U B Hatin'

Hi haters!  Welcome to my blog!

I seem to be rapidly approaching my goal of becoming an important part of the internet because I woke up this morning to a string of badly misspelled hate mail and syntax-free angry comments.  Normally, this would have made me crumple into a heap of trembling anxiety and self-hatred, but for the last few weeks, I have been secretly training to withstand superhuman amounts of hatred by hitting myself in the face with a bag full of bird carcasses, so I'm ready for this.

First of all, congratulations for noticing that I draw pictures!  Apparently, other people draw pictures too!  I know this because you have kindly informed me that I am copying Natalie Dee, XKCD, The Oatmeal, Nicholas Gurewitch and several 4Chan memes.


While I must admit to being influenced by all of those sources, I feel that the diversity and breadth of your accusations prove that I am not copying any one of them.  Also, I don't know if you've ever drawn anything, but there are a limited number of ways to draw a face.  I could draw something like this:


But that picture doesn't really make any sense.  No one would understand what I was even trying to do. 

Haters, you also pointed out that I wrote about cake and pie and that other people in the world have written about cake and pie too.  This is true.  I am sorry that I talked about something that other people have talked about before.  Please allow me to apologize by providing a preview of what it would look like if I only posted unique combinations of words that had never been talked about before:


That was stupid.  No one wants to read about that because it has no context and it doesn't even have any sentence-structure. I will never, ever, EVER intentionally copy someone else's work, but the internet is really big and no matter what precautions I take, chances are good that I will say something at some point that has been said before. That's just how statistics work. I am sorry.

Anyway, I have been told that if I want to do lots of shit on the internet and have lots of people see it, I will have to deal with haters.  Forever.  Luckily, I wrote this post and every time I get an email accusing me of stealing something or telling me that I suck or that I'm going to hell for swearing, I can simply reply with a link and then go about the rest of my day doing important things like blogging about pie and drawing pictures of bears.


P.S.  In the interest of fairness, I feel that I should also mention the overwhelming amount of positive feedback I've gotten in the last few days.  For every hate-filled email or comment I've received, there have been at least 100 supportive and wonderful emails/comments.  Even my rigorous hatred-withstanding training could not have gotten me through this without you guys.  Thank you.  You make me love the internet so much that my face hurts.

145 comments:

Hipstercrite said...

allie, don't let these guys bug you, k? promise? they're not worth your time. you are a very talented and creative young lady.

Joanne Levy said...

I just discovered you today (via The Oatmeal's tweets) and I think you're made of awesome. So the haters lose because you got a new fan and follower because of them. Ha ha - take that, haters!

Allie said...

Hipstercrite - I thought I'd feel totally demoralized when I started getting hate mail, but I actually feel a little excited. Blogging has probably been the best thing I could have done for my psychological integrity. It's like squats for my emotional control!

Ellie said...

Oh, the sad, jealous little people who
can't use ms paint. KILL ThEM. KiLL
THEM ALL.

DonaldMR said...

seriously 4chaners are creeps. keep doing what you're doing. making a me a smile!

Allie said...

Joanne - Yaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!

Brianne said...

I'm afraid your face doesn't hurt from loving the internet that much, but because of your rigorous training. Possibly both though. Yes, I'm going to go ahead and go with both. Regardless, I hope your face feels better soon!

I'm pretty much positive that all haters do have Flock of Seagulls hair. That's why they're so angry and feel the need to hate on innocent bloggers! They don't realize that it's possible to grow their hideous hair out and start over!

PJ said...

Fuck 'em, I say. I love your blog & your pix :o)

Sarah said...

You wrote about cake and pie. I've seen that on smittenkitchen.
Also, you draw pictures. So did Charles Schulz.
I'm telling. *sticking tongue out for emphasis*

Mrs. G said...

First of all, I love you. In a totally you're awesome way. Secondly, your post yesterday "7 games you can play with a brick." I think it should be series and one such blog should be "7 ways to throw a brick at people who try to squash my soul with hate."

Mrs. Bitch said...

I'm pretty sure if you do a blog on: hippopotamii scrotum sprinkled with confetti and streamers, and drew some nice pictures to go with it, that it's never been done before. Yup, I just did a quick search. Lots of info on hippo scrotums, but no drawings. You're welcome.

randomnumbers said...

for each hater
{
awesomeness += 14%;
}

Miss Grace said...

