I've been getting lots of emails with subject lines like "R U dead???" and "POST SOMETHING MOTHERF*CKER!" and "Wheeeerrrrrree aaaaaarrrrrrrre yyyooooooouuuuu???"
I've been posting updates on Twitter, but Twitter is stupid and soulless and many of you (understandably) don't use it, so I thought it would be prudent to give you guys an update here as well.
Okay, so remember when I almost died? That happened again, but not as bad this time. The last couple days have been like playing "Guess Who"with diseases, but I'm pretty sure my doctors finally figured out what's wrong with me and it probably doesn't have anything to do with my heart, which is good. The heart weirdness is most likely a benign genetic anomaly that is unrelated to the fainting, fevers, low blood pressure, and abdominal pain.
Anyway, I finally decided to make a fan page for this blog on Facebook as a way to give updates like this without having to make a whole new post about it:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hyperbole-and-a-Half/103009646411654
If you're looking for medical details, that's where they'll be posted. I'm doing it this way because I understand that some of you are squeamish and I didn't want to be like "Hey! Guess what's wrong with my organs?!" and then have you be all "Holy crap, why would you tell me that without any warning?"
You're welcome.
Edited to add: You can still view the Facebook page without having to get your own Facebook account. Yay! Also, there's a tab that let's you choose to see only comments from me or comments from everybody. If you're looking for information, it might be easiest to click the "Only Hyperbole and a Half" tab.
In summary: Still not dead; will post soon.
Glad you're still with us - in whichever cyber form you choose...
ReplyDeleteYes. Please get well, you're useless to us dead.
ReplyDelete:-)
Man, I wish I had cool diseases and sicknesses to brag about.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely never get sick. It's a curse.
Eek. I know what having 239489328 things wrong with you but being a mystery to doctors is like. Feel better! And don't die. That would put a damper on my life.
ReplyDeletePS I was the 5th person to like the fan page :D I feel so much ahead of all the other fans. So much ahead, in fact, that I feel the need for my smiley face to grow a handle bar mustache to denote exactly how far ahead of the other fans I am. :{D
good luck!!!
ReplyDeletei think, if you died, i would die. because this blog would be over (unless you could post from the dead) and a significant amount of awesome would have disappeared from the world.
Are you still going to be using Twitter to post updates also? Cause that would be nice. Facebook is of the Devil!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you aren't dead. Being dead probably sucks a lot, you know, from a being alive standpoint.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand though, Zombie Allie! That would be kind of cool, except that all of your posts would be about brains and eating brains.
Jeff - Of course! This is just another way to keep everyone on the same page.
ReplyDeleteBut how is babby formed
ReplyDeleteTry not to die, okay? Because that would be pretty stupid. I mean, there's only so many times I can reread your old posts before I memorize them...
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, get well, you sexy lion you.
I hoping that at some point there will be a series of drawings of your organs in revolt. Maybe the heart could be wearing a little DNA hat and a shirt that says 'I "me" Allie'. (this sounded like a much better idea inside my head)
ReplyDeleteI thought about wishing you well. Then I laughed at the wishing well verbiage.
ReplyDeleteSo I thought about praying for you. Then I recalled I'm an atheist and laughed again.
So then I thought about sending you money. I laughed because that seems whorish.
Finally I decided to comment here instead and suggest a zip tie to help your ovaries get over their fixation on causing you pain. You know its funny, because your ovaries never caused ME pain. Hrm....
It would make me sad alot if you died.
ReplyDeleteIs this a House MD episode?
ReplyDeleteI'm totally taking credit for you updating, because I commented right before I left work, and when I got home BOOM! There's an update! Hope things get better soon for you.
ReplyDeleteMy goodness. Well I'm glad you remain with the living. Hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteYAY, you're not dead. That would be bad, because u da best.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure you predicted some sort of ovary disaster when you got your pain scale quoted on this page: http://www.livingwithendometriosis.org/2010/04/07/dark-humour-helps-with-the-pain/
ReplyDeleteGlad you're not dead, and while I love your posts, I'm okay with you concentrating on figuring out what's going on and how to handle instead of keeping me entertained. (Don't you feel better knowing you have my permission?)
ReplyDeleteGlad you are not dead. Although it would be pretty cool if you were dead and still posting. Then it would be Zombie Posts and that would add a whole new element.
ReplyDeleteSo in sum, I'm glad that you are not desirious of brains and attempting to lure into a false sense of security.
. . .
or are you?
Jeesh- I just spent three days reading all your back posts, and a whole few minutes putting you on my blog- so if you die, I'll be pissed! what a waste of time. Like having your favorite author die mid book series.
ReplyDeleteMost glad you are not deceased...but I guess I will never know what is going on because I will not ever get on Facebook or Twitter...
