Wild Animal (The Simple Dog Goes for a Joy Ride)

My simple-minded dog recently went on an unplanned adventure. Because the simple dog is so very simple, her adventure was alarming and horrible for everyone involved.  

Even in her normal, familiar environment, the simple dog exists in a state of almost constant confusion. 


She also appears to have very little control over what she is doing or why she is doing it.  For example, the other day, she was standing in the middle of the room just staring vacantly. Then she started turning in circles like she was preparing to lie down.   


But instead of completing a few rotations and then lying down like a normal dog, she got stuck in the repetitive motion and couldn't stop turning slowly in place. 


She is definitely not the type of animal that would thrive in the wild.

Unfortunately, she managed to escape one day while we were out walking, and she very nearly became a wild animal.  

In the park where we were walking, there is a large horse statue.  We had passed the statue many times without incident, but for some reason, on that day, the simple dog became highly alarmed by it.  


No one expects their dog to instantaneously develop an extremely specific fear of horse statues, and I was unprepared for her reaction, which was to sprint powerfully in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, what the simple dog lacks in cognitive capacity, she makes up in ground speed, and her sudden fleeing yanked the leash from my hand.  

I chased her all the way across the park and into an adjacent neighborhood. She ran into a partially fenced yard and, when her forward trajectory was interrupted by the fence, she began to gallop in giant, crazy circles just out of my reach.   

I'm fairly certain she had already forgotten what she was running from and had no idea what was going on, but there she was - propelling herself in endless loops around someone else's yard.  


After several minutes of tearing around in circles, she felt compelled to take off running in a straight line.   She didn't know where she was going, but she was going to go there really fast.  

I have spent a truly impressive amount of time teaching the simple dog how to respond to her name. I distinctly remember the self-congratulatory feelings I had when I thought I'd succeeded. I've done it, I thought.  I've overcome all of the obstacles and taught this animal her name, and now she will return to me like a falcon whenever I beckon her.  

But as I watched my dog disappear into the distance, I realized just how futile my efforts had been.  

I spent the rest of the day frantically trying to find her.  I drove around calling for her on the off-chance that she would actually respond.  I stopped random people on the street to ask them if they'd seen her.  It started to get dark and I imagined my poor dog, lost and scared - completely unable to make sense of what was happening to her.   


Finally, I got a call from a woman who had managed to catch the simple dog.  The woman said that she found the simple dog standing in the middle of the road, wagging her tail and barking at cars. She gave me her address and I drove over to collect my wayward animal.    

When I got there, the simple dog was curled up in a little ball on a towel on the woman's floor. I walked over to her and she looked confused.  


She had forgotten who I was.  She thought she lived on the towel.  


She was wet and dirty and she stunk like she had rolled on a dead animal.  There were burrs in her tail. She had puked up a pile of half-digested grass onto the woman's nice wood floor and was attempting to re-ingest it.   

Based on the evidence, her adventure went something like this: 


I helped the woman clean up the mess that my disgraceful animal had created in her home, then I thanked her and called my dog to go.  


The simple dog did not respond, so I picked her up and carried her out. 

 

I was glad to have her back, even though she didn't know who I was.  I couldn't blame her for forgetting.  A dog who becomes terrified by the mere existence of a stone rendering of a horse is not a dog who is well-prepared to absorb hundreds of unfamiliar sights and sounds, and I reasoned that she was most likely still in shock. I can only imagine how overwhelming the whole ordeal must have been from her perspective:


Perhaps unsurprisingly, the simple dog had trouble readjusting to being at home in the aftermath of her big adventure.  


Because of her cognitive handicap, the simple dog is at a unique disadvantage when it comes to coping with minor obstacles that most dogs would take in stride. For most dogs, getting a taste of freedom wouldn't be something that would cause a major shift in their perception of reality. But it absolutely ruined the simple dog. 

She had only been outside by herself for a few hours, but the staggering amount of new experiences had crowded out all her memories from before the adventure. 


As far as the simple dog was concerned, she had been snatched away from her life as a wild, towel-dwelling animal and transplanted to a strange wonderland filled with terrifyingly unfamiliar sensory bombardments.  


We have experienced these episodes a few times before.  From what I understand, they are a pretty normal consequence of disabled-dog-husbandry, and are usually pretty fleeting. But this one was different.  This time, the precipitating incident had been so extremely, entirely mind-bending that the simple dog had actually forgotten how to be a domesticated animal.

We had to teach her how to use the stairs all over again. 