So....Can I send an email linking to this post when I'm accused of stealing other people's shit? Or would that be stealing your shit. Please advise.

Slacker said...

If not for all the haters, I probably never would have heard about you. Or at least not till next week, when you're so internets-famous you get to roll around naked in $2 bills. And for that, I thank them. You are fantastic.

Kalisa said...

We love ya back. I can only hope to be popular enough to have haters one day. Hee.

*uncorked said...

I waste a lot of time on the internet and I have never seen drawings that live up to yours. Haters be damned.

VV said...

oh noes you talked about pie!

those haters are freaks of nature. it takes a whole lot of time and boredom to spew e-hate.

whatever, you make my day a whole lot better. i burned at least 1000 calories laughing to the point of tears today. thanks haterz!

Allie said...

Grace - This is one post that I can wholeheartedly say I don't give a fuck if you plagiarize - go ahead and use it to combat your haters! Everyone should feel like they have a line of defense against haters, so if it helps you, go ahead and use this post. You have my permission. That goes for everybody.

Marie said...

I just found you via googelle readerre and I think you are simply mauvalass dahling. I looooove sphegetti nadle so very much. Keep up the good work.

VV said...

oh and i just clicked the blogs you linked to and while i don't want to take anything away from them, the drawings are not even in the same league as yours.

bearsharks and pie rainbows are pure awesome.

I'm Jane said...

Haters suck. Let's throw bricks at them.

Your blog is one of the best parts of my day (and not in a sad pathetic my-life-sucks kinda way either).

Karen said...

I have never seen drawings on any of the webs that have equaled yours. I am even planing my entire christmas shopping in your store. Won't my 10 yr old be suprised with her tryanowhoreus hoodie from santa.
Marie- if you are an asshole, you fit right in I'm an asshole to. I wonder how many times I can type asshole before my work comupter shuts me do

wallflower said...

I found a cure for these things.

It happens to me when I think of ideas. I always tihnk of ideas and sometimes they're so brilliant.

Then, I type them in on Google and oh look, someone's done it before!

It doesn't bother me so much because I just feel good that I thought of it myself. Or, I make the idea even better. Or, I think about the future generations of people to come and realize that it's not about who thinks of it first at all.

JustLinda said...

Why don't I have any haters??

Probably you stole them. If you weren't all posting about cake and pie like other people, then perhaps the haters would have paid attention to ME ME ME and I would have gotten some hate drama going.

I never get to have any fun. (stomp!)

Might draw some cake and pie just to get in on the hatin'. I need some attention. DON'T MAKE ME DO A CARTWHEEL ON THE BEACH WEARING ONLY A BIKINI FOR ATTENTION BECAUSE I SOOOOO WILL AND YOU ALL WILL REGRET IT!!!

(OK, I feel better now.)

Karen said...

So either work shut me down or the spelling and grammar fairies got me. And the asshole count stands at 3.

The Jules said...

Dear Sir strokes Madam

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the content of your electric 'blog.

It appears to be full of nothing but humourous writing and hilariously talented drawings.

Can I request that you simply post about knitting, the occasional elderly relative's operation, and limit you pictures to lolcats from 2006.

That way, I won't feel the need to keep coming back and reading every one of your posts because they're so entertaining.

I do have a life you know.

That is all for now.

Yours englishly

Major Payne-Indyarse.

Allie said...

Karen - You better send me pictures of that :)

Allie said...

Wallflower - I started doing that too! Like, I seriously googled "bag full of bird carcasses" while I was writing this post. I don't know why anyone would have written about that before, but I wanted to make sure.

John Nicholson said...

Love your work. I am now even more happy that I named my daughter Allie.

The Redheaded Stepchild said...

Haters cause boils on your ass. Seriously. Acne too, I think. Not on your ass though. Your blog, as I told you, cracks me up. Ignore the haters.

Oh and the hippo scrotum idea, I should totally steal that.

claire said...

i just came across your site & i have to say, i think i love you. the end.

graciously said...

stumbled onto your site today for the first time and i LOVE YOU ALREADY. > insert creepy stalker face< just kidding. about the stalker face, not about the love. subscribing! yay internet!

Meat Sweats said...

