tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post6370444670206276203..comments2024-03-26T00:36:21.896-06:00Comments on Hyperbole and a Half: Boyfriend Would be a Headless, Dignity-less Torso Without Me and That's a Really Disturbing Title Now That it's 3:00 AMAlliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04259303604002690708noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-86389695186092124302010-08-25T04:55:46.936-06:002010-08-25T04:55:46.936-06:00Dear Allie,
#1: I love you. I love you so much it...Dear Allie,<br /><br />#1: I love you. I love you so much it hurts my tummy. Just thought I'd get that out of the way<br /><br />#2: I know this is about a bajillion months late, but I only just found you, my love, so be patient.<br /><br />NOW FOR RELEVANCE! (kind of)<br /><br />This reminds me of a Disney movie I saw when I was a kid called "Don't Look Under The Bed", because that's not ominous and totally okay for children. <br /><br />In the movie there is a girl who keeps having terrible stuff happen to her/near her and gets blamed for it. Then the same stuff starts happening to her little brother, and it turns out all the stuff is being done by BOOGIE PERSONS. <br /><br />The BOOGIE PEOPLE are created because they used to be the children's imaginary friends, and when the kids stopped believing in their imaginary friends, the imaginary friends became BOOGIE PEOPLE that are also personalized life-ruiners. <br /><br />So it's all the girl's fault because she's like "I'm a grown-up now, imaginary stuff is dumb. Little brother, stop being so fucking dumb and be a grown-up too."<br /><br />This it taught me a very important lesson: That acting like something doesn't exist only intensifies its evil and makes it more powerful!<br /><br />So, basically, because Boyfriend is all like "There is totally NOT a murdering raping orc in the spare bedroom," HE IS ONLY MAKING IT STRONGER!!!<br /><br />Since you totally accept the murdering raping orc's existence and give it the fear and respect it deserves, you're totally good. BECAUSE YOU'RE A SURVIVOR.<br /><br />Boyfriend is totally going to get orc-murdered-and-raped. In that order.LayLadyLayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13424692186623349958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-33043230598614032902010-08-24T20:42:46.514-06:002010-08-24T20:42:46.514-06:00Have you ever tried the hot water trick? Basicall...Have you ever tried the hot water trick? Basically when it gets that cold (or colder) you take a styrofoam cup of very hot water outside and throw it up in the air. By the time it starts falling back to the ground, it has turned to snow. <br />It is super fun, and even more fun if you try it with hot chocolate. Chocolate snow is the best!Virginia Berghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17613982078826800482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-53722713444242030622010-08-22T14:47:53.022-06:002010-08-22T14:47:53.022-06:00oh my gosh i do the same thing if i hear a nosie i...oh my gosh i do the same thing if i hear a nosie ill wonder if someone is in my house and ill get nervous and try to tell myself to sleep and it wont work ill picture some creepy troll and then ill lay there awake and scared with no one to turn to cause im 20 and should go to my parents nd my boyfreind aready went to sleep so i cant keep texting him im glad m not the only one who gets scared like that its so funny cause you make things im afraid of still sound hilarious your awesomecorynnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14399823906490748605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-29092410894912265382010-04-08T14:52:19.062-06:002010-04-08T14:52:19.062-06:00Don't be silly. Zombies don't open doors....Don't be silly. Zombies don't open doors. They break them down. Michael Myers, yeah, he gently opens a door. Why? Because he's a fucking gentleman.Missy Y. (formerly A Case of You)https://www.blogger.com/profile/00024813150457436868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-22488958841061378812010-04-03T21:40:20.118-06:002010-04-03T21:40:20.118-06:00I feel Boyfriend's pain. My Ex was afraid of &...I feel Boyfriend's pain. My Ex was afraid of "the people", a band of, well. people, ill defined and <i>horrifically </i>dangerous, who were waiting to get us if we ever left the house after dark, and the bed after we got in it. Sigh. The other side of the coin is my daughter, who at the age of about 5 or 6 <i>loved </i>watching the Ring trilogy with me. Except Gollum. Gollum scared the <i>bejeesus </i>out of her, much the same way Dracula and the Mummy did for me as a child. So, she would come creeping in to our bedroom at 2 a.m. when she would wake up scared, and being <b>my </b>child, would in her perfect mimic voice say "precious is scared and wants to sleep with you two, oh yessssssss, precioussssssssssssss". I would then peel myself off the ceiling, and explain why daddy was in such pain, and attempt to go back to sleep. I was getting it from both sides. Tell Boyfriend it could be worse.You could conjoined twins, one of whom is worried about Orcs, and one who is worried about Mothra or something equally ridiculous, making the Orc side look bad.shipofthesunhttp://www.youtube.com/user/shipofthesunnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-41198680294093213222010-03-27T19:19:27.125-06:002010-03-27T19:19:27.125-06:00I'm not trying to freak you out Allie, but I w...I'm not trying to freak you out Allie, but I was confused about the bear-person thing in the first picture, and the bottom-left window pane looks like there is a frozen bear roaring at the camera... ^-^'' I'm a lil' freaked now...Yurichannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-73573806659719871652010-02-20T14:59:17.467-07:002010-02-20T14:59:17.467-07:00What about the goblins under your bed? I'm pos...What about the goblins under your bed? I'm positive they are going to reach out and trip me one night after I turn out the lights. Tricky devils.