tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post7570534500683583315..comments2024-03-26T00:36:21.896-06:00Comments on Hyperbole and a Half: Lieutenant Horatio Cane from CSI: Miami Hates My BoobiesAlliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04259303604002690708noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-88544050729755637312010-08-26T12:23:08.547-06:002010-08-26T12:23:08.547-06:00Showers are one aspect of my life that I have allo...Showers are one aspect of my life that I have allowed my moderate OCD to fully infiltrate. Every shower has an exact sequence of events that must happen within a set time period. This is normally not a problem. If I am travelling and encounter an unknown shower, I first must find room for the dozen or so things that accompany me and are part of the shower routine. I am not going to go into it here, mainly because it is supposed to be a comment and not my own blog, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. The only thing that I can suggest is spending the $1.99 on a new shower curtain liner as often as you can. Nothing makes me feel like I have a clean shower experience like a new shower curtain liner. I don't even have a real curtain... just a liner that I throw away every month or so. I find that slippers help me not to slip and kill myself while running to get dressed. Funny how slippers enable you to do the exact opposite of what you would think. Driers dry, vacuums vacuum, but slippers allow you not to slip.r3https://www.blogger.com/profile/12563123753617460003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-10375434750459722202010-08-22T01:01:46.910-06:002010-08-22T01:01:46.910-06:00I like showers, but I always get freaked out by th...I like showers, but I always get freaked out by this creepy ghost walking noise that the bathtub makes as you reach to grab the soap and its uneven claw feet grasp frantically for the floor. I keep thinking that someone is in the house, or walking down the hallway, which is super terrifying when I know I'm the only person home so I start panicking thinking that someone has silently broken into the house only to be given away by their footsteps creeping down the hallway to murder me in the shower. Even though the door is locked. They'll manage it. They managed to break in silently. Mostly.<br /><br />Anyway, I know what the sound is, but I still mistake it every time for a murderer.Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01723912019866449905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-7475468674874301182010-04-09T18:06:43.359-06:002010-04-09T18:06:43.359-06:00Take the frozen lotion bottle into the shower with...Take the frozen lotion bottle into the shower with you. Set it next to the drain and let the semi-fridged water warm it to the same temperature. Then, when you get out the lotion won't be any colder than you already are.<br />I can't help you with Norman Bates tho, but at least you aren't afraid that Pennywise the evil clown from It will come up the drain and pull you down screaming...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-77455703665809424242010-04-01T22:05:34.767-06:002010-04-01T22:05:34.767-06:00Really? It's self-consciousness and cold?
I ...Really? It's self-consciousness and cold?<br /><br />I was thinking it might be more like "it's futile to do it because I just have to do it AGAIN almost right away" and "it almost feels like I'm just pouring the soap and shampoo down the drain" and "god damn, there are SO MANY STEPS to getting showering right and I always screw up because I just can't FUCKING FOCUS." <br /><br />Whoops, I used conditioner to shampoo my hair. Aw man, I got soap in my nose. Wait, I washed all of me except my torso? How did I manage that? I...I shaved my left pit but not my right. I have NO NEURONS FIRING IN MY BRAIN.<br /><br />FYI, something that can both make showering faster AND solve the issue of getting the temperature right before you go in the shower, is a showerhead on a hose. Usually it sits up there in normal showerhead position, but when you're waiting for the water to heat up, you can take it down and let it hang, pointing away from you. <br /><br />So you can be in the shower while the water heats up, and start to take advantage of the warm water ambiance immediately. I usually shave too. And you can easily test the water, and not replace the showerhead until it's juuust the right temperature. But if it's too hot for most of your body, but you can tolerate it, you can go ahead and get your feet wet, yeah. And showering takes less time.<br /><br />Shower hoses can be like $10 at Walmart or Home Depot and they screw on without any major tool needs.<br /><br />I don't worry about psychos killing me in the shower (I have a cocker spaniel who valiantly guards me when I shower! and barks at strangers! and catches mice!) but I still want the whole experience to take as little time as possible.Galadrielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03383321455657803304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-68369132679108353052010-03-30T17:17:15.616-06:002010-03-30T17:17:15.616-06:00I generally freak out when I'm in the shower.