You are the best - your blog makes my day all the time. Seriously - I have been having a real shit-tastic week, but your posts really help.

Kate said...

TESTIFY!

Dyinetch said...

I just want to say that you are the funniest, most unique, and awesome blogger ever. It was not even a month since I've become a follower. I was follower #703 and look! Now you have 1000+ followers! You're awesome. Haters can't do anything about it. They're just jealous. ;D

Katie said...

Allie - Don't you know that the people that HATE on your are just JEALOUS of you because their posts/drawings/lives aren't as fanstically AWESOME! They are just jealous of your awesomeness. And that you make people laugh til they pee. Not that I've ACTUALLY peed but I have cried. Tears.
HA!

Eppyville said...

The internet would not be the same without you! Keep pissing people off, and writing what you want...there are more people out there that LOVE it rather than HATE it...yep I am of the LOVE clan!

Malou said...

Don't listen to them Your blog's amazing, never forget that. You're a funny & nice person and when people tell you otherwise really all you do is send them the link to this post & all the comments about people that like you. :)
Love, Malou.

MODG said...

I had to deal with an army of preppy republicans banging down my blog. THEY ALL CAME AT ME AT ONCE AND IT WAS NOT FAIR AND HURT MY FEELINGS.

i feel your pain. It's easy to focus on the haters. But chances are if you publish exactly what they say, your hits will go up. People love that shit.

GoingLikeSixty.com said...

Your face hurts? Well it's killing me.

Now do your kegels.

Mrs. Bianca said...

you are JUST what I needed on this Wednesday and thanks for LOLs.

Screw the haters, just like Baby, they better not put you in a corner.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

I like the picture of the person with the Green Eye. It reminds me of someone else's work, actually. Are you copying Picasso? 'cause that is probably safe. Kidding. To me you are a total original.

Jon said...

Homies need to stop sippin on that hateraid, fo RIZZ.
Seriously Allie, you rock. You're good at this. Don't let losers ruin your fun.

John said...

So what do you have against tumors and meat? I like meat, but not meat with tumors. Nothing wrong with that as a topic of discussion.

The Rebelprofiler said...

It's my own personal opinion that haters are all mad that they still live in their parents' basement. Keep on writing Alli. I've been a lurker for a while now but you deserve some kudos!

Melissa's Espresso Shot said...

I guess there are just as many (if not more) angry people trying to find something to bitch about on the internet as there is in real life.
All your fans love you and we don't mind if you curse to your fucking heart's content.
Haters be damned.

Wynn said...

Even my boyfriend - the least blog-understand person in the history of the world (but not one of those bashers, he just never ever bothers) saw (I linked) your blog and went through like several pages and was like "This girl is funn-ay." and he thinks you're all kinds of weird, like he thinks I'm all sorts of weird. And he's made the choice to be with me. So that's a good thing!

..That is all. And I like you too!

Ed said...

I just discovered your stuff a couple of days ago and I like it and I have good taste so those other dilweeds can suck it.

I also enjoy pie said...

I found your site through Google Reader Explore. It said 100+ people liked your post "Cake Versus Pie". That means 100+ people like you. That's pretty awesome. When I count how many people like me, I think I could get up to about 15. OK, that's depressing.
Keep drawing the good drawings and writing the funny stories.

Ashley, The Accidental Olympian said...

"...hatred by hitting myself in the face with a bag full of bird carcasses."

Why didn't I think of that?

That is TOTALLY on my to-do list now.

CWD said...

Dear Allie,
If you are pissing off the 4chan freaks you are doing it right! Stay strong and remember this:
"A sneer is the weapon of the weak."
-James Russell Lowell
Best
CWD

Homemaker Man said...

I don't know how the haters missed that you use a computer for writing. You know who else does that? Danielle steel and David Sedaris. Way to go. You totally ripped off two people who should never be in the same sentence unless they are followed be "were seen engaging in a drunken f*ck fest.

I can't believe you.

Untypically Jia said...

I look forward to the day when people hate on my blog for drawing comics. I hope they say, "I can't believe you stole this idea from Allie!"

I will consider that a very great day.

J. said...

I just found your blog today and I've been doing nothing but reading it and making people on my Twitter feed read about it. My only complaint is that all the giggling and snorting behind my monitor is making my coworkers glare at me and wonder if I'm drunk. But I think they do that anyway.

