first I still tried to hide behind the lemons.

That made it even more awkward, but the potential reward of not being seen and sucked into a social encounter was totally worth it.

Aideen said...

There's a guy at my church who totally does the whole "trap" thing, and keeps talking for ages and ages and is also a little creepy. Slash that - a BIG bit creepy. So, it takes ages to get out of a conversation with him, but then as soon as you do you feel bad cos then he'll move onto chat to someone else, probably a friend of yours, so sometimes as an act of altruism you go over and "take one for the team" by deliberately enduring a conversation with him to save someone else the torture of having to do so. It's a minefield...

Anonymous said...

The well-intentioned social terrorist is well known to me...I've taken to hiding my car out back and screening all calls....

Anonymous said...

One thing I learned from working in retail was that there is always something to talk about. Even when you say nothing, sometimes the crazies just spew their life story to you. That's one conversation that you can't get out of. Ever.

Kevinopatrick said...

When I'm talking to an acquaintance and the conversation gets a brief pause, when we both start looking around and there is that silence, I find it best to just thrust my hands into my pockets, shrug my shoulders, smile and say, "Alright, well... See ya!" and just shuffle off. Awkward as it was, I'll take the bullet to end the conversation.

AndreaB said...

I had this dental hygienist (the lady who cleans your teeth before the dentist shows up) who would trap me like the Trap Girl in your comic. Only it was worse because I really WAS trapped. I couldn't even leave if I had no social standards. I was stuck in a reclined chair, wearing a dental apron, my mouth hanging wide open while I waited patiently for her to put the next instrument in my mouth...only she didn't. Because she was too distracted by her railing enthusiastically (and angrily) about the grave importance of flossing. She would talk heatedly for 15 minutes (or more) about flossing, and she couldn't do her work while she talked. I'd be lying there helplessly with my mouth hanging open, hoping that it would stand as some kind of symbolic reminder to get back to business, which, of course, didn't work. Even when I tried to get her started on a different topic, she'd eventually get to flossing. It actually got so obnoxious that I left and found a different dentist. :-\

Mom2Jazz said...

OMG AHAHHAHAHHAA...Level 3 works in my office.

laurashepp said...

Awesome! I especially love the perspective and details in the grocery aisle picture, and the baguette and carrots sticking out of the grocery bag were a great touch. Keep being fantastic Allie :)

Linda said...

LMAO! All I can say is Bravo this is too true and very entertaining!

jorg wobblington lopez said...

Sorry to break your 666 comment count but I am against the devil. Such great drawings! And you have made social anxiety more understandable and hilarious!

Nat said...

Ahh this is the story of my life, only put in way funnier terms. You are brilliant!

Anonymous said...

i love this comic...and my phone...so i can text...to avoid awkward conversations such as these...

kaya said...

and as a side note, roommates are unintentional social terrorists because they LIVE IN YOUR HOUSE. there is literally nowhere to hide.

Kayleigh Rose said...

Oh my God, I laughed so hard this entire article. We are the same person.

V2Blast said...

This is why I say fuck politeness and just avoid people I dislike.

Anonymous said...

How did you know that I ALWAYS run into the "kind-of friends" at Best Buy? ALWAYS!!! Well, sometimes at my work but then I have the "Hark, the phone! It Rings!" excuse.

Anonymous said...

So true. So hilarious.

KodaBear said...

Too funny and very true! I can relate to this! There's this girl at work that never really acknowledges me and seems really put out when I smile at her or say "hi." The other day I ran into her at Target and it was one of those "she saw me and she knows I saw her and we have to make some sort of small talk right now even though we never talk at work and I just know it's going to be so awkward" things. Looking back, especially after reading this post, the experience is even funnier!

Random Soliloquy said...

I think I love you.

Mandy said...

I heart you. lol this is especially true for us non-conversationalists, or "shy" ppl. argh!

Anonymous said...

Dane cook has a great joke about people asking if you're ticklish... there is no safe response. Answer 'Yes' and they will tickle you. Answer 'No' and they will tickle you to prove you're wrong.
The perfect answer, which can also get you out of socially awkward situatuions? Diarrhea.
<3 the Blog! ALWAYS makes me laugh out loud! Animations = hilarious!

Anonymous said...

yea.

Anonymous said...

yea.

atma said...

Thank you, thank you! I just found and read every last one of your blog posts. I am hoping for more of them

Kev D. said...

Terrific. The illustrations drive the point home so beautifully. The 4 Levels are perfect, I tried something similar with my blog a while back:

http://highway10revisited.blogspot.com/2010/01/you-talkin-to-me.html

Anyways, keep it up, your work is of the highest caliber.

BeMistified said...

I have followed and now know where to come when I need a laugh. Thank you so much!

