Menace

Power is intoxicating. Everyone loves having the ability to make their decisions into reality — to think "this should be something that happens," and then actually be able to make that thing happen. 

It is also dangerous. 

And it is especially dangerous when applied to four-year-olds. 

Four-year-olds lack the experience to wield power responsibly. They have no idea what to do with it or how to control it.


But they like it.


The dinosaur costume was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. The previous Halloween, which was the first Halloween I could actually remember, my parents had dressed me as a giant crayon, and the whole experience had been really uncomfortable for me.


But being a dinosaur felt natural.


And powerful. 


The feeling had been slowly intensifying ever since I put the costume on that morning, and, as I stood there in the middle of the classroom, staring off into the distance in an unresponsive power trance, it finally hit critical mass.

I had to find some way to use it. Any way. Immediately.


The other children screamed and fled. The teacher chased me, yelling at me to stop. But I couldn't stop.  I was a mindless juggernaut, a puppet for forces far greater than myself. I had completely lost control of my body. 


All I knew was that being a dinosaur felt very different from being a person, and I was doing things that I had never even dreamed of doing before.


Of course, I had always had the ability to do these things — even as a person — but I didn't know that. I'd just assumed that I was unable.  As a dinosaur, I didn't have any of those assumptions.  It felt like I could do whatever I wanted without fear of repercussions.


The repercussions were also exactly the same as they were before I became a dinosaur.


I just experienced them differently.


My parents had to come pick me up at noon that day.  The teacher explained that it must have been all the Halloween candy.  "Some kids really can't handle sugar," she said.  "It turns them into little monsters."


I suppose it was a reasonable enough conclusion, but it only served as a distraction from the real problem.


The thing about being an unstoppable force is that you can really only enjoy the experience of being one when you have something to bash yourself against. You need to have things trying to stop you so that you can get a better sense of how fast you are going as you smash through them. And whenever I was inside the dinosaur costume, that is the only thing I wanted to do.


The ban on sugar provided a convenient source of resistance. As long as I was not supposed to eat sugar, I could feel powerful by eating it anyway. 


I'm sure the correlation started to seem rather strong after a while. I'd find some way to get sugar into myself, and then — drunk on the power of doing something I wasn't supposed to —I would lapse into psychotic monster mode. To any reasonable observer, it would appear as though I was indeed having a reaction to the sugar.


My parents were so confused when the terror sprees continued even after the house had been stripped of sugar. They were sure they had gotten rid of all of it. . . did I have a stash somewhere? Was I eating bugs or something?

They still weren't suspicious of the costume.  


I lost weeks in a power-fueled haze. I often found myself inside the costume without even realizing I had put it on. One moment, I would be calmly drawing a picture, and the next I'd be robotically stumbling toward my closet where the dinosaur costume was and putting myself inside it.

It started to happen almost against my will.


Surely my parents made the connection subconsciously long before they became aware of what was really going on. After weeks of chaos, each instance punctuated by the presence of the costume, I have to imagine that the very sight of the thing would have triggered some sort of Pavlovian fear response.


They did figure it out eventually, though.


And the costume was finally taken away from me.


I was infuriated at the injustice of it all. I had become quite dependent on the costume, and it felt like part of my humanity was being forcibly and maliciously stripped away.  I cursed my piddling human powers and their uselessness in the situation. If only I could put on the costume . . .  just one more time.


But that was the costume's only weakness — it couldn't save itself. I had to watch helplessly as it disappeared inside a trash bag. 

There was nothing I could do.


And so my reign of power came to an end, and I slowly learned to live as a person again.





937 comments:

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Gunni Gunnison said...

This was so funny it let me be able to poop again!

thebakergurl said...

Another epic childhood tale. Love it.

subtlepen said...

:(

then we spend years of our lives trying to create another dinosaur costume. hopefully we learn, as I think you did, that it was never about the costume, or the sugar, and all about not being powerless.


{{{hugging you}}}

Anonymous said...

I love the costume and the whole concept of a child wielding their powers whilst inside one and feeling ineffectual when bereft of it.

Kisses,
Tara

The Jen said...

Hee. My kids are going to be dragons (dinos with wings, so far as they can tell) for Halloween. SO far the 2 year old has been sneaking off to try his on. I can't wait to see what my 4 y.o. does once i finish his.

Evelyn Curtis said...