Two Kayaks said...

I emailed one of your posts to my best friend this week. She called me immediately and we both laughed about Spahgettah Nadle (sp?). You're awesome and don't let anyone tell you any differently.

Kirsten said...

I B HATIN' THE HATERS!!


I'm going to play conquor the brink with them. Only, they can be the brick. ;D

Mel said...

I'm glad you've been training to withstand haters, because if you crumbled under their icky haterness and there was no more Hyperbole and a Half, I don't know what I would do?

Promise you'll never stop being you. Promise, Allie!

We all love you. If I was as good at drawing as you, I'd draw a picture of how much the love outweighs the hate, and then another picture of how dreary a place the internet would be without you. But since I can't, you'll just have to take my word for it.

LOOOOVVVE!!!!!!

Swistle said...

Bag of bird carcasses, huh? I am totally going to try that. Because the drinking isn't going to work as a long-term solution.

Also, I like what The Bloggess does, which is to leave comments in the jerks' names, saying mean things about themselves. Hee!

April said...

This is great. Good for you. People suck.

and... I totally read the commenter, "John Nicholson" as Jack Nicholson and I was totally jealous that the coolest man in Hollywood reads your blog, but then I thought about it, and realized that Jack Nicholson probably doesn't even now what a blog is, and then I was no longer jealous. Although, it should be noted that Jack Nicholson was born John Nicholson, in which case, maybe he is reading your blog all incognito-like, and now I'm totally jealous again.

But good luck with that hater thing.

Allie said...

you know you're basically famous when people send you hate mail... don' let da haytuhz getchu down.
everyone else is just jealous because they wish they thought of your posts first. your blog is fantastic!

My Bullcrap Stories said...

OMG so old! Just letting you know I have seen people respond to hate mail before... It's soooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooolllllllllllllllldddddd... be original jeeeeeezzz... (all sarcastic undertone. Please don't get mad and shoot a bear rocket at my house)

Wicked Lil Pixie said...

You're original to me, haven't seen any of the other peoples blogs..nor do I care to! You are awesome enough for me!

kat said...

It's called post modernism.... Or something, basically EVERYTHING has been done before, and frankly no one writes about it as hilariously as you do. Besides haters mean you've made it or are almost there.

Wayward American said...

I'm not sure if I'd be worried about haters when most of the people who like you seem to develop into self admitted creepy stalker types fairly quickly (me included)

Your problem may in fact be with the people who say "I LOVE YOU!" and you will one day wake up to find over 1,000 fans standing on your lawn holding boomboxes blasting sappy music going "OMG I NEED YOU ALLIE PLEASE!"

And then you will have to destroy us with fire and then you'll have lost all your fans.

That would be sad.

Beckles said...

Did you know that people have been drawing for years? Even before the internet...true story. They were even printed in newspapers every week.

I heart your cartoons...they make my days better. SCREW THE HATERS.

Zim said...

Meh, there will always be haters and stupid people. In fact, two thrids of the Earth are water... and as if that wasn't ironic enough, two thirds of the third of Earth that is not water are filled with stupid people who don't honor the intelligence of our beloved specie.

Philip said...

ignore the haters, i love what you do.

tamrobot said...

if i only could choose one blog to read for the rest of my life, i'm pretty sure it would be yours.

I went to the sites you "copied" excited to see other cool stuff to add to my list of things to waste time while at work, but was not nearly as thoroughly entertained.

Chuck said...

Okay, okay...here's the deal...do a drawing of Spagahatta Nadle choking the flock-of-seagulls-hair hater! While you beat 'em with a brick!

They get what they deserve and I get my way late super overdue Nadle fix!!!

I feel so ignored...

Thank you!

vlad said...

UGHHHH

why are there so many comments :|

Dani said...

That is the most awesome post ever. I must fly off to my blog and post a link because it must be seen by all!

Tiffy J. said...

I love your copyright monster.
and I am livid to know that you draw monsters. because once when I was 10, I drew a monster. and my mom put it on my fridge. You clearly saw that, and are now copying me.

Christina In Wonderland said...

Let haters be haters. They're just jealous of your massive awesomeness and your mad artistic ability.

hobokeys said...

Dear Allie.

Me again. I'm such a creeper fan, I feel I need to tell you again how great you are: you are THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS great. Only more. Your drawings are wonderful and original and I love them.