Despite having been potty-trained for the overwhelming majority of her life, she started blatantly soiling the carpet right in front of us, as if she had no idea she was doing anything wrong.


She violently destroyed every toy she had - even her inexplicably-patriotic-themed squeaky owl toy, which is her favorite.  


And after she destroyed her owl, she grieved.  And we had to sew it up for her to avoid pushing her any further into psychosis.  


She forgot her name and how to sit and all of the various other things we'd spent so many hours carefully guiding her to understand.  


We did eventually manage to re-domesticate the simple dog. She re-learned stairs and how to not pee in the house and how to respond properly when her name is called.  She may not remember exactly who we are, but she seems to accept that she lives with us now.  She even plays nicely with her toys.  

But every now and then, she will stare wistfully out the window.        


And through the window, she will see the outdoors. 


And sometimes, when the shapes of the trees and grass and birds hit her brain in just the right way, she will feel the call of the wild deep within her soul. 

And it will trigger a relapse.  

1,260 comments:

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Anonymous said...

My son had several brain surgeries and I spent many years rehabbing him back to a state of quasi-normalcy. I lived for years with incidents like this happening on a very similar scale. Your dog is very lucky to have you.

Anonymous said...

This is the only post that hasn't made me cry laughing; it didn't even make me smile really... Just remember, not everyone is a dog person, so they don't really "get it"... Looking forward to your next animal-free post!

Gayle said...

Poor simple dog. It's a shame I get so much joy out of her pitiful antics. "Tail seedss" put me completely over the edge.

InweTheGreat said...

Hahaha, poor simple dog. She is always doing something wrong. XD I love your posts! It makes me sad that they are not more often! :)

Forrest said...

This is wonderful. You're dog is hilarious. You are wonderful. <3

Anonymous said...

your drawings were amazing in this post! love the simple dog stories!

AmeliaDearest said...

cute as. simple dog is god tier

Liz C. said...

I don't know if I've ever posted before, but I"m glad you finally posted something! I was just thinking the other day, "hmm, haven't heard from her in awhile..."

Any time my cat sees another cat out the window, or miraculously gets outside for a minute, I think we must mean nothing to her.

Walter Bean said...

I really don't have time to read ALL of the comments because there are a SHITLOAD. I don't know if someone has already suggested it but if you're having an issue with keeping your dog under control while walking try a Gentle Leader. It keeps your dogs focus on you. It takes a minute to get him used to it but once he is used to it he will walk by your side.

cdm9002 said...

Perhaps you actually have someone else's dog?

Forrest said...

Also I just showed my mother a bunch of your posts and she nearly died laughing. In a good way. :)

Anonymous said...

The way you describe simple dog almost makes me think of my strongly autistic little cousins. Sounds! Shapes! Things! Run around in circles!

pcflamingo said...

I love this blog so much, but I really shouldn't read it at work. People were wondering if they should call 9-1-1 based on the noises I was making while reading this.

Victoria said...

At the end of last month, I found your blog and spent three days reading EVERY SINGLE ONE. It would of taken less time, but I have a son and him and my husband stole blog reading time. I have been waiting FOREVER for you to update!

I love your blog! And after my very busy day, an update just made it all worth it! :D

J.A.Ingolfsland said...

Alli, I want you to know that I love you and stalk you alls the time. ALLS the time.

I wonder what the psychology is behind how beautifully detailed your drawings of animals are versus your simpler ones of humans :D

Jen said...

Aaaaaah, I love simple dog! My dog does a lot of the same things (forgetting her name and/or training after she sees something that scares her), and the simple dog stories make me feel so much better about my spaz of a dog!

Jas said...

This made me sad for you. One of my cats - who was never the smartest cat on the block - had some kind of brain episode a couple of years back. We will probably never know what actually happened (concussion, stroke, or seizure), but we had to help her learn how to walk again, use the litter box, navigate the furniture and the stairs, and also do all this while trying to keep her larger, bullying sister from killing her as punishment for getting sick in the first place. Now she's half blind and walks kind of like a clockwork cat, but she still is a very sweet cat who loves us. I hope Simple Dog eventually snaps back into her life and doesn't keep believing she's a fierce animal of the wild.

Mark said...

Both of my children now think I am a lunatic as I laughed like, well kind of like a lunatic while reading. Simple dog reminds me of my own now dead simple dog in many ways.

Fantastic

Sister Madness said...

Bohemian Rhapsody? Awesome. Because... well, what ELSE would you listen to in the car??

Tree + B = Mailbox? EPIC. Love.

Thanks, Allie!

tagcdove said...

