This comic was inspired by an experience I had a few night ago. I was pulling into the parking lot of Safeway when I saw one of those gratuitously bright shooting stars. I tried to think of a really good wish, but the shooting star had surprised me and I didn't really have any good wishes on deck, so I wished for the first semi-intelligible thing that came to mind: for the rest of my life to be totally awesome.
As soon as that ham-fisted jumble of words left my mouth, I immediately started thinking of all the ways my wish could backfire and how the phrase "I wish that the rest of my life is totally awesome" could be misinterpreted and taken out of context and turned around to cause me great misery. I silently berated myself for not choosing my words more carefully. I could have used this opportunity to secure a bright and wonderful future for myself, but no, I was stupid and just blurted out the first dumb thing to barge into my head and I'd wasted my wish and possibly also earned myself an untimely death or a crippling brain injury.
Then I realized that I was sitting in a Safeway parking lot, consumed by anxiety over whether some fictional being that grants wishes was going to screw me out of my wish through a technical loophole involving death, brain damage or prolonged unconsciousness.
It made me feel slightly uncomfortable that I'm the person making all the decisions about my life.
Anyway, I'm sometimes reluctant to post short comics, but I should probably get over that because I love to draw them and it gives you guys something to read while I'm working on the longer comics. Oh, and you may have noticed that I changed my banner, sidebar and buttons. At first I just wanted to mess with the post column width so that three-panel comics like this one would fit, but I got carried away.
365 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 365 of 365Good to know I'm not the only person with this affliction.
That was fantastic! I word my wishes like I have a legal team advising me, with footnotes for my definitions for certain words. I am so messed up in the head....
So, so glad I am not the only one who does this!
Speaking of totally awesome, so is your new banner.
End of memo
don't feel hesitant to post short things. It's summer so I had no life and read all of your blogs like in order over the course of like 3 days and honestly, it was better before. BUT DON'T TAKE THAT PERSONALLY, LOL. Your blog is still really good and I love these new long and funny comics, but I also rthought it was really fun to read random discussions you and boyfriend had and hearing about weird parts of your day! I just liked it better when there used to be 25 random and slightly stupid but at the same time entertaining blog posts a month instead of the 2-4 long and funny comics you got going now
that's just my opinion :)
1. I love the header but the screen is too wide.
2. More short comics! Many short comics! Don't you realise we're in withdrawal whenever you're not posting?
3. This post has no title!
I'm depressed by the fact that I've still never ACTUALLY seen a shooting star. I always miss them, even when I'm in the middle of nowhere in Maine, standing in a clearing staring at a perfectly clear sky.
I love knowing that there are kindred spirits out there who have the same convoluted thought process that I do. Reading your writing/comics makes me so happy, it's impossible to express it fully in words.
THIS. ME TOO. Stupid sneaky wish genie.
Your work is totally awesome. I'm sending readers your way, from my blog to yours.
Keep doing things like this and the rest of you're life will easily be totally awesome - just because!
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7k3kmVPS41qzrlhgo1_r3_500.png
I thought you might enjoy that
I do that too! I over-think things all the time, but you make it funny. Great post.
Your life is already totally awesome. Just like you :)
I've never in my life seen a shooting star. I should really do something about that.
Lol this made me laugh so hard I nearly fell off my chair. It sounds like something I would do as well which is kind of scary lol.
My hero.
Fear the Wish Genie.
I just spent the past two days going through every single one of your blog posts and am going to cry myself to sleep tonight because there aren't any more for me to read. You're hilarious!
Love it. I am always amazed at how much emotion you can get with paint. Yes please more short comics.
Your new header is great! I don't understand why so many bloggers think their header should be something dark and mysterious even if they're not. It's a conundrum.
Hahah. This is great. The older we get, the more weary we are of our wishes and the more specific we want them to be.
"Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it."
=D the pessimist in me can't help but make something as innocent and simple as making a wish into something complicated that ends up making me paranoid and giving me a headache.
the only problem with your new design is that I can't see it on my iPad :( luckily I have a PC though too so that I could read this amusingly sweet post :D Please keep doing little comics as well as long ones!
I like the new topper thingy--always happy to see the dog! I wuv him. And I hate people who use baby talk, but he's so damn cute.
Helmi
but why is the sun (in the header) frowning? I like the sun that happily burns you to death in the sneaky hate spiral post!
Helmi
[this is good]
Love, love, LOVE this one! I've done the exact same thing too many times to count :) Thanks for being a rockstar, and I hope the rest of your very long life is totally awesome - in an objective kind of way!
This is awesome. You have an insane ability to take the retarded things we're all ashamed to admit we do/go through and make it hilarious. Can I keep you, Allie?
I was linked to your blog yesterday, wasted the vast majority of my day away in perfect procrastination form and want to thank you for making me laugh. One of the best finds for a blog in a very long time!!