So this is amazing... and also welcome back because your first post bag got the max number of comments so I couldn't comment. ... also I have footie pajamas that make me feel this way too :P

Girus said...

I loved the drawing of the dinosaur in the naughty corner! Hilarious!

benj said...

Glad to see you're back Allie.
Love your work as always ☺

Origami Owl Liz said...

When I saw that you had posted, I suddenly felt that everything was going to be ok in the world. I breathed a sigh of relief; smiled; and started reading.
Oh happy day.
:-)

Anonymous said...

You're back!! I missed you!!!

Anonymous said...

You're wonderful, and this was fabulous as always. Thank you for sharing your awesome with the internet!

Jensey said...

Remembering an earlier post from maybe over a year ago where you are, as an adult, wearing a dino costume and feeling powerful and able to make friends. I love that this power didn't go away when the magical period of childhood ended.

What would happen if you blogged while wearing a dinosaur costume?

Does it have to be a dinosaur, or are there other powerful creatures? Or other influences based on what the other creatures are? I imagine an ALOT costume would make you a bit expansive. A unicorn might make you misunderstood and elusive? Or magical... and elusive? Or would you cease to exist?

So many questions!

Anonymous said...

I think this is why I love Halloween so much the power to really become my costume. It's freeing. So glad to have a new post!

Furree Katt said...

Hahaha! This is absolutely hilarious. And adorable. I love you. Thank you for never failing to make my day (and week.. and month.. and year..)

Luis Hernandez said...

I feel like a junkie that finally got his fix after your writing hiatus!

I can now go into a hyperbole induced coma!

Anonymous said...

You're back! I'm so excited!! :)

Menotyou45 said...

I'm not allowed to wear my TNMT costume or have sugar any more because of something like this..... Except I'm not four. My court case is pending.

Kimberley said...

LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dale said...

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." --Oscar Wilde

JasonLooseArrow said...

You are amazeballs. I wonder if a dinosaur costume would help me get out of my shit.

mel said...

Here i was neglecting myself again and boom here you came to make my wednesday have meaning again.
And i was the opposite, my mom fear the moment she didn't hear me make a noise, because i simply came and trash anything XD

Allen said...

I was a ninja. Brilliant.

Anonymous said...

I suppose now they're going to catch on about my Walter White black porkpie hat. Thanks a lot, Allie.

Alex Boersma said...

I'm in love with everything you blog! I hope you're okay, and if you're not right now, I hope you will be sometime. Keep up the good work.

Greetz from The Netherlands.

Alex

Mode said...

Dude, this is like the Symbiote from spiderman. Amazing.

Also, welcome back!

Jami said...

My parents dressed me up as a crayon tooooooo!!! :D

Anonymous said...

So so so sooooo happy to see you back!

I laughed out loud - a real good laugh - for the first time today reading this. Thank you!

Bekah Walsh said...

Yay! So glad you're back! What a great month for this post - loved it!

Anya said...

I LOVE YOU, ALLIE!! **hugs you and pets you**

Love love loved the story. :D

Zombra said...

I love your art style so much. It's become so sophisticated and expressive without losing any of its simple charm.

Great post. This is fantastic stuff.

And it's really gotten me thinking about what kind of costume to buy for Halloween ...

The Internetter said...

+1

HL said...

Love it. I have a toddler and this is a great glimpse of what may be going on in her mind. This made me laugh so hard. So glad to see you post. I hope you're feeling better and getting the help and support that you need.

Jen Grimes said...

This all seems very similar to the carnage created by a Wonder Woman swimsuit my little sister wore. If only my parents had made the connection...

Stevenie Ellis said...

This was a great post. I teach preschool and appreciate any chance I get at seeing life from their point of view. You have a fabulous memory, thank you!

Anonymous said...

Yay!!! More comic deliciousness!! I want to hug you and squeeze you and make you brownies! In a totally non-stalkery way of course. There needs to be a word similar to platonic for fan-love.
~Amy

Dorothy (mother unit 2) said...

Great Allie! Nice to see you back. Thinking of you. PS Hi Duncan. Sarah told me you read all the posts!

the bewilderness said...

I had a scarf when I was very small that. when tied around my head properly, made me into a wild and powerful horse.
Thank you for reminding me. It is all about the power.

Anonymous said...

I love costumes, and I love this. Funny and insightful!

Anonymous said...

Little did anyone know that years later, the dinosaur costume would rise from the ashes as BRUCE, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL!!!

