This Might Ruin Valentine's Day...

If you forget Valentine's Day, you're actually kind of a hero.  For flowers.

While we're on the subject, look at this romantic card I made!

UPDATE:  As I was reading through my comments, one in particular really stood out to me: 

It's so sweet, yet so creepy.  So eloquent.  I just don't know what to say!  

And we have a rebuttal! 

(To settle any confusion, I have lived in both Idaho and Montana, but I currently live in Montana.  I don't know whether to give the points to Maxie for accuracy or to Nutella on Toast for successfully stalking my childhood...) 


  1. Thank you for this flower awareness campaign. I cannot tell you how often this crisis goes UNATTENDED!

    If flowers were "people" (who says they aren't?!) I have personally witnessed GENOCIDE, MASSACRES, THOUSANDS OF STAINED PETALS STREWN MERCILESSLY TO THE FLOOR JUST TO MAKE THEM LOOK MORE "ACCEPTABLE".


    You certainly are a hero to the cause.


  2. Also, I would like to add that these "flower shops" are a complete disgust to society! How are they any different from the "sweat shops" that get so much negative media attention for making so many of our popular CLOTHING items and yet not a single word of condemnation is spoken against these SLAUGHTER HOUSES. I have seen what goes on in the "back" of these places. As I said, literally thousands of petals are ripped off of the carcasses of BOUND roses, simply to be more "appealing to the eye". They are "stored for longevity" in INHUMANE CONDITIONS! Kept in BUCKETS of WATER in COLD FREEZERS! They might as well be meat lockers for little children!!!!

    I apologize for the graphic nature of these FACTS, but we can no longer turn a blind eye to the TRUTH about this so-called "holiday of love".


    We need to finally take a stand against such atrocities!

  3. I've actually been saying the same kind of thing all these years....and no one ever sees my point. It's nice to find a fellow flower-protector.

  4. Luckily I do not recognize Valentines as a legitimate holiday, so no flowers will die in my honor this weekend.

    I do, however, occasionally enjoy those chalky conversation hearts, but as far as I'm aware, nothing has to die in the process.

  5. I got flowers once. They were in a pot. I still killed them.


    It was manslaughter at most. Probably more neglect. They should have been put in foster care.

    My comment is depressing me.

    I love flowers.

    The end.

  6. First thing I've seen that's made me feel good about being single coming up to Valentine's day!

  7. My boyfriend is a broke teenager. I'm a flower hero this year as I told him not to buy me any. Never thought of it that way, though.

  8. Aw, poor flower. They're always overlooked. Especially with the "save the trees" mentality. Save the flowers!

  9. Salt, your enjoyment of those chalky hearts has KILLED MY SOUL. I hope you're happy... (okay, not really. My soul, as far as I know, is alive and well)

  10. This is why I boycott any kind of romanticism at all. I keep telling my wife I am intentionally avoiding any kind of flower genocide, but she says I can't keep using that excuse every time I forget Valentine's Day, our anniversary, her birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas, etc, etc, etc ...

  11. Hahahaha this had me doubled over with laughter =D

  12. poor flowers. this gives me double sads. Should we also be sad for twizzlers? Because I fucking love twizzlers.

  13. valentine's day massacre. it's real.

  14. Awwww... that's so weirdly sappy and sentimental, I might just squeeze out a tear. Sweet post.

    (Chocolate is still OK though, right??? You're not going to make us feel guilty about CHOCOLATE, are you???)

  15. I'm going to make my boy a bouquet out of bacon. Aww yeah. Nothing dies to make bacon. Don't tell me any different.

  16. Now I feel bad for cutting the grass. That's like freaking genocide.

  17. This will only ruin Valentine's Day for couples who might actually celebrate Valentine's Day.

    I don't know any of those because I mercifully ruined it for all of them several years ago.

  18. I love you, Allie. And I don't mean that in the affectionate but aware of proper boundaries way, only really referencing your work here on the internet.

    No, I mean that in the masturbating to your picture, stalking you through the personal details you've revealed, and posting this from my phone as I drive to Idaho, (that's where you live, right?), dressed as a woman, muttering to myself and listening to industrial music while I think of the beautiful thing I will say to you when I ambush you in your bathroom to make you love me, too.

  19. Now every time someone asks why I hate Valentine's Day, I'm going to show them this.

  20. EXACTLY. People who give flowers are murderers.

  21. I'm happy to say I'm going to have a guilt-free Valentine's Day free of flowercide. I'm just cheap like that. Awesome drawings!

  22. Love this blog. You draw the things I think about!
    Although pretty, flowers belong in the garden.
    And guys, buying a bunch of flowers for the GF is kinda sucky if they have no fragrance. Stick to chocolate. But then she might think you are trying to make her fat and if you make her a card, she might think you are cheap, so forget about Valentine's Day. If you are not allowed, make a nice dinner with lots of alcohol and have sex instead. :)

  23. also, I just posted about valentine's day, and how ridiculous it is. I think you would enjoy it. xD
    (by the way, your valentines cards are flippin sweet. made my day)

  24. I have a really hard time believing that this Nutella on Toast is more obsessed with you than I am, but if so maybe we can just have an old school shoot out to figure out who gets your heart.


    we could both come to Montana (SEE at least I know where you live) and bring presents and you can pick to keep the one who brings the best gift.

    hint: mine will be a suit of someone's skin.

    I hope you are excited.

  25. Please, I would definitely win at stalking you because our parents only live like 45 minutes away from each other. I could totally go pretend to sell them girl scout cookies and then con them into telling me everything about you ever. Also, we share a friend on facebook which practically means we know each other in real life.

    P.S. I'm bringing a suit of bacon, a wheelbarrow of BBQ ribs, 27 hams, 4 buckets of superballs, a flamethrower, and brown sugar cinnamon Ritz.

  26. Your cards are freaking hilarious!!!

    you gotta find a way to print and sell them...

    the slaughtering 12 humans one is a keeper!!!

  27. Weird coincidence, but Maxie has been asking me for my measurements on a daily basis.

    Hold me.

  28. I OBVIOUSLY win. Nutella hasn't even offered up a present yet.

  29. I'm not really sure how I found your blog, but now I find it hilarious (pun fail...wha whaaaa!)

    I love your drawings; they make your blog at LEAST 67% more awesome.

    Thanks for the laughs. :)

  30. So, Nutella on Toast is the Skeleton Man and Maxie is the Orc rapist.

    I would just fill in all your closets with concrete if I were you.


I'm super creepy and totally capable of finding you