This is waaaaaaaay down the commentstream, but if its any consolation and you actually read it - your issue in the Safeway parking lot is actually a perennial concern of humankind: Universality win!! The Greeks had all kinds of scary stories about people getting screwed over by their wishes. Here's a particularly sad one rendered in beautiful Victorian-age blank verse by Tennyson: http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/tithonus/
(long and short: mortal Tithonus asked immortal Dawn for eternal life so they could shack up for always; however, he forgot to ask for eternal youth. So now he's insanely old and just wants to die already!)
It made me feel slightly uncomfortable that I'm the person making all the decisions about my life.
And THIS is why I keep coming back for more. You're brilliant!!!!!
Haha... I love this! Partly because that's totally how I think and then I'm like, "Oh wait. The wish thing isn't real. Stop giving yourself an ulcer."
Also, love the new banners and stuff! Puh-leez keep writing these short comics because I love them and it holds me over until your next long post. :)
OMG, you took the words right out of my mouth! Too funny
I think the short ones are really cute!
OMG! LMAO, that sounds like me. I always bargain, like "Please make my stomachache go away. But not because I have it coming out of both ends for an hour and that's why"
TMI? Ok, thought so.
I'm a new follower!
You're a nut. A lovable nut.
Also? You need to put the post about Phineas the unicorn in your 'best of' column. I have grown to love Phineas as if he were my own. And when I tell people about your blog (and I DO!), that's the post I always talk about.
Everytime I read your blog it makes me realize how similar we all are (although you have a very unique gift in expressing this with your pictures!)...try this: pray, but give your full name, address, and which galaxy you're in...you can even get a little more specific and say Virgo Subcluster (where the Milky Way is) if you want to get all Star Trek geeky. I figure this helps narrow things down a bit. :)
I pick my feet up going over RR tracks to make a wish and get upset if I go back over the same set because I feel like they will cancel themselves out. I too am a firm believer in well-framed wishes and as an attorney, have finally come up with a caveat to each one that I hope is enough, although still gives me stress, for the proverbial all-powerful wish-granter out there "AND YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN! AND DON'T MEAN FOR THAT MATTER!"
Look on the bright side of misinterpretation -- the "rest" of your life being totally awesome might mean that you have fantastic REM cycles and never achieve anything less than a glorious night's sleep.
I occasionally feel the need to pop a couple Advil PM to sleep soundly and make sure that burglars and stranglers at least don't wake me at 3am while they are burgling my house/strangling me. If you are like me, this misconstrued wish for peaceful slumber could actually be a blessing! :)
The part that clinched the funniness for me was the line about being careful in case the wish genie is, well, obnoxious. Works like that in DnD, too. Anybody who has played in one of my hubby's campaigns has learned to be careful about phrasing of wishes, because he will mess with them and find loopholes to exploit. Scary how amusing I find this.
Ever since I read this one short story called Monkey's Paw, I feel the need to explain my wishes like this. The old man in the story wishes for 200 pounds (the currency, not the actual weight), and he later receives it from the company his son works for as compensation for his son's gruesome on-the-job death. Whoops.
Monkeys are creepy in general. I wouldn't wish using a a monkey's paw.
I like the short comics! Really, I like most any of the comics you do. :)
Ever since I read this one short story called Monkey's Paw, I feel the need to explain my wishes like this. The old man in the story wishes for 200 pounds (the currency, not the actual weight), and he later receives it from the company his son works for as compensation for his son's gruesome on-the-job death. Whoops.
Monkeys are creepy in general. I wouldn't wish using a a monkey's paw.
I like the short comics! Really, I like most any of the comics you do. :)
When I was a kid I read a book called something like "Friendly Neighborhood Witch" about how there's usually a witch in your neighborhood who can grant wishes--BUT you have to give her something of value first AND you had to watch your wording. So, for example, a boy loved his dog and wished that his dog could talk to him. He gave the witch his brand new wrist watch so she'd grant the wish--and then she made his dog only speak French. Each chapter was something like this where a kid was thrilled to get a wish come true only to have some terrible flaw, like a lawyer twisting your words around.
So I also learned early to be extremely careful with words and wishes. Maybe what we need are Wish Lawyers whose job it is to look at the contract carefully to make sure you haven't left some horrible loophole in your wish.
I think about stuff like this WAY too much, which is why I not only love your blog but I relate to them as well. Thanks.
I can't believe it's taken me *this* long to find your blog. I feel like I should have known about it much sooner (like years ago) and I'm having a lot of residual Catholic guilt over not realizing you exist. However, I'm getting over it now by obsessively reading all your blogs and laughing uncontrollably (through most of them - obviously your more serious ones don't elicit laughter from me because that would make me cold hearted and mean. And I'm an emotionless robot most of the time, but that's still different than being cold hearted and mean), usually while at work, which means my boss can probably figure out that I'm not really working as nothing about gov't contracting is funny. But I digress.