I too had a dinosaur costume as a child, but I would stomp around and pretend to eat plants and hunt squirrels.

Terrific and very funny post, as usual! Looking forward to getting your book!

Lauren Fontaine said...

This is pure gold.

Not gonna lie - I kind of want to be a dinosaur for Halloween now.

Anonymous said...

Yay another post!

Kitty said...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/13496446@N04/10060075184/

Chelsea Pitcher said...

OMG I am dying of laughter. Thank youuuuuuu! :D

Anonymous said...

"No. Burn it. It will only cause problems for someone else."

Good on your dad for doing the Right Thing.

And thanks for writing again!

Anonymous said...

Best story ever! Dying of laughter!

PopcornMuncher said...

I adore your writing. This was hilarious; I too had a dinosaur suit phase. We are too similar. It's weird.

Shannon Potts said...

Your cartoons seriously make me laugh so damn hard and I don't even know why. Sad little you in your Underoos is quite possibly my all time favorite. Strangely enough, my power suit was a pair of pink stripey Winnie the Pooh feetie pajamas- I was convinced I could jump in slow motion whilst wearing them. So much love for your stories.

cosmic.cow.ck said...

This is amazing. For me, it was a Ninja Turtles headband (orange, because Michelangelo was the man) that I had made out of a t-shirt. It was glorious.

Always glad to see a new post. I also think "Depression and a Half: The Horrible Place Where We Only Talk About Depression and Nothing Else" could stand on its own as a separate blog. I'd totally read it. Though you might have trouble getting new readers past the title...

~Dervla said...

I'm so happy that you have returned that I don't even have a valid comment to comment with. So hi. Also YAAAAYY. I really hope I can buy your book. I am so ready for this book. I was born ready. Ok.... bye then

Big Brother is Watching said...

Outfuckingstanding! I've missed your work, thanks for checking in.

Tanya said...

You are a wonderful, amazing human being.

lunch4worms said...

This makes me happy in so many anti-social ways.

Katie Orcutt said...

Oh man. I actually HAVE this costume, Allie. Like, made for a 5'0 ft female. It's my profile pic. AHHHH

Kendra said...

So thrilled to see a new entry. And it is absolutely as great as all the others!

Rabbitch said...

Now I need a dinosaur costume. To wear to work.

Virgil T. Morant said...

253 comments. Wow.

Well, I like how you made some images partly blurry to make it look cinematic. You know, like Citizen Kane.

That is all.

Amy Allshouse said...

You just explained a lot to me. You just made me a better parent. Thank you.

Sydney said...

Love it! :-D Thanks for the laughs.

Willishappy said...

Wonderful, wonderful. Totally love your blog, been reading for years. This is the first comment, though. What you describe is pretty much how it was for me when I first joined a rock band. The stage was the place where I could be a dinosaur/monster, and it could be why I don't do it anymore. Please keep doing what you are doing, providing laughs, thoughts, and commentary on life. I love you!!!!

PMS + ESP = KnowItAllBitch said...

You have made my day, my week & my whole month. I can't even decide what is funnier...the pictures or the writing. Thank you! I am so glad that you are back. Please write more about depression when you are feeling like it. Oddly enough it helps me to understand my friends that are suffering from it. Prior to your blog I could only smile & nod, but now ... well, I can sort of understand their plight. Thank you for that.

melaniecrutchfield.com said...

My kid is going to be a cow for Halloween. I'm glad it's a more docile animal.

Kara Shae said...

I'm so happy you're posting again. I'm that creep that just goes and re-reads what has already been posted just because I enjoy it too much.

A Morning Grouch said...

I loooooooove your work. You're true genius. The toddler facial expressions in these pics are too good. And...don't you sort of feel like some people in SUITS turn into monsters? Too bad there's no one to toss those and put them in a trash bag.

Susie said...

Love!

Anderssons said...

I love the underpants and this whole post. The scribbled walls made me pee a little in my pants!

W said...

I wish I could stop laughing.

Wolf Lahti said...

Welcome back.

Kitty said...

seriously feel free to use that photograph of my daughter Aynsley. also her sister Evelyn wore the costume and I would fix it every year and every child in the neighborhood borrowed it. They all went a bit...nuts. http://www.flickr.com/photos/13496446@N04/10060075184/

Sarah said...

This is a truly excellent post.

Rachel said...