Oh She Glows said...

this post pretty much made my life

Kate said...

You are hilarious, and your cartoons, for all that they look simple, are so expressive. Great stuff!

CJ said...

Hilarious! I would have loved it even more if you had shown how to get OUT of these awkward situations.

Koci said...

I loved this!!! It was so great to see a visual representation of my anti-socialness. I'm definitely that person in the grocery store that pretends to be fascinated by a bottle of cashews in an effort to avoid having to talk to someone.

Susan said...

Hilarious & true. But hey, contact Miss Manners. You actually CAN avoid this sort of thing (most of the time). But then...you wouldn't have done this post & we'd all be the poorer for it.

Cheers.

Kat said...

Love it. I experience this very thing EVERY DAY. Social anxiety is my bane.

devildoo62 said...

This is an awesome blog!!! Keep up the good work, following this for sure!!

Susan said...

Oh, this made me laugh (everything you write does).

Have you read any Stephen Leacock? This made me think of The Awful Fate of Melponemus Jones (p. 14)
http://books.google.ca/books?id=HPTB_rKYmOAC&lpg=PP1&ots=IpQSJI9O4n&dq=stephen%20leacock%20tale&pg=PA14#v=onepage&q&f=false

Written in 1910 but I think you would have gotten along :-D

Also My Financial Career. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IV6xT00ZZ4

(like you, he had a finely honed sense of the ridiculous)

Anonymous said...

This was....amazing!

Allison Mackey said...

ROFLMAOPMP this is awesome!!!!! So when is your book coming out? Because you SO need to write/draw/create one

Reality Bites. said...

This was absolutely fantastic and completely made my day.

You deserve to be in the Sunday paper.

http://realitybites247.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

"Thine destiny" is incorrect. You use "thine" when a vowel follows, eg. "thine eyes". It should by "thy destiny".

Victoria Davis said...

You're amazingly funny! awesome job! haha

Anonymous said...

this is amazing!

Amanda M said...

thank you so much for posting this! the illustrations are filled with the most crazed hilarity! I found out today that one of my Idols was spotted at my old workplace! I have been trying to send in videos to get a visit but my idol is only accepting videos for his show in california. I wanted to die when i heard that he was litterally in my backyard! today and I didnt know it. thanks for brightening my day! im so glad i read your blog instead of resorting to stalking.

shana said...

At first, I was having a lot of fun reading all the comments. Some of them were just as funny as the post (almost) but then it started to become overwhelming and I realized I was never going to make it through all of them. So I gave up and decided to add to the madness instead... awesome.

Elle said...

This blog is addictively hilarious.

Don Dee said...

Bwahahahaha...bravo! You've captured in words and pretty pictures the very reason why I love to lock myself in the house. People think I'm crazy. Maybe I am. But now I know I am not alone.

Anonymous said...

Well now I feel like I've just intruded on your blog. I'll go away and leave you in peace.

NATE said...

Just tripped across this blog and I love your witty humor that is real life stuff.
You just got another follower

Sammy said...

Haha, oh, this is great! I can relate to every single one, oy. Your drawings are getting really good, Allie! Seriously, that grocery store aisle one? It made me wonder how the hell you managed the patience to put that together! It must have been painstaking! (But the results look great!)

Anonymous said...

See, this is the part I love about being somewhat socially inept. I have the ability to say "Fuck you, go away, I'm in no mood to talk with you." without anything weighing on my mind.

Why? Because anyone who talks to me is well aware that if they continue to talk to me, I will turn into the world's biggest asshole and berate their every insecurity until they start crying and sobbing... but then, they can't leave until I finish talking, because that wouldn't be nice.

We humans... we are strange beings.

Kansas City News said...

Excellent stuff :)

I had the grocery store episode just yesterday. It was awkward and stuff...

Adam B said...

Congrats on making the front page of Blogger! You deserve it - your art is too hilarious.

Anonymous said...

I can't relate to this at all and am now worried about the huge amounts of socially inept people around me I must have put off with my extroverted personality D:

I will now be thinking of this whenever I'm wherever with whomever. I can't even ask them if that's how they feel because they'd probably be too polite to admit it.

HerGoldenHair said...

HAHAHA! *much laughing out loud and family members looking surprised at, not knowing about hilarious blog of hilariousness*
I must be hasty! Yes, get thee to thine destiny!!! Hahahaha!!!
*giggles to self for several more minutes*

Miz Dinah said...

Hahaha I laughed my nuts off at this. Aaaaagh! It's like you have a window into my life. Stop looking at me! I have been a victim of these awkward social situations. The worst is number 4, because a) she's my aunt, and b) if I don't answer the door she lets herself in with her key! Your illustrations are the bomb. I love love love the expressions and the head turning.

Sera Cooke said...