...I generally freak out when I'm in the shower.<br />to stop this:<br />I don't actively close my eyes when I shower, I tip my head back and use my hands to splash water around my face.<br />I have a towel over the side of the shower door so should I have to close my eyes, I can clear them super-quick. <br /><br />(generally, what happens is, I close my eyes and am fine for a few seconds then HOLY SHIT THERE'S SOMEONE IN THE BATHROOM!!!!!11!!!!1 NO SERIOUSLY, THERE REALLY IS THIS TIME. THEY TUNNELLED THROUGH THE FLOOR OR SOMETHING EQUALLY CRAZY (yes, my bathroom is on the second floor))<br /><br />and, to sleep, I am convinced that once I am in bed and covered by my covers, nothing can get me. that serial killer standing there with the knife? well, he can just go fuck himself cos I'm invincible.<br /><br /><br />p.s. you are awesomeness personified.<br />p.p.s. I couldn't think of a good way to add that in, so I turned it into a post script. then I felt there was a need to justify it.Alannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-66696842053264679022010-03-25T11:47:42.608-06:002010-03-25T11:47:42.608-06:00I dont't like touching my shower curtain eithe...I dont't like touching my shower curtain either, actually i hate all shower curtains. I freak out when i touch the wall of the shower or the shower curtain with any part of my body.lyssielovenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-3662161952122918872010-03-21T14:21:32.563-06:002010-03-21T14:21:32.563-06:00Okay, two things.
Thing #1: My left breast is lar...Okay, two things.<br /><br />Thing #1: My left breast is larger than my right too!!!! You are not alone, and neither am I.<br /><br />Thing #2: I get the whole very cold room where you take a shower thing. Our bathroom isn't as cold as yours, but it's cold. What I do is keep my clothing in the bathroom with me, turned inside out, so that the steam from the shower warms the clothing, so that when I'm done my shower, I can scooch back into them, and they are somewhat warm, and definitely not frozen.<br /><br />I guess there's a third thing.<br /><br />Thing #3: I too am afraid when I shower, so I lock all the doors before showering when I'm alone at home. Sometimes, when I'm extra scared, I watch the news beforehand to ensure there are no recent home invasions.Mary@Holy Mackerelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04026873878364041551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-2296347357588228902009-11-13T08:55:36.488-07:002009-11-13T08:55:36.488-07:00You can totally fix that sink problem.
http://the...You can totally fix that sink problem.<br /><br /><a href="http://thereifixedit.com/2009/11/06/its-like-some-sort-of-handwashing-device" rel="nofollow">http://thereifixedit.com/2009/11/06/its-like-some-sort-of-handwashing-device</a>Luzairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07904994475678444633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-12100554496171209372009-11-12T20:25:49.290-07:002009-11-12T20:25:49.290-07:00When they start casting the Crap Blog Detective mo...When they start casting the Crap Blog Detective movie, I think David Caruso is the natural frontrunner for the lead. <br /><br />It'll be one of those <i>The Pink Panther</i> type deals, where the supposed star of the flick gets ousted by a breakout star turn from his putative nemesis. <br /><br />Then she gets all the sequels.dogimohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01278980067086209626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-44656387796015206572009-11-12T17:25:52.006-07:002009-11-12T17:25:52.006-07:00Actually, I always served AS the practice banana.....Actually, I always served AS the practice banana...Organic Meatbaghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00740368286985980207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-57634087093292421722009-11-12T15:04:12.611-07:002009-11-12T15:04:12.611-07:00Allie,
I never needed a facsimile when I had plen...Allie,<br /><br />I never needed a facsimile when I had plenty of guys offering me the real thing.ASSHOLE BOYFRIENDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07814893244814088651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-13780884405038454952009-11-12T15:02:29.381-07:002009-11-12T15:02:29.381-07:00OM,
When you put it that way...makes total sense....OM,<br /><br />When you put it that way...makes total sense.ASSHOLE BOYFRIENDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07814893244814088651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-29606886991241111952009-11-12T14:29:14.708-07:002009-11-12T14:29:14.708-07:00ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND and Organic Meatbag - you guys a...ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND and Organic Meatbag - you guys are too funny. I love that you are discussing the finer points of cock sucking on my blog. Have either of you ever practiced on a banana? I did. It was embarrassing and probably not something that I should tell anyone but I just did, so there's that. Also, I wet my bed when I was 14 once. And I used to practice french-kissing on a life-size statue that kind of looked like Jesus but not really but enough for it to be creepy. <br /><br />And I love the "Cock Sucker" picture. Except that 's a lollipop. So really, you are saying "Cock Lollipop". You should get a picture of a DumDum instead. That's a real sucker.Alliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04259303604002690708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-11596101391233329222009-11-12T13:57:40.228-07:002009-11-12T13:57:40.228-07:00Yes, but I meant cocksucker in a David Caruso sens...Yes, but I meant cocksucker in a David Caruso sense, which is far from lip-smacking good...his is a "put on your sunglasses in a douchey way, utter a totally inane line or two, and then start sucking on a clown penis, pronto...review chalk outline, hand on hips, put on sunglasses, hair blows in wind, insert penis into a garden hose, blow your load on the back of a Wal-Mart greeter"...<br />But I agree with you on the good cocksucker way... the GOOD cocksucking way...Organic Meatbaghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00740368286985980207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-82157224484717586652009-11-12T13:18:36.243-07:002009-11-12T13:18:36.243-07:00Organic Meatbag,