Awesome. I think I kind of get that way when I wear my tiara. Luckily, I only wear it on my birthday, or my half birthday, or my unbirthday... Hmm.

You are such a good story teller and I love hearing/reading your stories. I am not nearly so good at describing my life in a way that really conveys the feeling of it.

Thank you for being you and I hope you will keep posting.

Anonymous said...

you have made my day. we love you!!!!

fittzwm said...

Welcome back. We've missed you.

Monica said...

Oh yes! Welcome back! Thank you so much!

Unknown said...

So if you had the costume on AND ate cake..the universe would implode?

Anonymous said...

I was a crayon,too. Almost the same age. You're right - it's incredibly uncomfortable.

Unknown said...

My son will be the HULK this year...my daughter will be the pink power ranger....I'm DOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!
And welcome back lady, you were missed!

The Hill said...

My God, how do so many people comment so quickly?!

Diana Cooper said...

LOVE THIS! Especially eating the toothpaste...not sure why but that is hilarious. You look great as a dinosaur.

Anonymous said...

Then later,you grew breasts and with it came a new power trip over men without the need for a dino costume.

e said...

<3 <3 <3

The Hill said...

I'm just happy a little girl was allowed to dress as a dinosaur. I am sick of seeing children's parties with the boys in various different costumes and then just thirteen Disney Princesses. And one little girl who's actually been allowed to chose her own non-gender specific costume. One awesome little girl.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant!

MMM said...

LOVE it!! And am so happy to see you back :)

Ree said...

SO super glad Hope this becomes more than one post per-year ! I already had your book pre-ordered to tide me over.

Patricia Dair said...

META for!

Awesome life, big responsibility to show up in human form. Gracias for this!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much! You are awesome, Allie!

Jena G said...

Resurrect the dinosaurs!!!!!!!
YYYEEESSSS!!!

Dunks said...

Hahah! I love the frame of your mom's shadow looming over you in the kitchen. And the one of you drawing a picture (two-handed, awesome btw), and then all of a sudden the dinosaur starts to take over and it jerks your arm over to the other side of the page – Perfectly executed!

Amazing story as always.

Matthew Phipps said...

Good stuff. Is this the prequel to God of Cake?

Ed Horch said...

Dinosaurs are passe. This Halloween I want to be an alot.

baby shark said...

Ahhhhhh you are such a beautiful person!!!

Lydia Draxler said...

Thank you for posting. Al your posts make me smile, even if that wasn't the intention. They're simply brilliant.

Anonymous said...

So THAT'S why my nephew wouldn't take off his dinosaur costume for weeks!

I'm Not Your Fucking Hero said...

Your stories about your childhood are fantastic birth control. Between you and Calvin and Hobbes, the reasons not to have children are huge.
Thank you. :)

Irene said...

Gee, I could have done with a costume like that.

Monica said...

I should also add that I wear an invisible dragon suit everywhere I go. This is the answer. Rawr. No one can ever take it from you.

IslandGirl said...

This feel. It is known to me.

Anonymous said...

I still have my butterfly costume. it gives me awesome sex power. me bad.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!

N.L.S. said...

My day just became exponentially better, welcome back :)

daisyfae said...

you know, i believe they make dinosaur costumes in adult sizes...

my costuming habits have continued through the years/decades. i get lost in the process of transformation, as well as the costume itself. i made myself a Xena costume at the age of 40 to be room mother for my kids. it may still be my favorite...

MerinSun said...

When my husband was a child his parents dressed him up as Oscar the Grouch. They got to the first house and he snatched at the basket of candy while growling "GIVE ME THE CANDY!" The promptly marched him back home and changed his costume all the while he was wailing "But I'm the Grouch! I'm the Grouch!" LOL

Richard Poole said...

Great to see you back, Allie.

Hina said...

It's so good to see you writing and drawing again, I hope you're starting to see all the good in life again :)

Pamela said...

Alliesaurus, I love you like only another sugar munching dinosaur could love you!! You look adorable in your dinosaur suit and I'm sorry your parents crushed your dreams to rule the world...or at least the playground!!

Can't wait for your book to come out!! Thanks for this post...it should keep me going until then. In the meantime, I'm going looking for a suit of my own. RAWR!!!

Wendy said...

My favorite picture ever!

Panda said...

LOVE it!!

Michelle W said...