You make me laugh with such delight =) I was giggling so much at work while reading this that some of the customers were staring at me...oddly.

I also love Simple Dog. My husband and I foster through our humane society, and we have four dogs of our own. We have come across many of dogs that are very similar to Simple Dog. I wholeheartedly relate to this story.

Tai said...

Haha, I love your wolvies. So pretty!

You have your hands full with that poor doggy. D: I'm glad to see you're oh so patient with her!

I'm also glad to see another post of yours <3

Angie said...

Thank You! I love your posts and swear one of my dogs is related to stupid dog

birdgirl said...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! your dead squirrel is the best dead squirrel ever in a million years!!!! brilliant post - even if i read it when i should've gone to sleep already.
Bad Allie - you're keeping me up late!
Would love to link to your squirrel picture for my dead thing thursday post.
I'd also like you to make me some cozy pjs with the squirrel on the front.
Make it happen.

xxxxx

Erik said...

OK I love simple dog.

I always fall for the "special" ones.

jacqui said...

You have to admit though...horse statues are terrifying.

Anonymous said...

Google Reader cheered me up when I saw the RSS feed was coming from your blog. Enjoyed the story!

Aloren said...

Wow, when I was reading this I thought I was reading a post of yours I had missed before. I was "but how can this be.. I have read them all?" It was just new. xD

Live to laugh said...

I love your dogs!!!!!! :D

Smilesarelike.blogspot.com

KO said...

Oh, I needed this! I just came inside to tell my fiance about finding a bunny in the yard.

First, I saw the bunny, and I was "yay, cute cute cute!!"

then I was "hmm, is something wrong?"

then "oh no, I have a dead baby bunny in my yard and I have to get it out or my dog will eat it, sad sad, sad"

then I panicked, threw dead bunny over the fence with my dustpan, instead of moving it to the ditch, got queasy, and nearly cried

then I read this post. Much needed. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure we have the same dog.

esphixiet said...

I feel so sad for simple dog! Poor puppy!!

margaret said...

there is a god, and it is your high-larious comic. thank you thank you.

Anonymous said...

FINALLY! it's been so long!! :D loved it! Simple dog<3

Alex said...

Oh my god... marry me Allie :D

Iba said...

Oh! I nearly cried over the owl toy! I love you, and I love your dog :)

azdisciplenc said...

OH GOD! This is SO the bull mastiff my roommate fostered for two months!

Anonymous said...

I MISSED YOU WHILE YOU WERE GONE!
This was a great story, had me cracking up the whole time. I even cried a little. Love it!

Meg said...

This post was well worth the wait. Loved it! I also have a simple dog and I love the similarities. She sometimes recognizes her name...but if she is looking in your direction and you say anything to her, she will happily wag her tail. Favorite similarity? She tips her head so far she falls over and then just lays there.

I love your blog and your style of writing. Keep doing what you do so we can love you!

Anonymous said...

Have spent the last week reading your old posts ... love your writing and your drawings are totally awesome.

Sarah said...

Yay! Awesome new post and Bohemian Rhapsody all in one =D

Raisabird said...

god damn SHIT I missed you.
and oh how I adore your dogs and the way you talk about and draw them.
thank you Allie.

Jordan said...

Allie.

Listen to me.

You need to go to a vet.

I am starting to think that simple dog, though eminently suited to wonderful stories that projectile nostrillate any fluid you attempt to imbibe during the retelling, might have a brain that is 50% tumor, 40% kaleidoscope and 9% rainbows. Please ask a scientician before it is too late.

Clandestine Road said...

I love your blog.

You have a good heart.

Amatyultare said...

Hilarious yet strangely sad - poor simple dog.

margaret said...

there is a god, and it is your high-larious comic. thank you thank you from way up north, where there is an abundance of simple dogs.

Lizz said...

Hahahaha XD

I love your blog- I show it to all my friends and they love it, too! (:

Fooled said...

While this is really funny and I'm laughing enough to start crying, it also is kind of sad and makes me feel really bad for you and boyfriend and helper dog and for simple dog, too.

Jeannin said...

Poor simple dog... I did the same doggy IQ test for my dog, and she passed almost all of them. When we put a treat in a cup she just looked at us saying, "Why would you do this to me?" I eventually felt bad and just gave it to her.

This is my dog: http://hesnojesus.blogspot.com/2010/12/smart-or-crazy.html

L said...

oh my god I was checking this every day for a new post and I did today! When I found out it wasn't the scariest story (which I still love)
I freaked.

L said...