And I'm glad I'm not the only one that gets very, very, very specific about spontaneous wishes.
I think if I were in a coma my life wouldn't be awesome, so I'm pretty sure you're safe there. Having something really awesome happen and dying shortly thereafter... yeah, I could see that. Coma? No.
Lol, I was just having this conversation on Gravity just the other day:
"When I think about it, the three wishes I posted, above, are the ones I'd wish for if I took my time and really considered what I wanted. In reality, once I got over the shock of finding out that genies were real, I'd probably be that overwhelmed and excitable that I'd end up wishing for stupid things, like, ooh I dunno (it's hard to think overwhelmed and excitable when you're not!), that I could speak to birds (probably just to find out they like shouting about worms a lot), or I'd get the genie that twisted your wishes so that I'd wish for everyone not to be hungry and the genie would comply by killing everyone (genie says "well, they can't be hungry if they're dead, you have to be more specific with you wishes, it's not my fault if you don't think about what you're saying")!"
I checked and my sense of time is somewhat strained since it turned out to have been a week ago, which is stetching "the other day" a bit!
You are hilarous! I laugh out loud every time I read your posts. Thank you for that!
By the way Allie - when will there be more Spaghatta Nadle? It's been months and no sign of any more Nadle. It's just not good enough! Maybe I should start a petition at one of those petition sites and I could get all the Hyperbole readers to sign it or something!
More Spaghatta Nadle is required!
Love the banner and layout.
It made me feel slightly uncomfortable that I'm the person making all of the decisions in my life.
You're not the only one ;-)
Yes, I do this all too often, but even if there isn't a shooting star involved. One simple wish or longing that crosses my mental path and I start over analyzing how the universe could screw me over and so I grow more and more specific and tend to not stop until I am satisfied that I have covered all loopholes. I am glad to see that I am not the only one who puts themselves through the unecessary anxiety of wishing.
Yes, I do this all too often, but even if there isn't a shooting star involved. One simple wish or longing that crosses my mental path and I start over analyzing how the universe could screw me over and so I grow more and more specific and tend to not stop until I am satisfied that I have covered all loopholes. I am glad to see that I am not the only one who puts themselves through the unecessary anxiety of wishing.
I love the comic and I always do that too!! I love the new look on the website too but I miss the nadle peeking around- he's my favorite!!
Fantastic blog!
Dear Allie,
You inspire me. I read your blog religiously. Continue to get carried away because when you get carried away...you get carried away.
It's like a new-born baby, but not.
(:
I can't even say things like, "This day couldn't possibly get any worse," or "Don't worry about the crazy homeless guy down the street...he's harmless," because something out there always has to prove me wrong. I really don't know what it has against me; maybe I cut it off in traffic or something.
Well thank goodness you posted this. I have always feared I am the only person in the world to worry about the perfect wish and having to add all sorts of addendums to make sure the wish won't go bad. Yeah! Normalville - population- ME!
Any wish could be twisted into a king Midas kind of situation. You could have turned into some kind of creature that absords awesomeness from other people, thus being a Godlike collective of awesome. You would eventually be the only remaining person on the planet with an awesome life, therefore creating a reality in which your only friends are the shriveled, devoid-of-awesome husks of human beings.
Sometimes I worry that if I make too many selfish wishes, the wish genie will hate me and start being mean and literal about them. That's why I throw in some wishes for world peace and stuff every once in a while. You know, just to even it out a little.
Shhhh! (Paige, Hyphen, Alice Ambrosia, Anonymous, B-Fab, Mindy, Jenni, JenDay, Christine.... and all the rest of you -- you know who you are) Did you know that stalking the Rarus Creativus is a delicate process, and any mention of impatience (i.e. demands for more) will spook it? Multiple mentions create an exponential effect, so stop scaring it off and wait patiently -- otherwise, the wait will be longer than ever!
:C You are never going to answer us in any way, apparently.
Post them ALL, we deserve it! please?
"Then I realized that I was sitting in a Safeway parking lot, consumed by anxiety over whether some fictional being that grants wishes was going to screw me out of my wish through a technical loophole involving death, brain damage or prolonged unconsciousness."
HAHAHAHAHA, !! I love you, and every update you make - short or long. You make me laugh ALL the time. I can even re-read your older posts and still laugh my butt off. :D
but...but..you left the purple stripe out of your rainbow on your banner. purple is the best color in the world! :(
sincerely,
ali
(al(l)i(e)'s are the coolest.)
I ALWAYS assume the wish genie is a lawyer, and that the wish I am making is a binding contract. You can never be too careful with such things. But now you've told us your wish, so it's pretty certain that it won't come true. Sorry.
Shooting star?! Lucky.
I've never seen one.
I always think like that.
Like
"wait they could..." blah blah blah.