I think you may understand this. I wasn't near my computer until a little after 5pm and when I saw on facebook that you had posted something I immediately became giddy, however I made myself wait because your posts have been so far between. I reasoned that waiting would make the next one come quicker. I couldn't wait any longer though and had to read it. I am quite proud of myself for making it almost an hour. Wonderfully funny post as usual.

Corvus said...

This happened to me!

The sugar, anyway. Not the dinosaur costume. And it was like last week. And it was my boss, not mom.

Happy Halloween!

Michelle W said...

Ok, maybe that will make more sense if I tell you that I am an hour ahead of you.

reperie said...

Gahh I've missed you Allie!
You pretty much explained a vast majority of my craziness when I was a kid.. no costumes on this end though. Suppose that was a lot more entertaining

Kathy said...

As a teenager, I was only free in a costume. I was so, super shy, but when I wore a costume in public I could say things and do crazy things with no problem. My friend used to keep costumes in the back of her car (she was also a director). It was wonderfully freeing.

Cian O'Síoráin said...

This similar thing has recently happened to me and my Iron Man costumes...

I'm 20...

I have no regrets only all the alcohol and no one can tell me no cause I am Iron Man...

Ann K. said...

Loved it!!! So happy to be reading your posts again, Allie!
And love the artwork, too, of course!!

Dokai said...

You are absolutely brilliant! So glad you're back!

Gigi said...

Allie, sweetie! You have NO idea how happy I was to see you pop up in my feed! I've been thinking of you often and hoping you were okay.

And just so you know? You still have the power. But sometimes you need that fabulous pair of shoes, or outfit, or special undies, or whatever to remind you of that.

Jodi said...

"The thing about being an unstoppable force is that you can really only enjoy the experience of being one when you have something to bash yourself against. You need to have things trying to stop you so that you can get a better sense of how fast you are going as you smash through them."

i'm pretty sure I just had a serious revelation about my life (at age 37, you know, like you do) after reading this single phrase.

James Bethell said...

ERMAGHERD NEW ALLIE POST!!@#!!

I was having a shitty day. This made it all better.

So much love to you.

Anonymous said...

I was once Godzilla. Sometimes I still am.

eilene said...

YEAH!!!! As a science teacher, I can tell you that dinosaurs on sugar possess a ridiculous amount of power. And my chickens are the closest living relatives to T-Rex, so when they eat watermelon, they get drunk on the power!

Katie said...

The Internet missed you, Allie. Great post, and I can't wait for your book!

Unknown said...

Yay!!! I'm so glad you're back Allie. Don't ask me why, but the picture of the dinosaur tail disappearing around the corner made me laugh so hard!

Anonymous said...

I had the same thing, only I didn't need a dinosaur costume, all I needed was an audience. I often did horrible things to my audience

Alison said...

I think I need a dinosaur costume - my kids may actually start listening to me.

So happy to see you back, better than ever.

Julie said...

Oh, man, I missed you, alot.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting another awesome story.

Stark Radio said...

How wonderful to see a post by you.

I love this.

I hope you are feeling better.

Brandi Martin said...

This is why ritual and voodoo work. A prop allows us to think differently.

amanda @ fake ginger said...

Thaaaaank you! I may have squealed when I saw this in my reader.

Arky said...

... and this is EXACTLY why so many people turn into foul trolls on the Internet, where they get to wear any costume they desire

Jared Adams said...

That was really great to read after a tough day at work. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back to the web, Allie!!! We missed you super much<3

This is an excellent re-debut comic >_< Your parents must have thought you were insane, considering all the shit you got into as a kid!

PS- I'm super duper pumped for your book to come out!

AudCat said...

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YOU ARE BACKKKKK

Tori Stewart said...

Oh my goodness. You are probably one of the most hilarious people I've ever read about. Please write more! :D

Sasha Baxter said...

So fantastic <3

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Gah, I love you. And this. And I swear, I think my toddler has an invisible dinosaur costume, because OMFG THIS.IS.HER.

MaryAnn said...

Allie, we have all missed you SO MUCH! Continuing to send you less bullshitty thoughts.

*dinogrrrrrrrrr*

LGWendy said...

I have a fabulously beautiful/trendy black, beaded tank top that is SO my dinosaur costume. That thing comes out of the closet and trouble is sure to follow. Full disclosure - I'm 42 and apparently never grew out of the "costumes are power" phase :-)

katie said...

SEEING THIS UPDATE MADE MY DAY I HAVE MISSED YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!! you are fantastically hilarious

Stef S said...

