tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post5303126781597436521..comments2024-03-18T13:15:52.672-06:00Comments on Hyperbole and a Half: The Awkward Situation Survival GuideAlliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04259303604002690708noreply@blogger.comBlogger99125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-41528861660604600332010-08-25T16:18:15.701-06:002010-08-25T16:18:15.701-06:00I have a solution that solves all of these problem...I have a solution that solves all of these problems. I use it constantly. While the person is talking to you look over their shoulder with a funny look on your face like you don't know what to make of what you're seeing. When they turn to look walk away. By the time they turn around you're far enough away that you don't even have to see that hurt look on their face. ~JasonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-72050295100100290992010-08-24T06:58:50.931-06:002010-08-24T06:58:50.931-06:00I find that the easiest way to get out of unwanted...I find that the easiest way to get out of unwanted/unpleasant conversation is to be myself. People can't tend to keep up with the greased-and-electrified-squirrel speed my brain moves, so everything comes out "non sequiter" to them if unchecked. Pretty easy to just let it go and appear to make less sense than anyone in history's ever made before. I think in all other situations, a heavy application of zany would be good enough? Just don't let it come back to pie, everyone will talk about pie.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02636496411231297396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-84103443592856719112010-08-23T18:30:28.046-06:002010-08-23T18:30:28.046-06:00The solution for unwanted conversations is to tell...The solution for unwanted conversations is to tell them really seriously "I have vomit diarrhea."Chloenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-62577696310523673242010-08-21T20:42:54.667-06:002010-08-21T20:42:54.667-06:00In regards to your unwanted conversation problem, ...In regards to your unwanted conversation problem, i know how to solve that one. All you need to do is bring up the most awkward conversation you ever had. It will instantly stop any unwanted conversation. I have found this method to work quite often.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16095567818576655054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-25399508832743418652010-04-10T01:12:34.259-06:002010-04-10T01:12:34.259-06:00I am so going to lick the next person who stands t...I am so going to lick the next person who stands too close to me while talking.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-75429752784695630152010-04-08T09:35:33.563-06:002010-04-08T09:35:33.563-06:00Although not radily available on command, letting ...Although not radily available on command, letting a fart rip pretty diffuses any awkward silence or unwanted conversation. The kicker is that it's natural! So...it cancels out.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07917415157481115231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-29716745386654374822010-04-07T21:36:33.217-06:002010-04-07T21:36:33.217-06:00The cure for the unwanted conversation: narcoleps...The cure for the unwanted conversation: narcolepsy.moraccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14888922559541470859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-19630733289704346162010-04-05T21:18:29.555-06:002010-04-05T21:18:29.555-06:00People sometimes engage me in unwanted conversatio...People sometimes engage me in unwanted conversation and drone on and on for what seems like hours. I call these people "pathological talkers" because that's basically what they are. I haven't tried this stuff out on very many people, but I find that the following work pretty well:<br /><br />1 - Suck on your finger seductively and look directly at the talker. I have yet to encounter a pathological talker capable of telling me about their favorite sports team for more than three seconds while I do this. It probably looks strange because I'm a man, but I've gotten used to it and my foes have not.<br />2 - Impersonate Gollum, in The Two Towers, when Faramir asks him "What did they steal?" and Gollum says "Myyyyy....PRECIOUSSSS! AGGGH!" I do this pretty well and people usually get scared and forget about their favorite sports team for at least a minute, which is enough time for me to sprint away.<br />3 - Interject their long lectures with inane comments or jokes. I use keywords. Like, if the person mentioned the vending machines at the sports stadium where they went to see their favorite sports team play an important game/match/meet, I would tell all of Mitch Hedberg's jokes involving vending machines. This works best when the topic is incredibly serious and the pathological talker gets upset that you're telling jokes while they're talking about how sad they are about their recent breakup, which in retrospect makes me seem like a dickhead.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-78567064080160675742010-04-05T13:39:21.369-06:002010-04-05T13:39:21.369-06:00"Responding to someone who isn't talking ..."Responding to someone who isn't talking to you"<br /><br />ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME...... X(Shamit Kumar Tomarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10488092387802255818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-30546287616279011942010-04-05T02:50:04.736-06:002010-04-05T02:50:04.736-06:00To get out of unwanted conversation you start to s...To get out of unwanted conversation you start to say something and point and just walk away. For example, "Oh look, the kitchen...." and walk towards it. My dad has somehow mastered just simply walking away, and yet no one ever gets offended. I can't seem to pull that off yet.ItalianCurlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09960073956067600726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-21980482200231918102010-04-05T02:50:04.737-06:002010-04-05T02:50:04.737-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.ItalianCurlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09960073956067600726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-78911452283397426182010-04-03T17:44:18.660-06:002010-04-03T17:44:18.660-06:00Here's a few methods for getting out of an unw...Here's a few methods for getting out of an unwanted conversation:<br /><br />THE DISTRACTION:<br />Get naked<br /><br />THE CONFRONTATION:<br />Drown out their inane yapping with shrieks of terror.<br /><br />PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE SHUTDOWN:<br />"Accidentally" spill something on them. Say "oops, sorry" then do it again.<br /><br />FLEE!<br />Start fondling them and say "It's all good baby" like a creepy guy trying to be a knight in shining armor.Matt Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05947081596759328950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-2959678745542419722010-04-01T17:57:03.114-06:002010-04-01T17:57:03.114-06:00getting out of a conversation? just make your eyes...getting out of a conversation? just make your eyes very wide, start breathing heavily out of your mouth and hold your hands up to your face like you have an invisible camera and start "photographing" them. Repeatedly. <br /><br />If this fails, just start screaming.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-11021495993662807192010-03-31T11:31:45.599-06:002010-03-31T11:31:45.599-06:00I love akward silences and I will usually do anyth...I love akward silences and I will usually do anything to make them last, like giving people crazy eyes. o_O<br /><br />When it comes to midgets I'd go for little people tripping over their own beards. <br /><br />When staring you could yell: "You blinked I win!". And then run.<br /><br />Close talkers can be scared away by going all personal space invader on them and getting even closer.<br /><br />Somehow I can turn every lame conversation into one about wieners or belly hair, that usually does the trick. =D<br /><br />And I love talking to people who aren't talking to me, I just smile and keep walking.<br /><br />Does this mean I'm socially akward?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-49084843157318610862010-03-31T09:43:58.020-06:002010-03-31T09:43:58.020-06:00The 'keeping cool stuff under your trenchcoat&...The 'keeping cool stuff under your trenchcoat' might not always work out that well.... at least for guys.LousyTouristhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04678654999562203637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-64760256681246972502010-03-30T23:59:25.903-06:002010-03-30T23:59:25.903-06:00getting out of a conversation: Just start talking ...getting out of a conversation: Just start talking about Jesus. (Unless they brought Him up).theskolnickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17986300407005202494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-33471973214814681662010-03-30T17:04:28.692-06:002010-03-30T17:04:28.692-06:00Haha just found your blog and love it!