I was checking this every day to see if you had a new post and when I found it I was Super excited!

violet said...

yayayayayayayayay!!!

Anonymous said...

I love simple dog. They're your best work! And awesome job with the head tilt. Love it!

Haven said...

Psh, who doesn’t develop a spontaneous fear of horse statues?


Also, I think simple dog is on to something. Perhaps she’s an incredible genius lulling you into complacency by ACTING dumb, because really, anyone that’s read Hitchhikers Guide (which she clearly has) knows that you never leave your towel behind.

Cori said...

Your drawings make it look like simple dog may be an ig or whippet...although the "simple" part is nothing like mine (Italian Greyhound). I have a very smart little escape artist...I'm not sure who has it worse, you or me. However thank you so much for the awesome story. I always love your posts.

krunchifrog said...

Oh, how glad I am that I only have "escape artist" dog and "I'm a complete goof but I'm cute" dog.

Escape artist dog enjoys staying just out of reach. You slowly and gently creep up to her and just when you're ALMOST able to touch her - she's a blur of fur and gone into the next yard, where she dances and prances as if to say "Let's do that AGAIN! It was so much fun!" Eventually we turn into slathering exahausted shells of our former selves and the dog will decide that now is a good time to jump into the car for a ride.

Mary said...

YAYYY, finally a new post! :D *day is made*
I love Simple Dog. She should be introduced to Simple Cat, my sister's cat. XD

giantspeckledchihuahua said...

I think my dog is living a double life as your dog

Misfits Vintage said...

Thank you Allie - genius, as always. Poor Dog! Must drive you frickin mad!

Sarah xxx

SinfulBliss said...

I have had an absolutely crappy day, but your post made it better. Thank you for making me laugh out loud on an otherwise craptacular day.

TKchan said...

Sounds like a mild form of PTSD, which is possible, but unusual from such a short span of time. Glad everything is good now! Way to make it hilarious, as usual :)

-E

Karyl Cunningham said...

On the one hand, I feel bad laughing at your dog's plight... on the other hand... she came out of it... relatively... okay maybe just physically unharmed.

Maybe all she needs is a towel? lol

mrs.ronniekins said...

Yay, new post excitement made my Tuesday ^_^

I am pretty sure the simple dog stories are my favorites. I have a new appreciation for how calmly my animals have always been on their returns from adventures.

Anonymous said...

As always, an amazing/hilarious post! Thankyou!

June Russell said...

This is very good, but very sad. Your stories are getting sadder (though not less funny) as time goes by.

Whitney said...

This is the best birthday present ever. :DDD

Anonymous said...

You saved my evening:D

Anonymous said...

oh, god. I AM simple dog...

Spazztic13524 said...

YAY DOGGAY DOGGAY DOGGAY DOGGAYYYYYY!!!!! Squirrel? Squirrel??? PLAY WITH ME. :) Love your posts! <3

sorry4disappointingyou said...

Yea for poor simple minded towel dwelling dog!

Beth said...

Have missed you - please, find time to write more!

Third Goddess said...

Excellent story. Super pictures. I love your work and your simple dog. I have one too, although not quite as simple as yours.

dbs said...

Dumb dogs rule.

Kim said...

Yay! You're alive! AWESOME post!

Kimberly said...

Thank you, Allie. You just saved my pal Caleb from a painful experience by adding a new post. You'll have to check your feed from your last post for this to make sense. Just trust me, you've made sure he is safe from my blog enduced rage.

The Opulent Trombone said...

You totally just made my day with that post! I absolutely adore simple dog.
I miss your random quickie posts :( They help get me through the long, hyperbole-free days <3

Laura said...

This is amazing! I adore your dead squirrel picture more than what is probably a healthy level of adoration for a drawing of a dead squirrel. But it's awesome. Also, I absolutely love that the dog was listening to Bohemian Rhapsody while getting rescued. That song will add to the confusion of any situation.

Mosey said...

Oh, my. I didn't know dogs suffered amnesia. I hope she makes a full recovery.

Grahangela said...

That was a hilarious post and I am SO glad you're back! That being said, you must have been so terrified when she was missing! I don't know what I would do if my dogs got lost! Glad she's safe. :)

Jaclyn said...

YAY! I missed you and simple dog...

sspam said...

Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said.

Kristen Mintz said...

My four year old just looked at this, as I explained the story, and she said, "I never, ever, ever want a dog like that. I just want cats."
:D

Eeshie said...

Hey. You're funny.


..