So glad to see you are back, and I love the dino suit!

Even as a grown-up (sort of), I would totally still wear that and rock the heck out of my power to outrageously defy people without apology.



Anonymous said...

well, this explains ALOT about the God of Cake story.

so glad to see you back.

Sean Barrow said...

You are so lucky you grew out of it and were only under one costumes spell. I am over 40 and I still feel the power of being in another characters skin every time I dress up as something. Especially if my face is covered, then I usually act like a cracked out monkey and dry hump everyone I come in contact with.

Laura @ The Shabby Rabbit said...

Pavlovian fear response... still giggling. I've missed you so!!!

Anonymous said...

Welcome back Allie! Or is it AllieZilla? Hahaha

Zoë said...

Oh my god you are too hilarious.

I was actually a crayon as a kid. Or my brother was. I just know there was a crayon costume in there somewhere.

Stian Lund said...

Awww poor widdle dino...

So very much looking forward to the book, it will be xmas presents for everyone :)

Claudia said...

Thank you for that! We really do love you for you.

lacrema said...

Oh my god. I swear that I have the same exact costume for my five-year-old this Halloween. It may even be yours if it went to a Goodwill, because I got it secondhand.

I can either reconsider and get a generic superhero costume, or have him put it on and transcribe what happens. FOR SCIENCE.

bibliospork said...

For some reason, the little polka-dot underwear completely cracked me up. Teeny little belly button!

Anonymous said...

So glad you're feeling better and so excited for your book! I thought this was going to be about Bruce but in paint format, and I was so excited. But, this is great!

camipco said...

Love the use of rack focus after "They still weren't suspicious of the costume." Brilliant.

Will Cate said...

Your father appears to have been quite... hirsute !

theperfectnose said...

Hahahaha thank you. THis is wonderful.

Cantique said...

I sit down first thing from a hard adult type day and right there, the very first thing on my facebook page . . . you!!! You cause smiles and wide eyes in my heart.

Joshua said...

Glad you're back Allie! Better than ever!

Anonymous said...

i don't know why the drawings of the teacher make me laugh so hard. your paintings have definitely gone up a notch.

Jose Manuel Reyes said...

You are both interesting and funny. And I get that costume thing, happened to me when I dressed up as DRACULA :P

You rock!

zen said...

Yay, you're back! We love you when you're depressed, too, but it's nice to see you having some fun.

Elizabeth West said...

LO-freaking-L!

I had one of those dime store costumes as a kid, just a random monster, with a spooky mask and a little jumpsuit. The jumpsuit had a picture on it that was so scary I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. It was like the Phantom of the Opera (the original one) with long stringy hair. I hung it in the back of my closet and I used to go in there and scare myself with it. Hehe, good times.

Rob said...

I was Batman. My mom made the costume. When people approached me, I would put my hands on my waist and tell them I was Batman.

That was the extent of my powers: semi-awkward approachability.

Kinsey said...

I check your blog everyday to see if you've posted anything new (super creepy, I know). There hadn't been anything in awhile, so today I was just kind of going through the motions of checking. The process was as follows:

1. Open blog in new tab
2. Absentmindedly stare at blog
3. Return to checking e-mail
4. Pause mid e-mail
5. Realize that there is definitely something different about the blog today
6. Click back to blog tab
7. Stare at blog again
8. Stare a little more
9. Register that there is a NEW BLOG POST!
10. Smile
11. Smile a lot
12. Make a lot of non-human happy happy joy joy noises
13. Read blog post
14. Feel happy about life

Jen Rogers said...

You remind me so much of my youngest daughter, especially after reading "The God of Cake" the first time. This just further confirms it. I truly hope she grows up to be every bit as creative and hilarious as you are. So glad to see you back and feeling better!

Anonymous said...

Yay!You're back. I love the dinosaur story! Especially the part where her mother realizes what is causing the problem LOL!

Anonymous said...

My body is pumping with dinosaur adrenalline!

Calen Spindler said...

Now I need to go buy a dinosaur costume. And probably sugar.

Duluthdanai said...

Funny what clothes/costumes can do to your personality. Incredibly funny!

. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melanie Ford said...

I read this while wearing my Totoro costume, a cozy and happy 42 year old lady Totoro.

Mac said...

The little tail disappearing around the corner!! So cute.

neverendingbeat said...