jamelafame...Haha just found your blog and love it!<br /><br />jamelafamela.blogspot.comJamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17014708949879315554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-25389321021347277842010-03-30T15:53:29.343-06:002010-03-30T15:53:29.343-06:00I have actually put my hand (well.. finger) on som...I have actually put my hand (well.. finger) on someone's face and pushed him off before. He was talking so close I couldn't even listen. I was only thinking.<br />'Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.'<br /><br />Unfortunately, that caused a very long awkward pause in the conversation. <br />To which I probably said something like, 'You were in my bubble.'<br /><br />The best way to get out of long one-sided conversations is to give unwanted advice at every turn. For example blah blah blah football stadium seating...blah blah. Cut him off and say, "You know what you should do!!! *pause (just to hear the delicate silence) then something like call team's manager and suggest yatta yatta about blah blah."<br /><br />Since of course this is something he should under no circumstances do or be able to do. He will certainly be stunned into silence. In that instance start humming to yourself loudly or gently sneak away (if possible). <br /><br />Also. Study the bitches... they are amazing at making conversations go their way.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00436897066351565667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-71794486109806348242010-03-29T17:40:32.203-06:002010-03-29T17:40:32.203-06:00Wow. I about died laughing while reading this, an...Wow. I about died laughing while reading this, and then I thought it was a good idea to grab an altoid (that was after reading the blog with my face way to close to the screen), and I continued to laugh. I then proceeded to swallow the recently ingested altoid. It burned all the way down. I again about died, and again due to laughing only this time an altoid was involved.pBisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06992721670517642795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-52734496413996060082010-03-28T16:26:43.046-06:002010-03-28T16:26:43.046-06:00Hahaha! I love your blog! :D
I also get sucked in...Hahaha! I love your blog! :D<br /><br />I also get sucked into unwanted conversations all the time, and if only I was brave, I'd do something like this:<br />*COUGH* .... *COUGH HACK eye twitch*<br />*mouth twitch*<br />OH GOD, the voices, they're coming again... <br />Aaaaeeeuuuuuurtgghhghgdshhrhhhhhrhrhrhhhhhhh... <br />*go completely silent and stare in front of you until they leave you alone*<br />Now doesn't that sound like a great solution?Piahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06096857978213017452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-72864111513584511642010-03-27T11:01:33.464-06:002010-03-27T11:01:33.464-06:00I'm pretty sure the best way to get out of a c...I'm pretty sure the best way to get out of a conversation you don't want is smokebombs.DashiellPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02762017025373385140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-51997380535650446282010-03-26T03:21:39.066-06:002010-03-26T03:21:39.066-06:00That close-talker solution is funny as hell! Just ...That close-talker solution is funny as hell! Just burst out laughing. At work.<br /><br />Thanks :-/Joshua Karthikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10810508227269271852noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-78771984144784976062010-03-25T18:46:59.758-06:002010-03-25T18:46:59.758-06:00I saw your interview on Say Anything and had to st...I saw your interview on Say Anything and had to stop by. I knew you'd be funny since you like Mitch Hedberg. I think about that guy everytime I walk into a Target store.<br /><br />I think everyone could benefit from these strategies, but I'm not sure I could really lick a close talker. That might just be too much.Joey Lynn Rescinitihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06219074986338894660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-12214600136956688492010-03-25T14:55:12.384-06:002010-03-25T14:55:12.384-06:00I think the last one with lighting yourself on fir...I think the last one with lighting yourself on fire might also be fitting for all of them.Toehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10075495117699109883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4643741973264866223.post-56565166174816527572010-03-25T11:24:37.282-06:002010-03-25T11:24:37.282-06:00Made my way here from "say anything" and...Made my way here from "say anything" and LOVING your blog! Your illustrations (and captions) are beyond funny!!My Mercurial Naturehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03973364439253187908noreply@blogger.com