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear from you. I had wondered if you another episode with the dying thing. I haven't looked at the FB fan page yet, but it's good to hear that they finally have found more information into what is going on with your body.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
Seriously, are folks e-mailing you asking "R U dead?" Questions like this are so contradictory they always make my brain hurt; and often also cause a fatal error in my logic system so I need to reboot before being able to operate normally:
ReplyDelete-- other examples include: --
* R U sleeping?
* your mouth is full of what?
* (on the phone) I can't talk right now. O_o
* (on the phone) Can u talk right now?
* so you're not gonna talk to me, are you?
oh thank GOD you're still alive :D
ReplyDeletei hope you get better soon!
My husband and I just started reading your blog last week. Love it, but was beginning to worry that we killed it. Always the last on the bandwagon and all. Its good to know that isn't actually the case, and hope you get to feeling better.
ReplyDeleteYay for not-deadness!
ReplyDeleteI can imagine that you had to deal with the peeing in a cup or getting prodded with needles to get your blood stolen and stuff again. >< That couldn't have been fun for you.
Hope that you're starting to get better!
oh dear. glad to hear you're still alive. get well soon and keep up the blogging awesomeness. really. write more, i love your stuff.
ReplyDeleteYou being dead wouldn't help me (or anyone else) at all. I'd much rather you take some time to get well and be alive than have you gone completely.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the update! I'm glad you are not dead and I hope that you are better soon.
ReplyDeletePlease try not to die that easily. Who's gonna take care of Alot? And I miss Spaghatta Nadle already.
ReplyDeleteWait. Is SN dead? Please say he's not.
Please feel better, Allie! It's important to follow things through with doctors, even if one tells you it's nothing to worry about. I had surgery for an adrenal tumor that made extra adrenaline (called a pheochromocytoma) this March after feeling awful for more than a year!
ReplyDeleteStay on top of those doctors. Find one who truly cares about your well-being... like we do. :-)
Please feel Alot better. Alot is better, but you should be too.
Whoa! Hope you're feeling better soon. Glad you're still alive and kicking.
ReplyDeleteAllie, I'm glad they figured out what's wrong with you. Also, I'm glad it isn't your heart. I hope you feel better soon, for your sake and for the blogospheres.
ReplyDeleteLove love love.
I was wondering when you were going to have your own fan page on FB! I have been telling so many people about your blog. Actually, I reserve the blog recommendation only for people I find funny or intelligent. I think your humor is a notch above the rest & can't be wasted on the lame! I hope everything about your insides is figured out soon!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know that between this post, and your previous one, I was able to read your entire blog. You know what that means? It means you need to update more often! Though I do follow you on Twitter, the tweets didn't quite suffice. Glad you're not dead!
ReplyDeleteGlad you're not dead. There's a Monty Python joke in there, somewhere...
ReplyDeletePlease get better. You are really the only blog I have ever laughed out loud at and actually followed.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'm very concerned with your health.
And on the plus side - I am drunk right now and needed to show everyone I am with your blog.
Hope you feel better soon! Apparently on House, it's never lupus, so it probably won't be for you either, which is good. For me, it turned out to be really weird lupus, which is just typical. Anyway, look forward to hearing all the grisly details!
ReplyDeleteI don't know that Twitter is stupid (though I don't use it) it's just that I have an attention span.
ReplyDelete140 characters is alright if that's what you have to say...but it's too limiting to ALWAYS say that.
It's great to have you back.
I'm so glad you still aren't dead. I was one of the rude asses who left cry-y whiny messages about wheeerrrrreee aaaarrrreee yyyooouuuu?
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome.
Don't die. That would be very annoying.
ReplyDeleteYou're my blogging God, you see. So if you die, I'll be in a Nietzsche situation and I don't even like Nietzsche that much. He's probably one of my least favourite philosophers.
Also then I'd have nobody to worship, and that's no fun.
Eww... facebook page... That's almsot as bad as Twitter.
ReplyDeleteYay! Glad you are not dead :D Also the FB page is a great idea! I never check my twitter account!!
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon...and also that Rob jerk leaves you alone!!!
Don't die. We would miss you, Alot.
ReplyDeleteIf anyone saw the little bit of drama that unfolded here, it has been resolved and all comments have been removed out of respect to the parties involved and my own desire for privacy.
ReplyDeleteNo! Please dont die! This blog is funnyer then the average squirrel fight. Which, might I add, can go nuts!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading more intriguing posts :-)
Please accept good wishes for your health from my household. We'll try to send good vibes. We'd send candy, but it would probably get sticky in the mail.
ReplyDeleteHave your doctors tested you for lyme disease, or gram-negative infection? Stuff like that can give weird, unpleasant, hard-to-diagnose problems.