I feel the same way when I put on my dinosaur costume.... and i'm 23. It's a problem I'm totally fine with

Alisha said...

I have a small child and now I'm afraid to get her a Halloween costume. LOL!

Robert The Goose said...

Costumes are SERIOUS BUSINESS when you're a child. When you put on a costume, you are no longer the boring, inferior mortal you once were; you are something else entirely. You are a GOD.
In my church's Christmas Paegent when I was maybe 3 years old, I played a shepherd, so I decided immediately that I was GROUCHY shepherd. It was part of my character to be surly, angry and mean to EVERYONE; I don't remember why, but this was an important artistic choice I felt had to be made.

Later in my youth the local Children's museum had a gigantic crawling maze modeled after an anthill, complete with little ant costumes you could put on. Being obsessed with ants and a self proclaimed expert on them thanks to the Magic Schoolbus, I committed myself fully to becoming an ant, carrying food and young about the maze, offering to sell other "ants" special ant pheromones (you know, so I wouldn't have to attack them,) etc. I think my parents had to tell me to tone it down.

Kierstyn said...

i was never allowed to dress up for Halloween. The closest I ever got was wearing a late 1700s style dress my mom made for some patriotic pageant at school.

i think i'm going to get a costume and dress up this year.

Anonymous said...

Reading your post, listening to Bob Dylan - Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again. Perfect combination!

Eric said...

The best part of being an adult? No one can stop you from buying a whole new dinosaur costume and renewing the rampage. They might take the costume away from you in jail, though. There is that.

Kathryn Rodgers said...

Mine was a sheepdog costume. I have my official school photo from when I was 6 in that bloody costume.

Brilliant.

Jill said...

OMG you sweet, sweet girl. I know I'm officially old because that just makes me want to mother you until you die of the happiness of it. You are a wonderful human being.

Anonymous said...

I want to get you a new dinosaur costume!!!

Regina Hart said...

RAAAWWWWWWRR! The power has been inside of you all along. (Anyone who can capture the sitting-on-the-floor-looking-up-at-her-mom child's perspective by drawing a stick figure portrait of her mom's face is made of awesome.)

Anonymous said...

I have a chameleon onesie that renders me virtually invisible. Thankfully, no one can take it away from me. Not because I'm a grown-up, but because you can't confiscate something you can't see. It's science.

Tom Franklin said...

Seeing a new cartoon from you -- and such a great, empowering, crazed and funny one -- is a great thing, indeed. Thanks for coming back to us!

eventer79 said...

I am now going to plot the perfect reptilian costume to give to my nephew. I can only hope he is able to rise to your atmospheric levels of awesomeness.

Nathan Swenson said...

Yay! Finally! This was a great post.

Anonymous said...

That intoxicating freedom of not being human anymore... that's why I became a furry.

Judy B said...

Allie, i pictured you writing this with the dinosaur costume on! I don't know if you are back...i do know seeing you here made me so happy! I liked this alot! Just kidding...a lot!! ;)

Anonymous said...

Your next book should be one on parenting! BRILLLIANT INSIGHT!

Tarpo said...

I know I speak for all the internet when I say that I will add money to any fund that is created to get you the best god damn dinosaur outfit ever made by man, god or actual dinosaur.

Mitch said...

Rofl you were the best child in the world.

Kate said...

This could have been written about my son. Only he does these things without the addition of an all powerful dinosaur costume. lol

Anonymous said...

You make me love dinosaurs MORE!!

jktheaa said...

Thank you, Allie!

Eleanor Gang said...

Good to have you back.

Emma M. said...

Amazziiiiiiing!!!!! Good to see you're back and doing well. Looking forward to new posts :3

pdwalker said...

Are you serious?

That's awesome!

mima said...

Please don't go. People of internet need you.

Christina @ The Murrayed Life said...

You are a unique, amazing soul. I've missed this!!

Tawny Owl said...

haha I love this. I think I did something similar when I was younger, although I cannot recall in the same level of detail. I still like costumes though, guess thats saying something!

Alisa said...

Yay! You're back! Hilarious and amazing post, by the way. I'll never look at a dinosaur costume the same way ever again. Thanks for scarring me for life.

It's so worth it.

Honeybee On A White Rose said...

I was having this really really crappy day... and then I got on and saw a new post from Allie!!! My day is now officially awesome. Dinosaurs rock. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh snap Allie that was a boss velociraptor drawing.

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