So yeah. LOVE LOVE LOVE. I think you are wildly original and wonderful and still so very down to earth that you relate to all the weirdos out there, like me. We appreciate it.

Don't let them get you down, yo.

the lonesome hobo said...

vlad is right. this is why i hardly comment here. Allie, you are becoming really big, and haters are part of such equation, what can you do?
168 new followers since I joined LESS THAN TEN DAYS AGO. Yeah, I looked it up, I guess I'm super creepy too. By the way, you should copyright that quote specifically (I'm super creepy and totally capable of finding you). I think you might see it catching on. Well, I find it awesome and hilarious.

Anyway, I'm with Chuck regarding Spaghatta Nadle. Thought you said you had tons of these already??
Have you thought about submitting Spaghatta Nadle to newspaper publications? Just a thought.

Diane said...

I checked out the sites mentioned; totally a waste of time.

Ericka Clay said...

i'm just jealous you get hate mail.

tdot said...

the cakes and pie post was one of my favourites!

Zaedah said...

Number 1: I love you. 'Nuff said. Take my overflowing yet strangely solid love and beat dastardly spiders with it.

Number 2: I can assure the haters that no one, but I mean NO ONE else could create and maintain the wonder that is Nadle. That's all you Allie, just like your other works of art. Cuddle them tight!

Number 3: If we stop typing/talking/thinking things because someone else already typed/talked/thought them, conversations would consist solely of made-up words. That would bring chaos and quite honestly, there's enough of that already. Can you imagine not saying 'the' because someone else mentioned it in a sentence?

Again, in case you missed it, I love you. There. Done.

birdykins said...

Woman! I was all like "Bitches YEAH, Allie got hate mail, I'mma go read it and respond viscously in her defense, she will see me as her hero and ride off on my unicorn with me into the rainbow sunset."

BUT you wanna know what happened when I came to read the comments? They were all filled with fucking I love yous and you're so awesome's and shit and now not only do I not get to live out my hero fantasy but my eyes also burn from all the love.

Godssakes.

p.s i love you

Boyd said...

We love you back, Allie!

Wombat Central said...

You are cooler than a fluffernutter with a big ol' glass of milk. The haterz be jealous of your coolz.

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD YOU ARE SUCH A PLAGIARIST!!!!

It's just like this one time... I told my friends a story about this one time I was walking through the forest... and then two weeks later I find out that this chick I don't even know who lives on the other side of the country told HER friends a story about walking through the forest... like... WUT?!?! OH EM GEE WTFBBQ!!11!1!!!ONE!!!1!!

Srsly!!! Copying other peoples' work is NOT cool! You like, shouldn't like, do it! If someone writes a story about cake and pie you should know RIGHT AWAY that like, you should NEVER write a similar story. Don't even THINK about cake and pie.

GEEZ!!!

[/sarcasm]

Hehe. That is to say... I just found your blog yesterday, and I'm pretty sure it's one of the most hilarious things I've read in a long time. Please don't let the haters get you down. The Internet NEEDS you!! :)

Lo said...

Allie I am glad glad glad
as Pollyanna would say that you have a defense in place against haters. You are precious irreplaceable stuff and should not have a hair of your pretty head harmed by those disgusting pathetic cretins who are so impaired and so jealous of you that they can only hate

Fear not you are surrounded by an impenetrable wall of love just as long as you Blog On However
should you selfishly decide to stop I can't vouch for the status of that wall or the steadfastness of us Allielovers
Luv Lo
PS what is this crap about no punctuation accepted

Babs said...

Fahk Ahm. We lahv yah.

Kim said...

Has anyone ever animated a piece of spaghetti before?
No?
You win.

Jen said...

I think you're farking awesome! You bring amusement to my day, and I really need that lately. Haters are gonna hate, but you are no less awesome. Keep up the awesome.

Kelly Parkinson said...

What Babs said.

Cat said...

How perposterous.
When I found your blog, I did think of Natalie Dee. But in a good way. As in, "Oh, I like Natalie Dee, maybe I will like this as well."
Kind of like how I like cats, and I like kittens.
Just kidding, I hate cats, but hopefully you catch my drift.

juskaulani said...

I just noticed your copyright monster on the bottom. NICE.