And it's about time you posted something!
I love how I can relate to all of your posts. That's what makes it funny. :D
I wish this comic was available as a poster. That would be awesome.
You are the bestest drawer evah. I missed checking out your blog.
This is my new favorite line-
It made me feel slightly uncomfortable that I'm the person making all the decisions about my life.
I feel the same way.
but wait...awesome can't be objective! =O
Agreeeeeeeee!!! I hate dick Genies! One of those Choose-your-adventure Goosebumps books taught me the importance of first wish being either for infinite wishes, then wishing to never make a bad wish, then go on with wishes that you could easily undo.
I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only one who is overly suspicious of wish-granting to the point where I'm almost frightened of making wishes!
Love your new banner! Mostly because i love Dog and Alot but now spaghatta nadle is not in the banner! sad.
Me and my girlfriend went to watch a meteor shower the other week, think of the destruction that could be caused by having the opportunity to make 5 shooting star assisted wishes in one night! I just settled for wishing that I would see another shooting star soon...
Loving the new header and sidebar drawings (not that the previous stuff wasn't awesome as well) :)
Totally dig the new Best Of thumbnails.
Have you ever seen A Very Potter Musical?
Allie
I have successfully read every one of your posts.
I think that I have a non-sexual girl crush on you.
You are hilarious. I love reading your blog.
Celeste
I started "following" your blog in the hopes that you will start posting more. I've read all your old posts and am now getting withdraw symptoms from the lack of new posts to read. Please help me!
Celeste
I "found" your blog last week, through a link of a link of a link that started out from somebody at work...
The first blog of yours that I read was the bicycle story....and I was hooked from there out.
I was having a very hard time pretending to work last week because I don't usually LOL at work - cuz my work is lame and it sucks and it isn't funny.....
But luckily last week was VERY quiet and the bosses were out of town.
So I of course had to share your stories with my other co-workers, and pretty soon we were all trying not to LOL...
Anyway...I ramble...sorry....
Since work is still pretty dead, I decided to go back to the beginning and I just finished all your blog entries (the ones that would open anyway - there's a few that won't - bummer!).
Thanks for the great entertainment...I am so looking forward to reading more from you!
Mindirella
YOU ARE HILARIOUS! keep it up!
"And then the little white guy developed a severe case of insomnia and an immunity to all narcotics, sleep meds, and anesthesia. But otherwise his life was objectively awesome, but the lack of sleep made him sad anyway."
The end.
Hahaha! It's true. I remember a Goosebumps book about the unintended consequences of wishing things.
The best thing about the new banner is that the bear looks to be ready to rip cartoon Allie in half while she happily and obliviously types away!
I used to have this same problem. And it came up quite often because I have all these superstitious little rituals that someone once mentioned to me when I was a kid and have somehow gotten lodged in my brain because it's better to be safe than sorry, right? So now every time I go over a railroad track, pass a cemetery, ride through a yellow light, etc., I have to make a wish. And every time, I'd be like, "wait! that phrasing could be misinterpreted! I was articulating as if I was talking to the genie from Aladdin, but maybe the wish-granting deity is more like the monkey's paw from the W.W. Jacobs story!"
So then I started just doing visualization wishes, where I imagine the outcome of the wish I would make, in all necessary detail, so the wish genie can't sneak anything nasty in. Then I worry that maybe it doesn't count if you don't say it out loud. But if you say it out loud, there could be a time limit - how much detail can I verbalize in the mere seconds it takes for a shooting star to appear and then disappear? What if only the first half of the statement gets heard? What if you say "I wish to succeed in all things I attempt," but all the wish genie hears is "I wish to suck"? Is it worth the risk??
I'm 26 and I'm still grappling with these dilemmas, lol.
I LOVE the facelift you gave your page :D
Great, as always!
I just discovered your blog on Saturday from someone in the Etsy forums. Since I was in bed from a migraine (made worse by movement) I spent the rest of the weekend reading your blog. I finished it (backwards, of course) today.
Awesome. And extra points for being a super fan of the Guide. Its my fave too (and the reason I am married to my husband)
I do that too, make some vague wish and then go back and try to clarify afterwards. And I always wonder if I've just screwed myself. For awhile there in college I used to memorize what my wish would be so I wouldn't screw it up if/when the opportunity arose, but then life got in the way. SO now I'm back to making vague wishes and hoping I don't screw myself.
I do that too, make some vague wish and then go back and try to clarify afterwards. And I always wonder if I've just screwed myself. For awhile there in college I used to memorize what my wish would be so I wouldn't screw it up if/when the opportunity arose, but then life got in the way. SO now I'm back to making vague wishes and hoping I don't screw myself.
I LOVE that you always get carried away. Keep up the good work. And, ya, you're not the only one sitting in the preverbal Safeway of life worrying about wish genies having it in for you. I'm just sayin'. Alot of us do that. Ya. ;o)
(The last sentence was just for you!)