Pernicious anemia. Google it.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are not dead. It was starting to seem like a possibility. Prodigious blogger goes away without warning....what else would one think. In fact I did think that but I do tweet and I did see your tweets and I kept reminding myself of that. Because ghosts don't tweet probably.
ReplyDeleteGlad for the updates. I'm thinking you've got to be getting some good blog material out of the scads of medical professionals you've seen. Okay, not really a bright spot, but I'm looking for the positive in this to make you feel better. Dang. WWSND? (what would spaghatta Nadle do?)
ReplyDeletei totally screwed this up and got excited.
ReplyDeleteI bet you'd have these bullshit excuses if you have a real job, too.
ReplyDeleteugh, your diagnosis sounds incredibly unpleasant; I hope they can eleviate the pain and come up with a good solution.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the update on everything! I jogged over to your facebook page and see you have eleventy billion fans over there too. I bet you're so proud! Congrats!
Hugs?
ReplyDeleteHey Allie,
ReplyDeleteDoes the number of Alot references being used in the comments section frustrate you?
That was one of your best posts, but something like "we miss you. Alot! roflroflrofl" must get pretty annoying after the 1000th time...
Feel better!
-JC
I am sad you're only updating on facebook and twitter because my work blocks both, and your blog is the only thing that keeps me alive here. but really.
ReplyDeleteWell, on the bright side at least they're pretty sure it's not a heart problem or ebola aids. Get better soon!
ReplyDeleteTake care o' yer arse.
ReplyDeletePriority of life:
unicorns > your health > anything wrapped in a tortilla > role-playing during sex > your blog > everything else.
I'm willing to give you some of my blood pressure. I have lots to spare.
ReplyDeleteYou better not die!!! your blog is my crack...and I really don't want to get on the REAL CRACK if you die!!! SO FOR THE SAKE OF ME BEING DRUG FREE, you need to stay alive. p.s. tell your doctor if you die there will lots of crazy cyber fans who will hunt his/her ass down and make him/her pay for our lack of daily laughter for the rest of our lives!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're not dead! Hope they can figure out all the craziness soon so you can feel better.
ReplyDeleteEmma
Isn't it grand being a woman?
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm from Brasil (or "Brazil", if the first one sounds like a terrible grammatical mistake for you) and I just wanted to tell you that you're funny. Which means that you're funny pretty much everywhere. :D
ReplyDeleteSelfishly, I live in the hope that you will find creating art a great way to take your mind off of health worries and pain. Other than that, I hope you have good docs and that you feel better and get actually WELL. I mean like healthy WELL.
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ReplyDeleteAhk, Ah dahd'nt mahn tah dahlaht mah fahrst pahst! Allie (Allah? Calturahlly insensitahv!), fahl battah! Glahd yahr naht dahd!
ReplyDeleteCan you PLEASE do another spaghatta nadle post? I basically hooked at least 12 people to your blog on that alone. We're obsessed. I email things like this to my friends:
Hahlk Hahlgan ahts spaghatta! Thahs waht ahm tahken abaht...
http://cdn2.maxim.com/maxim/files/2010/05/12/21-wrestlers-out-their-element-pics/tumblr_kunhhiZfzK1qze4i7o1_400.jpg
and...
Hahly Shaht! Mahlahshas Spaghatta!
http://retroslashers.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/spaghetti-slashers-torso.jpg
Feel better soon! $;8
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you aren't feeling good. As a creep, I think I heard somewhere that you're all sick and everything because of ovarian cysts. Well, if that's right, I like to think I'm the leading expert on those things cause I have four of those mutant mofos residing in my right ovary. (One is a friggin beast, too!) I'm sorry you have to go through that nasty pain they like to cause. It is not fun at all. I hope they fix it all soon and that you are feeling better real quick!
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I could find everything except the actual explanation of what has happened to you, but I gather it has something to do with exploding lady bits.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry you have exploding lady bits, Allie. That really can't be fun.
Don't you worry about your fans, here. Just get better. We'll keep checking in. My 11-year-old daughter and I will just wile away the time tahkahg lahk Spahgahtti Nahddle. Yes, I let her read your blog, but I made her promise not to use *those* words until she's 16.
I just found you, you can't be sick now. Sheesh. Get better soon. You make me and my entire office laF with delight.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you're still alive. I do know you're alive because your writing talent is better than that of the average zombie. If you were a zombie, I would have to call my friend and put our Zombie Apocalypse plan into action (yeah, we have one.) Which would probably involve your death, unless we could de-zombify you (we're working on it.) So in conclusion, stay alive. Yeah.
ReplyDeleteyay! Leee WUUUUV you!
ReplyDeleteI just ran across through random clicking of links and I'm glad you aren't dead.
ReplyDeleteOMG--I'm so glad you aren't dead! I have been blog-stalking you for a while now and when I didn't find anything new for you I admit that I was a little mad at you. I guess I have to forgive you now right?