I feel the same way! Why now I have a possum that just lets himself in; he doesn't even knock anymore.

megs legs said...

thank you. for making me feel like I'm not alone. ha ha ha

Don Dee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Don Dee said...

Oh BTW, you failed to mention anything about Facebook. I got mine in semi-permanent invisible mode. I hate chatting with FB friends (not IRL). I just don't have the heart to un-friend anyone. Does this make a bad person?

Anonymous said...

I've been reading too many of your posts. I know this because when I was on the toilet doing a poo, my eyes saw one of your cartoon sad faces from the random dents and scratches in the wooden toilet seat.

Electric Blue said...

Thanks for the belly laughs. The grocery store conversations are so classic.

Emm said...

It's so hilarious, so much truth to it all. Awesome!!!!

Kristen said...

Fantastic.

I wonder what it means that the friend who posted this did so shortly after us meeting for breakfast...

It WAS his idea to meet.

J.J. said...

I laughed at your type 1 acquaintances as my last blog entry was about a sort of similar thing...

http://dreamsandreality-jj.blogspot.com/2010/09/bit-of-rant-about-hay.html

Off to read some more of your blog now...

Cheers
J.J.

Me, myself and I said...

Hilarious. I find myself in awkward social situations every day. Your drawings are awesome!
Jess

Love is in the Smog said...

OH HOLY CRAP THIS IS AMAZING. "I have to go sit in my house by myself" ... hahahaahahahah.

weisss said...

somebody please draw "alot of soybeans" for us

tenax_technologies said...

That grocery store thing happens to me all the time.

Thanks for being so brilliant, Allie!

software company

Anuja said...

Glad to know I am not the only one who is allergic to this kinda conversational intercourse :) Loved the post

Anonymous said...

I strongly be that this picture is funny but I can .

Anonymous said...

Just wonderful. Thank you. :-D FWIW, I tell potential new acquaintances that I live as a virtual recluse - as soon as possible in the conversation - and intend to keep it that way. ;-)

Felix.

MellJBrown said...

I love this!
it's like you've somehow taken Cyanide and Happiness and made it... better. I didn't think that was possible!

-m xx

MellJBrown said...

p.s. you made me giggle visibly (yet silently. thank gawd) in a public place.

Shannon said...

This is really really good. Please excuse the obviousness of that statement. I'm new at this, a new, new blogger. I discovered your blog on blogs of note. I suppose that's also obvious. I'm going to stop typing now.
Wait, but you're really funny and the psychology of it is brilliant.

Willow Tree said...

Is funny because is true.

Great post!

Paul Williams said...

So funny! Our social rules are such an important part of our communication....so much being said behind and around the actual words we speak! So much room for misinterpretation.

Diana Troldahl said...

Me, I just mutter something about incontinence and head for the hills.

Denise said...

This had me laughing out loud for real. Level 4 reminds me of a recent neighbor who lived right across the courtyard from me. I pretty much looked like that last picture while she lived there.

rin04 said...

LOL i can so relate with the "trap" and the "social terrorism" bit. My best escape from those stuff is "I have a lot of chores to do. maybe some other time." Good thing my friends know that is my clue for "I am not interested. shoo"

alpha male said...

This is a sort of blog we can have loads of information i would like to appreciate the intelligence of this blog's owner

Anonymous said...

I think these situations are totally true. I love the pictures, they're hilarious. I love the craziness of it all.

A Curious Mind said...

I was ambushed by some hilariously pushy sales people once. Seriously, being a guy, my interest in tacky make-up is minimal at best. At worst, I'm somewhat offended.

My tactic initially was to tell these sales reps everything they didn't want to hear and lie through my teeth, which was in this case, that all my female relatives were dead, I was studying overseas from New Zealand and that I had no friends and no family in Australia. They wouldn't take no for an answer. So. In the middle of a shopping centre I politely asked them to hold the makeup they'd forced into my hands.... Then ran screaming from them as loudly as I could. Worked well. Cause on the way out, they didn't ask me again.

^_^

Keep up the good work.

NJ said...

Enjoyed your post as well....The Grocery Store is the worst place to encounter someone you really don't want to talk to. Especially when the grocery store is small.

Anonymous said...

I lost the game...

Anonymous said...

HAHA YOU SO FAWNY.

- dr buff

Anonymous said...

I have never read anything that was as true and as funny as this entry. Fab-tastic!! Incredible!! I must go read it again!

Anonymous said...

Excellent.

Jamie Michele said...

We adore you, and you don't have to be perfect every time. But this time you totally were.

Please never stop.

Anonymous said...

Friend directed to your comic. Fabu.

hablame en español sino no te entiendo said...

buen blogg unque no entienda mucho
pasa por el mio

«Oldest ‹Older   601 – 745 of 745   Newer› Newest»