Just saw your shout out on the oatmeal. That was awesome. You draw good.
Love it Allie! I had the same experience during the meteor shower a few weeks ago and found myself using each new shooting star to add caveats to my original, also hasty, wish.
The new tweaks on the site look great! love the new banner too!
I'm a good fan! I noticed the change in banner and side thing!
Oh, and I have never seen a shooting star. So I've never been able to make a wish. D:
I most likely would have added on to that wish since my life is one shit-show after another (take the stripper bus debauchery), i would have added "......and if you intend to give me a coma or slight retardation, I would greatly appreciate hallucinations of rainbow unicorns, alan rickman, and dreams of sweet, sweet revenge (especially to to those who greatly enjoy the movie phantom of the opera soundtrack). that would be great wish genie!"
Allie, I absolutely absolutely adore you!
I'm a new reader and thanks to you, I've been completely unproductive for the last four days.
Loved the short comic... My favourite post is the responsible adult one. In fact I'm wearing a sweatshirt right now which says 'cleverly disguised as a responsible adult'.
Keep them coming! You make my day so unproductive. I love you!
I'm glad other people have brought up "The Monkey's Paw" because that's what this reminds me of. That story taught me that when you make wishes, you really should hire a lawyer to phrase it make sure there are no loopholes.
I'm so glad I'm not the only person who is secretly terrified that wishes might backfire.
Love reading your blog by the way. It makes me smile, and have inspired me to start drawing sillies again. :D
HAAAA LOLLLLOLL
NICE
You are amazing. I love the short comic!!
I found this blog over the course of this week. It's my last week off work so I'm wasting it staying in bed reading blogs and travelling over an hour away to visit something that turns out to be shut then travelling further in order to find the pub I now require and eventually travelling back home in the pissing rain whilst my ears are tortured by a Take That CD belonging to my companion on repeat. I'm seriously reassessing how important this person's friendship is to me. Anyway, the point is.. I was wasting my time this week but came across something I really liked - your blog. :) Keep it up.
I don't know what you did differently, but your website freezes up my browser now. :-(
I think your wish genie and my fate fairy might be related...!
I blame it on the movie Bedazzeled where the female devil tricks Brendan Fraser on all his wishes.. now I can't wish. Damn her.
Awesome comic and great post. I love the various stories out there where a wish granter takes advantage of ambiguous speech to turn our greatest desires into utter disasters. :)
This is hawt. I want to stick my dick in it.
-Alan Haburchak-
I've had this feeling myself... driving through tunnels, eating the first bite of cake, blowing out candles, putting a ring on a candle, when the clasp reaches the charm of a necklace (yeah, my family has come up with a lot of ways to make wishes).
Sometimes I wonder if all of my childhood wishes are coming true and biting me in the ass!
At any rate, I love your comic, I can't wait to see more, and I hope you keep posting and keep us all entertained! Your short comics are great! I don't seem to care what you've posted, just seeing "Hyperbole and a Half" in bold on my RSS feed makes me smile.
Thanks for brightening my day!
Dearest Allie. Never worry about not wording your wishes right. I've been through that. It used to drive me nuts. Just like the other 9837402983745 trillions of people on here.
If you misword (does this word even exist? Or is it a miswordation?) a wish, you can always get back at the fairy with a deal. I'll give you an example: "If the traffic-lights are still green when I reach the crossing WITHOUT walking faster, then (insert most pressing wish) will be granted/work out etc." Or: "If I can hold my breath for 4 minutes, worldpeace will ensue.[I can't hold my breath that long but I'm working on it, folks, won't be long now.]"
NB: the most outlandish or fiendishly difficult gambles get the best results.
Have enjoyed the things well.
home jobs
I love the new layout and banner!
Also, wish genies are ALWAYS dicks, so you are wise to try to cover your ass. XD
Something learned early on in gaming...a wish is a horrible thing. We all fear the monkey paw.
No worries Allie; You are already Awesome!
Holy crap. This post is seriously my life. And it's not one of those, "OHMYGOD WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON LOLZ" this is really like, "If I was not reading this on someone else's blog I would think I'd have written this." So congratulations, we're very much alike! Have a Wonka Bar, which is delicious.
The Wish Giver is a children's book about this very thing. Man, that story scared the bejeesus out of me when I was little.
Fairy story junkies would say that you were very, very wise...
The best part is that you're worried about the wish genie being a total dick, whilest your cartoon self kinda resembles a dick! I don't know if it's on purpose, but it made the last hour of my day on a Friday much funnier!!
The new layout is awesome in the way that I didn't notice it at all until you mentioned it but now that you have, it's like a little bit of heaven on the web, a piece of paradise piercing my retinas--and I'm sorry wishes are so troubling for you. I might recommend some breathing exercises.