ReplyDeletePlease get better. Now.
J Doe
(But really, I'm so sorry you aren't feeling 100%, and I'm sorry I was mad at you for it! Can we be friends?)
I just discovered this blog, and now I feel all possessive of you. You can't leave! You are my favourite way to waste time! Death = not allowed.
ReplyDeleteDammit I knew that was a bullshit diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteGet better or I'll come down there and kick your Dr's butt.
Glad you're okay, and I really hope they figure out what the hell is going on. Not having a diagnosis is enough to make a person go apeshit.
ReplyDeleteYay! You're alive! I am totally visiting your Facebook page!
ReplyDeleteMitchell, I'm sorry about Goose...everyone really liked him...I'm sorry...whoa, just had a Top Gun flashback.
ReplyDeleteNow get better and get nadle back on this here blog...nahw!
http://www.apackalipsnow.blogspot.com
One time I passed out for what felt like no reason after walking down the street to get coffee, and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital, and the doctors told me I had a dangerously irregular heartbeat. I had to stay in the hospital for a day while they monitored me until some genius finally figured out that passing out had MADE my heartbeat irregular temporarily, and not the other way around. Maybe that's what happened to you? I'm glad you're feeling better now.
ReplyDeleteDear Allie, I'm glad you're not dead. The internet would suck a lot more if you were to leave us!
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for your facebook update page, twitter is evil, and I will not be a part of it, but, finally, now I can follow you on the (slightly) less evil facebook! WOOHOO!!!!
Allie, I blame BP. They are screwing up the ocean and your lady bits. Beware the oil glob ovary kryptonite. Get better. We miss you. BP sucks.
ReplyDeleteFeel better, Allie!
ReplyDeleteGood news! I am wearing my Bear Chips t-shirt in support of your recovery.
ReplyDeleteSO glad you're not dead D: Alot of people will miss you.
ReplyDeleteAnd so will a lot of people.
*cymbal crash in background*
Feeeel better, Allie!
And thanks so much for the Facebook page, as I'm not supposed to use Twitter... XD
Just started reading your blog like two days ago. It's awesome. I'm sure you know that, but I like to feel good about myself by telling you things that everyone is general agreement about.
ReplyDeleteAlso! What if the disease is really just your segway disease? To your brand new super powers? Of justice. Or flying, I think flying would be the way to go.
Or you could be super lame like Jubilee and shoot lights out of your hands.
I've got my fingers crossed that it's not one of the lame ones. For your sake. I mean, fireworks are cool two times a year? Flying and throwing shit at people from the sky is fun any time.
Feel better!
I tried emailing you a hug...a totally platonic, not-stalkerish, hanging-you-on-a-hook-in-my-room-like-a-poster-of-my-favorite-band, hug, but my digitized self was too large to fit as an attachment, so I'll just leave a comment.
ReplyDeleteI am really glad that you are not dead, 'cause that would really suck. Tell your body to stop trying to kill you. Offer your organs sweets and treats in return for good behaviour. Bribe them with dessert and designer tampons if you must.
Remember, if laughter truly is/was the best medicine, all doctors would be Patch Adams...but..you know......funny. :D
Creepy Hugs from Canada.
Feel better!
ReplyDeleteI refound you from That Wife's blog. It's kind of awesome finding you all over the internet. I feel like a stalker ninja.
(then again, this is also my first comment on your blog and you have to think I'm crazy nooooo)
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ReplyDeleteomg wait...so your blog is funny, etc, blah, but I ALSO have "fainting, fevers, low blood pressure, and abdominal pain." but not the fainting. But the rest. I've never bothered asking a professional about them together though...and in isolation professionals don't find them very entertaining. I hope you find out what those are caused by and post it here so I can diagnose myself based on your diagnosis!
ReplyDeleteDang, Miss Allie.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well lately. I hope this funkyness doesn't last too long and keep you feeling yucky. You deserve better, Wee-One!
I keep forgetting about the Facebook page and oughta go there and wish you a speedy recovery. Every bit of concern helps the healing!
Please get well, rest, and let the inner-bears work their juju-healing-majick...I have no idea...
:/
I just hope you get well!
Best regards,
-Cmonster
Um. I just noticed that every time I scroll to the bottom of your blog and see the friendly hairy dude that says hello, I say hello back.
ReplyDeleteP.S. No more almost dying, please.
Wait... Er...I don't mean that in the "almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades" way that means almost isn't good enough. I mean don't do anymore things that in anyway resemble the feeling or appearance of death or impending death.
This might be a little... insensitive, given the circumstances, but are you aware that you just said, "...there's a tab that let us you choose to see..."?
ReplyDeleteIs your grammar one of the organs affected by your disease cornucopia or just your fingers?
;-)
"disease cornucopia" - I like that.
ReplyDelete