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12148219583315297997noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-88429358825790770502010-02-11T23:20:21.045-07:002010-02-11T23:20:21.045-07:00Holmes' Comfort Temp space heater= a godsend. ...Holmes' Comfort Temp space heater= a godsend. I'm currently couchcrashing in a friend's unheated guest room, and this thing prevents my limbs from going numb at night, hasn't raised the electricity bills, and has the added benefit that it hasn't threatened to set my entire (temporary) bedroom on fire like I'm always worried that space heaters will. Internal thermostat means that it turns on and shuts off when the room needs it, too. Sorry to sound like an advertisement but since I'm a bit of a couchsurfing hobo I know how wonderful heat can be.Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03862428551521838817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-10248200787042001012009-12-10T10:13:36.699-07:002009-12-10T10:13:36.699-07:00Allie, I totally feel your pain. I, too, live in a...Allie, I totally feel your pain. I, too, live in a scary little carriage house in Missoula that gets like 3 inches of ice on the INSIDE of the window. Flamethrower idea = bad. Last year I took a small hand torch to the windows in hopes of melting off at least a foot of the ice and potentially dispelling the evil IM's... but all I did was break the window. Bad, bad, bad. <br /><br />We also have a, like, 50 year old furnace in the basement that sounds like it has a large wildebeest trapped in it whenever it comes on. Maybe I should stick with space heaters, too... <br /><br />I think it's been at LEAST a year since I've seen an orc in Missoula, though. Hang in there. ;)D'Ethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02270631784556392417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-10957249867873881152009-12-08T14:49:28.393-07:002009-12-08T14:49:28.393-07:00Uhm that one window shot really fucks with my anth...Uhm that one window shot really fucks with my anthropomorphiaphobiaismScottsdale Girlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-87501691243758820942009-12-08T14:25:45.087-07:002009-12-08T14:25:45.087-07:00Allie,
I love your blog. I've been reading it...Allie,<br />I love your blog. I've been reading it for some but until now I have had nothing to say and Momma always told me to only speak (in this case type) if I had something to say, so it’s odd that this is my first comment considering I usually don’t follow Momma’s advice (except for that stuff about eating yellow snow - yum, thanks mom!). So, by rights I should have plastered your blog with meaningless and stupid comments. Now I do have something to say, it is stupid but it’s about <i>Orcs</i>! <br />1. All Orcs are rapists. Q. E. motherfucking D! <br />2. All Orcs are Meth addicts. They just euphemistically refer to it as the “black drink” to avoid problems with the man, er, I mean the immortal evil overlord Satan/Hitler/Stalin analog.<br />3. All Orcs are CANNIBALS. Which really aint so bad, because they eat other Orcs, and who cares about them? But they are also ANTHROPOPHAGITES (had to look that one up, but I am glad I did) which is bad because as an exemplary example of genus HOMO I object to being eaten. I bet you do too.<br />So what you really have to worry about is an Orc coming up from your meth hole high on meth to get you high on meth before raping and eating you while high on meth. <br />At least it will go fast.<br />Sleep well.CWDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-44577861140418315342009-12-08T14:01:09.820-07:002009-12-08T14:01:09.820-07:00Your weather really sucks, and I thought all this ...Your weather really sucks, and I thought all this time that the weather sucked the most here. I was wrong.<br /><br />Totally got you on the orch-thing though. I'm like that after wathcing ANYTHING containing ghosts because I believe in them. But I can be wide awake for like two days. That sucks. I can almost sleep normally now after watching Paranormal Activity like five weeks ago.Wynnhttp://chroniclesofwynn.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-81903598510525781852009-12-08T11:16:59.207-07:002009-12-08T11:16:59.207-07:00I think the spit would freeze coming out of your m...I think the spit would freeze coming out of your mouth and fall to the ground in a million shattered pieces.linlahhttp://corn-bean.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-35195109479899052862009-12-08T11:06:55.944-07:002009-12-08T11:06:55.944-07:00Oh dear. I thought I was suffering with the unplou...Oh dear. I thought I was suffering with the unploughed roads and icy sideawlks and possible deathtraps at every corner. This takes the cake.Candicehttp://www.candicedoestheworld.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-19624857480263039942009-12-08T08:55:29.103-07:002009-12-08T08:55:29.103-07:00And who the fuck chooses to live in Montana?And who the fuck chooses to live in Montana?mepsipaxhttp://iamadick.squarespace.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-38748082332423677182009-12-08T08:54:56.090-07:002009-12-08T08:54:56.090-07:00Oh dear, you have a case of the crazies that makes...Oh dear, you have a case of the crazies that makes me look sane. I love you but not in an internet stalk you and hide in your meth basement to prove your boyfriend wrong kinda way. <br />Oh and what about a serial killer zombie orc rapist. You would be so fucked. Ha get it. Fucked. I kill me (and maybe...)mepsipaxhttp://iamadick.squarespace.