I'm pretty sure everyone else reading this comment is slapping their foreheads and goraning, "No shit she's funny! Thanks, Captain OBVIOUS!"

Ha.


Peas out. :P

Anonymous said...

Poor sorry little simple dog.

Kaichita said...

Wonderful!!!!

The Opulent Trombone said...

I just read the comment from cdm9002 about having picked up someone else's dog. I did that with a cat once!

I hauled home my sweet little Buddy cat, who I found while walking home from work. He was digging in garbage several blocks away from home.

My cat greeted me at the door.

That other little bastard wouldn't leave me alone.

mr self-destruct said...

Dear Allie,

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3jhcPUqwufE/TaylQJ8j1eI/AAAAAAAAE3Q/GnIOBq_x36E/s1600/dogsagain63alt.png
this is the best picture you have ever drawn and it makes me laugh very hard.

sincerely, Damian

Erika said...

Yes! A new post! Always exciting, always awesome. :)

Janet said...

That poor dog. Poor you. I guess all I can say is there's never a dull moment at your house!

Dr. Meow! said...

Does simple dog happen to be a greyhound? Sounds pretty much just like mine!

Elin said...

Yey a new post :D
Love them all, and i just want to cuddle your simple dog :)

Allison said...

I'm naming my two eldest children Parplegar and Circopomber, regardless of gender.

Anonymous said...

I love you. That's all. :D

Anonymous said...

Felicia Day tweeted a link to this blog. :) Now you have famous actors as fans, congratulations Allie! Hilarious post as usual. I <3 Simple Dog.

'Moo said...

Thanks for the post. I needed a fix! I love your poor simple dog and I'm glad things are working out for her again.

Frank said...

Finally!! I was starting to worry about you…

Casey said...

Is simple dog a greyhound? Because that sounds just like something one of my greyhounds would do.

Dogskills in the Catskills said...

Tree+B=Mailbox,.. LMAO!!! This one was worth the wait! LOVE Simple Dog!

Anonymous said...

I think this was the first of your posts I wasn't crying with laughter. This post disturbed me from a medical stand point. Given the enormity of Simple Dog's relapse, I can't help but wonder if she has some form of Canine Cognitive Dysfunction Syndrome? Has Simple Dog ever seen a vet or a behaviorist for her mental issues? It must be terrifying for her when she goes through these episodes.

Aside from that I truly enjoy reading your posts! And often re-read my favorites whenever I need a laugh.

Jennie said...

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. A new Hyperbole post is better than a really great massage by a strong, handsome man, followed by a great dinner and a glass of excellent wine.

This did not disappoint. Thank you for sharing your amazing storytelling with us.

Anonymous said...

XD
that's awesome!

Anni said...

Love the look on the simple dog's face. I sometimes feel like that.

cja411 said...

Holy fuckballs that was hilarious! You do a remarkable job of telling stories through picture. I really liked how simple dog walked through the tall grass...hilarious.

The surreal pictures were amazing as well.

Awesomeness incarnate. =)

Brandon said...

I'm pretty sure Simple Dog is related to my dog...

cja411 said...

Also, your wolf was freaking beautiful.

Molly said...

Excellence on all accounts! Yay for stories. I love Simple Dog XD

pamela said...

You are even more of a special ed teacher than I am. Simple Dog FTW.

Beth said...

Simple Dog and my dog Marley are kindred spirits :-)

Anonymous said...

Yes first post baby! ....what? aww DAMMIT!

Matt said...

Yes! So glad you're not dead! And of course the story was hilarious as always!

Soren said...

That's some serious Flowers For Algernon shit right there. At least she's entertaining, unlike most of the retarded pets I've run into.

RoseE said...

Oh, dear . . . I derive so much enjoyment from this blog, it should be illegal . . . or at least expensive . . . a million points to Simple Dog and her psychedelic worldview.

Chelsea said...

Thanks for this. My day was darkened by hearing about the passing of Elisabeth Sladen. This helped brighten it up again. You're truly remarkable. =)

Anonymous said...

Thanks-- this was awesome! Made my day :)

Anonymous said...

YOU'RE BACK!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Simple dog sounds like a greyhound... Well, she sounds like mine anyway:) Love her, and love your posts.

Lauren--NY said...

It's brilliant; I love it so much! xoxo

Anonymous said...

Poor Simple Dog! I feel sorry for her! It's like doggie Alzheimers or something.

I really love your picture of the dead animal, odd as that sounds. The ribcage, the guts, it's great!

Maria in Oregon

Ben said...