You say cocksucker like it's...Organic Meatbag,<br /><br />You say cocksucker like it's a BAD thing. : p<br /><br />Note: The tongue sticking out above is not a representation of my abilities, it was only used because I wanted to be be cute.ASSHOLE BOYFRIENDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07814893244814088651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-79242324238542393002009-11-12T09:33:26.664-07:002009-11-12T09:33:26.664-07:00So yeah, most boobies are lopsided. My right one ...So yeah, most boobies are lopsided. My right one is bigger. The boob on the side of whatever "handed" you are is usually bigger. Are you a leftie? (Handed, that is. Not boobied.)Randomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00817596866133672480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-85001900211952939042009-11-12T08:55:17.279-07:002009-11-12T08:55:17.279-07:00In the final analysis, probably every woman's ...In the final analysis, probably every woman's breasts are uneven, if you count up and compare the number of atoms in each one.<br /><br />An uneven vagina would be a far more troubling situation.dogimohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01278980067086209626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-44602927375375985862009-11-12T08:21:50.355-07:002009-11-12T08:21:50.355-07:00My right one is bigger than my left one...it's...My right one is bigger than my left one...it's nice to know that my uneven boobies aren't alone.kate sweetenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05456543724486391157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-63073884797346358852009-11-12T06:50:12.388-07:002009-11-12T06:50:12.388-07:00First impression: you are putting waaaaaaaaayyyyyy...First impression: you are putting waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy too much thought into every aspect of this Aesop-type fable... maybe you should just drive to your nearest truck stop for a hot shower, that is, if you don't mind sex-starved and caffeine pill-hyped rednecks checking out your supposed lopsided boobs...<br />Second, Anthony Perkins, who played Norman Bates has been dead for many years...he isn't coming to kill you, and even if he were alive, I'm sure he wouldn't even give traversing Montana in search of you a second thought...<br />Third, you apparently have not seen my blog about my hate of David Caruso, aka Horatio Cocksucker...<br />And fourth, you are awesome...<br /><br />you're welcome...Organic Meatbaghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00740368286985980207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-39538103804780858662009-11-12T03:12:24.351-07:002009-11-12T03:12:24.351-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Cwybrowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03496964785825887590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-6945972163950872202009-11-11T21:37:56.324-07:002009-11-11T21:37:56.324-07:00My bathroom at my old apartment had this window th...My bathroom at my old apartment had this window that would never close. I'm pretty sure many people saw me while I was showering.<br /><br />I also had the fear of showering because I was afraid that someone would either see me or climb through my window and kill me. What a scary world we live in today...the horrors that are out there, you know?Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11575553396396299732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-62075484453529416592009-11-11T21:23:55.479-07:002009-11-11T21:23:55.479-07:00Also, I just ran upstairs to pee and realized that...Also, I just ran upstairs to pee and realized that not only does my bathroom door not lock but it doesn't even latch closed. So it can be pushed open at will. Anytime. Like if I'm defenseless peeing or in the shower. Awesome. Thanks, Allie, now I'll never feel safe again.Nikolenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-80299843536948453922009-11-11T21:13:11.399-07:002009-11-11T21:13:11.399-07:00Kids are totally critical of vaginas and lopsided ...Kids are totally critical of vaginas and lopsided boobs. I know this because my brother used to share a backyard with his landlords who had 4 autistic boys that spent A LOT of time outside. Particularly when I happened to be showering at his house and/or was really drunk and got naked. Those fuckers totally judged my boobs. <br /><br />Ps. I don't really have anything against autistic children (or adults). Really. I made them cookies once. I'm practically a saint.Nikolenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-19239247546365464172009-11-11T20:36:24.221-07:002009-11-11T20:36:24.221-07:00After reading this, I plucked out my eyeballs.
Th...After reading this, I plucked out my eyeballs.<br /><br />Thankfully I don't need them for typing.<br /><br />I would put them back in now, if only I had some lotion to make them stick with.Edhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-16414855895629189712009-11-11T20:21:10.119-07:002009-11-11T20:21:10.119-07:00If I were a girl I'd be flashing my vag all ov...If I were a girl I'd be flashing my vag all over the place to get free stuff and my tits would always be "accidentally" be falling out at Birthday parties.ASSHOLE BOYFRIENDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07814893244814088651noreply@blogger.com