And eff the haters. You're funny and their jealous. (:

Coopie said...

Ok...so...a few things:

1. I was totally going to make some joke about how I've totally said "I like meat" before and that you, therefore, were copying me; however, this type of joke has been done. Well done. Like a brick steak.

2. When reading through the comments (which was a long, arduous task!), I totally wanted to make a dirty joke because someone said they "just came across your site", but thought perhaps it would be considered crude. However, by mentioning to you my previous intention of said joke, I have now made you THINK dirty jokes without actually saying them. I call that psychological success!

3. I think that this word "haters" needs to be brought to the light. Notice the clear correlation I have made by scrambling the letters to reveal their true meaning:

HATERS = RETAH_S

Fill in the blank. (hint, the missing letter starts with a "D") This revelation, therefore, completely invalidates ANY words they ever speak (or write, as may be the case).


So you see, Allie....you ARE winning the internet! Not to mention completely rocking the worlds of many individuals, myself the foremost of them.

NUMBER ONE FAN FOREVER!!!!!!
<3 xoxoxo <3

Brent Maxwell said...

Thank you for making the internet a funnier place.

Jasmine said...

Well, we think your blog is great and I look forward to reading. Also, your copyright notification at the bottom is excellent.

Natalie No-cash said...

I love that I stumbled across your blog - it makes my day a thousand, nay, a million times better! I love your drawings, they are hysterically funny and very cute! I may have talked about pie before too. And cake. But I won't hold it against you for absentmindedly stealing my thoughts. Maybe that makes you some kind of Thought-reading superhero? Hrrm. And you don't even know it!
I love the copyright thingee too, funny lady!

Jamie said...

I just found your blog and think it's wonderful. :) What's weirder is that I'm also a Taurus AND year of the Ox AND live in Montana. Woah. Go Taurus/Ox/Montana people! And keep up the fun blog. :)

Cara said...

Fahck thahs asshals!

Harini said...

This is so lame. I mean sun is drawn by zillions no one says you copied my sun cause sun can be drawn in only few ways. Same is with faces. Everyone can draw being inspired from them. That absolutely doesnt mean you are copying. Anyways, you know what I think? I think they are jealous that you are so awesome and funny and they arent ;).

Philopolis said...

The only reason I would hate on you is because you are too funny. So funny in fact that I spent two hours voraciously reading posts on your site instead of sleeping before a final.

Thanks Allie for making procrastination unbelievably worthwhile.

Fuck dem' haters.

- Phillip

Jennifer McLean said...

that is sooooo frickin' cool that you have haters!!!! I'm thinking you should break out the dinosaur goose you caralled with the help of boyfriend, get a big crate with airholes and mail said bird to the haters.. make it like a webring. Add a note to the crate that says...

"please mail bird of death on to the next hater on the list, I know you want to get rid of him before he eats your other leg! "

See? I knew you'd find a use for that goose! :o)
Oh, I love you too, just like everyone else who posted above me.
You do girl!!
Hugs,
Jenn

Mel said...

I'm love comment for Allie #100. YAYAYAY!!!

I love you, Allie! You rock my world.

Mel said...

P.S. When are you going to do the "beep tumor I like meat!" post? It's such a great idea.

So original.

A Nerd Like Me said...

And the internet loves YOUUUUU!!!!

Especially me. Again, I think I've crossed a line. Excuse me.

Moooooog35 said...

You're welcome.

You suck.

But in an awesome way.

An awesomely bad way.

But by 'bad' I mean 'phat.'

And by 'phat' I'm not sure what I mean.

I forget where I was going with this.

Scott said...

Allie, you should replace all the haters with the brick from your last post.

miss. chief said...

Ahhh Allie, you rule. You ain't even got ta worry about nothin' you best forever and syntax what the is?

Anonymous said...

I think you're doing great. Yours is the first blog I've ever subscribed to.

Sophie Neutron said...

Oh em eff geeez...

I can't believe other people have thought of drawing stuff and talking about things before. BRILLIANT!

And you had the nerve to draw stuff and talk about things. Even though someone else has done it already...and I see you have a blog. I'm pretty sure someone else already has one of those somewhere on this internet contraption.

PS. I'm the only one that breathes air! No? I must have been the first though?

qandlequeen said...

Allie you rock, haters suck.