I've got two exams coming up that have me pretty worried, but seeing a new post made me forget all about them. I love Simple Dog and I love your blog :) Keep up the awesomeness

Valerie said...

It's so nice to know that my idiotic dog I had growing up is NOT the simplest (or stupidest) animal on the planet. She couldn't even figure out 'fetch'.

Margot said...

My (late) dog had a stroke and could only go in circles for a while, after she regained the power to walk. Then she gradually learned how to walk in a straight line again.

stephasaurus said...

That is so bizarre that your dog was so traumatized by her adventure! Fortunately for us, at least it made for a super entertaining blog post. :D
Your drawings were, as usual, great and hilarious!

KtB23 said...

Hahaha, too funny:) I just discovered your blog last week, promptly fell in love, and read every single one of your posts in about 4 days. Really brightened my otherwise gloomy and homework-filled wknd. So, although all your other followers have been bemoaning your absence for weeks, you'll be happy to know you haven't kept me waiting long at all. I only ran out of H&1/2 material yesterday. Perfect timing on this one from my perspective!

Swen's Mom said...

I have spent a truly impressive amount of time teaching the simple dog how to respond to her name. I distinctly remember the self-congratulatory feelings I had when I thought I'd succeeded. I've done it, I thought. I've overcome all of the obstacles and taught this animal her name, and now she will return to me like a falcon whenever I beckon her.

We're talking about your Simple Dog here, not Helen Keller...

SD definitely does seem to have some sort of cognitive disability. Has she ever been evaluated by a doggie psychologist?

Anthony said...

At last! I greatly enjoyed the further adventures of Simple Dog, my favourite character next to the Alot. My friends and I have missed your fantastic humour.

Anonymous said...

I love that "scaramouche" was the only word that translated perfectly to confused-dog language.

Casey said...

yay you're back!! Best post so far!

June Gardens said...

Oh, Simple Dog broke my heart when he wanted you to make the owl better. The inexplicably red, white, and blue patriotic owl.

You slay me.

Elizabeth Marks said...

Having been parent to a simple dog, who never ever did learn the stairs, and how not to potty indoors, this is all too familiar. I guess we were lucky he was also physically handicapped and only 20 lbs and could not get away from us. He got studied by a local vet school because of his special doggie brain. His name was Weeble. I miss him.

Amy said...

So happy to see another post!

Anonymous said...

You're aliiiive!
:) I think I'll crawl out of the bed now.

Melissa said...

I'm torn between my desire to feel sad for simple dog for having to go through such a traumatic experience, and the desire to laugh my freaking head off at the whole ordeal.

Poor, poor simple dog...

Lisa Miller said...

My CeeCee was a Simple Dog. She needed help and protection, although she could learn from things that were really painful. About halfway through her life she was able to remember that chasing cats was a whole lot more fun than catching them. Thanks for taking me back to the good/bad old days.

schnapps said...

That little facebook notification saying you had a new post literally made my day! :) And it was definitely worth the wait - absolutely hilarious, the pictures actually made my sides hurt!

Welcome back :)

a letter among words said...

I'm reminded of game called "wolf pack"...

Anonymous said...

Just wondering if perhaps your dog might be having seizures, my cat went around in circles while she had them and we had to put her on medication. I wonder especially since the dog has been having to re-learn everything. Hope everything is okay though!

nekodaisuki said...

That second-to-last frame is going to become one of those images that people snip and steal, because it is so awesome. (Except for the other people stealing it part, that is not awesome :( )

Abby said...

YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

I'm SO glad you're back.

I've been blog stalking you. Don't be scared...I just stop by everyday to see if you have posted anything new.

And wept everyday that you hadn't.

Now I'm happy because you posted again! :0D

PS: My mom has a simple dog, too.

Jen said...

I so love Simple Dog! Wonderful post as always!! :)

Anonymous said...

Another classic!
Your drawings capture that doggyness and emotion perfectly!

Dr Dunc

Junodog said...

You make me feel better about my dog. The worst she's done is run into the car door while it's still being opened, and then there's the time she caught a sick animal, tossed it around until it died, then gave her sad 'WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME I'M SAAAAAAAD' bark when it stopped moving... but yeah. She's looking way smarter by comparison now.

em said...

this post...really touched me. you told the story beautifully. your dog is a wonderful animal, and you are wonderful, sensitive, caring owners!

Cer4h said...

I enjoy the bohemian rhapsody playing in the lady's car :)
Nice touch.

quinn said...