LOLLL HAHAHAAAA :D :D
I'm SO going to do that when I see my first shooting star!!
-Ipsita
Whenever I see a shooting star I wish for others to be happy...mainly because then I secretly think the wish geenie will just assume I'm a very selfless person and give me more happiness for it.
New layout rocks. Also, it scares me how there are other people out there like me....
I always do that -- though once I wished that I wouldn't have to go to school in the fourth grade. I broke my foot the next day. KARMA!
PS: I just wanted you to know that there's a rapey old hut in the woods behind my house. I named it the Creepy Meth Shack in honor of you. You're welcome. :D
It made me feel slightly uncomfortable that I'm the person making all the decisions about my life.
Lovin that line!
Lol, I remember thinking that once, but not with a shooting star, a wishbone. It doesn't matter, the dick genie will get you no matter how specific you get.
Loopholes... loopholes....
Wow, Allie, I've spent an undue amount of time trying to decide what would be the best things to wish that wouldn't have the chance of back-firing too.
The best I could come up with is something like: "I wish I had perfect teeth. And I mean that they were my own teeth, not like someone else's perfect-but-used teeth. You know, for my own teeth, that are already in my mouth, to suddenly *transform* into teeth that are prefect."
I often consider making a wish after seeing a falling star... but mostly I just let it go to waste because just thinking about all the red tape that comes w/ those things is exhausting.
Lmao...that's just awesome xD
I do this all the time too. Ever since that movie with Brendan Frasier and Really Hot British Chick That Is Still Hot But Not Nearly As Much As She Was In That Movie, I can't help but make a wish that has absolutely no loopholes.
If something catches me by surprise though, I have a backup wish. And trust me, this works and there is NO loophole for it...
"I wish for a pizza."
At some point in your life, from now until your death, you WILL have a pizza. If you buy a pizza slice 6 - 8 times (depending on the size of the pizza), you will have an entire pizza. Technically, your wish comes true.
Also, I have this superstition that if your wish is longer than 8 - 10 seconds long, the wish either gets ignored or only the first part of the wish is "heard". So if I have a long wish, I blurt it out so fast that if there was a wishing genie, he probably didn't hear me anyways.
I figured out at a young age that wishing for things like a million dollar is stupid, because over time, you will have earned, in total (factoring in inflation as well), much more than that--you just don't have it all at once. If you wish for things like winning the lottery, you will win $5 on a $2 scratch ticket. Happiness is a terrible thing to wish for, because you could find a quarter on the ground and have a moment of happiness, and bam. That's it. Your life will suck from that moment on, until you wish on another shooting star/eyelash/four leaf clover/11:11/rabbit's foot for happiness again. It's like a wishing addiction: if you stop wishing for happiness, you will NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN.
So please, wish for pizzas.
Nice blog. I really liked it.
Love it, I do that all the time too. Been following your blog for a few weeks now. You're humor has saved me from a monotonous humdrum of sitting in a cubicle 5 days a week doing practically nothing at all (if I didn't get paid to do nothing I would so be doing something else.) Thanks for helping keep me sane!
I just realized that I do this when I pray -- get very, very specific just in case God decides to interpret things very, very literally. Essentially, I am assuming that God, rather than the Wish Genie, is a total dick. Roasting in Purgatory for extra years for sure. :/ Thanks for bringing THAT to my attention!
I'm a big animal rights person so I posted your dumb dog blog and almost ALL of my friends loved it. I hope they all then became fans. I also posted your "Why I'll Never Be an Adult Post" on a friend's wall, but she's like really adult now instead of being crippled by life with me. She was complaining she was, but she just got into Colombia and was working all over LA as a comedian/actress before that. And I have a lot of pictures of my cats.
Anyway, the point is-- I am a fan. Also, I think we all learned how harmful wishes can be at an early age-- King Midas, genies, super villains. This is how I used to pray. I read the Old Testament, I was no fool. I think this careful way of wishing is just proof of amazing critical thinking skills.
Haha it's those moments that are truly priceless.
And of course aNy story with shooting start are awesome.
~VV~
I do this too!! I told my friends recently, and they teased me... "What, do you think it's an EVIL genie granting your wishes!?" I also live in a rented house with a scary basement and little to no heat. I am scared of going to the bank for fear of being arrested for over drafting. And I have been driven to tears of madness at Denver International Airport by that DAMN WOMAN who is WAY to chipper about the moving walkway coming to an end. I think you might be my long lost twin. Please keep writing, I live for your updates!! You are a great writer, and you have brightened many people's day. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You are so funny! You make me laugh until I cry! You have sparkling comedy magic brains! I am going to donate right this second because you deserve it! I love you! I share you with all my Facebook friends!!! Thank you for existing!! Yay!!!!!!!
I'm so glad this blog is in existence. Period. It brings warmth and laughter to my days that otherwise would be a cold pit of doom.