Alice said...

i just want to let you know that i had a blog before you did, therefore U R A CHEETING COPIER LIARPANTS. also i'm pretty sure someone else at one time cut their own bangs before, so that was totally copying someone else too. ACTUALLY, someone probably HAD bangs before you, so you probably should just get rid of all your hair because you're copying someone by growing hair at all. ASSHOLE.

foxy said...

Those haters are numnuts. And I'm glad you don't blog about stuff that makes absolutely no sense. I totally wouldn't follow you then. But maybe I would because your drawings are still pretty funny.

elizawhat.com said...

You know you've made it when you've got trolls!

Salt said...

You are one of my favorites, Allie. Never change!

There can never be too many blogs about pie.

J said...

screw the haters!

more meat!!!!!!!!!!

(i dont know why i just said that)

Inti said...

I betcha "Beep! Tumor I like meat" will become a warcry for your fans. Hell, I'm already using it for my facebook status.

Bunnee said...

Dem haters be trippin ballz, yo! ...where dat brick at?

Seriously though, fuck them. Your blog is wrapped in funny with awesome on top!

P.S. I would totally wear an "I B Hatin" T-shirt to publicly display my hate for the haters. Tee hee

Miss Mayhem said...

Nobody could ever draw anything or blog about anything as good as you Allie! I look forward to reading your posts all the time!

Don't worry about copying, you have the Copyright Monster to back you up!

-Miss Mayhem

Simone Says... said...

maybe i'm fucked, but that swirling green-eye drawing totally makes sense to me.

of course we all talk about a lot of the same shit because there's a lot of the same shit to talk about... it's the WAY you talk about it and how you express yourself as an artist that makes you so incredibly unique (that was for the haters).

haters DO have flock of seagulls hair styles, and guess what? they really hate themselves more than anything - they are projecting their own fear and hate onto the world. they should eat more pie (or cake) and chill the fuck out.

hearts to you for recognizing your fans. we love you, far more than the haters hate.

Andhari said...

Don't let them ugly haters bring you down. You're awesome.

And THIS IS YOUR BLOGGGG. So what if you write about cake and pie? You can write about bird poop and they don't have any rights to tell you what to do :)

AS said...

Don't they realize that people have complained about stuff before them, and they're just copying those complaints?

Crissa said...

If haters make you post entries like this, I say bring them on.

:-)

Jessi said...

Haters are the best reason to do anything that's worth doing. I'm surprised they even have time to send you hate mail with all the time they spend reading things on the internet instead of actually doing anything that they could be proud of. It's always easy to dislike someone for their accomplishments when you can't get off your ass to do anything except run to the 7-11 for cigarettes and beef jerky. So hate on haters, it just narrows your competition.

In other news, a friend sent me your blog a few days ago and I spent the rest of the night reading it and laughing out loud on my couch. Thank you, it takes some serious twisted humor to get me to laugh out loud like that.

Sarah said...

Dude, that last strip of you slowly exposing what I like to call your "driving finger" cracked my shit up! You make my day, every day.

morganplex said...

I love your blog! Your drawings remind me of Exploding Dog. http://explodingdog.com/


I used to be an online fan manager for American Idol contestants (Kelly Clarkson, Bo Bice, Clay Aiken, etc.) ...I learned that haters mean you're hot stuff! When the haters go away is what you gotta worry about ;)
(PS if you want an online fan manager, hit me up!)

Twitter: morganplex

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Ummm, I hate to tell you this, but I have written A LOT of stuff about tumours, eating meat, and the sound cars make. Just thought you should know.

Kristin said...

I'm not a hater! I found you a few weeks ago. LOVE YOU!! (in a totally non stalker crazy person way) I've also pointed you out to a few friends and family members who need a laugh for the day! Keep it up!

Beth said...

Allow me to give you another tidbit of positive feedback! I found your blog last night via the adorable 'Cake vs. Pie' post. And I must say, I couldn't really get into Natalie Dee before, and I like you better than XKCD and The Oatmeal! (I can't vouch for the Nicholas dude...never heard of him!)
So therefore you are awesome.

Colleen said...

I followed a link a while back and found your site, I have been a fan since the goose incident. Never heard of the other guys, too bad!

Mandy's Kidding said...

It's a proven fact that haters have small penises and dysfunctional clitorises.

True story.

Holly said...