You are a wonderfully understanding and patient dog owner, and that dog is very fortunate to have found you. I also have a not-exactly-trouble-free dog, adopted at 7 months from her third abandonment at a shelter, and wow, what a handful of baggage this girl turned out to be. I wish I had your empathy; sometimes I really get it, but sometimes I just have to step away so she doesn't sense my frustration or sadness and go into some kind of Tailspin of Doom which will require weeks and even months of retraining. Again.

Anonymous said...

just one more person saying i loved how many pictures you made for this one [:

Jessica said...

Yay! This made my day, so happyb to see a new post!

james said...

you are amazing that post was totally worth the wait I have two dogs also and your dogs remind me soo much of them our boy dog is alot like simple dog and our girl is really smart and she is like helper dog my simple dog clings on to her his world breaks down if she leaves the house without him

Devin Nye said...

Yea!!! New post! Funny post! Circles? Wha...?

Kris said...

I am in love with Simple Dog! My dog is SO much like Simple Dog. The difference is I know my dog is really smart. She's just so damn terrified of life that she reacts in really dumb ways. :( Poor dogs. I'm glad you got her back and kinda readjusted to life!

Erin said...

Yay!!!!!! I've been reading this blog for a few months now, but this is my first comment. Love it! Every time you post, it brightens my day. Plus, it totally feels like a birthday present, since it's my 22nd today :)

Heide said...

ok, it looks like you've been busy, so I'll forgive you for being silent for so long. j/k.

Thanks for the post. You make my day awesome!

sheldon said...

I wait for your stories and have never been disappointed

braintorch said...

Ahh... This story is somewhat tragic though pretty happy ended. I sorry for the dog. :(

Catherine said...

Every time you post about the simple dog, I become more and more convinced that you have my dog's littermate. My dog Darcy is more than just a little vacant, and she looks a lot like your drawings...

Megan said...

Allie I love you. It always brightens my day to see you have a new post. You never disappoint. :)

Anonymous said...

I am a about to graduate as a doctor of veterinary med. I adore your blogs, but I think your dog could use some anti-anxiety meds. Or a MRI of her brain. If her circling and soiling the carpet continue I would definitely get her looked at!!

The Wandering ABC said...

This new blogpost made my day!

HeatherM said...

I love your drawings and I especially love the way you depict Simple Dog! But awwww I feel so bad for Simple Dog, that must have been just horrible! *sending lots of love and vibes!*

Anonymous said...

I... I think I love you.

Spalderdash said...

This is brilliant! 'Flurs' probably made me laugh far too much more than it was intended to. You rockstar, you!

Reminds me very much of the time my hamster (who also has special needs) went on an adventure in the fireplace. The story is on my blog (should you get bored enough to want to read about it - and you'd need to be VERY bored), and Bernard (aforementioned hamster) is often caught staring wistfully at the chimney these days. I fear for her life. My mother very much enjoys burning all the things and I do believe she'd take great pleasure in setting Bernard alight.

Fantastic post! I have missed your amazingosity. xx

Hot Hot JJ said...

You made my day! My favorite part was tree+B=mailbox! You are wicked talented lady! Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Oh my God.. the dead squirrel with its little extruded intestines... the tennis ball sailing over her head... "am dog"...

And the expressions! I laughed 'til I almost peed. Okay, maybe I did pee a little.

Okay, I peed a moderate amount and had to change my pants. But it was totally worth it.

CareaBearaSara said...

i suggest that if you ever come to Denver with the simple dog, you stay far far away from the airport, because we have a HUGE BLUE Mustang on the way to/from the airport.

It's huge, it has red eyes at night, and it killed the creator of it while it was in production, his son had to finish it.
check it out!

http://blogs.westword.com/latestword/blue%20mustang%20pic.jpg

lmt512 said...

=] I'm so glad you posted, I love your blog! Also, your depictions of simple dog make me happy.

Anonymous said...

Very well drawn and very true to life! Alas, I also have a simple dog. I am glad to see you posting again, please keep up the good work, and I hope all is well with you.

Anonymous said...

yay! new HaaH story...

<3 <3 <3

SammySimplicity said...

YAY ALLIE! I was so worried we'd lost you! This was absolutely hilarious and incredible. Your dog is so cute in a simple kind of way. :) Cant wait to see more soon!

Amy said...

I love this. My obnoxious laughter at this post forced my own Simple Dog from the room, with her ears back and an offended look on her little face.

Anonymous said...

admittedly not your best work.

Ethne said...

my friend has a dog who every morning wakes up, and has no idea who is owner is, and over the course of the day he meets him (which to him feels like the first time) and likes him, until he goes to sleep and wakes up the next morning, starting the cycle over again.

ultrafuchsia said...