Oh my god, you are ME
I love your blog. I'm so glad I finally figured out how to follow you so that I'll get updates when you post.
You are a modern 21st century philosopher. Srly. "It made me feel slightly uncomfortable that I'm the person making all the decisions about my life". Yup. Exact reason why I don't have the guts to call myself an atheist. Just a lot easier to be agnostic and rely on some more powerful being for my life (and also some convenient force to blame on in case my life turns out to suck completely...)
I had the same problem once. I once thought that if I met a genie, I should wish for a billion dollars, but then I realized that if I was stuck in a lamp for a few millennia, I would be understandable pissed and fuck with the first person to let me out.
So I came out with anti-wishes like, "What if I get that billion dollars because my mom died?" or "What if the billion dollars suddenly appears on a pallet above my head and crushes me to death?". Then I thought, "Fuck it, I'll just wish for infinite wishes..." and quickly realized the genie could just put me in an infinite loop where I make the same wish over and over again.
Then I got scared, curled into the fetal position, and wished I didn't have to make any wishes.
Dear Allie,
I find your blog amusing and hilarious, however, It has recently come to my attention that in several posts you have referred to the song "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey as The midnight Train. This distresses me, as you have incorrectly named this amazing song. If you continue to make this mistake, I will be forced to do something drastic.
With all my love,
Frank
I do the same thing! I either try to make absolutely certain that it's all specific with no loopholes, or I try to cheat and make an intricate wish that is more like three wishes rolled into one.
Nothing has specifically worked in my favor, but at least I haven't been mauled by a bear or stepped on by a gorilla or something awful that could come from a wish that backfired. I count that as a win.
A young man, shipwrecked on a small, deserted island, found an old oil lamp sticking out of the sand. He picked it up, and looked at it, thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool if there were a Genie in here?" He knew that Genies did not exist, but figured he had nothing to lose, so he dutifully polished the lamp.
To his amazement, an enormous Genie emerged from the lamp in a cloud of smoke. The Genie announced, "Thank you for freeing me from the lamp. In accord with the customs and principles of my profession, you are entitled to precisely three wishes. Wishes will be granted in accord with the laws of the State of California, and any claims, disputes, or disagreements relating to the wishes shall be resolved by binding arbitration applying California laws."
"That's weird," said the man, "I never thought a Genie would sound so much like a lawyer."
"But I am a lawyer," replied the Genie, "I am both a lawyer and a Genie. You should be aware that, for every wish you make, I will not only grant your wish but will grant every attorney in the world double what you wish for."
The man didn't care much for attorneys, and he wasn't sure what to make of the Genie, but what was the worst that could happen? He decided to take the Genie's offer, and make his wishes.
"I wish for fifty million dollars," he said. As money poured down around him, the Genie reminded him that every attorney in the world had just received one hundred million dollars.
"My second wish is for a luxurious mansion, more stunning than Versailles, fully staffed and furnished with fine antiques." The ground rumbled, and a mansion slowly rose from the earth. It was astonishingly beautiful. A butler approached him with a tray of fine food. He ate hungrily, thinking, "It really can't get any better than this."
But then the Genie reminded him, "Every attorney in the world just received a mansion twice as nice as this one."
The man thought carefully about his last wish. He appreciated what the Genie had done for him, but it burned him to think that the attorney who had botched his divorce case had fared even better. And there was the attorney who had stolen from his mother's estate. And wasn't the President an attorney? The man shuddered, realizing what people like that could do with this kind of wealth and the power it could bring. And it was then that he made his final wish.
"I really want to give something back to society," the man said. "I wish to donate one of my kidneys for transplant."
A young man, shipwrecked on a small, deserted island, found an old oil lamp sticking out of the sand. He picked it up, and looked at it, thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool if there were a Genie in here?" He knew that Genies did not exist, but figured he had nothing to lose, so he dutifully polished the lamp.
To his amazement, an enormous Genie emerged from the lamp in a cloud of smoke. The Genie announced, "Thank you for freeing me from the lamp. In accord with the customs and principles of my profession, you are entitled to precisely three wishes. Wishes will be granted in accord with the laws of the State of California, and any claims, disputes, or disagreements relating to the wishes shall be resolved by binding arbitration applying California laws."
"That's weird," said the man, "I never thought a Genie would sound so much like a lawyer."
"But I am a lawyer," replied the Genie, "I am both a lawyer and a Genie. You should be aware that, for every wish you make, I will not only grant your wish but will grant every attorney in the world double what you wish for."
The man didn't care much for attorneys, and he wasn't sure what to make of the Genie, but what was the worst that could happen? He decided to take the Genie's offer, and make his wishes.
"I wish for fifty million dollars," he said. As money poured down around him, the Genie reminded him that every attorney in the world had just received one hundred million dollars.