Don't know if anyone's sent you this yet or not, but I thought you might identify. Of course, you can get alot of people to love you by doing the same thing. <3

http://www.gapingvoidgallery.com/images/hate%20you%20Copy.jpg

=h=


PS: When I tell people about your blog, I generally describe it like so: "You know if you're having a bad day, there's a happy place I know online. Check it:" then I link them here. :)

Christopher said...

I wish I was blog famous. I want hate mail! That sounds fun. Although I am a little surprised to hear that people talk crap over the internet, it's always seemed like such a friendly place to me where I can pay my bills and see naked girls.

grisom said...

I dunno, man, BEEP! TUMOR I like meat is pretty sweet honestly.

Also, I just typed that into Google and found an informative yet fairly disturbing page about cryogenically freezing dogs. Just so you know.

MerryRaven said...

My daughters sent me links to your blog because you could actually be one of my daughters. Except I don't know you.

Pie wins and we always have pie for birthdays in my house.

As for haters. From my local newspaper comments I believe they all live in my town. You could nuke it. Just give me a day or two of warning.

Now I probably have us both on a Homeland Security list. Sorry.

Kaya said...

It's already pure love for your blog and I only discovered you today! Do a peaches vs. mangos post? I always seem to stumble into this debate so I'd appreciate your scientific methodology as applied to two of the world's best fruits. Thank you. 'Nuff said:)

Nikoliosis said...

Not that I've been posting/commenting/doing anything productive lately because I've been away from the interwebs for the past week buuttt...I'm going to pretend like I was and give myself credit for making your face hurt. I hope it bleeds. I revel in your (happy) pain.

tee said...

What lames.

You know who else makes drawings? Children's books illustrators. Architects. The guys who do the chalk outlines after a homicide. Following this line of logic any of us who commit to any verb are subject for arrest.

I guess I plagiarize your mom when I (insert something dirty here). Lolz, jk!!11

I like this blog. I double like your MS Paint (mad) skillz. Keep up the good work, homie.


--T

Preeti said...

I found my way here from the Me and the Bee blog and I'm in love. I'm cracking up constantly and I think I've found my favorite timesuck. Keep up the hilarious work!!

Delicia said...

OMG those haters are IDIOTS. You are amazing, and talented, and funny, and crazy (in a GOOD way). Sounds like jealousy to me, and perhaps people that need to get LAID more.

Anonymous said...

I can't beleive i have never read this before... you have the most awesome writing style... kind of how my brain communicated with me in high school... you are so awesome that instead of doing my assignment that is due in 48 hrs I have spent two hours reading your blogs and STILL feel like it was totally worth it!

Narcélio Filho said...

Married me, you crazy psyco bitch! I'm in love! `:^D

willrun4food said...

Just so you know, I'm totally using "BEEP! Tumor I like meat" as my go-to panic answer during my Physics final. It makes more sense than all the formulas do when dealing with math anxiety.

Oh, and Oscar Wilde, who was also very funny, had haters as well. Mostly small minded ones, just like here.

Wo0t said...

You totally stole all my ideas, I just hadn't thought of them yet, thanks for ruining my life!!

p.s I'm totally on your side lady, you're awesome and we'll totally be friendz sometime during the rest of infinity :D

Maven Pariah said...

Thanks for posting such great stuff!

Here's a shout-out, with links to your funny blog.

http://cranktheshinytune.blogspot.com/2010/03/yay-tacos.html

Randi said...

You're quite funny, and it kind of sucks that so many people are comparing you to others unfairly.

But I will say, I much prefer The Oatmeal.

Perhaps because I would like to bone him.


That is all.

Stacy said...

Just found you today via the fish story. Which I promptly shared with my mother, who has a great story about taking me to watch Bambi at the theatre when I was a kid...my dad was a hunter...and apparently I didn't get why other kids were crying when Bambi's mom got shot because "the hunters gotta eat too!"

See? I never get to share that story because it's a little demented. And the unique specialness of your blog has allowed such divulgence of childhood traumas. YOU WIN. Or something.

Your blog = crackin' me up.

The end.

Lanned said...

Geez I super suck...I can't believe I missed. I rank you up with Jenny (the Bloggess) as my fav blogs. You are amazing...the haters are all probably's glenn beck love children. Cause you know they are all mutant fucktards.