Ah. Delightful way to end my workday. Thank you for the new post, Allie, and relieved to see the incipient food poisoning you mentioned on twitter didn't carry you off. Your kindness to simple dog should result in your canonization.

I have to admit that the dog eyes in the rear view mirror caused me to snort coconut water out of my nose. The expressiveness that you manage to wring out of such simple looking drawings never ceases to amaze me.

Scaramouche, scaramouche....

Ramona said...

I've never had a dog quite like yours, but I have 3 boys! Smarty pants 12 year old lab, pretty savy mixed terrier, and then.... simple minded little black pug! LoVe your stories and illustrations! Keep up the FABUlous !

jcnipper said...

Awwww, poor simple dog. Awesome blog. :-)

Fangle said...

I'm so glad you posted again! I was begging ing to think you were dead...
Hilarious as always :D
Thank you for the morning smiles

Tapanga Jansen said...

I's loves you. Maybes not simpel dog. But I's loves you.

steph gas said...

seeing a new post from you made my tarzipan and anger filled day better.

pnb_dave said...

This may be your best yet. I am re-reading it over and over and still cracking up every time. Bravo!

P.S. I'm glad you're not dead. I was worried.

Phelps said...

I think I may take "Tree + B = Mailbox" as my personal motto and coat of arms.

Lauraaa said...

Amazing! You never fail to make me laugh. Everyone in my office probably thinks im crazy sitting at my desk giggling . haha. More often please!!!

iredaleorama said...

I think I'll stick with cats...

Anonymous said...

I'm in love with pretty much everything you've ever written which is why it hurts me to say I wasn't a fan of this post. It didn't have your usual sense of humor. I honestly didn't laugh once. Waiting with high hopes for the next one...

vypr said...

fantastic post.. very interesting perspective, and of course, the illustrations totally sold it :D

TheGoodDoctor said...

Awesome Allie!!!
Also I vote you best MS Paint artist of the internet.

mundham said...

I really wish the dog whisperer would meet simple dog...that would be amazing...

Jacqueline said...

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... I love your simple dog!

Li said...

Your dog eminds me of our 18 month old cockapoo, Maxwell. Every time we take him to the vet he reverts back to the way he was the day we brought him home: hellishly hyperactive, less than housebroken, and able to magically retrieve food items that are server feet out of his reach (like the top of the fridge). Such a good thing that poor Simple Dog is so loved!

Aimee said...

I am so ridiculously happy to see another post about the simple dog. This just totally made my day - simple dog has an INNER WOLF, MASTER OF THE OUTDOORS OMG.

MandiCullen said...

Yesssss. Another classic. :-) I literally almost peed my pants. Sooo good. You brighten my days!

Erin Moxam said...

Your dogs are great. They make me feel better about my dogs. :)

Mama Wants This said...

Love! Especially the dog perspective drawings!

pursuingparenthood said...

YAY NEW POST! *Clapping hands hopping around* YAYNEWPOSTYAYNEWPOSTYAYNEWPOST!

I totally <3 your dog.

Christibear said...

I check everyday for a post. They are the crack I crave to get me through another day of working for a "no raise for anyone in three years: state. Thank you for supplying my "fix!"

Ergonomic Cat said...

My 3 year old is wondering why the funny pictures of puppies are making me laugh so hard I'm crying. But she likes the picture of brother and sister and puppy very much. ;)

Also, "No one expects their dog to instantaneously develop an extremely specific fear of horse statues" is somehow going to become my motto.

Katie said...

YAY NEW POST!

YAY AWESOME NEW POST!

Hillary said...

wonderful!!! this is one of my favourites . i get so excited when you post new stories. bravo !! looking forward to the next one already

Rebecca said...

Hilarious!! If you posted more frequently I'd laugh more often, hint hint ;) Love the blog though!

Rebecca said...

LOVE! I think our dogs were separated at birth...and they shared a brain!

Kelly Buckholtz said...

Thank you Allie, for your odd and grand little opus.

Kaylie said...

Once again, you have made me laugh my ass off!!!! WONDERFUL! But my favorite part was the very end when she morphed into a primal wolf! TOO perfect, I swear mine dream of their wild "days" as well!!!!

I have a stubborn dumb dog and a very smart wild dog, they drive me nuts! :)

Kristina C. said...

Poor simple dog! Very funny!
Sorsipy Boo boo boo!!!
We need a new t-shirt!

Man vs. Bible said...

oh, you.

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