"My second wish is for a luxurious mansion, more stunning than Versailles, fully staffed and furnished with fine antiques." The ground rumbled, and a mansion slowly rose from the earth. It was astonishingly beautiful. A butler approached him with a tray of fine food. He ate hungrily, thinking, "It really can't get any better than this."
But then the Genie reminded him, "Every attorney in the world just received a mansion twice as nice as this one."
The man thought carefully about his last wish. He appreciated what the Genie had done for him, but it burned him to think that the attorney who had botched his divorce case had fared even better. And there was the attorney who had stolen from his mother's estate. And wasn't the President an attorney? The man shuddered, realizing what people like that could do with this kind of wealth and the power it could bring. And it was then that he made his final wish.
"I really want to give something back to society," the man said. "I wish to donate one of my kidneys for transplant."
Congratulations on the Internet Fandom you have craved for. As your Mentor, I am pleased to see that in my absence my advice has raised you to the lower pinnacles of the Blogosphere. Like a polished turd sparkling in a sewage tank, your blog has been noticed.
One other piece of advice, as I am here to help is perhaps it would be better to learn to write descriptive prose, rather than depend on crude pictures obviously drawn by a blind 5 year-old with access to MS Paint.
Great post Allie
ijusthadtodoit.blogspot.com
When i saw this t-shirt on Threadless, I expected to see you on it! Under the dinosaur!
http://www.threadless.com/product/2440/AWESOMENESS
Post more comics! Short comics by Allie rock! They might even roll too, but a full assessment is still pending...
When I was a kid I planned out exactly what my three wishes would be if I ever had three wishes.
1. I would always have as much money as I needed.
2. I would always be in perfect health.
3. I wouldn't remember making these wishes.
I reasoned that if I lived my life knowing I had used magic to obtain something, I'd always wonder if I shouldn't have wished another way.
And if I knew I would always have money and always be healthy, life would be kinda boring.
So, in case you couldn't tell, I've thought WAY too hard about this. You're not alone.
No need to worry. You just avoided the idea of your wish coming true by telling us what you wished for. Crisis filled technicalities averted :)
I would like to think I'm super creepy, but I have ZERO capabilities.
But I totally relate (almost spelled retaliate) (which would be weird)
Everynight when I wish for things because I can't pray I have to put a white light aroung EVERYTHING in case the fucking wish genie thinks he can make me rich by killing everyone around me which is NOT what I mean to happen.
At all.
If there are typos it is all their fault.
I wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
I wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
I wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
I wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
I wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
I wish for things all the time! One time, I wished for my brother(s) to come with mute-buttons and it never happened. And then I probably wasted a squinbajillion trillion wishes on ponies... then recently, I wished for my current celebrity crush to bump into me on the road and then go blind and then fall in love with me. You see, if he's blind, he won't see my shortness/boobieless-ness and he'll love me, instead of all the other sexy models he dates. I hate you, wish-regulating people. You always get my hopes up.
Apologies if some already posted these:
OPen source wish project:http://www.homeonthestrange.com/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=4
Inspired by this comic (part one posted, goes for a few more days after):
http://www.homeonthestrange.com/view.php?ID=47
I just finished reading every single post you've posted and so I thought I'd commemorate with a comment (never commented before). I love you and your blog of course. I know you hear that a lot and I know you don't tire of it.
Just wondering if you realized you eliminated the dates for all your posts? Slightly annoying. Though maybe you're doing it on purpose because you don't want us to know if you write inconsistently? It's okay... we all do it!
Love,
Carley.
I want to see another one allie...more funny please!
Where are you, young lady? I would like to giggle riotously, if such a combination of laughing style and forcefulness exists!
THAT is exactly why I gave up on wishes, Except that in my version, the magic genie/star/norse god was just incompetant, sorta like that cartoon
I do this too! Also, instead of a wish for myself (to kiss the ass of the shooting-start wish genie), I wish that the star/wish genie has a great night.
Thank you so much for posting this. I just recently started college and have encountered pretty much all of these horrible situations. I've felt so desperate, awkward and uncomfortable, and your post really brings a tear to my eye.... A tear of joy and commiseration. So thank you, yet again, for brightening up an otherwise dismal night.
haha this is my thought process after I smoke too much wee....nevermind.
Statistics indicate that someone has prooooobably told you already, but HEY DID YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIKE A CELEBRITY IN SWEDEN
http://existenz.se/out.php?id=27011
Really I think they are all set to elect you king.
I got obsessed with doing this as a teenager. I had huge anxiety over it!
XD...as my wife would say I'm totally social inappropriate anyway. I have no issue just walking away from a conversation that I no longer want any part of. The only time I have an issue is when I'm not allowed to be myself (anytime I'm with my wife's friends or family). Then I have to worry about embarrassing here...*sigh* the trials of marriage.
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