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-9155570700779272712009-12-08T08:10:49.245-07:002009-12-08T08:10:49.245-07:00But, dear fellow commenters, Allie would have to g...But, dear fellow commenters, Allie would have to go outdoors and deal with the ice monsters (never read Brother Odd by Dean Koontz- not only is it a mediocre if addictive story, it has mother fuckin' ice monsters). <br /><br />I'm so glad someone else is afraid of orcs in the shadows, except my fear is more the I, Legend variety of nasty fast monsters that smash things in with their faces. <br /><br />Eff that.I'm Katie.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00913701914113335102noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-78659238337921300562009-12-08T07:55:17.479-07:002009-12-08T07:55:17.479-07:00Okay, I officially feel sorry for you. I was all ...Okay, I officially feel sorry for you. I was all pouty because it's like 60 degrees here this morning. You can come stay with me for a while. :) Welcome to Texas!Randomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00817596866133672480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-68424567315023970582009-12-08T07:46:53.804-07:002009-12-08T07:46:53.804-07:00Woman. $38 - Home depot. Tiny black space heater...Woman. $38 - Home depot. Tiny black space heater. About 10 inches tall and 8 inches wide. Heats up our 20 x 10 bedroom in about an hour. In 3 hours? Yeah... about 90 degrees. Then you can go back to normal sleeping patterns and boyfriend can sleep with you. We also this year got another one, a tall, skinny one for $45 which warms up the other 700 sq ft of our home in about an hour and a half. Just do it. We've seen hardly any change in our electric bill. Have boyfriend stope there on the way home from work. <br /><br />Problem solved. <br /><br />And padlock that creepy trap door... problem completely solved.Amyhttp://myextraordinarilyordinarylife.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-41560733347060021862009-12-08T07:20:08.080-07:002009-12-08T07:20:08.080-07:00I know it's probably uncomfortably cold, but f...I know it's probably uncomfortably cold, but from the photo your place looks like the biggest pillow fort ever. It's like a slumber party every night, right?? Fun!!<br /><br />I won't tell you how notcold it is here, and how I complain about the cold of the notcold every day regardless.Steam Me Up, Kidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04125716705273823809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-63294853107401541462009-12-08T06:36:37.067-07:002009-12-08T06:36:37.067-07:00can't you make your house warmer? i always ge...can't you make your house warmer? i always get all mom-like on everyone...but you could get one of those ceramic space heaters for your room that won't catch fire. Or you could put that plastic stuff on your windows...mmhmm. <br /><br />Ok. I'm done.erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00513388452402495090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-33619022257624454182009-12-08T04:56:07.122-07:002009-12-08T04:56:07.122-07:00Now I'm not one to try and put a dampener on y...Now I'm not one to try and put a dampener on your party (Much) but have you thought through the whole panic room thing. <br /><br />Picture it <br /><br />1)You lock yourself in the panic room<br />2) You fall asleep <br />3) You wake (or possibly never wake) to find that the orc/killer/my mother (She might be currently locked up but that won't stop her...) - this might prove to be all three..... had got in while you were out and had been waiting for you to start the zzzzzz.....<br /><br />Sweet dreams.... <br /><br />or<br /><br />it might be a Freddy Krugger scinario and the only people who can save you are locked oustide the panic room <br /><br />even more sweet dreams <br /><br /><br />my advice go down into the Meth Cellar and take on your fears...BlackLOGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13214821496023051754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-29195466761911283192009-12-08T03:40:42.076-07:002009-12-08T03:40:42.076-07:00Every cloud has a silver lining...if there is an O...Every cloud has a silver lining...if there is an Orc-rapist living in your meth cellar, at least you can huddle together for additional body warmth. And if you're lucky he may be able to knit you something to keep you warm, even if it may slightly resemble a body bag.Chris Goochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634227282244052213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-69681474492294872982009-12-08T03:19:41.040-07:002009-12-08T03:19:41.040-07:00That's pretty much the coldest the world has e...That's pretty much the coldest the world has ever been and it's like in <i>The Day After Tomorrow</i> where the weather is homicidal and out to freeze humanity's tits off and is an allegory for "man's inhumanity to man" or maybe "Where's the beef?"...I'm not good at allegory... but my point is THAT's your real killer-in-the-spare-room. <br /><br />Fuck orcs.Kurthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01575708700735000787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-65592833791769069872009-12-08T03:10:51.758-07:002009-12-08T03:10:51.758-07:00My good friend/crazy neighbor Brad has a creepy me...My good friend/crazy neighbor Brad has a creepy meth cellar too! It's all concrete walls and there's a drain in the floor with blood stains draining into it. He 'claims' it's rust but I know better. Rapists and zombies don't shack there for nothing. <br /><br />Also, the first time I saw said meth cellar was while he carved a penis onto a pumpkin. With a chainsaw. Because that's what we do in Idaho.Nikolenoreply@blogger.com